Aim the Arrows!
Psalms 127:3-5
Ephesians 4:29
What is a child?
Someone defined a child as an angel whose wings grow shorter as their legs grow longer.
Remember our Theme Scripture:
As arrows in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
As I said last week: Arrows are weapons of accomplishment, intended for a purpose
But their success depended on the aim of the archer.
So are your children.
I remember a poem from grade school, “I shot an arrow into the air. It fell to earth I know not where.
My challenge today: Where will you aim your child?
Many Possible targets
Some Best target
There are only three ways to teach a child; the first is by example, the second is by example, the third is by example. Albert Schweitzer
Point your kids in the right direction - when they’re old they won’t be lost. Proverbs 22:6 (The Message)
To aim your children you must say:
1. I Will Give Meaningful TOUCH
The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: “Don’t push these children away. Don’t ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.” Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them. Mark 10:13-16 (TMNT)
A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. "If you want to, you can make me well again," he said. Moved with pity, Jesus touched him. "I want to," he said. "Be healed!" Instantly the leprosy disappeared - the man was healed. Mark 1:40-42 (NLT)
How important is touch?
It would be impossible to overstate.
We live in an e-mail, bulk mail, voice mail, fax society where business is carried on without any direct contact between parties.
We go to self-serve gas pumps, wait on ourselves at restaurants, and can even use self-check-out registers at K-Mart.
The personal touch seems to be a thing of the past.
In fact, much of business is carried out without any touch at all.
I know that money drives the thing and it has become a financial necessity
But doesn’t it feel great to go to a place and have a real person give you personal attention. And isn’t it nice if they can shake your hand and introduce theirself?
Touch is important.
University studies have proven that patients who received touch as part of their care improved faster and much better than those who did not receive touch… just the same medical treatments or drugs.
I had a neighbor who stuttered. My Mama found out that just by laying a hand on his shoulder when he talked… he did not stutter!
Too often we parents have taken on the ways of the world in dealing with each other.
We call on cell phones, leave voice mails and communicate through non-personal means.
PEOPLE NEED TOUCH!!!
Your kids NEED touch.
Sure, they out-grow time in the lap. They get too big to carry. Eventually they avoid any show of affection.
But they still NEED touch…. From loved ones.
I really believe that is one of the great needs that drives young teens to get into heavy petting and sex.
They still need meaningful touch, affirming touch, loving touch… and they are not getting it at home.
We’ve got to stop worrying about societies paranoia about “inappropriate touch.”
We’ve got to take back what is rightfully ours and what our kids need… personal, meaningful, affirming, loving TOUCH.
2. I Will Share Spoken WORDS
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. Proverbs 3:27
Jesus modeled expressing high value
Jesus replied, "You are blessed, Simon son of John… Now I say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it." Matthew 16:17, 18 (NLT)
Isaac modeled picturing a special future
Then Isaac said, "Come here and kiss me, my son." So Jacob went over and kissed him. And when Isaac caught the smell of his clothes … he blessed his son. He said, "The smell of my son is the good smell of the open fields that the LORD has blessed. May God always give you plenty of dew for healthy crops and good harvests of grain and wine. May many nations become your servants. May you be the master of your brothers. May all your mother’s sons bow low before you. All who curse you are cursed, and all who bless you are blessed." Genesis 27:26-29 (NLT)
Ephesians 4:29 teaches us the importance of using the right words.
DO NOT LET ANY UNWHOLESOME TALK COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTHS,
That has to be balanced with Ephesians 4:15 “Speaking the truth in love, in order to bring them back.”
Unwholesome = Words that tear down...
A) Words of abuse :
Parents who would never physically abuse their child may think nothing of verbal abuse.
1) Direct – name calling and put downs. Screaming tantrums,
2) Indirect - Sarcasm, teasing, harsh jesting.
Prov. 26:18-19 (NIV) Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only joking!"
Good news : you can use words that build up.
B) Words of : judgment, fault finding, criticism
1) Judgment – Belittling - his feeling, thoughts, or accomplishments.
