Cornerstone Church June 18, 2006
NO SHORTCUTS ALONG THE FATHERHOOD TRAIL
Matthew 7:13-14
Happy Father’s Day!
I like Father’s Day, it’s a guy thing!
It is good to honor fathers on Father’s Day. The hard work of many fathers is often forgotten.
Here’s a little boy’s observation about Father’s Day:
“It is just like Mother’s Day,
Only you don’t spend as much on the present.”
Dave Barry Humorist
“With Father’s Day nearing, we asked Dave
about the art of raising children”
Woman’s Day Magazine
What gadget do you wish was around when Rob was little?
The Diaper Genie. Things just go in there and never get seen again. I suspect that Saddam Hussein had one and that’s where all the weapons of mass destruction got off to.
What do you wish your wife understood about your parenting skills?
That when I dress my daughter in a green top, green socks and green pants that, even if they’re all different greens and Sophie has to get dressed all over again, I was really trying and at least got all the pieces to be green.
How has your perspective on Father’s Day changed?
Father’s Day is really less important when your kids are little, because they’re around all the time. It becomes more poignant when they’re grown up and gone and you’re just amazed they remember. That’s one reason to have girls. They’re better at remembering….
What one gift would you give to fathers the world over?
Hair.
Dads are so good at feigning appreciation that they even were able, years ago, to pretend they were happy to receive cologne. This was back in the dark days of cologne-giving, which mercifully came to an end after the horrible 1986 tragedy in Cincinnati wherein a 72- year-old man’s house collapsed under the weight of the estimated 2,000 unopened bottles of Old Spice that he had stored in his attic.
FAMOUS SAYINGS UNIVERSAL OF MOST FATHERS:
“GO ASK YOUR MOTHER”
“JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME!”
“WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE”
“I’M BUSY RIGHT NOW”
“THIS IS GOING TO HURT ME MORE
THAN IT IS GOING TO HURT YOU!”
Yeah, right!
Somehow my father just wasn’t as quiet natured as Mr. Ward Cleaver talking to Wally and the Beaver!
OBSERVATION ON FATHERHOOD:
“It doesn’t matter who my father was;
it matters who I remember he was.”
-Anne Sexton, U.S. poet.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU HEAR THE FOLLOWING NAMES?
Dennis Rodman
Howard Stern
Now think about men like:
Dr. James Dobson
Dr. John MacArthur
The difference in each of these men’s life
was made by their father!
Dennis Rodman hasn’t seen his father for over thirty years. Over the years Philander Rodman has fathered 27 children. His life’s goal: “I’m shooting for 30.”
Newsweek, pg. 25, 9 September 1996
Shock Jock Howard Stern gives a similar testimony:
“I will never have a lot of self-esteem. I don’t feel very good about myself…I still have an inferiority complex. The way I was raised my father was always telling me I was a piece of [explicative].
Interview with Howard Stern – Rolling Stone Magazine, 10 February 1994
Men like Dr. James Dobson and Dr. MacArthur are blessed because of the godly role of their fathers.
The lack of involvement by fathers in their homes has led to the moral drift of our society. Families without a strong central father figure are unraveling.
When the cradle of the family falls in America there will be
no prosthesis that will keep all of society from coming apart.
The importance of being a father
to your children is UNDENIABLE
Neither is it an easy task. The Promise Keeper’s Movement in recent days has helped to lift fatherhood back to its important role.
“It is harder to lead a family than rule a nation.”
Chinese Proverb
“A boy loves his mother
but will follow his father.”
Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle” has left this truth indelibly etched on our minds!
I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
CAT’S IN THE CRADLE by Harry Chapin (lyrics by Sandra Chapin)
Getting from point A to point B is much different today than in was in the early days of America.
Today we have the interstate highway system, maps, GPS Devices, and directions right on the internet.
Prior to our time individuals relied on trails
FAMOUS TRAILS FROM EARLY AMERICA
The Appalachian Trail
The Chisholm Trail
The Nez Perce Trail
The Santa Fe Trail
The Natchez Trace
The Oregon Trail
The Pony Express
I even read about a famous trail from China to Tibet. The boundary stones of the trail are the piles of rocks marking the graves of the many who died wandering from the trail.
All of these trails were established to help people get to their destination.
Staying on the trail would mean the difference between life and death.
It is just that simple!
Experienced guides had established the best routes which would keep people supplied with water, food, shelter and the most manageable grades for common folk.
