Introduction:
A. Today we want to talk about the spiritual counsel about marriage given by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
1. Before we get into the text, let’s lay a little ground work.
B. Some questions about love and marriage were posed to kids ages 5 to 10 and here are a few of their responses.
1. An 8 year-old named Judy was asked, “What is the proper age to get married?” She replied, “Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.”
2. A 10 year-old named Jim was asked, “When is it okay to kiss someone?” He replied, “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, ‘cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.”
3. The question, “How can people make love last?” was posed to 8 year-old Roger and he replied, “Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love.”
C. Picture a radiant bride and a nervous groom standing before a minister solemnly repeating their marriage vows.
1. He pronounces them husband and wife. They kiss and they live happily ever after.
2. So goes the celluloid, artificial representation of marriage of a generation ago.
3. It was unrealistic then and is almost forgotten now.
D. Today’s young people see a different version of human relationships on TV and in the movies.
1. Portrayed for us today, in graphic detail, is sex without love or commitment.
2. They see couples grabbing satisfaction for the moment without any thought for tomorrow.
3. Trained by Hollywood, each generation harbors its false illusions.
E. So who has a clearer view?
1. Neither of Hollywood’s depictions of marriage sees it as it really is or should be.
2. The biblical view of love and marriage stands in sharp contrast to Hollywood’s portrayals.
3. Yesterday’s bride, faced with the reality of dishes and diapers, soon discovered that she had been misled – marriage has thorns along with the roses. The hopeful groom also had his awakening.
4. As real life crowded out fantasy, some of those couples adjusted and made good marriages, but many failed to do so.
5. The divorce rates testifies to the number of people who say, “I do,” and then “Don’t.”
6. Today’s couples are also learning that the movie script for life and love has been a sham.
7. A few unhappy experiences and several morning-after episodes of loneliness and guilt have taught them that sex without love is empty.
F. Let’s work toward a biblical perspective for a moment.
1. God made it clear from the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18).
2. So God made woman to be his companion and helper.
3. God brought the two together and instructed them to hold fast to one another in loving commitment and permanence.
4. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” (Prov. 18:22)
G. As we will see from 1 Corinthians 7, there is no obligation that anyone has to get married and have a family.
1. In fact, Paul himself was unmarried.
2. He even recommended the single life to certain people and in certain circumstances.
3. Certainly, times have changed drastically from Paul’s day to ours.
4. Marriage as an institution will probably never again be what it was in Paul’s day, nor 50 years ago in our country, nor should it be.
5. The traditional marriage in which the man goes to work and the woman stays home to care for the home and children is giving way to dual-careers and stay at home dads.
6. People are waiting longer to marry than their parents did.
7. We can’t, and probably don’t want to, turn back the clock and make society what it was 50 or 100 years ago – much less what it was in the first century.
8. What we can do, however, is keep reminding people that some things about the nature of marriage do not change with the passing of time or shifts in societal patterns.
H. The biblical view of marriage is more than that of two people who just happen to live under the same roof.
1. In a true marriage there is a sharing of a life – with all its joys and sorrows.
2. In a true marriage the two become “one flesh,” and it is more than just a sexual union.
3. The oneness is an acknowledgment of the couple’s interdependence.
4. God has made us male and female and he has made us for marriage.
Questions From Corinth
A. As we have seen from our study of 1 Corinthians so far, this letter is a carefully structured presentation.
1. In the first six chapters, Paul has been addressing a number of issues – especially those having to do with division in the church.
2. Now as we begin working with chapters 7 through 16 we will see that Paul is responding to a number of questions that have come to him directly from the Corinthians.
3. Perhaps a letter containing the questions had been delivered to him by the delegation mentioned in the final chapter of this letter.
4. As Paul addresses each of their questions, he prefaces his responses with the formula “Now for the matters you wrote about…”
5. Unfortunately, we don’t have the specific questions that the Corinthians asked, we only have Paul’s answers. Based on the answer, we can only guess what the question was.
B. Considering the immoral environment in Corinth, and the fact that Paul has already addressed the issue of sexual immorality in the previous chapter, it is not surprising that the first questions he replied to had to do with marriage.
C. The first question that Paul appears to be dealing with is something like: “Should a married person continue to be sexually intimate with their married partner after becoming a Christian?”
