Parenting is Heart Work
Deuteronomy 6:1-12
Rev. Brian Bill
5/18/08
I came across a job posting this week that I thought I’d pass along to see if there any takers.
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team players needed for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills, and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings, weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call.
RESPONSIBILITIES: Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, in negotiating, conflict resolution, and crisis management. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project. Must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned skills in conflict resolution. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no paid holidays and no stock-options are offered, the job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and the ability to impact future generations.
Anyone want to apply for that kind of job? As we continue in our series called “Generation Next,” I want to propose that parenting is not only hard work, it is heart work.
Assumptions
I want to state some assumptions before we jump in.
1. If you’re married and don’t have kids, or they are no longer in the home, you are still a family. Incidentally, contrary to what the Supreme Court of California declared this week, the institution of marriage was designed by God to be one man and one woman legally married as husband and wife in a monogamous relationship for life.
2. If you are a single parent, you are a family.
3. If you are single, you are not second-class. Scripture celebrates singleness. 1 Corinthians 7:7-8: “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
4. Children are a gift from God, not a burden to bear. Psalm 127:3: “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
5. Parents are responsible for raising children who are spiritual champions. The home is the principal delivery system for the transmittal of God’s truth from generation to generation.
6. There is no fail-safe formula for parenting success. George Barna reports that fewer than one of every five parents of young children believe they are doing a good job of training their children morally and spiritually (“Revolutionary Parenting,” page 10).
7. Every parent can learn how to be a better parent. As a supplement to this series, Pastor Dick has put together a parenting seminar to be held on Saturday, May 31st. Please fill out the insert and plan to come.
8. I’m a parent in process not an authoritative expert. Just because I’m preaching this morning doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out. I’m a fellow learner with you.
9. God is looking for faithful families whose hearts are His.
Please turn in your Bibles to Deuteronomy 6. Let’s set the scene. The people of God have been wandering in the wilderness for 40 years and are now on the verge of finally entering the Promised Land. The generation that had disobeyed by not entering the land 40 years earlier has died and now “generation next” was just about there. Moses was not able to go with them so he wanted to make sure they knew their job. Actually, the whole book of Deuteronomy is a restating of the law – deutero means “to repeat” and nomos is the law. We could say that this book is Moses’ final message to the people and a turning point for them.
It’s interesting to me that Moses doesn’t give them instructions on farming or shepherding or economics or construction or even battle plans. What is first and foremost on his mind and on God’s heart is the family’s role in faith formation. God’s people are about to enter a pagan land, filled with over 40 different people groups and yet his focus is on the family. In that sense, isn’t the setting similar to our own situation? We are also strangers in a world that is hostile to God.
We’re going to see in this passage that our parental job description has four main responsibilities. We need to:
1. Learn it (6:1-2).
2. Live it (6:3-6)
3. Leave it (6:7-9)
4. Launch it (6:10-12)
Learn It
The first thing we need to do is learn God’s Word for ourselves. We see this in verses 1-2: “These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all His decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.” Moses knew that he needed to teach and the people needed to learn. Part of trusting God is by taking Him seriously and knowing what He says in His Word. It’s important for us to know as much of the Bible as we can.
Pastor Jeff wrote an interesting post on his blog this week: “As many of you know, I’m addicted to “Jeopardy.” I’ve literally watched it from the beginning (over 20 years now) and I tape it every day and watch it before I go to bed. I even tried out for Jeopardy but my well of useless information is weak on English Lit and I got killed in that category.
I was watching this morning while running on the treadmill (very good for your knees) and was reminded of the uphill climb youth pastors have in regards to working with the Mosaic generation. The college tournament is currently on and three very bright college students were battling it out. One of them picked ‘B.A. for 600.’ This means all responses will begin with [the letters] B. A. This was the clue: In John 3:3 Jesus said, ‘Unless a man is _____________ he will not see the kingdom of God.’
I immediately started yelling ‘Born again.’ (I yell at the players when it seems like I’m the only one who knows the answer). I stopped yelling though and stared in amazement. All three of these students, one of which goes to school in the buckle of the Bible belt, stared blankly until the buzzer rang. They didn’t have a clue. I was dumbfounded. Even Alex seemed a little surprised. If they can’t answer this question on Jeopardy, what are they going to do when their soul is in Jeopardy?” (For more great posts from Pastor Jeff see www.pontiacbible.org).
As we’ve been learning over the past several weeks, we will never grow in our relationship with God unless we grow in our relationship with God’s Word. I was really encouraged recently when I saw a new couple that attends PBC now bringing a Bible with them every Sunday. Keep looking for ways to understand Scripture and to learn the Word. Take advantage of our Sunday IMPACT classes and small groups. That’s the first place to start in your parenting.
Live It
The second section of our parental job description is to live it. We see this in verse 3: “Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers promised you.” It’s one thing to learn something; it’s another thing all together to live it out. We are to be careful to obey. It’s not enough to just know information – it must lead to personal transformation. Blessing is linked to obedience.
