1. Illus. of doing marriage seminar
• Talk about various aspects of marriage: communication, etc. Part of seminar is about preventing adultery in the Christian home.
• During the discussion time, a woman very kindly said, “I think this session is sort of a waste of time. Committed Christian women are immune to this kind of thing.”
2. That’s a pretty common idea here in America. Unfortunately, it isn’t true! Even Christ-loving and committed Christian women find themselves involved in extramarital affairs. If you asked a hundred pastors, “have you ever had a committed Christian woman in your church get involved in an affair?” it’s my guess that close to a hundred would answer “yes!”
3. I want to introduce you to just such a woman. Her name is Bathsheba, and her sin is recorded in the pages of II Samuel. We don’t know much about Bathsheba, but most likely she was a godly woman. Her husband was a godly, moral man. It is unlikely that such a man would marry an ungodly, immoral woman. We have every reason to believe that this woman was a committed servant of the Lord. Yet she was guilty of adultery with King David!
4. Text: When we read II Samuel 11-12, we find that there were some risk factors present in this woman’s life that perhaps made her susceptible to David’s improper advances.
5. Today: As a Christian women you may find yourself being more susceptible to the improper advances of another when one or more of these risk factors are present in their lives.
6. What are these risk factors? We see three of them illustrated in the life of Bathsheba.
I. RISK FACTOR #1: A LACK OF AFFECTION
1. What do we know about Bathsheba’s husband Uriah? Very little. One of the things he do know is that he was a career soldier. Now this is not “thus sayeth the Lord.” It’s reading between the lines. As a rough old career soldier, he was probably much more comfortable with swords and battle cries than with flowers and sweet words. If that is so, one of the things that might’ve made Bathsheba susceptible to David’s advances was a desire for affection and attention.
2. I’m willing to go out on a limb on that one because it’s been borne out so frequently in my personal experience. In most of the cases I’ve seen over the last 30 years where a committed Christian woman had an extramarital affair, it was because of an unmet need for affection and attention.
3. Illus. of poem, “an unfaithful wife to her husband.” (Red Lights, pp 30-32)
• Written a century ago by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
• Note that statutory cause was old fashioned legal way of saying divorce was because of an extramarital affair.
4. Modern Christian counseling agrees with Ms. Wilcox. You’ve probably never heard of a Christian psychologist named Willard Harley. He wrote a book called, His Needs, Her Needs. In this book he summarized what he and his staff have learned from the thousands of couples they have counseled over the years. It is his conclusion that the number one emotional need a woman has is that of non-sexual affection. I’m talking about hugs, kisses, compliments, flowers, dates etc. He believes that a woman’s need for affection is so intense that the unfulfilled desire for it can lead to an extramarital affair.
5. There is a warning there for men and woman.
Men, do not neglect to give your wife affection and attention (See Genesis 1:27. Men do not understand this need, but we need to realize its real and its powerful- so powerful that it could destroy your home if you are not careful!).
Woman, if you find yourself in a situation where attention and affection is lacking, BEWARE!
II. RISK FACTOR #2: A LENGTHY SEPARATION
1. Uriah had been away at war for some time. We’re not told the exact length of his absence, but it was long enough that Bathsheba knew the baby she had conceived wasn’t Uriah’s. Would she have resisted this temptation had Uriah been at home? We don’t know! The fact remains that she committed adultery after a lengthy separation from her husband.
2. Listen to this quote from Henry Virkler, professor of Christian Counseling at Liberty University. “Some jobs require that the employee spend long hours at work, or spend several nights a week away from home… boredom, loneliness and even resentment may grow… in such cases, both spouses are at an increased risk of an affair…”
3. Ladies, if you are married to a man who has to work excessively long hours, or whose job takes him away from home on a regular basis, you need to realize that it puts you at an increased risk of an affair.
4. Illus. of J and J
• His job required he travel every week. He left on Monday, and usually didn’t get home until Thursday.
• At different times, each not knowing the other had been in, this couple came in asking for advice on how to cope with the sexual temptation brought on by these regular absences! Each got lonely, each got bored, and each was surrounded by willing and attractive members of the opposite sex.
• He said, “I’m on the road all the time. I could do anything I wanted to and she would never know.” She said, “He’s on the road 4 days a week. I could do anything I wanted and he would never know!”
5. Application: I’m not saying that you need to give your husband an ultimatum to get another job. I am saying that if your husbands employment situation takes him away from home regularly, or requires him to work excessively long hours, beware! Take double precautions, because this is a risk factor for adultery!
III. RISK FACTOR #3: A UNIQUE ACQUAINTANCE
1. This wasn’t just any old man who propositioned Bathsheba- it was King David. David the Lord’s anointed, David the wise ruler, David the giant slayer, David the sweet psalmist of Israel. If there was ever a man who was unique, it was David! Notice that David’s palace was close enough to Bathsheba’s house that he could watch her bathing from his roof. That meant that she’d had plenty of opportunity to observe David as he went about his daily business. He wouldn’t have noticed her, because she would have been just another face in the crowd. She couldn’t help but notice him however! As she did, a thought grew in her heart. “That David is not like other men. I love Uriah, but if I was ever going to stray, it would be with David!” It’s not suprising that when David’s call came she seems to have hardly hesitated!
2. Now, there is a difference between male lust and female lust.
Most men battle what Christian psychologists call impulsive lust. Impulsive lust is based on physical appearance. It rears its head almost instantly when a man sees an attractive woman.
Most women battle what Christian psychologists call selective lust. Selective lust is reserved for men whom they perceive as being unique or different. It builds over a period of time as a woman becomes more and more convinced about the uniqueness of a particular man.
3. Ladies, is there a man in your circle of acquaintances (work church, friends) that the more you are around him the more you as unique or special? Do you find yourself thinking, “he’s more sensitive and caring, intelligent, handsome, full of life, exciting etc. than other men, including my husband?” Watch out! Selective lust will kick in, and just at the edges you’ll find yourself thinking, “I love my husband, but if I was ever going to stray, it would be with so and so…”
CONCLUSION
1. Were there some risk factors that might have made Bathsheba more susceptible to David’s advances?
A lack of affection
Lengthy separations
A unique acquaintance
2. Do you have to have all three risk factors present to be at increased risk? No, only one. The more you have the greater the risk, but even one puts you at increased risk.
3. If you have one or more risk factors, put yourself on red alert. Satan, the master tempter, will put someone in your path to tempt you to immorality if we are not on our guard.
