THE FOUNDATION: BLESSING YOUR CHILD
Home Improvement - Week 2
GENESIS 27:1-38
INTRODUCTION:
Like so many things in life, balance is needed in parenting. We balance physical activity and intellectual pursuits. We balance giving our children what they want and what they need. But probably the greatest tightrope for a parent to walk is the one between encouragement and discipline. So for the next two weeks we want to look at these two primary, parental pursuits. First, the positive side: encouragement. To understand this part we have to look no further than the O.T. in the Bible. There we find an actual legal bestowal of prestige, authority and even wealth, on the child called a “blessing.” Sometimes this “blessing” carried with it a prophetic message about the child’s future that God would honor.
The clearest illustration of this was the blessing that a father by the name of Isaac was to give to his first born son, Esau. Now, in the Jewish blessing the oldest son would get 2/3 of the estate and would be the replacement of the father as the authority in the family. This is what Esau would receive as the first born. But he only was first by seconds. He was a twin. Jacob, his twin brother was born only moments behind him. But since Esau delivered first he was entitled to this special blessing as the first born. So, Issac, who at this time is old & nearly blind, tells Esau to go out, kill some game and bring it back to him. They would then eat together and Isaac would bestow the blessing. But while Esau was gone hunting, his younger brother, Jacob impersonated him. Even though Jacob & Esau were twins they were nothing alike. Esau was a rugged outdoorsman & Jacob was somewhat of a domestic, "mamas boy". The boy’s mother actually favored Jacob over Esau. So, following his mother’s deceitful plot, we find Jacob dressed in Esau’s clothes to smell like him, with goat skin on his arms because Esau was hairy and he brings his father’s favorite wild game dish to eat which his mother had cooked. We pick up the incident where Jacob goes into the tent of his blind and aging father to receive the blessing that was intended for his older brother, Esau.
Vs:18- “He went to his father and said, “My father!” “Yes?” he said. “Which son are you?” Jacob lies. “Jacob answered his father, “I’m your firstborn son Esau. I did what you told me. Come now; sit up and eat of my game so you can give me your personal blessing.” Isaac was suspicious and asked, “So soon? How did you get it so quickly?" Jacob, showing no shame uses God as part of the lie, “Because your God cleared the way for me.” Now, look at your printed text. “Isaac said, “Come close, son; let me touch you - are you really my son Esau?” So, Jacob, in his disguise, obeys his father, and pay close attention to vs:22. “So Jacob moved close to his father Isaac. Isaac felt him and said, “The voice is Jacob’s voice but the hands are the hands of Esau.” Notice that it was important for Isaac to touch him... Vs:23 says, "He (Isaac) did not recognize him, (Jacob) because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau’s.." Finally, after eating the meal he thought Esau had prepared and smelling him once again, vs:27 tells us he blessed Jacob. Now, after that blessing, Jacob barely leaves his father’s tent when Esau returns from the hunt. Look what happens. Vs:31- (Esau) He also had prepared a hearty meal. He came to his father and said, “Let my father get up and eat of his son’s game, that he may give me his personal blessing.” Now Isaac is confused and asks Esau who he is. When Esau tells his father, Isaac realizes he’s been deceived. Notice vs:33- "Isaac started to tremble, shaking violently. He said, “Then who hunted game and brought it to me? I finished the meal just now, before you walked in. And I blessed him - he’s blessed for good!” 34 Esau, hearing his father’s words, sobbed violently and most bitterly, and cried to his father, “My father! Can’t you also bless me?” Isaac cannot undo what he had done and Jacob gets the first born blessing. And from that time on the Bible tells us, Esau wanted to kill his brother Jacob. No wonder.
Now, although that is one of the clearest incidents of the blessing, as we’ll see it is not the only mention of it in the Bible. But I want to use that story to serve as the basis of our discussion today on "blessing your child." Christian authors Gary Smalley and John Trent have written a best selling book entitled, The Blessing. The front cover... "No matter what our age, our parents’ approval affects the way we view ourselves and how we act with those we love most. Now we can all learn to find and give the unconditional acceptance the Bible calls, The Blessing." I strongly recommend that you read this book, purchase it if possible. (I’ve listed a couple of places you can purchase it.) I will tell you that it revolutionized my parenting. You see the world emphasizes the need for establishing self-esteem in the child. But... the Bible talks about establishing a blessing for your child which is deeper and more significant.
