Twelve Steps To Recovery Part 9
Scripture: Matthew 5:23-24; Genesis 33:1-4; Luke 19-8-9
Introduction
To date in this series we have discussed the first seven steps in the twelve steps to recovery process. We began by admitting that we were powerless over our dependencies and that there was a God greater than ourselves who could restore us to sanity. After reaching that point, in step three we made the decision to turn our lives over to the care of God, a conscious choice that was made freely. In steps four and five we took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and came to the point of understanding our addictions and confessing them to ourselves, God and to another trusted individual. In step six, after recognizing our addictions for what they were, we came to the point where we were ready to have God remove them and in step seven we humbly asked God to do just that – remove all of our shortcomings. Step seven was the bridge from our focus on our inner self to our outward actions as we enter into step eight. Step eight involved our making a list of those persons that we have harmed through our addictions and work through our willingness to make amends to them when possible. As we begin step number nine, we take action on the list we made in step eight. In step nine we make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. So let’s examine exactly what this means.
I. The Importance of Reconciliation
I cannot over express the importance of reconciliation. Having gone through several situations where friendship was lost and reestablished, I can tell you first hand that the burden of carrying the load of a crumbled relationship can be detrimental to you, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. Although you try to move on with your life, there are moments when you go right back to that relationship and relive the pain of when it ended. Step nine is all about reconciliation. When our addictions have harmed others and we have yet to address that hurt or take accountability for it, the gulf between us and the person harmed is great. However when we take the steps to “come clean” about what we have done, we begin building a bridge that over time will cross that gulf to reconciliation. Jesus said this in Matthew 5:23-24 about reconciliation: “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Reconciliation is so important that Jesus said that we should take this action before we come before God or bring our gifts to Him.
Some of us become so focused on our personal failures in recovery that we do not deal with the pain we have suffered at the hands of others. Some of us, on the other hand, focus too much on the ways we have been mistreated and use these as excuses for our behavior. Either approach to past abuse leaves us with emotional baggage that will hinder our progress in recovery. Whether we are focusing what others have done to us or just ignoring the pain that others have caused, it requires a response from us that often leads to our moving deeper within our addictions. Even when we are ignoring our own pain it takes it requires action on our part. Many times we find others things to do to keep our minds occupied so that we do not have to focus on the hurt that lies within us. We have become so used to being a victim and allowing it to dictate our behavior that we cannot imagine stepping forward and to bring about reconciliation. However, what we fail to understand is that forgiving others is an important part of turning our will over to God. Being forgiven for the wrongs we have done to others does not excuse us from our actions or make our actions right. When we forgive others for the wrongs they have committed against us, we do not excuse what they have done, we forgive them. We recognize that we have been hurt unjustly and turn the matter over to God. Likewise, we must also recognize that we have a responsibility to go to the one that we have hurt to make amends. This requires a spirit that is humble, not prideful.
Every one of us at some point in our lives has experienced or will experience some type of brokenness. It could be in our relationship with God because of our sins or in our relationship with others, because of something we do or something they do. When a relationship is broken, it carries an impact that is far reaching. Consider what happens when an engagement is broken off. The engaged couple probably had friends that were “their” friends. When the engagement is broken off, not only is the couple affected, but their friends also. How do they choose which one to support? The same thing happens between families. How many times have you lost contact with a whole family because one member of the family was upset with you? It becomes a battle for everyone. Brokenness tends to weigh us down and can easily lead us back into our addiction. Recovery isn’t complete until all areas of brokenness are mended.
Much of recovery involves repairing the brokenness in our life. This requires that we make peace with God, with ourselves and with others whom we have alienated. Unresolved issues in relationships can keep us from being at peace with God and our self. Once we go through the process of making amends, we must keep our mind and heart open to anyone we may have overlooked. When we are willing to make amend, our minds begin to think towards that end and we begin to remember situations that we have not thought about for years. Some of these situations may have already been reconciled while some may still need to be addressed. Be open to where the Spirit will take you through this part of our recovery.
II. Long Awaited Healing
Remember earlier I spoke about how we can lose contact with whole families because one family member got offended with us? Let’s take this one step further. There are many people out there who have isolated themselves from their own families because of an offense. Some situations have become so heated that members of a family refuse to forgive and make amends. I have family members who fall into this category. They have not had anything to do with our family for ten years. I could fully understand this if I was talking about people who did not know Christ, but these people know Him and claim to have a “deep” relationship with Him. It all comes down to a choice. Consider the story of Esau and Jacob. Genesis chapter 25-33 records the story of Esau and Jacob who were brothers. Not only were they brothers, they were twins. Their father was Isaac. Even before they were born, they fought within their mother’s womb. When Rebekah prayed and asked God why this was happening, He told her that within her she carried two nations that would be rivals from the beginning. He told her that one nation would be stronger than the other and that the older son would serve the younger son. If you remember your Old Testament history, in a Jewish family, the older son was the primary heir once the father died.
