FORGIVING OTHERS – COLOSSIANS 3.13
Read Colossians 3.13 – this is my text today.
In Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, there is a lady called Miss Havisham. If you have read the book, or more likely seen it dramatised television, you will know that she spends her days in darkened rooms wearing a wedding dress that is old and faded. In the story we learn that many years before Miss Havisham was jilted by her fiancée on the morning of their wedding at exactly 8.40am. For Miss Havisham life stopped at that precise moment on that day. This is what she says about the deterioration of her wedding dress: “The mice gnawed at it, and sharper teeth than teeth of mice have gnawed at me.” Miss Havisham is a sad lady. She is also a bitter lady holding on to a past hurt refusing to forgive. In fact, the darkness and drabness of the house and of her clothes, reflects the state of her soul. She is imprisoned by her past. The clock stopped at 8.40am for Miss Havisham. Now let me ask you: “Has the clock stopped at a certain point in your life? Are there past hurts and offences that you are holding on to and refusing to forgive? Are you a prisoner like Miss Havisham? Living in dark and drab surroundings which reflect the bitterness of your soul?” This morning I want to look at Forgiving Others. Turn with me to Colossians chapter 3 and in particular verse 13. Paul had written this letter to the Colossians in around AD60. It would appear the purpose of the letter was to refute some false teaching within the church concerning ceremonialism, asceticism, angel worship, secret knowledge and a reliance on human wisdom and traditions over and against the gospel of God’s free grace. So that is the context in which this verse is written. If you look at verse 12 you will see that Paul first gives the believer a list of five virtues that they are to clothe themselves with before he instructs them about forgiving one another. These five virtues, not an exhaustive list, are to be seen in the lives of the Christian believers in Colossae. Without these virtues in their lives there have no means to follow the instruction of verse 13. Turn to verse 13 – read.
It appears a simple enough thing, almost an obvious thing, to tell the believers. Bear with one another, forgive one another and the reason you are to do this is because Christ has forgiven you. Simple, just follow the instructions. Yet the very fact that Paul had to write such a thing to the believers at Collossae means that it was not happening, or in evidence, amongst them. Paul is aware that some, maybe even the majority, of the believers were not bearing with one another and were not forgiving one another. Like Miss Havisham they were holding on to the pain of the past and it had become a bitter chain around their soul until even their very outward appearance was reflecting their inner disposition.
Bear with one another. There is a little saying, it goes like this: “Living with the saints above will be heavenly glory, living with the saints below, that is a different story.” How very true. A minister friend of mine, actually a bishop, once told me that in every congregation there are VDP’s – very draining (demanding) people. People who demand attention, and do all sorts of things to get that attention, and who drain the energy out of you when you spend any length of time with them. No doubt such people existed in Colossae, but you know I don’t think those are the people Paul has in mind when he says “bear with one another…” It is the everyday relationships within the congregation that he is speaking of. It is the making of allowances for people. It is following the example of Christ who humbly served others because it was His Father’s will and because it brought His Father glory. We hear a lot today about ‘my rights’ – I think what Paul was saying, following Christ, set aside your rights, your opinion of yourself and bear with one another. You know as adults we teach our children to share, that they cannot always have their own way and to take into consideration other children’s feelings. When did we grow out of those things? When did we stop seeking to always have our own way? When did we cease to share? When did we ignore the feelings of others when we made decisions or committed to an action? How hypocritical of us as adults to tell children to behave in a manner that often as adults we fail to do.
Christ sets us the perfect example of bearing with one another. He is tired, His disciples are exhausted, and down the dusty path comes children, running, shouting, all excited they are going to meet this Jesus everyone is talking about. In steps Peter, John etc to block their path and for their ‘protection’ of Jesus they get a stinging rebuke. Christ set us the example of bearing with one another. He had time for people. He had time for those who asked questions, raised doubts and brought their problems. He also chastised those who wasted the opportunity with futile questions and sent away disappointed those who would not change to follow Him. in John 6 we know that many disciples and followers deserted Him when the teaching became too difficult to accept. So we have an example to follow.
Forgive one another – we now come to the heart of this sermon. Let me begin by telling you what Forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not approving of what someone did. God forgives but He hates sin and He never, ever, approves of sin.
Forgiveness is not excusing what someone did. In Scripture from Genesis 3 onwards God always exposes sin. He never, ever, covers up or over sin. He brings sin out into the open. As the author to the Hebrews writes in that nothing is hidden from God and will not be revealed by God.
Forgiveness is not justifying what someone has done. Read the incident of the children of Israel and the golden calf. When Moses intercedes before God for them and asks forgiveness for them he never justifies their behaviour. Please remember that – it is sinful to justify sinful behaviour.
Forgiveness is not denying or forgetting what they did. We are not called to live in denial of the past. We are never called as the people of God to repress the past or anyone else’s past. Hear me clearly at this point: God does not forget our sin when He forgives our sin. He chooses not to hold it against us or to relate to us on the basis of past sin. He tells us that He does not allow past sin to have power in the present – 2 Cor.5.19.
