One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ’Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?’ Her mother replied, ’Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’ The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ’Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’
Discipline is hard on parents. We concluded Wednesday night that most of us have not told a child that discipline “hurts me more than it does you”. Yet discipline is difficult on the parent. Children just don’t know when to act up! If only our children would simply learn to disobey only when the child is alone with the parent instead of the middle of a church service! If only our child would wait to slug his little sibling until after we have put on the boxing gloves and protective gear on them! If only our children would wait until after the company leaves to repeat what we said about those people before they got there. Parents, isn’t it humbling when you see your own faults running around on two little legs?
An American Bible Society study conducted by Weekly Reader Research found that children actually do mirror their parents’ behavior. Parents who attend church weekly tend to have teens that worship weekly, while 78% of parents who never attend worship services have teens who never attend, according to christiannewswire.com. The survey found almost 80% of America’s 30.2 million 12-18 year olds think the Bible is important and 87% of parents agree. Yet, only 11% of teens read the Bible daily.
Being a parent is hours upon days upon weeks upon years of having little people running around doing things you don’t want done, making mistakes, spilling milk, wasting your time, misbehaving, driving you to the point of momentary insanity. Since our use of discipline normally occurs during periods of out-of-control and inappropriate behavior, it is easy to understand why anger and frustration are frequently attached to it.
Bill Cosby’s advice on discipline:
“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” —Bill Cosby
Proverbs 22:15
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
(NIV)
A mother overheard her son’s little six-year-old friend ask why babies are spanked when they are born, the youngster replied, "To get them used to it." Really the Bible indicates that when parents make their children mind they are really trying to save their lives.
Proverbs 23:14
14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
(NIV)
Proverbs 13:24
24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
(NIV)
The Pain of Discipline weighs ounces.
The Pain of Regret weighs tons.
Pediatricians and psychologists are finding today’s parents are too permissive. They are reluctant to set limits for their children. And this benign parental neglect is harming kids from the ages of nine months to adolescence.
Karen Stabiner writes in the New York Times: "It seems that the parents of today’s parents, those strict disciplinarians of the 1950s and early ’60s, may have been right all along: father and mother did know best. . . ."
Revetta Bowers heads the Centre for Early Education in Los Angeles. She says schools are replacing parents. "Schools now make rules, which in many instances are the only rules that are not open to arbitration or negotiation. What children really need is guidance and love and support. We expect them to act more and more like adults, while we act more and more like children. Then, when we’re ready to act like parents, they bristle at the retaking of authority."
In other words, you can’t leave it to Beaver.
Parents, please be parents!
Don’t waste your time trying to become your child’s friend. God, in His great wisdom, did not make you’re your child’s friend. You are the parent! And you will make your children mad every now and then! It’s in the daddy manual, right after taking out the trash, dads make everybody mad every once in awhile! It is the job of parents to discipline or train children.
Parents discipline children so they learn to discipline themselves.
A kindergarten in one town sat right on a corner by a busy highway. Although the school had a nice yard in which the children could play, at recess they would huddle right up against the building. The cars speeding by frightened them. One day, workmen erected a steel fence around the school yard. From that point on, the children used the entire playground. The fence did not limit their freedom; it actually expanded it. Children need fences, for they feel more secure having the discipline of clear boundaries (Nelson’s Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations & Quotes, pp. 592-593).
Until a few years ago, there were no laws about child safety seats and automobile restraint systems. Tragically, many young children were not safely belted in their seats, and they died in car accidents. Today, though, laws prohibit children from riding in a car without a child seat facing the right direction and properly installed. Even new mothers need to have the seat installed before taking a child home from the hospital.
What makes a parent lose his mind
while trying to make a child mind?
1) You can lose your mind while trying to make your kids mind by continual criticism.
Ephesians 6:4
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
(NIV)
Exasperate? What’s that mean? “Exasperate” means “to make somebody very angry or frustrated, often by repeatedly doing something annoying.” It means literally to go around and around the thing that makes you angry over and over again. It means to keep wearing on the same matter. Have you ever said to your children, “How many times do I have to tell you!” or “I told you so!”?
Ephesians 6:4
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
(KJV)
Just like a farmer raises tender plants and waters them and covers them from frost and feeds them fertilizer so they’ll grow tall and produce – so fathers are to NUTURE their children in the Lord! That will require involvement, which is spelled attention. Dr. James Dobson wrote, “A Christian man is obligated to lead his family to the best of his ability… If his family has purchased too many items on credit, then the financial crunch is ultimately his fault. If the family never reads the Bible or seldom goes to church on Sunday, God holds the man to blame. If the children are disrespectful and disobedient, the primary responsibility lies with the father… not his wife. [Our] greatest need is for husbands to begin guiding their families, rather than pouring every physical and emotional resource into the mere acquisition of money.” Fathers, God wants us to be directly involved in the lives of our children.
To nurture is to correct the child who is going the wrong way.
To admonish is to show the child the right way.
Continuous criticism and rebuke, discipline that diminishes rather than affirms the child’s self-worth, breaks the spirit of a person. You don’t want to break the spirit of the child by disciplining them. You want help that spirit to soar in the right direction. Discipline then becomes the tail of the kite, giving it weight to make it fly right. Your love anchors that child like the kite string.
2) You can lose your mind while trying to make your kids mind by constant comparison.
Colossians 3:21
21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
(NIV)
“You can push so much that the child will have absolutely no sense of fulfillment; nothing is ever enough. ...it causes them to become bitter.”
Colossians 3:21
21 Fathers, don’t aggravate your children.
If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
(NLT)
“If you want to destroy your child, just make him feel inferior to everyone else in the family. You can test for this problem easily: ask your children how they feel about each other, and find out if they have preferences toward each other. If they do, they’ve probably picked them up from you.”