The statement is often made about how difficult it is being a child raised these days.
It is a true statement.
I do not hear many, however, comment on how tough it is to be a parent these days!
Parenting is tougher than ever! So is being a father!
It is easy for us to paint all of those warm pictures about the role of mothers in raising children. We like to honor them for their hard work – and we should.
Fathers also need to be reminded of their immense responsibility in raising children.
I do not want to diminish the importance of mothers when I say that I think that fathers have even greater challenges in parenting.
God Established Marriage
God Established the Family
God also established that the husband and the father lead their home!
Because men are accountability to God to lead and direct their home they are also the number one target in the home for satan’s attacks.
HOW IS A CHRISTIAN HUSBAND AND FATHER GOING TO SURVIVE?
He needs to stay on the Fatherhood Trail. The trail makers and boundaries are found in the Word of God.
Prov. 22:28 NIV Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers.
Jer. 6:16 NIV This is what the LORD says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
Wisdom can also be learned from the older guides who have raised their children to fear the Lord and to walk in His ways.
At this point, I am reminded of a story Dr. Steve Farrar’s wrote in first book, Pointman. If you are a man, and haven’t read Pointman, you should!
“Albert Einstein was invited to speak at a banquet held in his honor at Swarthmore College. When it came time for him to speak, the great physicist walked up to the lectern, solemnly looked around, and said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sorry, but I have nothing to say.”
Then he sat down. The audience was in shock. A few seconds later, Einstein got up, walked back to the podium, and spoke again. ‘In case I have something to say, I will come back and say it.’ Six months later, he wired the president of the college with the message: ‘Now I have something to say.’ Another dinner was held, and Einstein made his speech.”
Steve Farrar, Pointman, pgs. 11-12
I understand how he felt! I haven’t finished raising my children.
What can I say about child raising?
Having five children doesn’t make you a good father.
Right now, my children are doing pretty good. I’m very pleased with them. The key will be how they will live their lives, after they are out on their own after leaving home! When they serve and honor the Lord because it is the passion of their heart to follow Him.
If they all walk with the Lord the only thing I’ll have to share with others is praise to the Lord! It will be a miracle of His grace. So the only advice I have concerning fatherhood I have learned from the Word of God and other godly men who have written on the subject.
I know this, there are no shortcuts to being a good father.
You cannot boil fatherhood down to 10 Simple Steps.
The warning I can give to you this morning is to realize you only get one take!
Stay humble and follow the path God has outlined in His Word.
The Word of God is our compass!
“He who is slave to the compass
is free to sail anywhere!”
TAKE NO SHORTCUTS!
Shortcuts can lead to disaster.
Disaster for you, for your wife and for your family!
THE DONNER PARTY
Shortcuts always offer an easier way. We are inherently lazy by nature since the fall and so we are enticed with the shortcut. In 1846 one family took an easier trail that led to disaster.
“In April 1846, Jacob and George Donner, along with James Reed, organized a group of farmers and their families to seek a better life out west.
…Everything went well for the eighty-one people in the wagon train until the reached Fort Bridger, Wyoming. There the men in the Donner Party read a leaflet written by a man named Lansford Hastings. Hastings claimed that he had found a shortcut to California. His ‘new trail’ would take the wagon train through Utah and Nevada.
If the men of the Donner Party had only known it, their own lives – the lives of their wives, sons and daughters – were hanging in the balance as they discussed Hastings’ leaflet. It’s like that with disastrous decisions, isn’t it? At the time you make the call, it doesn’t seem like all that big a deal. One way looks as promising as another.
There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.
Prov. 16:25 NIV
…They should have turned back when they found that their ‘shortcut’ wasn’t anything like Hastings promised in the leaflet. But they kept bulling on ahead, encountering delay after disastrous delay. They had to cut their own trail through the timber of the Wasatch Mountains in Utah, which set them back weeks. Then, west of the Salt Lake, they encountered an eighty-mile stretch of salt desert that just about did them in.
When they finally reached the Sierra Nevadas – the last obstacle to reaching California – they were dangerously behind schedule. The shortcut developed into a longcut. …The winter turned out to be one of the worst ever in those mountains.
Some members of the party, realizing the utter hopelessness of their situation, went mad. Others resorted to cannibalism in an attempt to keep themselves alive. Tragically, a party that was once unified was now hopelessly splintered. Several murders took place among those who had committed to weather the journey together. In the end, less than half of the original party lived to see next spring.