1. Paul’s answer: “Yes. Sex is a very important part of marriage. Both husbands and wives owe it to each other to be sexually connected.”
2. Now I realize that this question may seem very odd to you and to me.
3. But there appears to have been a group in the church there in Corinth who was urging celibacy, both for the unmarried and for the married.
4. The NIV translates verse one as “Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry,” and that is probably not the best translation. Look at the NIV alternate in footnote –“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
5. There is good reason to believe that the second part of verse one is actually the question or the quotation coming to Paul from the Corinthians.
6. Or it may have been a slogan, much like the slogans that Paul countered in the previous chapter.
7. The New American Standard’s translation of verse 1 is, “Now concerning the thing about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
8. In other words, the Corinthians were asking Paul, “Isn’t it more spiritual for people not to be engaged sexually, even in marriage? Isn’t it more appropriate for married people who have received the Holy Spirit to live celibate lives?”
9. Some there in Corinth had mistakenly concluded that sexuality was part of the “fleshly” unspiritual existence and that people who have become Christians ought to renounce such base physical pleasures in order to be “holy in body and spirit.”
10. Paul disagrees completely and wrote, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Cor. 7:2-5)
11. By saying these things, Paul, once and for all, established the importance of human sexuality within Christian marriage and he declared equal, mutual rights for husbands and wives.
12. Those who are married must not declare a moratorium on sexual relations.
13. The only concession he gives for an abstinence from married sex is by mutual consent for a short time to devote yourselves to prayer.
D. The second question that Paul seems to be addressing is the question, “Should the unmarried marry?”
1. Paul’s short answer is – “Maybe. There is a place for celibate singleness but only for those who have that gift.”
2. Paul wrote, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:8,9)
3. Marriage and celibacy are both gifts of God. Not everybody is the same.
4. Some are able to maintain a celibate existence and some are not. There is nothing wrong with either celibacy or marriage.
5. Paul himself was gifted with the capacity to be single and celibate, and this enabled him to devote his full energies to the service of Jesus.
6. As a single person, he could accomplish some things that otherwise could not be accomplished for the Lord by a married person, but, of course, the opposite is also true.
7. There are things that married people can do and positions they can hold that single people cannot.
E. Some additional matters that Paul addresses about whether to marry or not has to do with the “present crisis” that he mentions in verse 26.
1. There was some sort of “distress” that was pressing the saints at Corinth, and under those circumstances, Paul suggested remaining unmarried.
2. We have to admit that we don’t know what the “distress” was.
3. The most likely explanation is that Paul foresaw persecutions coming for the believers at Corinth, and we can understand how the suffering of persecution would be greater for those concerned about their families.
4. I think that Paul also had the sense that the coming of Jesus was at hand, “What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short” (vs. 28b).
5. And verse 31b, “For this world in its present form is passing away.”
6. So Paul wanted the Corinthians to be free from concern and distraction (vs. 32), and although marriage is wonderful and good it does have its challenges and distractions.
7. Paul clarifies his point in verse 35, “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
8. But Paul goes on to say that if anyone does decide to marry, even with all these considerations, he is not sinning.
9. Paul concludes, “So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.” (vs. 38)
F. A third question that Paul seems to be answering is the question, “Is divorce permitted for the Christian?”
1. Paul’s short answer – “No. Divorce is not God’s will for a Christian couple.”
2. Paul wrote, “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:10,11)
3. Believers are supposed to live out their marital commitments in love and fidelity.
4. But what if a marriage just isn’t working? Ancient Corinthians and modern Americans would tend to answer, “Get a divorce and try again with someone else.”
5. That, of course, is not the biblical answer. Here Paul offers the instruction of Jesus himself.
6. Keep in mind that Paul is not attempting to cover every question or possibility we might face, he is simply answering a specific question the Corinthians asked him.
7. Christians are not to divorce. Separation is a possibility if the two cannot get along or if there is behavior that is emotionally, spiritually or physically destructive taking place.
8. In their separation they must remain faithful to their spouse and hopefully at some point will be reconciled to their spouse.
G. Another question Paul seems to be answering is, “When one partner becomes a Christian, should the marriage continue with the non-Christian?”
