Lies we believe about children
Jokes about Children:
A small child is someone who can wash his hands without getting the soap wet.
The trouble with children is that when they’re not being a lump in your throat, they’re being a pain
in your neck.
Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.
Almost every child would learn to write sooner if allowed to do his homework on wet cement.
1. Lie #1: Children are a burden
a. Remember last week’s sermon about marriage and its purpose?
i. The purpose of marriage is not to make you happy. It is to glorify God.
ii. But if you believe the lie that marriage, and your spouse exists to make you happy, then
you should avoid anything that might threaten your idea of happiness, such as
inconveniences, difficulties, anything smelling like hardship…including children.
b. Genesis 1:27-28 “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him;
male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and
multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of
the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth." “…be fruitful and multiply…”
i. Bible mentions “be fruitful and multiply” 11 times
ii. The purpose of marriage is to provide a loving and safe home for children to be
produced, and raised.
iii. It is the norm for marriage to produce children.
c. But it is more than that. Let’s look at Malachi 2:15.
i. Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what
does he want? Godly children from your union. (Mal 2:15).
1. What does He (God) want? Godly Children!
ii. I bet you never heard of this before. It isn’t taught in Sunday School, it isn’t taught at
seminary, it isn’t even preached from the pulpit.
iii. One of the purposes of the marriage union is to produce GODLY CHILDREN!
iv. At the heart of marriage is the calling to produce children who fear and reverence the
Lord
v. Raising Godly children is the highest calling of life.
1. When you and I see this we will put ourselves, our needs, our desires, even our
own fleeting happiness on the back burner and our children will grow up to love
our Lord.
d. Children are not a burden
i. In the bible, we never find that children were thought of as a burden.
ii. They might be a pain, but they are not a burden.
1. I want you to know that no one causes a parent more pain than their own children.
a. Do you know why? Because you love them!
b. When you love someone you leave yourself open to disappointment,
rejection and pain.
c. That is the price of love.
2. In my life, no one has helped me more than my children have.
3. Nobody has helped me to understand life and to understand God’s plan and love
for me, more than they have.
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4. No one has taught me more about my Father in Heaven’s love for me and the
ways that I hurt Him than my own children.
5. Sometimes the hurt and the joy of parenting are mingled together.
6. I’m sure that I have hurt my children when I didn’t intend to -- and I hope I’ve
helped them.
iii. So while our children might produce a heartache for the choices they make, they are
never described as a burden but always as a blessing, an inheritance from God.
1. Mine certainly have been a wonderful blessing.
2. Psalm 127: 3-5 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is
a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s
youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
e. Where have we gotten the idea that children are a burden?
i. I read a quote from a leading feminist says that “the heart of woman’s oppression is her
childbearing and childrearing roles.”
ii. Oppression? Give me a break!
1. Moms, do you feel oppressed by the fact that you can give life to a child?
iii. This idea isn’t found in the bible. It has come about from our fallen society.
iv. In the news this week was an alarming article that in Japan the birthrate has dropped
below the 1.3 per family. Their population is actually declining as more and more
women seek fulfillment in ways that deny the value of a child.
1. Sociologists are calling the phenomena ’shoshika,’ which means "a society
without children
2. We have sought something called “personal fulfillment” in place of what God has
called us to.
3. In societies where materialism has become the new god, the importance of
children has become lessened and abortion rates have skyrocketed. Why?
4. Because we seek our happiness is stuff instead of self-giving.
v. Yet in 1 Timothy 2:15 “But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if
they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint. “…
1. That word for saved is sozo, which means “made whole.”
2. We seek fulfillment in so many ways but refuse to experience the fulfillment God
has for us.
f. What are some lies we hear about the burden of children?
i. How will we ever provide for more children? We barely are making ends meet. What
about college tuition?
ii. I can’t handle any more. I am exhausted trying to take care of the two I have already.
iii. I don’t have a lot of patience to handle a lot of kids.
iv. If we have more children we won’t have time for ourselves as a couple.
v. My friends will think we are crazy.
g. Think about Mary’s response to the angel when it was announced she would bear the Messiah.
i. “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:38)
ii. It is as if she said, “You are my God, my body is yours, I accept any inconvenience or
hardship that this might mean for me. All that matters to me is to fulfill the purpose for
which you created me. I gladly surrender myself to be used as you see fit.”
iii. When it comes to children, we ought to seek God’s plans and not our own.
h. My wife and I chose to have 2 children. And as life raced past, we left it that way. As I look
back, I wonder, what would it have been like to have had more. What if I had trusted God more?
