Spiritual Discipline: Silence and Solitude
February 17, 2008
Part of our morning routine is for me to drive Joshua and Zachary to school. About two weeks ago I was waiting in the lineup of cars to drop Joshua off at the intermediate school. Now, I have to confess, I don’t like waiting in lines, and I don’t like waiting in the lines to drop my kids off. But I endure it as something I have to do. However, on this day, the line was not longer than normal and we were about 3 cars away from Joshua getting out of the car, when a woman in a van came flying into that little turnaround area and proceeded to block other cars, while dropping her children off. No car could get past her without backing up and honking their horn at her. Then to get out she drove into the grassy area, gunned her engine and spewed mud and dirt into the pick up behind her; and off she went.
Then a few days ago, I was dropping off Zachary at school and I came to a 4 way stop, she pulled up in the cross traffic to my right. I waved her on, since I have learned that the vehicle to your right has the right of way. As she drove past me, she raised her hand and giving me a questioning gesture, and she gave me one of those looks that said, “why would you let me go, you’re not very smart.”
We are always in a hurry. No excuses for this woman, but nobody is content with waiting in lines, in fact, we have so many different ways to save time, that I think we spend more time trying to save time, than if we didn’t worry so much about it.
Think of all the technology and resources we have and we still can’t fit it all in. We have washing machines and dishwashers so we don’t have to do wash by hand. We have microwaves to cook with because the stove is too slow. We have an array of restaurants called “fast food” because we don’t have time to sit and enjoy a meal. Since fast food wasn’t fast enough we invented the drive thru window so we could get it even faster.
We are in this constant state of rush, and if we were to be really honest, we would like to find a way to have some quiet in life. Yet, having quiet isn’t so easy, not when you have children needing to do homework, wanting to play, complaining of empty stomachs; that is why if can remember years ago, there was a commercial where a woman’s home was filled with chaos and she cried out “Calgon . . . take me away!” And in the next scene she’s relaxing in her Calgon bubble bath.
This morning we are going to look at our 6th Spiritual Discipline. One that we struggle with, because having a time of silence and solitude is not something we normally practice. We want it, but wanting it and doing it, are different stories.
Let’s look at some biblical examples of silence and solitude, then we’ll talk about what these are and how we can begin to engage and practice them.
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After Jesus fed the 5,000 in Matthew 14, Matthew tells us, “22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.”
Jesus was alone on that mountainside, He went there to pray. There were so many people He had contact with that day, He needed the time and space not just to get away, which isn’t all that bad either, but He wanted to get away and pray, and hear what the Father had to tell Him.
In the same way, in Mark 1, Jesus has just healed many people when “35Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. 36Simon and his companions went to look for him, 37and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!"
I love this! Simon and the disciples go looking for Jesus. Why? They could not find Him because He had gone off to pray. Jesus understood that if He woke up at a normal time with everyone else, He would have had no time to get away by Himself and pray. Everyone was looking for Him, people heard about the healings and they wanted healing as well.
Another great thing Jesus did for us, was to help us see that prayer does not have to come at one particular time. Notice in the first scripture Jesus went up on the mountain and in the evening He was alone. In the second Scripture, Jesus was up early in the morning. Whether you pray in the morning or at night, find your time of silence and solitude in the morning or at night really is not the point. It’s what works best for you in your life, according to your style and personality.
There are the passages which remind us Jesus went off into the desert wilderness for 40 days, to spend time with God. The passage in Luke is interesting because when Jesus goes into the desert, we learn He was “Full of the Holy Spirit” and upon returning from the desert Jesus returned to Galilee in “The power of the Holy Spirit.”
What does that tell you about what can happen to us when we take the time in the desert, the time alone with God, wanting and willing to hear His voice; and obey His commands? We can move in spiritual growth, from simply being filled with the Spirit of God, to gaining power from that very same Spirit of God. Think about what would happen if we really had the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. How much difference would it make in the lives of our family’s, friends, in our community and around the world? It’s there, and it’s available, and we can do more than we could ever imagine, but will we?