2) Fault finding and criticism – Message - God and I don’t accept you.
Good news : we can overcome perfectionism.
C) Words of : frustration and anger
Venting anger on defenseless children is unfair, uncaring, and unloving.
Good news :
Frustration doesn’t have to lead to anger,
anger doesn’t have to lead to hurtful words.
II) BUT ONLY WHAT IS HELPFUL FOR BUILDING OTHERS UP
Root word – oikoj (House)
oikodomhn - Arndt & Gingrich Greek Lexicon – process of building, construction. Figurative of spiritual strengthening, edifying, or building up.
Four building blocks for building up children : Speak words of :
A) Appreciation
Definition : to increase in value.
Appreciate :
1) Specifically – what do they do especially well.
2) Personally - who they are, not just what they do.
3) Sincerely – show them how God thinks of them.
4) Generously – maximize the good.
When we appreciate we are :
1) Building - their confidence in the Lord.
2) Countering - what other’s may say about them.
3)Valuing – who they are.
God highly values each child.
Ps 139:13-16 (NIV) For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
B) Encouragement and Affirmation
This builds a child’s :
1) Identity
This shows their identity is in Christ, not in hairstyles, clothes, friends, etc....
2) Courage
They won’t feel as pressured to fit in with the crowd.
It allows them to say "I am accepted regardless of what others think."
3) Confidence
It lets them know that you believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves.
C) Blessing
eulogia ulogia - Arndt & Gingrich Greek Lexicon "Speaking in favorable terms, praise, act of benefit or blessing.
eu = well, logoj = word
How do we bless :
1) With our words
Dr. John Trent “A blessing becomes so only when it is spoken... Spoken words of praise and appreciation gives the child an indication that he or she is worthwhile and valuable. It is not enough to provide a roof over our children’s heads or to provide them with food and the material necessities of life. Without spoken words of blessing they are left unsure of their personal worth and acceptance.”
Admit to your children when you communicated incorrectly.
James 5:16 (KJV) Confess your faults one to another....
III) ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS, THAT IT MAY BENEFIT THOSE WHO LISTEN
Taylor make your communication...
A) Communicate according to their needs Each child is unique...
1) Know their motivation
Internal (self-motivated) or
External(others-motivated)?
2) Know their speed
Some are :
-Task oriented.
Complete a task at one sitting.
Enjoy immediate feedback.
Others are :
- Process oriented.
Enjoy being precise.
Are very accurate.
Consider this when communicating your expectations.
3)Know their learning style
Remember when you were in school? Some teachers motivated you.
We learn through what we :
See
Hear
Do
We build them up when we teach according to their need.
B) Communicate according to their personality
Do you ever say...
My son is so absent minded - he thinks of too many things at one time.
My daughter is a hermit – she just stays in her room quietly.
My child is so sensitive – they cry if I look at them sternly.
He has a big mouth – he talks right over everybody else.
- Are they leaders or followers?
- Do they work best in a group or by themselves?
- Are they more artistic or technical?
CONCLUSION :
Let’s take every opportunity to build up our children.
1. I will use Meaningful Touch
2. I will use spoken words.
3. I Will Make An Active COMMITMENT
• Commit them to God
• Commit your life to their best interest
Recognize the uniqueness of each child
• Give yourself to your children.
You’ve not been the perfect parent; neither have I. But here is where we can start again today:
God is the perfect parent who has conveyed to us all the ingredients of His blessing in just one verse of scripture.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. Whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
A loving Father reaches down to touch us, speak to us, tell us how valuable we are, & help us see the glorious future that we have in Him. Our heavenly father is the God of second chance. He forgives you and loves you unconditionally.
Now go and do likewise with your children.
NDBC, 3/9/03am, Second sermon in series, “Your Child” was first.
(Based on a sermon by Joel Smith on www.SermonCentral.com--How to Have the Children of Your Dreams)
(Based on a sermon by Carlton Coon on www.SermonCentral.com—Aim the Arrows)
(Based on a sermon by Don Hawks on www.SermonCentral.com-- Having the Children of Your Dreams)