i. We have friends and know people who have 5 or more children, one, Mark Smith, who was here
a couple of years ago for our S.A.W. had 9 children. His quiver is full. We were amazed at his
ability to make time and the money to provide for them. God provided. He grew. His children
belong to God.
bob Higgins Page 2 6/10/2006
2. Lie #2: It is wrong to shelter our children.
a. Some parents believe that their children ought to be exposed to society so that they will be made
tougher.
i. Perhaps their motives are right but their technique is wrong.
b. Guarding our children’s minds and hearts is a vital responsibility of a parent.
i. Would you turn on a violent movie and have your 6 year old watch it in the name of
preparing them for the real world?
c. On the other hand, how well are you preparing your children to be disciples of Christ?
i. Do they know more about the American Idols than they do the 12 apostles?
d. Sheltering is not the same as giving your children autonomy.
i. Autonomy is vital to the child, so that they can develop their individuality.
1. Ray Stedmen, the well known Christian author once asked the high school
students at his church, "What are the areas which create the most resentment
toward your parents?"
a. The one thing that was most widely experienced was: "They don’t let us
take a chance. They don’t let us make mistakes."
b. Most Christian parents have this attitude. We think we are there to keep
them from making mistakes. We are not.
c. We are there to help them make mistakes early enough that they can learn
from them while they are still not too serious.
d. If we keep them from making mistakes until they get into adolescence,
then the ones they make will ruin them.
e. A parent’s job is to help his children have an opportunity to make mistakes
and learn in an atmosphere of safety.
The next lie is a parallel lie:
3. Lie #3: All children go through a rebellious stage.
a. A secular institution made the following quote:
i. Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered. He
wants what he wants when he wants it -- his bottle, his mother’s attention, his playmate’s
toy, his uncle’s watch. Deny him these once, and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness
which would be murderous were he not so helpless. He is dirty, he has no morals, no
knowledge, no skills. This means that all children -- not just certain children, all children
-- are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in the self-centered world of his infancy,
given free rein to his impulsive actions to satisfy his wants, every child would grow up a
criminal -- a thief, a killer, or a rapist.
b. It is for this reason that Christian parents must work diligently to ensure that their children grow
up to understand authority and to respect it.
i. Susannah Wesley, for example, spent one hour each day praying for her 17 children. In
addition, she took each child aside for a full hour every week to discuss spiritual matters.
No wonder two of her sons, Charles and John, were used of God to bring blessing to all
of England and much of America. Here are a few rules she followed in training her
children: “(1) Subdue self-will in a child and thus work together with God to save his
soul. (2) Teach him to pray as soon as he can speak. (3) Give him nothing he cries for and
only what is good for him if he asks for it politely. (4) To prevent lying, punish no fault
which is freely confessed, but never allow a rebellious, sinful act to go unnoticed. (5)
Commend and reward good behavior. (6) Strictly observe all promises you have made to
your child.”
c. When our children begin to grow up they pursue autonomy.
i. This is what a teenager is seeking when they pull away from their parental control.
ii. We interpret it as rebellion, and sometimes it is.
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iii. More often, it is a young adult seeking to distinguish themselves from their parents, to
form an identity other than their parents.
1. At some point the child will want to form their “own” beliefs and identity.
a. Often they openly REJECT what they perceive to be the most important
value or thing of their parents as an attempt to assert a separate identity
from their parents. .
2. As a parent, we hope that they would share our values and beliefs.
3. But they still must own them as their own.
4. It is one thing for a child to believe something because their parents told them so,
it is quite another for them to experience something for themselves and to own the
belief as their own.
iv. We can go to the extreme and say, “Decide for yourself” and give them the keys to the
car, or we can carefully guide them as they make their way through the decision making
processes.
d. There is a torment that all youth seem to endure– a tension between a desire for independence
and a need for dependence and acceptance.
1. This search for independence is at its root, a search for meaning.
2. Oftentimes it is a protest against being seen as a clone of their parents!
3. And it is a search to find the answer to the stirring, restless question within,
"Who am I?"
4. Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice In Wonderland, has a little story about a
padlock with long spidery legs that ran around with a very upset and distracted
look about itself; it was always nervous. Someone said to it one day, "What is the
matter with you?" And the little padlock said, "I’m looking for someone to unlock
me." That is the cry of youth in every age.
ii. It is important for a parent to understand this struggle within their youth.
1. Youth are dragged into this struggle unless they the key to this padlock.
2. Jesus is the only key that will truly fit inside that lock.
3. He unlocks the meaning of our lives and our unique identity if we will let him.
4. HE gives meaning to our lives, and sees every one of us as unique, loving us the
way we are.
e. I want you to notice that there is a difference between parental control and parental authority..
i. Perhaps you know a “controlling” parent.
