"Foolishness Follows Your Family"
1 Kings 1
Father’s Day - 6/19/2005
Intro: This morning we want to talk about one of the greatest investments you can make. More important than investing in stocks and bonds, or a good mutual fund, is investing in the lives of your children. Dr. Tony Evans once was out playing ball with his kids in the front yard. His wife opened the door and yelled, Honey, you’re ruining the grass. He replied, We’re not raising grass, we’re raising children.
We cannot place things above our children. As we think about Father’s this morning, we realize there are many different types of fathers: some of them are better than others. Two young boys were walking home from Sunday School after hearing about the temptation of Christ. Little Johnny said, Do you believe all that stuff, I mean, do you believe there really is a devil? Billy replied, No, it’s just like Santa Claus, the devil is really your dad! Hopefully, that doesn’t describe your father.
This morning we want to consider the example we set as fathers, and to see how our foolish choices can affect our family. Last week we talked about wisdom, and that if we would seek God’s ways, our life would be blessed. But what happens when we don’t? Let’s look this morning at the example David sets for us as a father. We have been going through the OT together, and we are at the point of the OT about 1200 BC, where David and Solomon enjoy great reigns as kings of Israel. 1 Chronicles 29:28 says David died at a good old age, having enjoyed long life, wealth and honor. When we think about one of the greatest men who ever lived, we think about King David. David was chosen to be the king to replace Saul after Saul’s disobedience because he was a man after God’s own heart we are told in 1 Samuel 13:14. David had a great heart for God.
David was one of the greatest kings there ever was. From his early days as a boy killing Goliath, to his years running from Saul and defeating the Philistines, to his years ruling and conquering all the enemy nations that fought against him: David was a great king. David had a beautiful palace. He brought in special craftsmen to build his palace, and the city of David was fortified to resist defeat in battle. David was a wise planner.
But David was a poor father! David faced problem after problem in his family life. And his foolishness as a father left its mark on his children as well.
Why is it that a man who is so blessed by God and with such a great heart for God could be such a great failure as a father? I think there are several reasons, and we’ll talk about them today. First of all, let’s talk about what I mean when I say that David was a failure as a father.
*David’s Failure as a Father is seen in the actions of his children
2 Samuel 13 - David’s son Amnon loves his sister Tamar, so his cousin gives him advice on how he can get her alone. He does, rapes her, and then hates her more than he had loved her.
2 Samuel 13:28 - David’s son Absalom loved Tamar and wanted to avenge her rape. He kills his brother Amnon, then flees the country.
2 Samuel 15:10 - Absalom usurps the throne and tries to overthrow his father.
1 Kings 1 - David’s son Adonijah usurps the throne; wanted to take over from his aging father.
While I don’t believe every parent is responsible for the actions of their children, I do believe there can often be a connection between the two. And in looking at David’s children, we see David is partly to blame for their actions.
*Reasons for David’s Failure as a father
A. David did not follow God’s guidelines for one man and one woman joining together.
In Matthew as Jesus is questioned about marriage and divorce, he replies that from the beginning God created one man and one woman to join together and to become one flesh. 2 Samuel 5:13 - David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him. Among his wives mentioned in the Bible are : Michal, Abigail, Ahinoam, Haggith, Maacah, Eglah, and Bathsheba. When David flees the city as Absalom approaches, he leaves behind ten of his concubines. David had multiple children by these various wives. Among his children are these: Amnon, Daniel, Absalom, Adonijah, Shephatiah, Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon, Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada, Eliphelet, Nogah, Ithream, and Tamar. He had at least 19 children.
Throughout the Old Testament we see those with multiple wives invariably having problems in their families because of the multiple wives.
B. David was plagued with family problems because of his sin with Bathsheba.
David had sinned by staying home at the time he should have been in battle. While he is at home, he lusts upon a woman. He then acts upon his lust and sleeps with her. His guilt then causes him to cover up his sin. The failure to cover it up then causes him to murder her husband. After the murder of her husband, David takes her for his wife. God does not stand still for this sin. God sends Nathan the prophet to condemn David for his sinfulness. God tells David that he will pay a penalty for his sinfulness.
2 Samuel 12:9-12 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’ "This is what the LORD says: `Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’"
David pays for his sin by spending the rest of his life engaged in battles with various armies. He also has one of his sons, Absalom, sleep with his concubines in the sight of the whole nation of Israel.
C. David is plagued with family problems because of his failure to give proper discipline in his home.
I think a key verse to understanding what happens in the life of David can be seen in regards to his son in
1 Kings 1:6 - (verse 5) Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, "I will be king." So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him.
6 - (His father had never interfered with him by asking, "Why do you behave as you do?" He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)
David had never intervened in the lives and actions of his children. Remember the old saying,
"Spare the rod and spoil the child." It’s Biblical. Proverbs 13:24 -
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Am I saying we should beat our children, No! But we do need to discipline them when they do wrong. One of the greatest harms a father can do is to let his children go undisciplined.
In 2 Samuel 13:21 after the rape of Tamar it says David was furious, but yet we see he takes no action to discipline his son. As parents we must do more than be upset with the actions of our children: we must discipline them! Discipline is not optional. It is being like God!