3) You can lose your mind while trying to make your kids mind by being inconsistent.
Jesus indicated that when we are inconsistent we are actually motivated by the devil.
Matthew 5:37
37 Simply let your ’Yes’ be ’Yes,’ and your ’No,’ ’No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
(NIV)
Nancy Samalin, a parent educator in New York City, sees both single- and two-parent families as overwhelmed. She says, "Parents want their children to love them, and it’s harder to say no than yes, especially if you’ve been working all day and you’re tired."
Telling a child no is essential to raising healthy kids, according to Linda Rubinowitz, psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University in Chicago. "It gives the child a sense that you really understand what’s going on. And it gives the child a way to deal with a problem in a social context. You can tell them, ’Say your mom and dad won’t let you do it, and grumble if you want.’ That’s face-saving for the child."
Kids do what they do because they have gotten away with it!
In other words, misbehavior is a learned trait, caught in the mind of children through the inconsistent behavior of their parents, not following through on making sure the boundaries stayed in place. Suppose you and I went through life following our feelings for the next 30 days. We said exactly what we thought, did what we wanted, didn’t do what we didn’t want to do. What would life be like at the end of those 30 days? If we hadn’t provoked someone to put us out of their misery, we’d probably be in jail, or at best without a friend in the world. All the Beavers in all the Cleaver households on the face of God’s green earth need someone to disciple them. And that job falls into the lap and hands and hearts of parents!
Proverbs 29:15
15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
(NIV)
James Dobson tells a story about a ten-year-old boy named Robert who was a patient of a California pediatrician. When Robert was scheduled for a visit to the doctor’s office, the news would spread like wildfire. Nurses would whisper to themselves, “Batten down the hatches – Robert is coming!” He was an undisciplined terror. He would come in and tear magazines out of their holders, throw trash all over the waiting room, and wreak havoc throughout the clinic. Each time, his mother would just helplessly moan, “Oh Robert, oh Robert.” If the office staff corrected the boy in any way, he would bite, kick, and scream his way back to the seat.
During one of his examinations, the pediatrician noticed that Robert had several cavities. He needed to refer him to a dentist, but he didn’t want to inflict one of his dentist friends with this holy terror. Then he remembered that one of his colleagues had an unusual rapport with children, so he decided to send Robert there. Robert saw his trip to the dentist as a new and exciting challenge in his ongoing battle of wills. As he was ushered into the dentist’s office, he announced that he was not going to get into the chair. The dentist said, “Robert, I’m not going to force you, but I want you to climb up into the chair.”
Robert clenched his fists and screamed at him that he would not.
The dentist patiently explained that Robert needed to get into the chair in order to get his teeth fixed. Robert refused – again – loudly. Then Robert played his trump card: “And if you come over here and try to make me, I’ll take off all my clothes.” The dentist looked over at his assistant, back over at Robert, and then simply said, “Fine. You go right ahead.”
Robert did. He removed his shirt, undershirt, shoes, and socks, and then he stood defiantly in his Fruit of the Looms and looked at the dentist in a pose of victory.
“All right, son,” the dentist said, “now get in that chair.”
“You didn’t hear me,” said Robert, “I said that if you make me get on that chair, I will take off all my clothes.”
The doctor did not back down. So Robert continued to remove his clothes until he was as naked as the day he was born.
“Now,” said the dentist, “get in that chair.”
This time Robert did as he was told. No crying, no hitting, no kicking, and no biting. When the cavities were drilled and filled, Robert climbed down and asked for his clothes. The dentist said, “No, son, I’m not going to give them to you. You can tell your mother that we’re going to keep your clothes tonight. She can pick them up tomorrow.”
So out came Robert from the dentist’s office into the waiting room to a very shocked mother. But she didn’t say a word! She just took him by the hand, led him down the hall, and walked him right out into the parking lot to their car.
The next day the mother came for her son’s clothes and asked to speak to the dentist. When he came out, she said, “Doctor, I want to thank you for what you did to Robert yesterday. For as long as I can remember, he has threatened us with just about everything. But his favorite has been that he’ll take off his clothes if he doesn’t get his way. You’re the first person who has ever called his bluff, and he’s already become a different child!”
Dr. Kevin Leman, internationally known psychologist, speaker, and author of more than thirty books on marriage and family issues, states in his book, Have a New Kid by Friday:
Think about it –
What is your #1 challenge with your child right now?
In that situation,…use the following principles:
1. Say it once.
2. Turn your back.
3. Walk away.
4) You can lose your mind while trying to make your kids mind by being confusing.
The discipline children receive best and is hardest for parents to give is: “Monkey see, Monkey do!”
Children need clear understanding of parental expectations. Words of parents must match actions of parents.
The Apostle Paul used this illustration:
1 Corinthians 14:7-8
7 Even in the case of lifeless things that make sounds, such as the flute or harp, how will anyone know what tune is being played unless there is a distinction in the notes?
8 Again, if the trumpet does not sound a clear call, who will get ready for battle?
(NIV)
John Lennon wrote a song called “Love.” In it he said,
Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved
But listen to what Lennon’s son, Julian Lennon, said about his father: “I felt he was a hypocrite. Dad could talk about peace and love out loud to the world, but he could never show it to the people who supposedly meant the most to him: his wife and son. How can you talk about peace and love and have a family in bits and pieces—no communication, adultery, divorce? You can’t do it, not if you’re being true and honest with yourself”
"Parenting is not an intellectual endeavor. It does not emanate from the head. If it did, the smartest people would be the best parents. And I have never noticed that. Good parenting is a mater of how rooted you are in the steady soil of common sense. The heart and the gut are what make a good parent, not the head." - John Rosemond
If you want healthy, wholesome children,
try giving them a portion of your heart
rather than a piece of your mind!
