Days of David:
How To Love Your Enemy
1 Samuel 24
Englewood Baptist Church
Sunday evening, April 13, 2008
This week, I was fixing breakfast for my son Max. He was having a little Pop-Tart thing and he really wanted to help me cook it. So picked him up and I sat him on the counter and he pushed the button on the toaster. And I started to gather the trash on the counter and throw it away, and as soon as I took my eyes off of him, he reached out his hand, and put it right on top of that toaster oven and received the first burn of his life.
I have never seen his hand move so fast as when he realized how hot that toaster was and he cried for 30 minutes explaining to me that he his hand was “hurted.” I beat myself up over that. I should have been paying attention. I could have prevented his pain and now he has to wear that spiderman band-aid for two days while the blister heals. I felt terrible, but as I thought about it more, the reality set in. With three boys and little girl, we’re going to use a lot of bandaids. I won’t be able to keep these 4 children from pain. It’s part of life. Bumps, bruises, and even little burns are going to happen.
In your life, the same thing is true. On this planet, you are going to face some pain. Some of that pain will be physical as you bump your shin on a pipe or smash your thumb in a drawer. Some of your pain will be physical, but there is another category of pain that you need to be prepared for as well. This is the pain of relationships. People are going to hurt you. It might be with sarcasm, it might be through silent treatment, it might be through slander, but along the way, someone is going to hurl darts at you. And you will have to decide how you are going to respond.
Jesus told us in the sermon on the mount that we are not to follow our instincts when people hurt us. We should take a radical approach to conflict resolution. Look at what he says, as written in the message translation:
You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You are kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” Matthew 5:43-48 (The Message)
Now that is a tall order! How do you live graciously toward someone who is nasty to you? Tonight, I want you to see how David accomplished this insurmountable feat.
As you recall from last week, David is now a national figure in Israel. When he killed Goliath, every person in the land put him on a pedestal. The women were singing songs about him, and King Saul was insanely jealous. If we had time tonight, we would read the next five chapters of 1 Samuel and we would see how this envy ate Saul up to the point that he wanted David’s head on a platter. He was determined to wound David, even kill him.
I want to show you two quick scenes to help you see what I’m talking about. Look first at chapter 18. The women have just sung this song exalting David and look at v.10-11.
By that one incident, it is clear that Saul is out to hurt David. There is no question, but in case you are led to wonder if Saul had a momentary fit of rage—that he just lost his temper. Let me take you to chapter 19:8-10.
Well, it’s about time that David ran. I don’t know about you, but if a man tried to put a spear through me, I wouldn’t show up again to play the harp. When it happened again, David knew that he was on the hit list. I don’t think there was any question in David’s mind. Saul was out to hurt him. He was going to continue to hurl his spears for no earthly reason. And there is a lesson to be learned even here. If you are walking in God’s will, you are going to face some enemies. A person is going to come along and hurl spears at you. They probably won’t be wooden spears, they will be verbal spears. You can count on it.
And you will have to make a decision whether it’s going to bring out the best in you, or the worst in you. And this is the one of the most difficult situations to handle—when you are being attacked.
Franklin P. Jones once said, Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. --Franklin P. Jones
What is he saying? He is saying that it doesn’t matter who is hurling the spears at you. It hurts. It puts you on the defensive. You feel like you are being attacked. In 1 Samuel 24, there is no question about it. David is being viciously and unfairly attacked by King Saul and it is hard from him to take. But watch how he responds.
Read 1 Samuel 24.
Proverbs 16:32 says:
Better a patient man than a warrior,
a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. Prov. 16:32
One has to marvel at David’s ability to control himself in this story. He is a patient man, not a warrior. He shows tremendous poise under pressure and gives us a great model for dealing with malicious people. Let me suggest 4 principles that we can glean here:
How to Handle Hurtful People
1.Be careful in taking advice from others. (v.4)
Notice what happens in v.3. David and his men happened to be hiding out in a cave and who comes traipsing in, but Saul, the archenemy. He walks right in, slips of his robe, and like a boy in the woods, he begins to use the bathroom. Some of you have been camping—you know how vulnerable this is. He is totally defenseless, and he is easy prey for David.