Now, using this incident in Gen.27 and other scriptures, we want to talk about the 5 ways that we as parents can bestow a blessing on our children. I am convinced that if you will accomplish these 5 things frequently in your relationship with your child - they will have the best chance to be confident of your love, be well adjusted in their future and most importantly - ready to be used of God. If not, they may go through a lifetime, crying out like Esau, for someone to bless them. Let’s look at these 5 elements.
I. THE MEANINGFUL TOUCH:
The first is, a meaningful touch. When Isaac blessed Jacob there was physical contact. He said in vs:21 "...come close my son, let me touch you," there is an embrace in vs:27. Now, this is not an isolated incident in Scripture. Kissing, touching, and embracing were all a part of the bestowal of the Jewish blessing. Jacob, in Gen.48, blesses Joseph’s sons before he dies and the Bible says he laid his hands on their heads. In Mark. 10:13 it says that people were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them. Vs:16 says that Jesus- "..took them up in his arms, put his hands on them, and blessed them."(NIV) Jesus was a master at communicating love and acceptance and a meaningful touch was a part of Christ’s blessing to the children. Jesus was demonstrating His knowledge of a child’s genuine need to be touched. And that doesn’t stop as the children grow older. In a story Jesus told, a son, after riotous living comes back home and Jesus said the Father in this story..”.. ran to him, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (Luke 15:20 - NIV)
So, as parents we need to develop the habit of continually blessing our children through a meaningful touch. Now, of course we are talking here about appropriate touch. All of us are aware of the terrible scourge of incest in our society. Sexual abuse of children is an abomination to God. So, we are talking about touch that communicates warmth, affirmation, attention and affection. But it’s also wrong to go to the opposite extreme and withhold a meaningful parental touch. Because the absence of physical affection can produce loneliness, resentment & insecurity. And all stages of your child’s life need this part of the blessing.
When your child is an infant- touch them frequently by gently holding them, kissing them on the cheek, caressing them. As your child grows into the toddler stage - hold them, tuck them into bed, kiss them, sit them on your lap, hold their hand as you walk. As they grow older, pre-teen, teen & older, especially boys, may be embarrassed by being hugged and kissed by their Mom or Dad. But you can still give them a meaningful touch: the pat on the head, the arm around the shoulder, the tousling of hair, even playful wrestling, all say to the older child- "I know you’re here" - "You are special to me." When Isaac blessed Jacob by hugging & kissing him, Jacob was nearly 40 years old!
Now, Dad’s I think we need to work on this probably more than Mom’s. It is interesting to note that there is research evidence that shows that children who were hugged and held by their Dad’s find it must easier to be affectionate and responsive to their mates. Parents we need to realize that a meaningful touch communicates love beyond words. It conveys security and acceptance to the child. Neglecting to touch, can starve them of genuine acceptance & drive them into the arms of someone else who is all to willing to touch them in a wrong way. So, a meaningful touch lays the groundwork for the 2nd key aspect of the blessing which is:
II. A SPOKEN MESSAGE:
A spoken message. Most of us grew up hearing cliches like: "Early to bed, early to rise- makes a man..." "A penny saved is a penny...." "A stitch in time saves..." But unlike those words of wisdom one saying we memorized is a big lie! "Sticks and stones may break my bones but...." Really? All to quickly we learn that words DO hurt! They can hurt a person deeply, destroy a friendship, rip apart a home or marriage. Many people remember the negative words of their parents long after they have left home. The family hinges on there being a positive spoken message.
In our text, vs:27 Isaac blessed Jacob with a verbal communication- "Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of the open country.." Now, I’m not real sure young people would consider that a compliment today. You say, "you smell like a field boy!" and they might not feel blessed. But to Esau, who was a rugged outdoorsman it would of been a great compliment. So, parents who want to bless their children need to frequently speak positive words. At all costs keep your criticisms from being character slams. "You stupid idiot, aren’t you ever going to learn anything?’ "You little thief! You took that without asking!" "You lazy dog! Get up from there - no-one’s going to want you - you won’t amount to much!" Some parents think they need to do that to shock their kids into action. But in reality those kind of words discourage & assassinate character. There is a need for constructive correction so a child can benefit from his mistakes. But the bigger need is to speak words that bless. And make sure you don’t trade off negative words for silence. If you’re not yelling or being negative with your kids verbally, that’s good. But a lack of negative words does not communicate a spoken blessing. Proverbs 3:27- "Do not hold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to act." (NIV) So parents, develop the practice of frequently speaking encouraging, enriching words.