Dr. Steve Farrar, GETTING THERE, pgs. 25-27
It was like dominos falling! One mistake after another took place! Many families lost their lives believing the promise of an easier route. It was also a disaster for those who tried to rescue the people.
Does this type of mistake happen in the Christian life
with Christian families?
Unfortunately, Yes!
DR. FARRAR TALKS ABOUT THE JIM HECHE FAMILY
Jim Heche was a worship leader who was committed to Christ in his church. He was married with four children. It was a conservative church, theologically. He took his family to church every time the doors of the church were open.
Jim took a shortcut along the way that he thought no one knew about. The truth came to light when Jim was diagnosed with AIDS. Jim was a homosexual. He was the first AIDS victim in New York City to die from AIDS in 1983.
One of Jim’s daughters is Anne Heche, the former lover of Ellen Degeneres.
Like the leaders of the Donner Party, Jim didn’t realize the disaster that a shortcut would make!
The Word of God plainly warns us about different roads along the way.
TWO ROADS
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
Matt. 7:13-14 NIV
What trail are you on?
This is the most important question you need to answer! What trail you are on means the difference between heaven or hell.
Becoming the parent you want to be, begins when you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior! When you have given your heart to HIM!
What type of materials are you building with?
TWO FOUNDATIONS
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Matt. 7:24-27 NIV
KEY – WATCH OUT!
I know that there is probably not one man here who says, making a shipwreck of my home is my goal in life! No, you are the opposite. In your heart you desire to please the Lord and to raise godly children. Why else would you come to church? Your presence shows your commitment.
The problem is not being aware of the little sins!
Ps. 19:13 NIV Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
Song 2:15 NIV Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.
EXAMPLE OF A LITTLE SIN
You and I both know that there is nothing wrong with sitting down and watching The U.S. Open, The World Cup or a San Francisco Giants baseball game. A little relaxation with the family is okay!
But what happens if one game a week leads to two games and then to three games or more a week?
Soon your not spending time with the Lord.
You are ignoring your family.
You get all nasty and grouchy if the Giants loose.
Guess what, a little fox is spoiling your vine!
For another person it might be something else!
“Little sins can become big sins
Little sins slow us and distract us.
Little sins pull us and distract us.
Little sins sap our strength and steal our time.
Little sins can more easily be justified and excused than “big” sins.
Little sins multiply more quickly than “big sins.”
Go and Sin No More, Michael Brown, pg. 119
SATAN’S TWO KEY STRATEGIES
DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE
ALIENATE YOUR CHILDREN FROM YOU
MARRIAGE IS GOD’S IDEA
He designed it. Society isn’t the one who created it. In the beginning God made them Male and Female! (Genesis 1:26-28)
He made Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve!
How could Adam and Steve be fruitful and multiply? Sorry, Adam and Steve do not make a family unit! Neither do Eve and Sally! God never meant for men to be with men and women with women! Amen!
Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage.
Adam couldn’t bring up his mother’s cooking and Eve couldn’t bring up all the other men she could have married.
GOD ALSO DESIGNED THE FAMILY!
If satan can get you to take a shortcut along the way he can begin to divide and conquer. He often hits you when you are weak, discouraged, or upset about something. It causes you to give into what you know is wrong!
SHORTCUTS MEN TAKE
Shortcut – Being too consumed with your work
Shortcut – Being too consumed with your hobby!
The story of the boy and the Boy Scout Camping Trip. His father promised to go on the father-son trip. The father was late the first night, after all the other boys left, so he promised to go in the morning. The boy was ready at the crack of dawn and the father didn’t get up until 9:00 AM. He told the boy to be a good sport, but with his bad back he couldn’t go. He also had other commitments to keep. The boy unloaded the car. Then when the father thought his son couldn’t see, he loaded his golf clubs up to meet his friends for golf!
Shortcut – Leaving the spiritual development of your children to others!
It is your responsibility. Others like a youth pastor can only compliment and help you. They can never replace you!
Men’s life Magazine revealed these startling facts:
In a home where the father is an active believer, 75% of the children become believers.
In a home where just the mother is an active believer, only 15% of the children become believers.
Men, we set the pace by first loving God wholeheartedly ourselves!
Shortcut – Abandoning the Role of Male Leadership
I didn’t say male dictatorship! Nor Male Tyranny!