This would be like a deer hunter going out into the woods in total darkness. He is walking very quietly and trying his best to get into his deer stand without making a ruckus. And when he reaches the deer stand, he looks up and what does he see but a giant buck sleeping in the deer stand. It doesn’t get any easier than that.
Saul is a sitting duck. Verse 4, the men said…
This is your moment David. Overcome evil with pain. Hurt him. Hit him while he’s down!
Now, let me warn you. Often, when you hear those voices: this is not the voice of Jesus Christ.
When someone lashes out at you, hurts you, treats you unfairly, you are going to run to your friends for support. I can already predict what your closest friends are going to do. They are going to get mad. They are going to feel defensive for you because they love you. But one man put it this way:
Pity the leader caught between unloving critics and uncritical lovers. –John Gardner
David’s men loved him but they were uncritical. They were encouraging him to do something that violated his conscience. They were not giving him good advice. Be very careful when you choose your advisers—they are rarely objective.
When you go to the grocery store, you are very selective in the kind of fruit that you buy, in the kind of cereal you put in your cart. You are very choosy about the type of peanut butter that suits you. How careful are in you in choosing advisers? You should exercise great caution.
Thankfully, David does not follow the advice of his beloved soldiers. Instead, he creeps quietly as a cat to the place where Saul’s garment lies. Some people think it was wrapped around his ankles, lying on the floor, which seems logical for someone using the restroom, but that seems to be far-fetched. Most likely, Saul laid down his outer garment in another place and David cuts a piece off the end. But even in this, v.5 says, “David was conscience-stricken.” The King James says that David’s heart “smote” him. In other words, he felt convicted about it. He felt like this was wrong. Saul was God’s anointed leader and it was not his place to take him down. And as the story unfolds, you see that David was following the guidance of the Holy Spirit because God protects him from Saul and honors him. He did not follow the advice of his soldiers.
Advice is like watermelon—you take some in and you spit some out. You spit out the seeds and it takes a mature man to know the difference. David was wise.
2. Be overly gracious in your speech. (vv. 8-11)
Look at vv.8-11 here. Be amazed at David’s graciousness…
Here is the man that is determined to kill him, and David bows down on the ground and says, “my lord the king.” He exalts Saul and puts him on a higher level than himself. I want you to notice down in v.14, David refers to him as “dead dog,” a “flea.” What is David doing? He is humbling himself and graciously exalting his opponent.
You think taking down Goliath was a challenge; this was a far greater feat for David. It is clear evidence that the Holy Spirit was on this boy because carnal people do not know how to respond with this kind of grace.
When a co-worker walks into your office and belittles your work, that is tough. From time to time, you will have supervisor that has no respect for you. He will act as if his work is paramount and your work is for peons. Everything he does is important and should be recognized. Your little tasks are expendable. If you ever have a boss like that, your natural reaction when he walks out of the room will be to turn to your neighbor and say, “Who does he think he is? What a loser. He thinks he hangs the moon. If I was in his job, I would be far better at it than him. The only reason he has that position is because his grandpa owns the company. That man is a total waste of space and oxygen.”
And you have to wonder why David didn’t speak this way when he came out of that cave. Why didn’t David say what was on his mind? “Saul, you reckless fool. You are the sorriest excuse for a king that this world has ever seen. Because you are so ignorant and impulsive, Samuel as anointed me to replace you. That’s right. I’m going to take your job. How do you like those apples? And I’m not only going to take your job, the Lord is going to establish my throne forever. Some of the prophets even think the Messiah is going to come from my blood. What do you think about that? And by the way, Saul, does it bother you that the women now line up to kiss me on the cheek? Your days are numbered brother, and you are lucky that I didn’t just kill you in the cave.”
Oh, man, that would have felt good rolling off David’s tongue. His flesh would have applauded. But instead, when David was being attacked, he lowered himself and said, “My lord the King. I am a dead dog, I’m a flea. You are the Lord’s anointed. I am nothing.”
It’s funny, when the Holy Spirit fills your heart, some of the craziest things will begin to spill from your mouth. Little phrases like this, “I am sorry. You were right. I am a fool. Can we forget this happened?”
Carnal people cannot say things like that, but Spirit filled people can.