Now, I will readily admit that my wife is better at this than me but she helped me grow in this area. She has always told each of our children how special they were. She’d say, “Rusty, you’re my favorite 4th grader.” “Marlo, you’re doing so good on the piano." “Zach, you’re the best looking basketball player out there." Now they may just roll their eyes, but I am convinced that words have enriched their lives. Pro. 25:11- "The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl."(NCV) It doesn’t have to be a big deal, "You’re such a pretty girl." "You’re a quick learner." "You’re so unselfish & generous, you’re going to make some girl happy." "You’re becoming so mature."
By the way, don’t wait until your child does something spectacular to speak words of blessing. If you do it only then your child could well be driven to over achieve because the only time they got positive words is when they’ve done something great. Some people are living those kind of lives right now. Please, hear me.. Let your children know they are loved for who they are not what they do! I challenge you - tell your children (no matter their age) "I want you to know, I love you. My life would never be as rich if you hadn’t come into it. You are so special." "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to act." Thirdly, the blessing includes..
III. ATTACHING HIGH VALUE:
Attaching high value to the person. The word for bless in the Hebrew means "to bow the knee in honor." It carries with it respect and even awe. That’s why so many of the Psalms say, "Bless the Lord!" When Isaac blessed his son he made it very clear that he thought he was very important. Vs:29- “May peoples serve you and nations honor you. You will master your brothers, and your mother’s sons will honor you. Those who curse you will be cursed, those who bless you will be blessed."
One way we communicate high value is by using what Smalley/Trent term "Word Pictures." A word picture is the describing of a positive trait in your child by using an object that characterizes that trait. Jesus did. He said to Peter, one of his followers, "From now on I’m going to call you Peter "a rock"(LB) We can say to our children things like: "Boy, you’re as dependable as the rock of Gibraltar." "How did you see that? You must have eyes like an eagle."
Another way we attach high value is to really listen to your child. This is so important. I remember one time when Zach was about 5 and he came up to me while I was reading and said, “Daddy?” I said, “What?” He said, “Daddy?” I said, “What?” He said again, “Daddy?” Finally I put down my book in exasperation and said, “What, Zach.. I don’t have to be looking at you to hear you!” Oh yes I did! I wasn’t giving him my full attention, I wasn’t really listening. So, parents don’t make my mistake. When this precious one talks, put down the newspaper, we turn off the radio in the car, mute the TV. Look into their eyes and listen attentively to what they’re saying. When we do that we are attaching high value to our children by telling them, "You’re important to me - more important than the news, more important than the ball game."
Another way we attach high value is by giving our children increased privileges as they grow older. "You can spend the night over at her house." "You can bake the cake." "You can ride your bike to school." "You can back the car out the drive. You can drive on the snow."
Another way is to spend prolonged time with your children. One of the best things I did when my kids were younger, was have a "Daddy’s Day Out." Because Deb was home with them we made sure I had some time where I took one of our 3 children out, just them and I, to a place of their request (Money being an object!) Now, that means I put up with video arcades and shopping and playing pirates on the playground. But the time we spent together was worth it. I would counsel you to plan that time, schedule it and don’t let anything interfere with it, if possible. The point here is to make a priority of spending meaningful time with your children.
IV. PICTURE A SPECIAL FUTURE:
I want “Tim, the Tool Man’ Taylor” to introduce our 4th phase of the Blessing. Brad, the oldest son has promised his studies wouldn’t fall off if he’s allowed to do a paper route. Jill, his mom is unsure but Tim decides it’s time his son show he can “do the job!” It doesn’t work but Brad is afraid to quit because to do so would disappoint his dad. Once again Tim gets sage advice from his neighbor, Wilson.
