Lose Ends
Matthew 5:23-26
Good Morning Silver Creek and house guest,
Most of you know that we are continuing in a series about forgiveness. On Easter, we looked at how we can receive God’s forgiveness by asking God to forgive us and beginning the journey back into the direction of God. That Journey will lead us to the Best that God has planned for us instead of living our own way and under our own power.
The next week we talked about forgiving the person that we know the most dirt on, The one where we have watch them sin over and over….ourselves, and how with God’s help we are allowed and even expected to forgive ourselves.
Then on our third discussion of the topic we looked at how we can forgive others…which starts by recognizing how much we have been forgiven by God and how we as we mature and move toward God’s best we become a little more like God Each day. And ultimately we are able to really forgive what others have done to us physically, emotionally and spiritually. I encouraged reconciliation but only if it was possible and only if it was safe.
I don’t know about you but, I often need a reminder about how forgiveness works and I place a lot of weight on Jesus’ descriptions.
In our series so far we have looked at forgiveness from three simple view points.
First how to get it.
Second how to accept it
and then how to give it.
But something is missing….Personally, I believe that we have a loose end that has not been addressed.
That leads us to today’s topic – tying up loose ends.
So what is a loose end? The simple definition is unfinished business.
For most of us loose ends can be relatively trivial things. Most of them may not make or break any project however; a loose end can be an absolutely essential part of a project.
There are almost as many responses to a loose end as there are people in this world and there are always people that will sit at one extreme or another, but generally there is a dividing line. Those that are bothered by anything left undone and feel a little or a lot crazy until everything it all tied up and those that can let things slide and still sleep at night.
Our view of unfinished business can be modified by sources outside of ourselves. I am guessing that you all know the old proverb – “Nobody in the house is happy if momma is unhappy!” A person that is oblivious to loose ends around the house can be affected, influenced by what another person thinks is important.
Our understanding of forgiveness is the same way. It might be that a person can influence you; however, for our study today, let me clearly state that the influence I am talking about is an act of the Holy Spirit to focus our attention on the loose ends related to forgiveness.
The Holy Spirit can help us to notice things by influencing our opinion, our view, it might make us feel desire for healing, or loneliness, perhaps a little guilty.
Basically, as a member of God’s family we receive the GIFT of the Spirit. It acts as a guide to influence our view of the world and situations.
Consider this, as we grow in relationship with God through Jesus Christ…we grow in our family resemblance.
In small and sometimes invisible ways ( even to us) we slowly change on the way we act and the choices we make. We take up mannerisms and sayings and make decisions based on what we expose ourselves too. We don’t even notice how sometimes we sound like God in what we say or our actions are like God’s in the way we live and treat other people
Don’t misunderstand; the transition is normally pretty slow. And most times we don’t even notice what has been happening to us on our faith journey. Basically, as we grow up in God’s family, even as adopted children, we start to view the world like our heavenly father sees things and our response to what we see is affected by this view.
So, as a forgiven child of God we are working toward perfection…notice I said working toward.
Our scripture today is pretty short, We will actually have two. They are a part of the section of scripture in Matthew 5 that is called The Beatitudes, in many Bibles.
Listen to Matthew 5:23-24
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
According to Jesus, if you come to church, you come to preaching, you come to make an offering,…. you come to worship and there you remember that your brother has something against you….you remember a loose end.
Folks as we grow up in the family of God we end up growing up in our faith and knowledge and discernment and ultimately in our responsibility.
As a child, at some point we grew up enough that we didn’t have to be reminded to wash our hands and face before dinner.
At some point we become mature enough that we know what is right and wrong in most situations
: no hitting, no biting, be nice, …and we are expected to make the right choices, to accept responsibility and accept consequences because, that is what “most” grownups’ do.
I believe that the “remembering” in this scripture is that ability to hear, feel, discerned the leading of the Holy Spirit that comes from our relationship with God.
According to Jesus, if we come to worship God and we have outstanding problems, the Holy Spirit nudges us. Like mom giving me that “look,” perhaps adding the clearing of her throat as a subtle reminder that I needed to so something…
I need to tell ya’ll something, sometimes; I don’t like being a grownup.
I don’t like dealing with grownup choices and responsibilities and consequences.
That is also true spiritually; I don’t like being viewed as a role model of right and wrong for my children and sometimes others.
I all too often want the good stuff that goes with being an adult, choices that I was not allowed to make as a child. But I don’t want to deal with being expected to do the right thing all the time. Or certain things at all.
Loose ends are the things we end up knowing we need to deal with as we mature and grow in our relationship with Christ …God.
What I am talking about is that there are times when we need to seek the forgiveness of another person. The event might have been a mutual misunderstanding.
But the question is did we leave any loose ends….did we resolve the difference between us and the other party?
How can we decide if we have loose ends?
• If there is any person that you would prefer not to meet when you are out at a restaurant or the grocery store, you might have loose ends.
• If there is someone that you would prefer not to see at a visitation or a funeral, you might have loose ends.
• If there is someone that you would prefer not to sit next too at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, you might have loose ends.
• If there is someone that refuses to talk to or even be in a room with you, you might have loose ends.
