I had something interesting happen this past Monday. Our family had gone to the Greenbrier mall for part of the day and we started to head home around 4:00. We got to a traffic light where we were going to turn right and there was one car in front of me. The light was red – and then we got a green arrow to turn right. The car in front of me didn’t move when the light changed so I gave my horn a small beep; not the long “I’m mad at you” beep, but the more polite short beep that we use to get someone’s attention or something.
After that, I waited for a few more seconds and the guy in front of me still didn’t move but then I realized the reason he wasn’t moving was because he was talking to the person in the car next to him. So, now I’m a little annoyed. So, I give the horn the longer “I’m annoyed with you, get moving” beep. And the guy opens his door and says something to me. So, I roll down my window and he says, “What’s your problem?” I’m like, “MY problem, what’s YOUR problem. The light is green and I want to go!” He says, “I’m talking!” And I say, “Well, then go to the parking lot if you want to talk, the road is for driving!” He says, “I’m going to sit here until I’m done.” I was floored!
Unfortunately for him, he was driving a city of Chesapeake truck – so I was able to give the city a call and report their “customer service” guy. But, I share that story because it is representative of an epidemic in our society – the epidemic of bad and rude drivers! How many of you would agree with me on this? Nearly universal agreement! It’s not hard to believe because we see it with our eyes – it’s everywhere.
But, this morning, I’m not going to be talking about the bad driving epidemic. Instead, I’m going to talk to you about another epidemic – one that is far less visible but is everywhere around us and the consequences of it are being felt everywhere. The problem takes many forms – and nearly every person in this room has been or is being affected by it. The epidemic I’m referring to is that of addictions.
Normally when you hear that you automatically think of drug and alcohol addictions and while that certainly is among the addictions most commonly referred to, there are recovery groups for just about every addiction or compulsive activity that you can think of. There are those addicted to prescription drugs, illegal drugs, there are eating disorders including overeating to anorexia and bulimia, there are sex addicts, and those who indulge in all kinds of compulsive behavior like gambling, and shopping etc.
While numbers are hard to verify – it is estimated that more than 20 million Americans are in a recovery group each week and there are more than 500,000 different recovery groups. If that’s true – then I wonder how many more aren’t in recovery groups that ought to be.
Today, what I want to do – in the broadest terms that I can, while still being helpful – is give you some biblical insight into what the Bible has to say about where you should turn for help with your addictions – no matter what they may be. For the purposes of the talk today – I want to give you a definition of addiction: An addiction is any pattern of behavior that you have developed to deal with your hurts in an unhealthy way. These patterns may become physically addictive as in alcohol dependency or prescription drug dependency or maybe they are psychologically addictive as in gambling or pornography.
But the bottom line is – right now you turn to this thing when you are feeling stressed, or lonely or depressed or angry. You pour yourself a drink, or you pop another pill or you run to your computer – it’s where you turn for temporary relief – and it’s unhealthy.
Remember what I talked about last week, and what the video showed us – everything in this world has been turned upside down because of sin. The hurts that we experience in life – whether physical pain or emotional pain– were not a part of God’s original design for us. They are the effects of the fall. So, it only stands to reason – that how we choose to deal with the hurts that we experience are also deeply affected by the Fall – by sin in the world. So, our objective today is to learn how we get out of these destructive patterns that we find ourselves in right now and turn this whole thing back on its feet.
This morning we will use the illustration of changing lanes in our car as a metaphor to changing our lives! So each point of our talk this morning will be a step that you can take to make changes in your life – but as an added bonus, if you follow these steps you’ll also be a better driver! You’ve gotta have a plan to turn things around, okay – so here we go. In order to safely change lanes we need to:
1. Admit you’re in the wrong lane.
Now, I pick on my wife quite a bit when it comes to her driving. She’s a good driver – but she just spends a lot of time in the wrong lane. We’ve lived in Hampton Roads for a total of about 9 years now – and every time my wife leaves the house to go to…say, the Macarthur Mall she will call me and say – “Now, I get on 664 going…” and I’ll say, “South, dear, going South!” “And then I go to the left?” “Yes, honey, you go to the left; that’s 264 East!” I’m amazed by that – but – she’s not in denial. She knows she’s directionally challenged. Rather than bluff her way – she will check with me and make sure.
Guys have a harder time doing that. We take a wrong turn and call it taking a short cut, or pretend that we meant to go that way so we could stop somewhere that we didn’t need to go. When it comes to driving – guys live in denial.