1. It is not about authority, but about control.
2. They want to control their child’s thoughts, actions and suppress the child’s
uniqueness.
ii. Well, you can control a 6 year old, but you cannot control a 14 year old. !
iii. From What Parents Owe Their Children,
1. Parents owe it to the children they bring into the world to put the tools of living in
their hands -- hands which we have made as strong and capable as we can. But,
having given them the hands and the tools, we also owe it to them not to do their
digging for them.
2. It is not the parents’ job to live vicarious lives through their children. They are to
trust them, equip them to move out, and send them forth so that they will learn
more and more how to become stable and dependent upon God and not on
their parents.
a. This is the key to raising godly children!
iv. I don’t have all the answers. God’s word does give us a great deal of guidance. My kids
aren’t perfect and they will certainly tell you I have been far from the perfect parent.
1. I regularly ask their forgiveness for my failures.
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2. My suggestion is to possess the humility to admit when you are wrong and to ask
forgiveness when you blow it.
3. Our children as they become teens and young adults need to see us more than
authority figures but as flesh and blood, wounded, broken, fallible human beings
who carried our brokenness into our adulthood, just as they themselves someday
will.
f. I found 16 WAYS TO ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN TO USE DRUGS AND BECOME
HOODLUMS,TRAMPS AND REBELS.
i. Never eat together as a family.
ii. Talk to your children, not with them; and never listen to them.
iii. Punish your children in public, and never praise them or reinforce their positive behavior.
iv. Always solve their problems; make their decisions for them.
v. Leave the responsibility of teaching morality and spiritual training to the schools and the
church.
vi. Never let your children experience, adventure, injury, risk, challenge, experimentation,
discouragement, failure or frustration,.
vii. Always pick up after your children, and don’t encourage them to accept responsibility.
viii. Discourage your children from talking about their feelings (anger, sadness, fear, etc.).
ix. Be overprotective, and don’t teach your child the meaning of the word “consequence.”
x. Lead your children to believe that you are perfect and infallible and that when things go
wrong it is their fault not yours.
xi. Never tell your children how much you love them, and never discuss your feelings with
them.
xii. Never hug them or display affection in front of them.
xiii. Always expect the worse, and never given them the benefit of the doubt.
xiv. Don’t ever trust them. ------Contributed by: Rick Davis
g. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21)
i. If you do these 16 things, I guarantee, you will exasperate your children!
4. LIE #4: We are Responsible/Not Responsible for how our children turn out.
a. This lie bends both ways. It leads us to assume either 100% responsibility for the way our kids
become or to deny responsibility entirely.
b. When children rebel, Satan often causes parents to believe one or both of these lies. They are
either overwhelmed with shame or they run from responsibility.
c. The bible is filled with examples of Godly fathers with ungodly sons.
i. Eli,
ii. David
d. Parents bear part of the responsibility of their children’s choices. It isn’t just the world and it
isn’t just their choices. It includes our choices.
i. Our examples, our priorities, affect how our children turn out.
1. After a boy turned in his homework, the teacher said, "This is terrible! How can
one person make so many mistakes?" “One didn’t," the boy answered. "My dad
helped me."
2. Our children will do as we teach them.
3. If we get it wrong, they’ll get it wrong.
4. But if we’ll train them according to God’s Word, we’ll get it right--and eventually
they’ll get it right too.
5. "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart
from it" (Prov. 22:6).
ii. Children learn more from what we do than what we say.
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1. I can honestly say that my children have observed me living far below God’s
standards.
a. I imagine that the way I lived (not the way I talked) has left an impression
upon them.
b. Not only did I suffer for my failure to live more completely for Jesus, but
they suffered as well.
2. Many years ago a small Jewish boy asked his father, "Why must we surrender our
Jewish faith and start to attend Lutheran services here in Germany? The father
replied, "Son, we must abandon our faith so that people will accept us and support
our business adventures
3. The young lad never got over his disappointment and bitterness. His faith in his
father and in his religion were crushed. When the lad left Germany he went to
England to study at the British Museum where he formed his philosophies for life.
From those intensive investigations he wrote a book that changed the world
called, "The Communist Manifesto. His name was Carl Marx. Imagine what
would have happened if his father had lived for God instead of compromising for
riches? Billions of people have suffered untold pain of slavery and tyranny
because of his father’s sin!
5. Lie #5: My child is a Christian because he prayed to receive Christ at an early age.
a. Many of us here have children who made a profession of faith at an early age and now is not
living for the Lord.
b. You know how the heartache is. You try to cling to hope that their decision was real. But you
and I need to understand that to pray for them properly, we need to face the truth.
i. If your child is living a life of contradiction, then you need to pray for them that…
1. …they would return to Christ.
a. If they truly belonged to Him, they are the most miserable person on
earth.
b. They cannot stay away because the testimony of the Holy Spirit in their
conscience speaks against they way they are living.