1. Paul’s answer, “Yes. The Christian is not to leave the unbelieving partner.”
2. If the non-believer is willing, then the two should stay together. The marriage is not to be broken by the believer.
3. Paul says that the whole family has a special blessing because of the belief of the one partner.
4. This doesn’t mean automatic salvation for either the unbelieving spouse or children, but it does mean that the family will have the unique blessing of God upon it.
5. I think we can imagine why this question would come up. It would be easy for the new Christian in their desire to fully serve the Lord to think that their non-Christian spouse is either holding them back or contaminating them spiritually.
6. God hopes and we hope is that the unbelieving spouse will eventually see Christ in the believing spouse and become a Christian. Most of the time it takes many years..
H. But Paul is ready to acknowledge that the nonbeliever may not want to stick around after their spouse becomes a Christian.
1. If the nonbeliever wants to break off the relationship, the believer is not to force the marriage.
2. The ideal though, is for the marriage to stay intact and for the nonbeliever to be converted to Christ.
3. Paul is one who had experienced a dramatic reversal from being a persecutor to preacher, so he was not about to underestimate the power of God’s love and grace to change people, and neither should we.
I. A final question Paul seems to be answering is, “What about Christian widows? Are they free to remarry?”
1. Paul’s answer is, “Yes. The marriage is terminated by death and the surviving partner is free to remarry, but only “in the Lord.”
2. The widows second marriage should be to someone and in some manner to advance the kingdom.
3. But in Paul’s judgment, he thinks the widow or widower should remain single, likely for the same reasons he mentioned earlier when he talked about the unmarried.
Conclusion:
A. Well, we have covered a lot of ground this morning.
1. As Paul answered some of the questions of the Corinthians, he has certainly answered some, but not all, of the questions we have.
B. I’d like us to step back and draw two important overall truths from this discussion.
C. First, Let’s understand and appreciate the fact that we can serve God in any circumstance.
1. We can serve God as a single.
2. We can serve God as a married person – either married to someone who is a believer or someone who is not a believer.
3. And we can serve God as a divorced person.
4. The bottom-line message is not that singleness is ideal or that marriage is ideal, but that a right relationship with God is what is most important.
5. Marriage can be wonderful, but marriage isn’t everything, nor is it for everyone.
6. Celibate singleness has an important place in the life of the church, but it isn’t for everyone either.
7. So in whatever situation we find ourselves, we should do our best to serve God there, and we should not be in a hurry to change our circumstances.
8. If a person is not married, don’t be in a hurry to marry.
9. If a person is married, don’t be in a hurry not to be married.
10. In other words, bloom where you are planted. Serve God right where you are.
D. Second, Let’s understand and appreciate the fact that the time is short.
1. Whether we are married or unmarried, let’s be sure we are focused on spiritual things.
2. Certainly, we must not do this to the exclusion of our commitments to our families or jobs, but let’s do our best to focus everything in our lives to the Lord.
3. Time is passing, people are lost, and Christ is coming. There is much work to be done.
4. How much of your time and energy are you devoting to the affairs of the Lord, and how much to your own personal fulfillment – sometimes things can get out of focus and out of order.
5. Let’s regularly examine our lives and focus our priorities.
E. Undergirding all this frank talk about marriage and sex, celibacy and divorce is the call of Jesus to a relationship with Him.
1. Jesus offers grace and mercy that removes and covers our sins which enables us to become ministers of reconciliation in a world of battered and bruised people.
2. God loves us and wants to save us, both from the present and eternal consequences of our sins.
3. Let’s turn to God and offer our lives to Him for His blessing and His purposes – whatever our circumstances – whether single, married widowed or divorced.
4. God is waiting; God is calling. How do you need to answer Him today?
Resources:
The (Im)Perfect Church (Studies in 1 Corinthians), Rubel Shelly, 21st Century Christian, 1983.
First Corinthians (Interpretation – A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching), Richard Hays, John Knox Press, 1997.
1 Corinthians (The NIV Application Commentary), Craig L. Blomberg, Zondervan, 1994.
1 Corinthians (Bible Study Guide), Charles R. Swindoll, Insight For Living, 1977.
“Frank Talk About Marriage, Sex, Singleness and Divorce,” Sermon by John A. Huffman, Jr., January 22, 2006.
“More Frank Talk About Singleness, Marriage, Sex and Celebacy,” Sermon by John A. Huffman, Jr., February 5, 2006.