Denial is a powerful force – and the first step in getting help and changing lanes is admitting that there is a problem. It requires an honest look in the mirror. Denial says, “I don’t have a problem, I can control this. I can stop any time I want. Get off my back, you’d do this kind of thing too if you were in my shoes.” That’s denial. I think one of the biggest forces behind denial is pride and control. We are too prideful to want others to know our problems, that we don’t have it together.
Here’s the thing though – and this is kind of difficult to explain. In order for a person to become a Christian – let me personalize this – in order for me to become a Christian I first had to admit that I was a sinner. Right? That’s how the whole Christian thing works – every person in this room who has become a follower of Jesus had to first admit that they weren’t following him. Are you tracking with me so far?
In 1 John 1:8 the Bible says, “If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth.” Let me give you the JSV of that verse, “You can tell yourself that you’ve never done anything wrong, you can live in spiritual denial – but if you do you will never be in Christ!”
Of course the very next verse says, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
Do you know what the word “confess” in that verse means? It simply means “agree with God.” You cannot get cleansing and forgiveness of sins until you ADMIT that you are in the wrong lane – until you agree with God that you have a problem until you admit that you are powerless to control your situation, until you admit that you are a sinner.
So, here’s the part that I don’t get. We have to admit that we’re in the wrong lane to become Christians, but then as soon as we do…all of a sudden we’re perfect! Have you noticed that? How weird is that? Of all places on the planet where people should be able to say, Hi, my name is Jamey and I am a follower of Jesus who struggles with gambling, or lust or drinking or whatever it is. This should be the place where we are free to do that! But for some reason after admitting before God that we have problems we can’t seem to admit in front of each other that we have problems. This makes no sense to me!
Recovery meetings shouldn’t be relegated to smoky church basements, it should be the very mission of the church. Recovery should be happening in every small group in our church, among all friendships with people in our church – we have to be honest about where we are!
On your communication card there is a place for you to write in the area that you are battling with. This is the first step to changing your life. If you’re not sure what the answer is here, then ask yourself the question, “It’s just me to be _____.” The answer to that is your struggle. It’s just me to be overweight. It’s just me to be negative. It’s just me to be a drinker, it’s just me to be angry.”
Now, I know this is a tough step to take, but listen – it is only when we admit our struggles that God’s power can be released in our lives – there is great power in overcoming denial, and it’s not our own power – it is the very power of God – resurrection power that can be released in our lives. That’s what Paul was referring to in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. Jesus said to him,
“My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Why is he strong when he’s weak, because God doesn’t apply his power to your situation until you admit that you NEED His power! Once you’ve done this you can move to the second step:
2. Decide which lane I want to be in.
So, first you have to say, I’m not where I want to be and then you have to decide, where it is in fact that you do want to be. But, you won’t get there simply by wanting to be there. There needs to be a change, an internal change to get you there. That internal change happens in your mind. Romans 12:1 says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Transform your thoughts. Your thoughts are your autopilot in your life. If you want to change your life, you’ve got to change the way you think.
If you’re out on a boat and the autopilot is on North, you can force it to go south by grabbing the wheel and forcing it to change direction but the whole time you are doing that you are fighting against the autopilot. But you can will it, by force into another direction. But eventually you’ll get tired of the strain and as soon as you do and you let go of the wheel what will happen. The autopilot will take over again and the boat will turn back to the north.
See, if you make a decision, “I will change!” “From now on I will do this or won’t do that” and by sheer force and willpower you try to change, you might do good for a little while but you will eventually get tired and the autopilot in your life will kick in again and take over. What is the autopilot of your life? Remember the sentence we did earlier, “It’s just like me to ____.” That’s your autopilot.
You need your autopilot reprogrammed, and that will happen not by willpower but by God power. Let me give you a couple of ways to refocus so that you can change those habits, those patterns that are ingrained in you:
a. Choose to change just one thing at a time. God doesn’t expect you to be perfect tomorrow. In fact, often God doesn’t even point out all of your defects at once because he knows we won’t be able to handle it! So, ask yourself: What is one thing that you could change in your life that would require the least amount of effort and produce the greatest amount of change? That is what you ought to go after!
b. Focus on victory one day at a time. In the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:11 how does that go? Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, give us this month our monthly bread… no, it says give us this day our daily bread. Why? Because God wants to give you enough strength to change for one day, not for one week, one month, the rest of your life! He wants you to take it one day at a time.