I think the point is becoming obvious, if Jesus went out into the desert for times of silence and solitude to connect to the Father, than so should we. If Jesus needed to connect to God, so do we. In order to be more like Jesus, to draw nearer to Christ, we must discipline ourselves to find times of silence and solitude. Amazingly this helps us gain strength to face whatever comes our way.
So, what exactly is silence and solitude?
According to Donald Whitney, silence is the voluntary and temporary abstention from speaking so that certain spiritual goals could be met. Silence allows us to do a few things,
1.) We begin to learn to quiet the world around us. When I worked as a chaplain, I would come home from work at the end of the day and as soon as I would walk into my apartment, I would walk into the living room and turn on the television, then I would walk into the bedroom and get changed. I had just spent the day talking to people, I was surrounded by noise all day long, yet, the first thing I would do is turn on the television. I still do it. When I go into our bedroom to change, I turn on the television, even if it is for just a few minutes.
When we practice silence, we begin to learn to turn off all of the noise around us. We realize we don’t need the noise which comes from televisions, stereos, i-pods and more to fill our background noise. We become comfortable in silence.
2.) Silence also helps us learn to listen. That is not something people are very good at. We forget listening is an active adventure. You don’t want to be accused of being a passive listener, because a passive listener is really a disinterested listener; and nobody wants to talk to someone who is disinterested in what they are saying. This is why men are not allowed to watch television and listen to their wives at the same time. We cannot do this well, and we end up getting in trouble for being an active listener to the television and a passive listener to our wives.
James reminds us 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person . . . 8 no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness (James 3).
In other words, we learn we need to control our tongues, and because we control our tongues, we learn to listen better. We become an active listener.
3.) As a result, by remaining silent, we learn to tame our tongues. One of the great Scriptures to help marriages and any disagreements you have comes from James 1:19, “take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” You hear what James is telling us, be quick to listen; listen first, be slow to speak. Usually when someone is talking to us we are coming up with our response and we really do not listen well to what the other person is telling us, so James helps us to know the first thing we should do is listen, listen, listen. That is great advice.
You see, when we abstain from talking and embrace periods of silence, we learn how important words are to us. We gain an appreciation for them. Hae you ever appreciated someone because when they speak, they really have something important to say. They don’t talk all the time, but when they do, you know to listen.
Another thing we gain from silence in this passage from James is the fact that we should listen and not interrupt others. When someone is telling us their story, maybe they were sick, or they went on a great vacation and are telling us, listen to them, and don’t try to identify with them by telling them about your sickness or your vacation. What we end up doing is taking over the conversation, and the person walks away thinking we really didn’t care about what I said. We learn that from practicing silence.
Solitude is voluntarily and temporarily withdrawing to a private place. Richard Foster said, “if we possess inward solitude we do not fear being alone, for we know that we are not alone. Neither do we fear being with others, for they do not control us. In the midst of noise and confusion we are settled into a deep inner silence. Whether alone or among people, we always carry with us a portable sanctuary of the heart.”
What a great statement, solitude and silence, generally go together. So we learn how to become comfortable with ourselves when we are alone, and we learn how to enjoy ourselves and experience God’s presence when we are in crowds. This is because we have learned how to cultivate this sanctuary in our heart in which God is always present with us.
Dallas Willard said, “In solitude, we purposefully abstain from interaction with other people, denying ourselves companionship and all that comes from our conscious interaction with others. We close ourselves away; we go to the ocean, to the desert, the wilderness... This is not just rest or refreshment from nature . . . solitude is choosing to be alone and to dwell on our experience of isolation from other people.”
It allows us to connect with God. Yet, there is a risk in solitude, in solitude, as in any discipline which leads us to spend time alone, reflecting on God, life and ourselves; “we confront our own soul with its obscure forces and conflicts that escape our attention when we are interacting with others. Solitude serves to crack open and burst apart the shell of our superficial securities.”
