1. This week it’s the GUY’S TURN in learning God’s heart for the marriage relationship.
a. God does have direction for the institution He invented.
b. Marriage is a work of God! He designed it. He develops it.
c. So it’s a blessing to look to Him for the help & strength we need to flourish in our marriages.
Pastor Peter gives us wonderful counsel for our marriages.
• He sheds light on the roles God has given us and remember…
• This counsel was given in light of DIFFICULT TIMES.
• It might change your perspective a little to see that even in difficult times, God’s heart doesn’t change.
• Marriage is a partnering together in Jesus to stand strong not only when things are easy but also when things are tough!
Ecc. 4.9-12 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
HUSBANDS… the solution in your marriage is not another woman.
• The Bible says you don’t need another woman, you just need to learn how to love the one He gave you.
• TO love her. TO cherish her. To dwell with her. To understand her needs. To meet those needs.
• Your FIRST ministry is the wife God gave you: So v7 reads…
I. (3:7) GIVING HONOR
1. (7) Giver Her Honor!
a. Wives don’t get tripped up w/ weaker vessel’!!!
b. Your natural reaction could easily be I’M NOT WEAKER!
c. I’m not LESS than he is.
d. But the reality is MEN & WOMEN are different!
e. This isn’t a statement of VALUE it’s one of UNDERTANDING.
APP: Husbands, here’s what Peter is telling us…
• Cherish your wives, treasure them, give them honor
• The Original language here means PRECIOUS.
• So he’s saying give her honor as a precious vessel. OR
• DON’T TAKE HER FOR GRANTED, DON’T ABUSE HER verbally, physically, any way. DON’T MISUSE your precious wife.
• She’s not the same as you!
• Guys, your wife is a woman, not ANOTHER GUY!
NOTE: A lot times wives feel like their husbands don’t understand them because they get treated like one of the guys.
• Recognize there is a difference. WELL I KNOW THAT ED!
• Yes, but not just a gender difference, but a real difference with different needs, wants, desires, ways of looking at things.
• It means we have to be less & less the man that will FIX IT!
• “just tell me what it is honey & I have the solution!”
• NO, NO, but more & more the type of man that stops & listens & prays before just reacting and jumping in with some solution!
• Someone actually studied the different needs displayed by the husband and the wife. Talk about different!
Five Major Needs of Women
1. Affection, 2. Conversation,
3. Honesty & openness, 4. Financial support, 5. Family commitment.
Five Major Needs of Men
1. Sexual fulfillment, 2. Recreational companionship,
3. An attractive spouse, 4. Help At Home, 5. Admiration.
His Needs, Her Needs, quoted in C. Swindoll, The Grace Awakening, Word, 1990, p. 256
• Of course these things vary but they are so different!
• That’s what makes marriage so interesting as God brings together 2 completely different people & makes them one!
BUT when our home lives are filled with turmoil & discord, it really makes for the breeding ground of destruction.
• The devil knows the Word and believes it…
Mark 3.25 "And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
SO I believe the enemy wants to so distract the husband, and so isolate the wife… that a little division begins.
• Then he adds some turmoil, a dumb insignificant fight, some bickering, some discouragement, a little loneliness.
• & before you know it, you’re not the family God wants U to be!
• And we so quickly become a family in danger of destruction unless we repent & turn to the Lord!
NOTE: Marie & I have noticed a trend over the years.
• It seems like right when God is ready to do something wonderful, something marvelous in our lives… something stupid happens!
• A little argument over dirty clothes. A little disagreement on what to do with the kids. A little tiff over something small!
• We began to see a pattern that things would happen between us to divide us either as the Lord was wanting to do something OR just AFTER the Lord did a wonderful thing!
• Satan was really trying to abort the blessings God gave us!
THINK ABOUT IT. How many had a fight on the way to church?
• Don’t answer, but you get my point.
• For some of you there IS something going on and it took all the energy you could find to just get here and sit down!
• This is the way the enemy works. You get mad at the kids, at each other, at the weather, at the news…
• Satan loves to take those things and blow them out of proportion
• Forget it, I’m not going to church! What? No way.
• Come to church, sit on opposite sides of the sanctuary if you have to but come and let the Spirit of God minister to you.
• Forgive one another. Humble yourselves. Don’t let him win!
HUSBANDS, the Holy Spirit says, dwell with your wives with understanding, or in another translation, with an understanding way.