(Home Improvement - Video Clip = 3:47)
I’ll leave it to your imagination as to why he was fired. You see, the 4th phase of the Blessing is to: Picture a special future for your child. While Tim wanted Brad to have a well honed and positive work ethic in his future his forcing Brad to doing it like he wanted didn’t help. Finally, he was able to right the ship and help paint for Brad a special future. That’s what he was doing when he said, “You’re one terrific kid. I’m real proud of you for trying this.” It gave Brad the encouragement in the future to try, even fail. That’s what Isaac did. Vss:28-29- "May God give you of Heaven’s dew and Earth’s bounty of grain and wine. May peoples serve you and nations honor you." One of our tasks as parents is to help our children look to the future with optimism. Prov. 22:6- "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is older he will not depart from it."(NIV) Now. that verse can certainly be interpreted that if we impart spiritual values to our children, they will grow to be faithful to the Lord. But I agree with those who also take it to mean - "You train up your child according to their gifts and their abilities and when they get older they’ll stay with those gifts and be fulfilled." Now, that’s hard sometimes because we feel like they should grow up and be what we want. Like Tim, we can get confused by what we want them to become & what they would like to be.
Parents, that means we need to become a student of our child’s abilities. Observe how your child’s gifted and promote it- even if it’s different that your interests. You don’t force him into medicine, you don’t force her into sports. Talk positively about their future - "Wow, you’re really good with people! You’d make a good teacher or nurse." "You want to play in the NBA? That’s great, And even if you don’t make the majors a lot of top ball players coach others or become managers or pastors or something real significant." Children have tremendous potential- and what we say about that potential shapes their images and gives them a positive future. "Train up a child in the way they should go..."
I’ve given you a list of six questions you can ask yourself about your child that might help you as you picture a special and positive future for your children.
These 4 elements are the building block of blessing: 1) Meaningful touch 2) Spoken words 3) Expressing high value 4) Picturing a special future.. But the mortar that holds them all together is:
V. AN ACTIVE COMMITMENT:
We must understand that we’re to back up our touching & positive words with commitment. Having children means having a diligent commitment to their interests. We need to have an active commitment in 2 area’s:
1st- Commit them to the Lord. Isaac included God in his blessing to Jacob. Vs:27 Isaac tells him he smells like a field but not just any field. One that is “blessed by God.” V. 28 He says, "may God give you of heaven’s dew..." Isaac was ingraining spiritual principles and we need to do that too; consistently presenting them with spiritual priorities. How?
Have them in Church whenever possible and have family devotions with them. It means making sure they understand your commitment to the Lord is 1st- even before them. Also, make sure you pray with them every day. Pray- "Lord, thank you for giving us Colby, Elizabeth, Ethan, Jack- etc. Name them. Ask God in their presence to bless them and guide them. Praying for them imparts a security to them like nothing else.
David Stone is a preacher I know and his mother changed my prayers for my children. She says that from day one she prayed that God would just surround them with an envelope of protection from Satan. But... she also prayed from day one for the girl that one day Dave would marry even though she had never met them. After hearing that Deb and I did that. Every day we prayed for our children’s future mates. And when our oldest son, Rusty, married a beautiful Christian girl: Janice and our oldest child, Marlo married a wonderful Christian man... Well, I’ll tell you.. It was so natural to love that girl & guy, because we’d been praying for then for years. Regardless of your child’s age I challenge you- make a vow that you are going to pray every day for your child and the one they will eventually marry - every day!
Then 2) Commit your resources to them. Your time, your energy and your money. That means paying for piano lessons or sitting on hard bleachers or buying special books. Let’s face it, commitment to children is costly- It takes time to hug and touch- It takes courage to speak words of love- It takes wisdom to attach honor, & creativity to picture a positive future- But in the end it’s worth it..
When you think of it, hasn’t God bestowed His blessing upon all of us? He touched us- Jesus left heaven to come to earth to touch our hearts and souls. "The word became flesh and dwelt among us." (John 1:14 NIV) And He communicated a spoken message that was positive through the Bible. He attached high value to us by purchasing us by the blood of His own Son. He pictured a positive future- "I go to prepare a place for you.." and.. no where do you see purer commitment than on the cross. It is at Calvary that he most clearly blesses us. Are you willing to bow the knee, and BLESS His Holy name?
(All Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, The Message, unless otherwise noted.}
Powerpoint Presentation and Video clips available upon request.