As in Christian meditation, when we are alone with God, it is just you and Him. If it gets a little intense, there are no phone calls to make, no emails to check; it’s just the two of you, and that can be a little scary, but the rewards certainly outweigh the risks.
We have an opportunity to draw closer to God, to experience the power of His presence, we have the opportunity to hear a Word from God, just like Elijah heard that gentle whisper after he ran away from Jezebel. He thought he was the only one left, yet he experienced a great and powerful wind which tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks, endured an earthquake, and a fire, then came that gentle whisper. God had Elijah’s attention, and he was ready to listen to the gentle whisper.
To hear God’s gentle whisper, we need to do what the Psalmist said in Psalm 42:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” When we stop, we can now turn our attention upon God, but more than that, if we don’t, we miss the promise of verse 11. You see, we only get half the message when we don’t finish. This is what is so awesome about the Word of God, it’s what is so great about hanging out with Him. Now catch this, and tell me if this doesn’t excite you,
If you follow verse 10, if you just STOP!! Be still and know, that God is God, and you are not, then God tells us He, the 11 LORD Almighty is with us. That sounds all good and well, but more than that, because a better translation of LORD Almighty is LORD of Hosts, which really means God of the heavenly armies, so we learn the God of the heavenly armies will be with us. This gives me great comfort to know that when I STOP and know, not just think, not have a hunch, but when I can honestly and faithfully proclaim I know God, then the LORD of Hosts, the God who controls the heavenly army will be with me. That is great news.
So, how do we make silence and solitude a real part of our lives?
The first thing we need to work on is to get rid of the fear of silence. We don’t like silence, we do everything possible to fill our time and space with noise. Noise is not the enemy.
So, make time this week to sit in silence. Turn off all gadgets, if you need turn on a timer, because 5 or 10 minutes of silence for someone who had never tried it may feel like an eternity of silence. Just try 5 or 10 minutes. No talking, no noise, just you sitting and trying to open your heart, spirit, mind and body to listen to God.
You may even find yourself really relaxing through this. I’ve done this and started to doze. I’m not sure if that is good or not, but I do know I became very relaxed in the presence of God, and that is good.
When we try silence and solitude, we need to make the time. Just thinking you can do it at any time, usually does not work, so make an appointment with yourself, just like you would a doctor’s appointment.
You may want to begin the day with a time of silence and solitude. Consider what lies ahead of you that day, talk to God about it, offer it to God, then listen for God to lead you throughout that day.
During the day take a 5 minute break to reconnect with God, pray through a scripture and allow that Scripture to lead you to God, listen for God’s response.
At the end of the day, recap the day with God, talk to God about it, listen for God’s wisdom and counsel about the events and our reactions to the day. Talk to God about your attitude and your conduct during the day.
Take the time to locate a special place where there are no interruptions. It may be at home, at a park, it could be coming to church, or a somewhere where you can find quiet. You can be silent and still be doing a task. You can do the dishes, take a walk, cut the grass, vacuum, or whatever and still talk to God and listen to God.
When you have a family you may feel it is more difficult to get away. You can get away for brief moments at home. Ask your spouse to take the kids for a few minutes, have them play a quiet game, do homework, read a book, or anything which is quiet, then go to the other side of your home and spend time with God.
There are lots of ways to practice silence and solitude, but you must start. To say, “I’ll do it later, never works.” Later never comes. One final caution, don’t always expect that every time you engage in silence and solitude there will be a life altering encounter with God. More often than not, our times with God are not intense, but they are emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically good for you. They can bring you a great deal of renewal, just by taking the time to be alone with yourself and God.
Silence and solitude can easily be combined with other Spiritual Disciplines such as Christian meditation, Bible Reading and journaling.
We get a number of messages to hurry in our lives. The best thing we can do for ourselves, our family’s and our God is take the time to connect to Him. You won’t be sorry.