Verse 4 is the Jewish Shema, which literally means, “Hear.” It is the defining relationship that God’s people are to have with Him: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.” God is the only God, there is no other. He is totally unique. Notice that He is “our” God – He is personal and relational and His people can enjoy intimacy with Him.
The Shema is a declaration of faith, a pledge of allegiance to the Almighty. It was said when arising in the morning and when going to bed at night. The Shema was the first prayer that a Jewish child was taught to pray and it was the last thing a Jew would pray prior to death. The full Shema is contained in verses 4-9 and is a call to live and love God and leave this love with our children. Let’s make sure to hear what God has for us today.
Verse 5 continues with a challenge to love God with everything we’ve got: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Jesus quotes this verse in Mark 12:30. Our love is to be wholehearted and is to pervade every aspect of our life. As we determine to love God, we will want to obey Him as Jesus said in John 14:23: “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.”
Verse 6 reminds us that God’s Word is not to just be in our heads, but to also be in our hearts. The Bible is to be lived out, it’s not just something we give mental assent to: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.” The people knew that God’s commands were engraved on tablets of stone; God wants His holy Word to be resident in their hearts and fleshed out through their hands.
Fellow parents, God must be all-important if we want Him to be all-important to our children. It was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, “Who you are speaks so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Gary Oliver in “Raising Kids to Love Jesus” says: “Our primary call isn’t to be good parents. Our primary call is to model a vibrant and vital love relationship with the loving God.”
We can’t pass along what we don’t possess. We must be vigilant to make sure we are not slipping spiritually. Deuteronomy 4:9: “Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Drop down to verse 15: “…Therefore watch yourselves very carefully…”
Do you see the word “heart” in both verse 5 and verse 6? The heart is very important to God. In 1 Samuel 16:7 we read: “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I’ve been helped a lot in this regard by Tedd Tripp in his book called, “Shepherding a Child’s Heart.” Here are some things that I’ve gleaned.
Proverbs 4:23 teaches that a person’s life is a reflection of his heart: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” The heart is a well from which all the issues of life gush forth. Jesus said it this way in Mark 7:21-22: “…from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.” Luke 6:45 corroborates this point: “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
These passages teach us that we must make sure our own hearts have good things in them and then that we focus on the hearts of our children. Behavior is not the basic issue; what’s going on in the heart is the heart of the matter. Since all behavior is linked to the heart, our discipline must address attitudes of the heart. As parents we must work at shepherding the heart, learning to work from the behavior we see back to the heart which God sees and changes.
Another helpful book is called “Parenting is Heart Work” by Turansky and Miller. They point out that God has a heart-based approach to working with people because the heart is where real and lasting change takes place. Instead of focusing on behavior modification, “when we take a heart approach to parenting, we partner with God in raising a future generation…but motivating heart change isn’t easy. You can force a child to change behavior, but you can’t force a change of heart…information comes into our heads constantly, but much of it just stays there. Only what moves into our hearts becomes part of our lives.”
This all takes time, doesn’t it? Pastor Dick and Pastor Jeff borrowed a pick-up truck this week to buy some construction supplies for their upcoming trip to Mexico. Pastor Jeff walked into the lumberyard and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The worker corrected him: “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” Jeff said he needed to check so he went out and asked Pastor Dick. He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.” “All right, how long do you need them?” Jeff paused for a moment and said, “I’d better go check.” He came back a few minutes later and said, “We’ll need them for a long time. We’re going to build a house.”
Let me say first of all that I made that story up and secondly, if you’re going to build a home, you’re going to need to learn it and live it for a long time.
Leave It
After learning it and living it, we have the responsibility to leave our faith to the next generation. It’s part of God’s job description for parents. Check out these verses from the Psalms.
Psalm 71:18: “Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.”
Psalm 78:4, 6: “We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done…so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.”
Psalm 145:4: “One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts.”
For this to happen we must become intentional in our parenting as we look for ways to leave our faith to the next generation. Let’s look at Deuteronomy 6:7: “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Notice the pronoun “you.” Parenting is personal. It’s my job to do this, not the church or the school or someone else. That’s why we want to move from a “church-centered, home-supported” approach to a “home-centered, church-supported” model for faith transformation.
As we love God with everything we have, then we can be in a position to impress these truths upon our children. We are to show our kids that we have a love-relationship with God, not just that we’re religious. As we trust God we will then be able to help our children trust Him. Notice that this should be more than just getting them up for church once a week. We are to make an impression upon them by talking about God at home, in the car, at bedtime, and when they wake up.
The word “impress” literally means to “be sharp, precise, and to the point.” It was used of sharpening a knife so that it was razor sharp. If want our kids to be sharp spiritually, we’ll have to go over God’s truth again and again and come at it from every angle. We are not to just throw our faith out as an option for our kids. Rather, we are to take it so seriously that we look for ways to precisely pass along what we are learning and what we are living. We are to talk about God’s Word 24-7. The task of teaching is a never-ending, full-time assignment. We are always teaching – through our talking, responses, our attitudes and our behavior. In short, not just through the words we say but also by the way we live.
