What Do You Do With Conflict?
Scripture: Matt. 20:20-25a.
Conflict is a matter of fact. It is something all people have experience in. Conflict is a reflexive response that occurs when
someone says or does something that is not considered acceptable by another person’s standard.
There are various degrees of conflict that lead people to respond in various ways. With the disciples in this scripture we find their response to be one of “indignation” (annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment.). They were literally ticked off.
Galatians 5:17 gives us a good picture and understanding as to what conflict is: “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They
are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”
As a group of people, gathered in this place, it is our desire that conflict would not enter these walls. That is also God’s desire ... for abhors when his children are conflicted in a way that can lead to disharmony and disunity. Unfortunately, we are people who struggle with living in the world, thinking at times as the world thinks, and in turn we find ourselves from time to time experiencing conflict.
I don’t like conflict ... Satan uses conflict to steal me away from staying focused on the things God wants to accomplish in my life, and in the work he has set before me to do for him. And to be truthful if it weren’t for other people around me, I wouldn’t have any conflicts ... and neither would you! You see conflicts come when people don’t always see eye to eye.
Over this past while I have been embroiled with others in our fellowship in a conflict. None of us who were involved were happy about it ... none of us were blessed ... and unfortunately it continued for a time that made the conflict grow greater and greater. Most of you here probably did not know that a conflict was happening ... and that is a good thing. None the less, there was conflict.
Now, I am happy to share with you that this conflict has been resolved to the glory of God and to the betterment of all who were involved. Sadly, we all recognized how human we really are, in spite of our desire to be people led of the Spirit, controlled by the Spirit, and moved by the Spirit. It revealed to all of us that the natural desires that exist in us are still contrary to the desires of God and his Spirit.
What I have found to be a blessing though, as this journey unfolded before us, is that God uses these moments to hold a mirror up before us to see things we are not always so willing to see or believe. In this God shows us a reflection and compares it to the image of Jesus. We are faced with the reality of our imperfections, and we are also faced with the reality that God has more things for us to learn, as we strive to be more like Jesus in all ways.
Conflict can have positive results if we choose to follow a path of reconciliation and are willing to be teachable to things God wants to speak into our lives through others.
God, through his Word, shows us a process in dealing with conflicts. The first part of this process is an understanding that God has given us freedom - freedom to be free in all things ... especially in conflicts. Gal 5:1-2 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
Conflict, if left unresolved, will enslave you. It will bind you up in your emotions so that you cannot be free to concentrate on the things God wants you to focus on today. God desires that we should avoid conflicts amongst each other. He also knows our inner natures and will allow conflict in our lives to mature us spiritually and emotionally.
God, in His Word, has given us guidelines and instructions to consider that will help us stay away from conflict. And should conflict come, these instructions bring us to reconciliation.
Here are two lessons I have learned from scripture, and experienced, about conflict and dealing with it.
1. Expect conflict ... even amongst Christians.
Watch out for it! Eph 5:15 “Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
Conflict often comes when we let our guard down in our walk with God. We get into a comfort zone where we fail to put on the armor of God daily, and we aren’t careful with our speech and our emotions. When our guard is down it is easy for us to be misunderstood, to mis-communicate, or to have our emotions stepped on that brings misunderstandings.
2. Deal With It! ... Quickly!
It is not always a person’s intent to hurt someone. Yet there are many influences that affect how we will deal with situations that produce conflict.
* physically. If we are not physically well, then we may react out of our pain and someone gets hurt.
* emotionally. When we are emotionally charged or overwhelmed, this will enhance our receptivity and we may find ourselves easily hurt because we are emotionally not at our best.
* spiritually. Where we are spiritually in our every day walk, and in our fellowship with God, will either open the door to conflict or keep it closed.
When conflict comes it is necessary to deal with it immediately. Matt 5:23-24a “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, (is angry with you) leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly with your adversary ...”
Why is it so important to deal with conflicts immediately? Ephesians 4 gives us some key insights.
1. Unhealthy Emotions Kick In! Anger, bitterness, and frustration can set in:
Eph. 4: 26 “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
The devil wants to destroy your credibility, your witness, and crush your hopes and dreams. When we do not deal with conflict immediately we leave ourselves open to just that ... Satan’s influence and a following after our own natural desires.