• If you were hanging off the edge of a cliff calling for help and there is any one voice that you would not want to hear in response, you might have loose ends.
Today I want you to let the Holy Spirit speak to you about an uncomfortable situation in your past. I want you to listen for just a moment and let a situation and ultimately a person that has something against YOU come to mind.
I am talking about some situation where you were wrong and perhaps purposefully hurtful.
We will take about 10 seconds to listen…. PAUSE!!!!!
I doubt that we need more than that if we were really willing to let the Spirit speak to us, I find that when I am listening that I get messages and feeling from the Spirit pretty fast.
-- Perhaps your mind is blank and you can’t think of anyone.
If that is true, you are living a really blessed life. God must have his hand on you in a special way to be so perfect.
Wow, to have never spoken in anger to anyone, to have never kept the money when some one gave you too much change, to never have stolen or gossiped or looked at someone and made an instant judgment.
To have never lashed out against a wrong and tried to inflict pain verbal or physical.
We tend to like to put our past behind us and think that we can just bury our loose ends….but they tend to be relationships that keep us from sleeping worry free at night.
Perhaps things that give us just a tiny sting of regret which we easily cover up with anger or other strong emotional response to the memory.
Some might say that loose ends are the skeletons supposedly hidden in our closets…the only problem is that they don’t always stay hidden because they always have a bone to pick.
Loose ends distract us from focusing on the journey for the best that God has planned for us. It distracts us from the forgiveness that God has already assure us of.
Loose ends steal our confidence and concentration.
Loose ends limit us in our witness in our relationship with God.
I guess what I am leading to is that we need to be very careful not to be hypocrites.
Hypocrites – say one thing and demonstrate another
I believe a hypocrite is a person that has not matured enough as a Christian to deal with the lose ends of forgiveness…the loose ends that are left behind when we don’t resolve relationships with a person that we have hurt or damaged in some way.
Is it the embarrassment, or pride that allows us to leave earthly relationships broken?
Do we use the excuse, that it is fine because God has forgiven us?
Consider this; someone you have wronged knows you like no one else might.
They think they know you and can judge you because of their personal experience with you. If this person knows you as a Christian….they tend to think that they know all Christians.
If you leave a loose-end of not attempting to resolve a difference with your brother or sister…other Christians and family then you are limiting, choosing what is right and wrong from your view point.
That sort of takes us back to the first week and how a life lived by our choices is a life lived in sin, a life that damages our relationship with God.
As a person forgiven much, we have an obligation to respond to the forgiveness we have received and work toward reconciliation…especially with someone that we have hurt in some way.
So fixing church family issues is a step in the journey to God’s best for our lives.
When we try to reconcile the broken relationships in our lives we are acting like a child of the king and we are on the right path.
Let me add a couple of additional verses: Matt 5:25-26
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”
An Adversary indicates a different situation – not a brother or sister. Not necessarily a believer. Someone you, owe, someone that has a case against you. Someone that knows that you are a guilty as sin!
Jesus tells us to keep our responsibilities and obligations and to make relationships right.
Our journey of forgiveness includes reconciling any relationship we have damaged.
-- Here is a point that you need to remember.
You only have control over what you can say and do in trying to fix the damage done.
You are not responsible for the other person’s response.
As a forgiven child of God you need to ask others to forgive you and sometimes find ways to repay the best you can.
However, we often leave reconciliation as a loose end in our lives. It just seems easier to leave an event and the people involved alone. Somehow it is not worth the trouble, not worth the embarrassment.
This often leaves us in a life that is filled with uneasy feelings and often regrets.
Perhaps like we have unfinished business, with the constant question of, “did I leave the iron on when you get 100 miles from home?” You can put it out of you mind for a while but from time to time it comes back.
-- Last week I mentioned that I have a person that I have to remember that I have forgiven them for hurting me….seeming to hurt my child as a punishment or shot at me.
We worked in our church together, me holding a strong distaste for him and any decision he made. I never directly fought him, I resisted and avoided but, I never fought verbally or physically. When he left I thought it would all get better….
I don’t think that he even considered the event. I am sure that he never viewed the situation as an attack. I am not sure that he had any clue how I felt and how much I made myself suffer.
The anger and disrespect I felt toward him were never expressed because of distance and time. I hope most of you recall from a couple of weeks ago that time is not a healer of wounds and distance is only a physical barrier. T
I came to realize that my attitude toward him had become sinful even though 6 or 8 years had passed.
I was convicted that it was my responsibility to ask him for forgiveness….
--- I hate doing really grown up things…
Because he never acknowledged that he knew he had had hurt me, all I could do was send my apologies for my sin and not expect anything in return.
I sent an email to him that asked for his forgiveness for my poor attitude and my unwillingness to talk about my problem.
I don’t like acting like a grown and dealing with my part of the problem.
- In my heart I hoped that I would get a response that said that he was sorry too.
- I wanted him to say that he had regrets and to ask me for forgiveness….
It did not happen. I can’t tell you that he ever received the email; all I know is that I never got any kind of reply.
However, I satisfied my responsibility to approach my brother and do the mature thing.