2. … that they might truly become a Christian.
a. That they would have a truly life-changing experience with Jesus and that
the faith they were taught as a child would impact them in their adulthood.
c. What is the evidence of true salvation?
i. 1 John 2:3-6 By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His
commandments. The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does not keep His
commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; 5 but whoever keeps His word, in
him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: 6 the
one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.”
ii. The evidence of salvation is not profession but transformation.
1. I cannot tell you how often, when I lived in Texas (where people are Christianized
at an early age) that I would meet someone living contrary to the standards of God
who would cheerfully say when the subject of religion came up, “I walked the
aisle at the age of 7” or “I was saved at the age of 10.”
2. Folks, if there is no life change, then there has been no soul change.
3. God does His work from the inside out.
a. What is on the outside reflects what is on the inside.
b. If you belong to Jesus your life will show evidence of a change in what
you love.
c. He changes our hearts to hate our former way of life.
d. If you think any differently, look at what the bible says:
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4. 2 Cor 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has gone, the
new has come!”
5. Jer 32:40 “I will put My fear in their hearts so that they will not depart from Me.”
6. Heb 3:14 “We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the
confidence we had at first.”
iii. My question is for every person in this room today: If you claim to belong to Jesus, has
He changed the way you live?
iv. Is He Lord?
v. Do you surrender all to Him?
1. If you refuse, you should seriously question whether your heart has ever been
changed or if you are simply “playing church.”
6. Conclusion
a. What Parents Would Like to Hear. I would probably drop over if my children ever said ANY of
these things to me.
1. “You’re so cool, Dad.”
2. “Who cares if the TV is broken?”
3. “Pass the broccoli, please.”
4. “What! No kiss?”
5. “No, thanks. It’s too expensive.”
6. “It’s a hard choice. Everything sounds great.”
7. “Bored? How could I be bored?”
8. “I’ve already made my bed.”
9. “It was my fault.”
10. “That’s okay. None of my friends are allowed to do it either”.
Larry Rout in Child
7. Do you want your children to say these things someday to you?
a. It will start with you.
i. You as a parent or grandparent may have to exercise the humility to admit to your child
or grandchild that you were less than God called you to be.
ii. Yes, admit to your child that you aren’t perfect. Ask their forgiveness.
iii. If you think that they will think less of you for it, think again. They already know you
weren’t perfect…and probably are harboring some resentment toward you for you acting
as if you were. Imagine the walls of pain that may come crashing down when you
SHOW your child that you love them enough to lay down your own pride and to
acknowledge what they already know.
b. Start parenting with time.
i. Time magazine this week talked about the lost art of eating together. Yes, I know with
teens and sports it is increasingly difficult. But studies have repeatedly and statistically
shown that families that eat together…
1. 55% Hispanic Teens, 40% blacks, 39% of whites eat a meal together with parents
on most nights. Who would you say values family the most?
2. It is the source of the richest, most spontaneous and genuine conversations
between family members.
3. In teenage years, the meal together pays off the greatest rewards. Studies show
that in families that dine together, they have the lowest incidence of drugs,
alcohol and tobacco usage. And it isn’t just because they eat their veggies!
a. Structured time together may be the only time a teen has with his entire
family because of their schedules and diversions.
b. An anthropologist said, “A meal is about civilizing children. It is about
teaching them to be a member of their culture.”
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4. Turn off the TV during meals. It will be awkward at first, but eventually, with
practice, the conversations will start.
ii. This sermon would have been better waiting until Father’s Day, next week. But suffice it
to say, this is preparation for you parents to realize what a powerful responsibility you
bear.
iii. Fathers, give your children a Father’s Day gift by showing them and telling them how
important to you they are.
c. I hope you have been challenged to change something in your life today, to surrender more fully
to the Lordship of Christ, to examine your faith, to consider how your family spends time
together, and most of all, to consider what God says about our children.
i. Let’s pray
1. Father God, you are our first Father, the ultimate parent, and you are God. You
have placed infinite value on children and ultimate priority upon parenting. We
confess that often we have believed the world’s lie that children are a burden, and
we confess as parents that we haven’t done as good of a job as we should have in
leading our children. I pray that the parents who are in this room would examine
their lives and have the humility to approach their children with the truth that we
are fallen, imperfect parents, but that they love their children.
d. If you have a prayer need the altar is open, Jennifer and I will be here to pray with you if you
need us to.