2. Misunderstandings Lead To Mis-communication And Visa-Versa!
4:29 - “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Often times when someone has a conflict with another person it is easy to read conflict into that person’s communication with you, or around you. We see things in a colored way ... Did you ever notice that? It may not be our intent, or the other persons intent, however, when there is a conflict everything that is said is tinted ... and often times tainted. Our sensitivity receptors kick in to high gear and we take things more personally because emotionally we are wounded.
So we are reminded to be careful as to what we say ... and to say only things that will build people up with encouragement and blessing.
3. We grieve God and the Holy Spirit, if we don’t resolve issues immediately. The Holy Spirit’s ministry or job is to keep men in unity and to give divine (Godly) wisdom and divine (Godly) understanding. Vs. 30 - “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit ...”
When we as God’s children are at odds with each other and continue to be in conflict with each other, then we easily grieve God. God desires to show his children off to the rest of the world and to Satan. He believes in us and knows that we can live a life of holiness and righteousness that will bring him honor and glory. Remember Job.
When God asked Satan what he was doing, Satan replied that he had come back “from roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it.” (Job 1:7). God was showing Job off to Satan as one whom Satan could not lodge a complaint against because he walked as a man who was not embroiled in conflict, but was righteous and stayed true to God in his living day to day. Job was careful not to grieve God ... careful not to grieve the Holy Spirit. And because of this he was a wealthy and prosperous man whom God blessed with much.
4. Conflict, left unresolved, leads to deeper sin issues. It starts with someone getting hurt that leads to bitterness and then progresses to deeper issues that become sin:
Vs. 31 - “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”
Did you know that bitterness is the first stage of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness then opens the door to anger, rage, fighting, slander, and every form of malice. Malice is the desire to do harm to someone; to have ill will towards them.
The saddest reality comes when we hit this stage and we actually believe that we would be better off if that person was no longer around. It is at this stage that we are in the greatest danger of not having an issue resolved and reconciliation happen. The end result can be that friendships and fellowship is dissolved.
Too often people are not willing to work through this stage, and the differences then become irreconcilable.
Oh that we would come to grip with the reality of what conflict will do to us if we do not deal with it immediately.
So what do we do?
Deal With it ... appropriately. Deal with it in the right spirit.
1. Eph 4:32 - “Be kind and compassionate to one another,..” Try to think the best
of people even when it is the most difficult. Stay focused on Jesus and what he would do.
2. Matt 5: 24 - “Go and be reconciled...” Take the time to go and share what has
happened and find out why it happened. People are not as unapproachable as we may think when we have a goal to be reconciled. When that is our goal it should also temper our attitudes when we go to have the issue resolved. If you are the party that has created the conflict, then be sure to spend more time listening and less time justifying your actions. There is truth in all misunderstandings ... find it, embrace it, and reconcile it.
3. Eph 4:32 - Ask Forgiveness: “forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God
forgave you.” The most effective words that dissolve disputes in a matter of seconds are the words ... ‘I’m sorry ... please forgive me.”
Conclusion - Application:
These are the basic steps to conflict resolution. Conflict within the body only brings disunity, disharmony, an altered focus, and removes us from the ability to care and be compassionate to others outside of the conflict. It grabs a hold of our every waking moment and it affects everything we do, say, and think. Remember, Jesus desires us to walk together and to accomplish great things together ... and the only way this can be achieved is if we walk in unity and not in conflict. Take time today to minister grace to someone who has offended you ... take time today to seek reconciliation with others if you are the one who has created the conflict.
God wants to bless us all. God wants us to be fulfilled and to know His purpose for our lives individually, and as we join hands to fulfill his purpose for us in this place together.
God’s blessings will be upon us as we stand in unity and harmony together. Let us be known as a people who walk in harmony and unity.
If you struggle with a conflict today and need prayer and help in having it reconciled, you can join with me here at the front and we will help you. God has taught us some valuable lessons that we are very willing to share with you.
Invitation for people to come to accept Jesus into their hearts today and deal with the conflict that rages within in finding peace and eternal life.