This past Tuesday morning at breakfast I prayed that our family would not miss the good works that God had already planned and prepared for each of us that day. When I was finished I simply said, “Let’s not miss out on what God wants us to do today.” It was short and to the point and hopefully helpful to them – I know it was a good reminder for me.
There are teachable moments everywhere. One mom writes of the time her three-year-old daughter was frustrated with her younger brother because he was messing around with her things. Totally frustrated, the little girl said, “Mommy, can we put him back now?” The mom was ready for this opportunity to teach how siblings should treat each other and explained that they could not put him back because her brother was a gift from God. To which the little girl responded: “I understand, Mommy. God didn’t want him either.”
We are to show our kids who God is, not just in formal spiritual settings, but also in the casual classroom of everyday life. Look for those teachable moments. Those spontaneous, unplanned opportunities to teach and impress. When those times happen, gently introduce God’s perspective by sharing a verse or principle from Scripture. Allow the Bible to be central in all of life.
Verses 8-9 show us that the Israelites had visual reminders everywhere about their God: “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” They took this literally but the principle here is this: whatever we need to do to remind us of God, we should do it.
* Hands: What we do; our actions
* Foreheads: What we think; our attitudes
* Doorframes: Scripture is to saturate every room of our home
* Gates: We’re to bring the Word to bear at our point of contact with the world. For instance, talking about how we should respond to the earthquake in China or the Cyclone in Myanmar, or how the potential closing of the prison is affecting families in this community.
Fellow parents, let’s have our homes so full of the Word of God that our children can’t help but see and hear it wherever they go and whatever they do. The bottom line is this: We are to make God real to our kids.
I heard a story this week about a father who was told the shocking news that his young son had a terminal illness. The son had put his faith in Christ but the dad wondered how he was going to tell him the news. After praying earnestly, he went with a heavy heart to the hospital. First he read Scripture and then had a time of prayer with his son before telling him that the doctors said he only had a short time to live. The father then asked his son a question: “Are you afraid to meet Jesus, my boy?” Blinking away a few tears, the little boy said bravely, “No, not if He’s like you, daddy!”
Launch It
We have two daughters who love track and have been on relay teams. I asked Lydia to tell me how a relay relates to passing the faith to the next generation. Here’s what she said. “Before you pass the baton, the runners must be prepared. It’s all planned out – the steps and positions need to be figured out beforehand. The person who has the baton never slows down – they’re depending on the one who will receive it to remember what has been practiced because you only have a short amount of time to pass the baton in the “exchange zone.” If you haven’t exchanged the baton before you exit the exchange zone you’re disqualified. The baton is very important to the team – some teams even give a name to it. They work hard at not dropping it. If it’s dropped, everyone is upset.”
Once we learn it, live it, and leave it, we then need to do all we can to launch the “belief baton” so that our offspring’s faith becomes their own. In verses 10-11, God looks ahead to the time when His people will finally arrive in the Promised Land. They will have things like flourishing cities, furnished houses, and an abundance of food and refreshments. God knows that these “things” may sap their spiritual vitality and that they will lose their sense of trust as a people. The hand-off must be smooth for the relay to be won.
Satisfaction can lead to spiritual stagnation and forgetting can lead to forsaking. Look at verse 12: “Be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.” God wants us to be “careful” to not forget. We need to be vigilant or the “things” of life will crowd out the Giver of our things. Did you notice that God wants them to remember what they used to be? They were slaves in the land of Egypt and God brought them out. We need to remember that we were at one time slaves to sin, lost and separated from God. It is only by His grace that we’ve been set free. When we start to forget, we’re in danger of losing our edge spiritually.
At the end of the book Moses gives this message in Deuteronomy 32:46-47: “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you — they are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to possess.”
A New Family
Before you can pass the “belief baton” to your kids, and to your grandkids, you have to have faith yourself. Are you in the family of God? Have you trusted Christ yourself? Have you engaged your will and received the greatest gift of all time by asking Jesus to save you from your sins? You can’t give your kids what you don’t have. You can only pass along what has first entered your own life. Over 100 years ago, Woodrow Wilson said: “If you wish your children to be Christians you must really take the trouble to be a Christian yourself.”
One day Jesus was told that his family was looking for him. His answer redefined the family relationship in Mark 3:31-35: “Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, ‘Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.’ ‘Who are my mother and my brothers?’ he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.’”
Jesus came to start a new family where we are brothers and sisters who are committed in love to each other. There has never been a family like this before but we must know what “B.A.” means and then we must experience it or we will be in jeopardy: “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.”
Some of you may be ready right now to begin this rebirth relationship. If so, you could pray this prayer: “Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I admit that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. I repent of my sins by changing my mind about the way I’ve been living. By faith I gratefully receive your gift of salvation and desire to be born again. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. With all my heart I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. I accept you into my heart. Be my Savior and Lord. I surrender to your leadership in my life. Make me into the person you want me to be. Amen.”
Once we come to saving faith, then as parents we can pass it on. Let’s learn it, let’s live it, let’s leave it and then let’s launch it! There’s no greater job description in the world.
Closing Song: “Love the Lord Your God”