When I did that, I knew that I had been obedient to the leading of God and I felt a lot better.
I knew that I had not done the grown up thing and I tried to bury my anger deep inside of me. In a way I was responding to hurt with hurt, sin for sin.
I had an excuse, for my bad altitude and anger…I had an excuse to have a bad attitude and perhaps talk badly behind his back. In reality I made up an excuse to leave sins against a brother hidden and unresolved inside of me…stealing my peace and my joy.
The physical part of dealing with lose lends is similar to the process of forgiving others.
First of all , we have to recognize our position and the forgiveness already been given. We should notice how God was willing to come to us when we wanted to have nothing to do with him. As our relationship matures and we grow up in the family of God, we are open to new standards and obligations.
These have nothing to do with salvation. They have nothing to do with being a part of God’s family.
However, these views, the discernment of right and wrong are the tools given to us by the Holy Spirit to use in our journey to reach God’s best.
Let’s consider some steps when we need to request forgiveness from others.
First, if the person is unaware of the words, the attack or the actions and it would cause more harm than good, if it will damage the relationship with that person.
Then perhaps you should prayerfully consider writing the letter and not mailing it. The letter should contain an acknowledgement of what you did, how it was wrong and your regrets and a request for the other person’s forgiveness. This avoidance of dealing with the issue will only help you in a very small way and should your conviction by the Holy Sprit continue then you will know that you need to do something more direct.
This same step might be used if the person has died or you have lost all contact but you still feel the need to reconcile.
The more direct step is to arrange a face to face meeting. An apology over the phone or in the mail or email is only workable is there is a great physical distance between you and the other person.
In dealing with hurt that you caused you need to make the effort to meet with the person.
Perhaps lunch or coffee and apologize face to face and watch how the person reacts.
The only way to know that you are forgiven is to see the person relax, to see the look in the eyes. And perhaps find ways to have regular contact with each other again.
As the offender, you have a price to pay and that is to put aside your pride and genuinely repent and take responsibility for what happened. Even if the event contained mutual differences and perhaps you still disagree.
Why, because the relationship is more important than holding on to a false pride. More important that thinking that just because the offence may have been mutual that justifies what you did in nay way.
Asking for forgiveness is a choice you are making for yourself. It is an act of obedience that opens up your relationship with God.
Some of you may think that I have moved from preaching to medaling. Conviction of the buried skeletons in our lives is an uncomfortable exercise.
But if we want the experience the full freedom offered by God, the freedom from guilt and shame and freedom from self-imposed suffering and separation we have to allow the Holy Spirit to influence us in all areas of our lives.
To become free to fully enjoy our relationship with our Holy God we need to be willing to humble ourselves and take responsibility as a person growing up in God’s family.
A few years ago I was at Annual conference and I was out to dinner with a bunch of friends and I made a remark at dinner concerning a person present. I thought was funny. I spoke without thinking and without concern for the other person’s feelings. Folks laughed and no one reacted as if I messed up.
But, I felt an immediate conviction. My heart hurt. I felt ashamed. But, I did nothing immediately to fix the feeling or to retract the statement.
After dinner I went back to my hotel and I kept being bothered. I knew that I needed to do something. I went to a store a purchased a card. I looked really hard for something about being a loud mouth jerk.
I wrote a note asking for forgiveness in the card. I called and asked if I could stop by for just a minute. She agreed since it was early. Then I drove the 50 miles to the person’s home and have her the card and made a verbal apology for my “funny at her expense” statement. She said that she forgave me although she was not offended or bothered at all.
Folks, if you want the best that God has to offer for your life, you must be mature enough to be obedient to the leading of the spirit to do the right thing, to go out of your way to protect the family resemblance as a child of God.
You have to be willing to learn for be grownup in your faith and to learn from the direction and correction God offers His family.
This morning as you leave. I want you to all to add another set of initials to God’s wall of forgiveness. That Canvas back at the door way.
I want you to add the name or initials of a person that you need to ask for forgiveness.
Your action says that, with God’s help and leading, you will offer your apology the best way you can as a act of obedience, as a sign of a family trait.
-- Why does conviction bother us so much? Because we don’t like to do all the things a grownup is supposed to do.
I don’t know about you but I hated it when my mom would tell me to go tell your sister or brother you are sorry. I can’t say that I did it with genuine feeling all the time. However, what I figured out….I learned how to act better to be more mature in my dealing with people because I also learned the consequences for my actions, and words.
This morning I hope you will ask for God’s help with your unfinished business. That you will start tying up loose ends and reconciling relationships.
All Glory be to God!
A couple of weeks ago I was informed of a big mistake. It was pointed out that I should have made it clear that the altar is open and a place of response to God speaking to you. A place that is just barely on this edge of heaven. It is a place that for thousands of years people would approach the Holy and have a two way conversation with God.
The altar is a place where we can find great meaning and comfort and strength if we take a step toward our heavenly father and come to the altar for prayer.
If you want God’s help and encouragement on your journey, you should be open to the prompting of the Spirit calling you forward.
Do you know what it means when you have an urge to go forward? It means that the Holy Spirit is telling you that God has something for you up here. And it is up to you to respond to find out what it is….