Almost on every front, the man’s biblical responsibility to lead his family and to give an account for his leadership is eroding.
Some have called it the Castration of the American Male. Here is a kinder way to say it, the feminization of the American man.
Men are embarrassed to be men these days. We shrink back from male traits because we get the impression that our masculinity is somehow wrong or evil.
The perfect American male is sweet and sensitive like Alan Alda.
I do not want to be like Alan Alda!
Whatever happened to John Wayne?
Meanwhile many women are fighting and aggressively clawing their way into every job predominantly held by males and that their aggression is okay! Soon men will be home with aprons on cleaning the house and cooking dinner! The boys will be trading recipes while the women go out and drive bulldozers!
God gave men muscular strength, different thinking capabilities, and fearless character:
To Protect and Provide for His Family
To Protect His Country from tyranny and injustice
These passions: character, honor, courage and ingenuity allowed us to fight the great wars and to engineer solutions to many problems building the infrastructure of America.
It was this type of character and action that allowed Jesus to clean out the temple.
Matt. 21:12-13 NIV Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “ ‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a ‘den of robbers.’ ”
The Alan Alda man of our times would have a Jesus who would act like this:
Now merchants, lets come to a win-win agreement here. Let’s focus for a moment on the feelings of the worshippers at the temple. Put yourself in their place. Perhaps you could sell your products early in the morning and clear out. I know you need to make a living as well. I want everyone happy!
When God told man to take dominion over the earth he gave man a unique problem-solving bent! God’s men need to be the Pointman for their family! The Pointman was the guy who went ahead of their platoon in Vietnam. The safety of their entire platoon rested with them.
They looked for:
Trip wires and booby traps
Mines
Snipers
JOSHUA WAS A POINTMAN FOR GOD!
Josh. 24:15 NIV But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”
He didn’t say, I’ll have to go ask my wife what we should do about this situation! He already was committed in his heart before God! “We will serve the Lord!”
ELIJAH WAS A POINTMAN FOR GOD!
1 Kgs. 18:36-39 NIV At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: “O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”
Then the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.
When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, “The LORD —he is God! The LORD —he is God!”
BIBLICAL MEN ARE WATCHFUL MEN!
1 Chr. 12:32 NIV men of Issachar, who understood the times and knew what Israel should do…
“Our very survival as a people will depend
on the presence or absence of masculine leadership
in millions of homes.”
Dr. James Dobson
KEY VERSES:
Eph. 6:4 NIV Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Prov. 22:6 NIV Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Prov. 13:24 NIV He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
LOVE YOUR CHILDREN
Dr. Gary Chapman teaches that children have five distinctive love languages. To love them and nurture them properly you need to learn how to relate to them.
Love Language #1 – Physical Touch (hugs and such)
Love Language #2 – Words of Affirmation (I love you, I’m proud of you)
Love Language #3 – Quality Time
Love Language #4 – Gifts
Love Language #5 – Acts of Service (helping them with something)
DON’T PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH
Overly protective, overly indulgent, critical, abusive, neglect, favoritism, too high of expectations and the list could go on and on!
NURTURE YOUR CHILDREN IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD
HELP THEM DISCOVER THE TALENTS GOD HAS GIVEN THEM
What trail are you going to take in raising your children?
The proper trail for Biblical Fatherhood has been clearly marked throughout the Word of God!
A shortcut along the way could lead to a disastrous ending.
DO YOU WANT SOMEONE IN YOUR PARTY:
Going mad?
Devouring One Another?
Murdering One Another?
Dying along the way?
If you master the trail and safely deliver your family to the destination then they will be able to teach their family and then their family, their family!
Ps. 78:5-8 NIV He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. They would not be like their forefathers — a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him.
THIS CANNOT BE DONE IN YOUR OWN STRENGTH!
Ps. 127:1 NIV Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.
The Motto of the City of Edinburgh Scotland:
“Without the Lord, Frustration!”
What’s your perspective?
“What we do in life, echoes in eternity”
Maximus
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.
Psalm 127:4 NIV
Are you focused merely on today with all of the fun you can have?
Or, Are you focused on the eternal? Focused on the big picture when it comes to raising children?
God is our heavenly Father.
The best Father’s Day we can give
to Him is to obey His Word!
If you are failing in this area of your life, repent, and go find the fatherhood trail outlined in the word of God. God will help you!
If you made a mess of your family and your children
are already raised, tell them you are sorry.