As the story goes, when Rebekah gave birth, she had two sons, one was covered with red hair (Esau) and one was smooth (Jacob). Esau became a “man’s man” and was a skilled hunter and loved the outdoors. Jacob, however, was someone we would refer to as a home body, studious, smart. The contrast between the two was obvious. Isaac loved Esau while Rebekah loved Jacob. As they grew older, there was an incident where Esau came in from the wilderness very hungry. Jacob had been cooking some stew and Esau asked for some. Instead of Jacob just giving his brother some stew, he bargained with him and gave him the stew for his brother’s birthright. What this meant was that when Isaac died, Jacob would be considered the oldest son and would inherit everything from his father. Esau agreed to the trade. A few years later when Isaac was old, blind and close to death, he called Esau to him so that he could bless him before he died. He asked Esau to go out hunting and make him his favorite dish and then he would bless him. Rebekah overheard it and told Jacob to do it so he could get the blessing. Jacob, knowing that he was the opposite of his brother, for Esau was hairy and Jacob smooth, was concerned that his father would know the difference. His mother took care of that and Jacob went in to his father and after convincing his father that he was Esau, he stole Esau’s blessing. Of course when Esau found out, he was furious. Esau vowed that once the days of mourning his father’s death was over, he would kill Jacob for what he did. Rebekah once again heard of his plans and sent Jacob to live with her brother Laban. After 20 years, Jacob decided to return home.
Returning to someone we have hurt is a scary thing. The passing years, lack of communication and memories of anger and hateful emotional exchanges can create tremendous anxiety. Even though we make contact through a third party, there will still be tension until we see that person face to face. This was the case for Jacob returning to see Esau… Jacob did not know how Esau would respond to him but he was willing to take the chance. First he sent Esau a gift and told him he was coming. Esau immediately gathered up an army of 400 men and went to meet his brother. Of course Jacob thought Esau was coming to kill him. Look at Genesis 33:1-4, “Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel and his two servant’s wives. He put the servant wives and their children at the front, Leah and her children next and Rachel and Joseph last. Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they both wept.” After 20 years, Esau had forgiven Jacob. Jacob’s fear gave way to relief. The last time Jacob had seen Esau, Jacob was in fear for his life. With the passing of time, both of them had changed. When he faced his brother, he found that there was still affection, even though they both remembered the pain. It was difficult for Jacob to return home because he was not sure if his brother was able to forgive him. Jacob came to understand what he had done to his brother and was ready to make amends. He went from being a taker to a giver. He had taken Esau’s birthright and his blessing and now he was ready to give back, to make amends. Let’s look at another example of someone going from taker to giver.
III. Going From Taker to Giver
When we are feeding our addiction, it is easy to become consumed by our own needs. Nothing matters except getting what we crave so desperately. We may have to lie, cheat, kill or steal; but that doesn’t stop us. Within our family and community we become known as “takers,” trampling over the feelings and needs of others. Such was the man named Zacchaeus that Jesus encountered. Zacchaeus was the chief tax collector and had become very rich. His hunger for riches drove him to betray his own people by collecting taxes for the oppressive Roman government. He was hated by his own people and was considered a thief, an extortioner and a traitor. But when Jesus reached out to him he changed dramatically. Luke 19:8-9 records “Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, ‘I will give half my wealth to the poor, lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much.’ Jesus responded, ‘Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”
After his interaction with Jesus, Zacchaeus was a changed man. He went from being a taker to being a giver. He actually went beyond just paying back what he had taken, he restored four times as much. For the first time in a long time, he saw the needs of others and wanted to be a giver. Making amends includes paying back what we have taken whenever possible. Some of us may even decide to go further, giving back more than we took. As we begin to see the needs of others and respond by choice, our self-esteem will rise. We will realize that we can give back to others.
Conclusion Step 9
I hope that you have a better understanding of why reconciliation and making amends is important to our Christian walk. As I was working through this message I was reminded of the Christmas story “A Christmas Carol”. This story is about reconciliation, making amends and redemption. I am sure most of you have heard the story of Ebenezer Scrooge or seen the movie. What I want you to think about is what he was addicted to and how he became that way. He was addicted to money. He did not care about the needs of others just making and saving his money. Because of his addiction, he refused to pay his assistant what was needed for him to take care of his family and he refused to give to the poor. When the first ghost takes him back in time, we find out how he became that way. After his mother died, he had been placed in a boarding school to learn a trade. His father never gave him much attention so he worked hard to earn money to change his place in life. The more money he got the more he wanted. He lost the love of his life because of money. He was so addicted to money that he ignored everything and everyone around him if it did not impact him getting more of it. After his interaction with the three ghosts, he was a changed man. He understood reconciliation which led him to have dinner with his nephew. He understood making amends when he gave his assistant a large raise and promised to help with the medical bills for his son. He also began to make financial donations to benefit the poor. Finally he understood redemption. For the first time in years he experienced true joy, the joy that flows through us from God and not from money. He was no longer bound to the money he had worked so hard to get.
As you work through step nine, think about this story. Think about what it will mean to you when you reconcile with those you hurt or return what you have taken while dealing with your addiction. Think about the freedom that you will receive when you begin to walk in true forgiveness. Next time we will go into step ten where we establish an ongoing process of self-evaluation.
May God bless and keep you.