Hebrews 12:6 - because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Because David does not punish Amnon, his brother Absalom takes vengeance and kills him. Then David loses both his sons Amnon and Absalom. 2 Samuel 13:39 says David longed to go to Absalom, but he would not. David would not restore relationship with his son. His army general Joab has to do it.
Don’t lose your children! Discipline them in love, and keep open lines of communication with them.
*Need for communication by Fathers.
I’ve shared with you before a staggering statistic from Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner, who wanted to determine how much time middle class fathers spent with their one year old kids. The fathers estimated 15 to 20 minutes a day interacting with them. Microphones were placed on the shirts of the kids to find out the actual parental interaction. The average amount of time each dad spent with his kids was 37 seconds, an average of 2.7 daily encounters of ten to fifteen seconds.
As fathers, we cannot be detached from the lives of our sons and daughters. Instead, we need to enter their world and lead them by word and by example.
Fathers need to communicate two types of concepts:
1. Doctrinal truths from God’s word - God’s love, man’s sin, salvation, faith, repentance
2. Practical truths from God’s word - honesty, integrity, love, humor, decision making, finances
A father who does not live out God’s truth is hypocritical. Far too many children are lost because their fathers taught them by word, but not by action. If you really want to live out your faith, show your children that you really believe God’s word and that it is relevant to all of life by putting it into practice in your life every day.
Was David a man after God’s own heart? Yes! Yet, David failed in the area of leading his family. And that failure to set a good, moral example plays out in the life of his son Solomon as well. Solomon is often remembered as the wisest man. He starts his career restoring a baby to its mother and saving its life. Yet, Solomon ends his career worshiping an idol that called for mothers to cast their babies into a fire to burn them up. How does a man with such promise and potential make such big mistakes?
Last week we read from Solomon’s words - in all your ways acknowledge God and he will direct your paths. But the problem is that Solomon did not live by those words. We find a record of Solomon’s failure in
1 Kings 11:4-6 As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites.
Ashtoreth was the Canaanite Fertility goddess, and worship usually involved cultic temple prostitution - to worship Ashtoreth meant to go to the temple and have sex with a prostitute there. Molech was the fire god, and to worship Molech, parents would take their babies and throw them into a raging fire to be burnt alive.
How does a wise, godly man like Solomon end up at this point? By making foolish choices. We see his first foolish choice comes in
Partial Obedience - 1 Kings 3:3
Solomon showed his love for the LORD by walking according to the statutes of his father David, except that he offered sacrifices and burned incense on the high places. When the Jews came into the land of Canaan, claiming the land promised to them by the LORD, they drove out the Canaanites. These idol worshipers had built shrines to worship their idols on the tops of all the high hills throughout the land of Israel. The Jews were supposed to destroy them all and worship the LORD only at one place. God made it clear in Numbers 33:51-52 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you cross the Jordan into Canaan, drive out all the inhabitants of the land before you. Destroy all their carved images and their cast idols, and demolish all their high places. They were to destroy them all: but Solomon chose to keep them and use them to worship God.
God never wanted to be worshiped in that way. Solomon chooses a partial obedience in following God, and it is simply the first step in a moral failure.
Whenever we get to the point that we think we know more than God and can tell him what He should do, we are ready for a fall.
God had given other specific instructions that Solomon ignored. In Deuteronomy 17:16-17 God told the Jews:
The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the LORD has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.” He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.
And Solomon would surely have know this law, for verse 18 continues on: When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites.
Solomon knew what he should do, but he disobeyed. Look in 1 Kings 10:26 and following to see his failures. Solomon accumulated chariots and horses; he had fourteen hundred chariots and twelve thousand horses, which he kept in the chariot cities and also with him in Jerusalem. The king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stones, and cedar as plentiful as sycamore-fig trees in the foothills. Solomon’s horses were imported from Egypt--and from Kue the royal merchants purchased them from Kue. They imported a chariot from Egypt for six hundred shekels of silver, and a horse for a hundred and fifty. They also exported them to all the kings of the Hittites and of the Arameans.
Once again, we see Solomon’s foolishness in ignoring God’s instructions.
Look on in 1 Kings 11:1-4 King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter--Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.
What had been partial obedience is now clearly seen as Personal Obstacles - Solomon has a problem with women. Where did he get this? I believe it came from his father - David - who modeled for him a polygamous, indifferent attitude. Notice here the word “Nevertheless” - Solomon KNEW what God had said, but he didn’t care. He decided that he was going to do things his own way. And he ruins his life by doing so.
Concl: If you have some problems in your family, it does not mean that God does not love you. It does not mean that God can’t use you. What it does mean is that as a father (or mother), you need to address those issues and deal with them. Set a godly example. Avoid sinful lifestyles and practices, because God will punish your family for YOUR sinful choices. Your children will follow not what you say, but what they see to be true in your life.
If you have failed your children, make it right today. Don’t only confess to God, confess to your children. Sit down with them and talk about your mistakes, and about how you together with them can love and serve God in your family.
God offers blessings, and curses, to the third and fourth generation. Let your family receive the blessings. Be a father who is involved in the lives of his children.
If you’re not a father, encourage the fathers you know to be godly fathers.
Let’s pray!
PRAY - commitment time for fathers to stand and commit to raising their family in God’s way