So you say, Lord, just for this day I want to be positive instead of negative, just for today I want to think pure thoughts instead of lust, just for today I don’t want to lose my temper, just for today I want to not drink or whatever. Don’t plan too far out.
c. Focus on what you want not what you don’t want.
Philippians 4:8 says, “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Whatever you focus on is what you move toward. Whatever you focus on is what dominates your life. If you focus on the bad, it will dominate your life. If you focus on what you can be and what God wants for you and your life then you will move that way. Whatever has your attention, has you!
Notice that the Bible doesn’t say, “Don’t fix your thoughts on what is false, dishonorable and wrong. Don’t think about things that are impure, ugly and unworthy. Don’t think about things that are terrible and not worthy to be talked about in public.” Why is that? Because God knows it’s not enough to just push bad thoughts out of our life we need to replace them with good things. This is a principle found throughout the Bible, if you want to remove something negative from your life you need to replace it with something positive.
This is where reading the scriptures and memorizing Scripture becomes really important. Several months ago I gave a first 15 challenge, where I said if you will give the first 15 minutes of your day to God in prayer and Bible study that it will dramatically impact your life. Many of you took me up on that challenge – but you’ve slipped. I’m going to ask you to recommit to that today. It doesn’t matter if you stopped awhile ago, today I’m going to ask you to commit to it again.
3. Glance behind you
When driving and turning lanes, you really ought to glance in your rear view mirror and in your side mirror and you also ought to look over your shoulder to make sure that everything is okay for you to change lanes. You do that because if you change without understanding what is going on around you, you will bang up your car or cause an accident of some kind. This happens to me all the time. People come close to side swiping me. Sometimes I feel like I have a target painted on my car or something.
Notice I say you should “glance” behind you. Don’t obsess on your past! That’s unhealthy. You can’t move forward while focused on what’s behind you. But getting understanding on your past is a good thing and can be very helpful. There are several things that you should glance back at that contribute to the struggles that you are facing:
a. My chromosomes. Some of my character defects are inherited. It’s my dad’ fault! Your father and mother each contributed 23,000 chromosomes to you. You inherit a lot of things from them, including some defects. Derek inherited my teeth, that’s why he just got out of braces, because I had them, and praise God, Sarah got her mother’s teeth – so we cheated Dr. Hatcher with kid #2!
It’s also why you have certain predispositions toward certain problems. That’s not an excuse to sin but it can give you some understanding on why you are the way you are. You may have inherited a hot temper from your dad but that doesn’t mean that you have the right to go out and kill someone. I may have a tendency, even a genetic predisposition toward certain addictions, but that doesn’t excuse me to go out and make the choice to become addicted.
b. My circumstances. This is what you have learned or soaked in from the way you were raised etc. Some of you have endured abuse or other hurts or wrongs and those things can contribute significantly to why you are the way you are.
c. My choices. A lot of my defects come from my choices. If I choose to do something long enough, it becomes a habit. Once it becomes a habit, I’m stuck.
So, glance back – but don’t live there. Then:
4. Turn on your signal
What I mean by that is you need to alert others of the change you are making. I hate when people drive without using their turn signals, it’s dangerous. People who want to make life change – can’t do it without letting others know – maybe not everyone, but a few people in your life need to know if you are going to make a difference.
I want to invite ______________to come out and share her story with us. She is telling everyone – but you don’t have to do that. Let’s give her a warm Believers welcome.
testimony.
Recovery never happens in isolation. Recovery, and life change in general, happens best in the context of community! You can’t get recovery on your own! The Bible says in Eccl. 4:12 “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
We need each other to be all that we can be! It really wasn’t until Karen took the courageous step of opening the door to her secrets to others that she saw real life change – the same is true with you. Lastly you need to:
5. Move.
You ever have someone turn on their signal and indicate that they are coming into your lane and then you slow down to let them or give them the wave or flash your lights – and they just sit there, indecisive. Isn’t that frustrating. I often yell, “the gas peddle in on the right!” Gas it and go!
The same is true in life. You can analyze and look introspectively and go to therapy and go to meetings (all of that may be good) but sooner or later you just have to make the move. You have to initiate the change. And don’t worry – God will give you the ability to change. Look at our last verse with me:
“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Philippians 2:13 Circle the three key words there: giving, desire and power. God gives it to those who are in Him.