In Acts 7, there is a man named Stephen that is filled with the Holy Ghost. He is about to die from the stones that are being lobbed at his head. This is what the Bible says about his gracious tongue…
Yelling and hissing, the mob drowned him out. Now in full stampede, they dragged him out of town and pelted him with rocks. The ringleaders took off their coats and asked a young man named Saul to watch them.
As the rocks rained down, Stephen prayed, “Master Jesus, take my life.” Then he knelt down, praying loud enough for everyone to hear, “Master, don’t blame them for this sin”—his last words. Then he died. Acts 7:57-60 (The Message)
People come to me often and they ask, “How do I know that I am saved? How do I know that I have the Holy Spirit living within me?” One of the surefire ways to know is by listening to your own speech. Do you have a gracious tongue like Stephen or David—one that lifts people up or do you have a spiteful tongue that tears people down? When you can find gracious words even for your enemy, you are walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.
3. Be committed to treat people well when they treat you badly. (vv.16-19)
Now I want you to see the dialogue between Saul and David when Saul realized that he should be lying dead in a cave. Look at v.16-19.
The end of v.17 says, “You treated me well, but I treated you badly.”
In Scripture, God is very clear that we are not to seek revenge. Jesus was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and he did not retaliate. Scripture says in Isaiah…
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. Is 53:7
David was like Jesus in that he would not seek revenge against his enemies. Someone in our day might say that, “David killed Saul with kindness.” And I don’t care for that expression because it sounds somewhat spiteful. I am going to be nice to you so that I can heap burning coals on your head. I don’t like that language but apparently God does.
Look what Paul says in Romans 12:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21
I was listening to set of CDs on parenting recently and the man was telling a story about his son. He said that his boy came home from school one day and he was in tears. His teacher had picked on him in front of the whole class and had treated him unfairly. The father said that his natural reaction was to march down to that school and give that teacher a piece of his mind, because he believed that his son was telling the truth. This teacher was not kind in his approach. But rather than doing that, this father sat down with his son and taught him a valuable truth.
He said, “Son, the Bible says that you must overcome evil with good. You cannot repay evil for evil. You must figure out how to overcome this with good.” And the boy went back to school and showed his teacher respect, even when he felt like he was being mocked. And nothing could have made his father more proud.
The same is true with you. Nothing will make your heavenly father more proud than when you choose to combat evil with good. You can break the cycle by demonstrating Christ-likeness.
A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult (Proverbs 12:16).
Do you have the power to overlook an insult? You do if you have the Holy Spirit living in your heart because that indwelling Spirit is the Spirit of Christ, who stood before his shearers in silence. And with the most powerful display of goodness, hung on the cross, and conquered evil. Follow him. Follow his example.
Now there is one more point here about dealing with hurtful people.
4. Be aware that these tests will reveal your character more than any other. (vv.20-21)
Look at the conclusion that Saul comes to in v.20 after David has treated him so well. V. 20, “I know….”
Dr. Jett and I do not agree on everything. Just ask him. He and I have some wonderful debates and we are wired very differently, but I have learned so much from him these past few years. I have had the privilege of seeing him as he is applauded and I have seen him as he is attacked.
A few years ago, when I was assistant to the Pastor, a woman came into the church with her family and she was irate over a decision that Dr. Jett had made. She demanded a hearing and so did her son who was not even a member here but had come to make his mother’s case. And Dr. Jett and I walked into a conference room, sat down, and listened to this family absolutely bash him and this church. It was completely ugly and out of control. And when they realized that the decision had been made and it would not be reversed, this young man walked around his mother, approached Dr. Jett and said, “I have no respect for you. You can go straight to __________. And you can fill in that blank.
Without raising his voice, Dr. Jett calmly responded. He said, “And I will not take that same attitude toward you.” The man stormed out the door, slammed it so hard that I thought it would break, and I sat in there in amazement at Dr. Jett’s ability to control himself.
Criticism will reveal who you really are. And when Saul had attacked David fiercely, David responded with grace. And Saul said, “Surely, you are the king. You are God’s man.”
The legendary basketball coach John Wooden once said,
You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one. –John Wooden
Last week, we saw that David refused to be swept up in praise, as the women were singing his song. And this week, we have seen how David would not be defeated by the attack of others.
Let us follow the example of David. Let us follow the example of Christ when dealing with malicious people. Amen.