Forgiveness is not about refusing to take wrong seriously. God never buries His head in the sand when it comes to sin. Jesus did not turn a blind eye to the sin of those around Him. Do you remember the incident with Peter when Christ rebuked Him and told Him “get behind me Satan.” Those words were spoken in response to Peter saying that he did not want Christ to go the way of the cross. A loving concern for the welfare of his Lord was at the heart of his concern, but it was wrong because at its heart was the denial of the will of God and the ways of God. If Christ took that ‘wrong’ seriously, then so should we.
Forgiveness is not pretending we are not hurt. In 1 Samuel 13.14 God lets David know that He, God, is hurt by David’s sins of adultery and murder. If God is hurt by sin and reveals that hurt (and David was forgiven by God when he confessed his sins) then forgiveness cannot involve pretending we are not hurt.
So what is forgiveness then? How do we forgive others?
The very first thing I want to say to you, and I want you to listen carefully to this. There is no forgiveness without the cross of Christ. The heart, the crux, of the whole issue of forgiveness is the cross of Christ Jesus. There is no, and there can be no, forgiveness without the cross of Christ. The cross is the grounds of God’s forgiveness of us and it is from that forgiveness that our own forgiveness of others must flow.
Forgiveness is an act of grace because there is nothing we do to earn forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of grace on the part of God and of an individual who forgives. You see if you can earn forgiveness it isn’t forgiveness – it is paying your debts. Let me say to you all, and I think this is particularly true within marriage relationships – forgiveness is not earned, it is an act of grace. If you are striving to earn someone’s forgiveness this morning then stop it right now. You cannot earn forgiveness and if that is the basis on which they are offering you forgiveness then it isn’t forgiveness at all. Forgiveness is an act of grace as we witness on the cross of Christ. Please remember grace is not cheap. Grace comes at a great cost. It cost Christ His life and it will come at a cost to us also. When we forgive someone it can, and often is, be a painful experience for us. It is an act of grace because it is on the basis of the grace of God that forgives us that we forgive others – “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”
Forgiveness is an act of the will. “Father forgive them for they know not what they do…” It was an act of Christ’s will to forgive from the cross. It was not about feelings. Please do not believe the common assumption that mixes feeling good about someone and forgiveness. Forgiveness and good feelings do not always go hand in hand. Forgiveness cannot be proven by your feelings anymore than it can be motivated or empowered by them. Forgiveness is a choice. Feelings often are not a choice. God choose to forgive – it was an act of His will. Forgiveness must be an act of our will.
Forgiveness is a promise that we will no longer relate to someone on the basis of their past. But please hear me here – that is not the same as saying the past does not matter, that it did not hurt or that it does not have consequences in the present of the future. Let me give you a biblical example of that. David is forgiven by God after he has committed adultery and murder. God no longer holds David’s past against him and yet the consequences in David’s life of that past sin are all too obvious – the baby born to him and Bathsheba dies, Absalom rebels after he has killed his brother Amnon for raping his sister Tamar. David’s kingdom is rent asunder and torn from him and he is never allowed to build the Temple of God because of this sin. He is forgiven. God does not hold his past against him but he must live with the consequences of sin and those consequences are far reaching for him and I have no doubt caused him great pain at times. Yet, when we forgive someone we are saying that I will not relate to you on the basis of your past. I will not hold the past over you like the sword of Damocles, with impending doom. Can I say, as humbly as I can, we all need to take that on board this morning. That is one of the hardest lessons to learn about forgiveness because we all want to hold on to the past and we all have to work hard at not bringing the past up. I want to say to you I work hard every day of my life in dealing with not holding on to peoples past and I know how difficult this can be. Can I say to married people especially – don’t keep punishing your husband/wife for past sins. If you have forgiven let go of the rope of the bell or it will forever sound in your marriage and it will eventually destroy your marriage. So let go of the rope and let the bell go silent. In forgiving others we promise not to bring it up again and we promise not to hold it against them. We promise to relinquish the right to punish or seek revenge for the wrong.
I want to finish this sermon with two very practical applications.
We forgive because in so doing we are released from the bondage of the past. We are no longer held prisoner by it. We are no longer held in the fear of it and the past no longer dictates how we live in the present.
Yet, What do you do when you have forgiven someone but their behaviour shows that they have not changed or they have not repented? Please hear what I am about to say here. When God forgave David his sins of adultery and murder David still had to deal with the consequences of that past. Throughout his life as king he forgave people for their actions against him as king but he placed limits on their future behaviour. Shimei comes to mind. Forgiveness is not forgetting the past. It is not saying the past does not matter. It is not pretending you were not hurt, or denying the pain. It is not repressing the memories. It is not, hear God, it is not continuing on as if the past did not matter and nothing happened. Forgiving someone for their past sins against you is the Christ like thing to do. It is right and it is Christian, but it may be that for your own protection, or the protection of others, you cannot have an ongoing relationship with them. Please do not confuse forgiveness with healing and restoration. They can, and often do, follow forgiveness but that may take years to come to fruition.
Finally I want you to know that this is hard work and it is a daily ongoing thing. Forgiveness is not an easy undertaking but it is what we are called to do because we know how much we have been forgiven by God through Christ. Read again Colossians 3.13. Church – are you, are we, going to bear with one another? Do you know the forgiveness of Christ? Knowing the forgiveness of Christ in your own life are you going to forgive one another as Christ has forgiven us? Only you can answer those three questions for your life and for your life in this congregation.
Amen.