• That means we need to understand some things about wives men. -- If you’re taking notes, jot these down…
WIVES NEED SECURITY.
• While a husband’s greatest need is to be admired, praised, & encouraged, a wife’s greatest need is security.
• Security in 3 primary areas.
• Remember, we’re DWELLING with our wives in understanding and these are things we need to understand.
#1: FINANCIAL SECURITY. That doesn’t mean you have to make millions but it does speak of you taking care the financial responsibilities so she doesn’t have to worry about them.
• Some women don’t want to surrender that worry, but I would suggest you husbands take the lead in your homes financially.
#2: EMOTIONAL SECURITY. She wants to be secure in your care & love for her.
• Well wait a minute ED, I told her I loved her when we got married! I mean it was a special day. Of course I love her.
• Women need to know that you still love them, still care about them, still think about them.
• You can be a guy that says a lot, but they need to SEE IT!
• Women still want ROMANCE in their marriage.
• Some of you need to start dating your wives again…
• Getting the flowers, the candy, the nights away!
• Go back to your dating days when all you could think about was being with your date… now your wife!
• ((Remember? You couldn’t keep your eyes, your thoughts, your hands off of her!!!))
OH BUT I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT… my emotions have worn off.
• Have you noticed yet, that your emotions will follow your lead?
• Jesus told the church in Ephesus that they had LEFT their FIRST LOVE… Some in marriage leave their first love.
• But if we do our first love actions, our emotions follow!
• God’s able to kindle that romance and excitement all over again!
• You can pray for a heart that pours over with love for your wife and watch what God will do to answer that prayer.
#3: SPRITUAL SECURITY. Men, take the spiritual leadership in your home seriously! You’re example at home is essential!
• But she won’t let me! No, No, she wants your leadership!
• But I don’t know how. That’s ok, God will be your guide…
• Begin with the basics and have a growing walk with the Lord.
• Then take your wife along with you!
• Read the Bible to her. Talk about the messages with her.
• Turn off the TV… and fill the time with love & adoration.
• Reach over at night & take her hand and begin to pray with her, thanking God for her and praying over the needs, over the kids, over the finances, thanking God of the blessings
#4: PHYSCIAL SECURITY. Men, understand she wants you.
• Your wife married you because she wanted to be with you.
• OH, she’s griping all the time that I’m not home enough!
• I’m working 60 hours a week getting all the stuff she wants!
Maybe she doesn’t want all the stuff, maybe she wants you.
• But if you’re not around, she’ll take the stuff, but still be left unfulfilled and ripe for destruction!
NOW LADIES, if you’re putting all sorts of pressure on your husband to do more, and make more, and do more than he can possibly do with the job God has given Him…
• Then you need to learn to be CONTENT with what Gods’ will for your life is right now!
NOW husbands, one way to maintain that physical security for your wives is to be PHYSICALLY home with them.
• “Well I do. I come straight home, don’t go to the bar with the guys, and I just sit down in front of the TV & Veg!”
• “It’s my way of relaxing and winding down!”
NOTE: Being at home is not vegging out in front of the TV.
• That would be called NEGLECT & dwelling with yourself.
• Sure you might have had a long day, & even clocked out at work.
• But remember, you’re clocking in at home.
• Your wives & families need you and your attention.
• When you walk in the door you put on a different kind of hat.
• Now you’re the husband, the daddy, the friend.
• I KNOW you can come home tired, & exhausted.
• But God can give you a special grace to pour into your family!
HUSBANDS, understand this about your wives, they want you.
• They want your attention. They want your time. They want your devotion & love and leadership!
GUYS… GALS… you need to know this… listen.
• I’m no expert on marriages. I’m growing as a husband myself.
• I’m learning as I go, trusting in the Lord to give me wisdom.
• But Marie & I have learned marriage moves forward in grace.
• We need to give each other a lot of grace & forgiveness.
• We have to cut each other some slack and extend to one another the same grace that God extends to us.
• How can stay mad at her when God hasn’t been mad with us?
• How can I live with unforgivness, when my sins are forgotten!
• Does He forget your sins? YES. Does HE accept you just the way you are? YES.
• Well then, in the same way, love one another.
One more thing… God tells men to understand, which means at first we won’t get it. We need to learn & grow & trust.
• The Bible says that the solution to your marriage men is not another woman…
• You just need to learn how to love the one God gave you.
• To love her. Cherish Her. Dwell with her. Pray with her.
• Your first ministry is the one you’re married to right now.
