INTRO: It’s an amazing thing when you get your eyes off yourself. Do you know what happens?
-You can see the world around you, all of a sudden there’s life and beauty that you didn’t notice before.
It’s the same in relationships. When you get your eyes off yourself you will have deeper, more fulfilling and meaningful relationships.
I trust this series on relationship builders has caused you to stop and reflect on how you are being a friend to others.
Review our diagram
Healthy Relationships Serving Loyalty Forgiveness
Serving (Pillar 1). We got a glimpse of the Lord’s life, in the last few hours. The scene showed his disciples bickering about who would be the greatest while Judas was out making a deal with the devil to turn the Lord over to the religious establishment.
-The Lord did something amazing. He began to wash their feet, something no one else wanted to do. That is truly serving.
Loyalty (Pillar 2). We looked at the man Uriah who was loyal to his soldiers, his country, God, and the king. We learned loyalty will cost you something, it may cost you your life, but it will be remembered.
The third pillar, which we are going to look at today, is forgiveness.
TITLE: Relationship Builders
TEXT: Matthew 18:21-22
Thoughts on forgiveness:
-Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.
-We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive.
-Once President Lincoln was asked how he was going to treat the rebellious Southerners when they had finally been defeated and returned to the union of the United States. The questioner expected that Lincoln would take a dire vengeance, but he answered, "I will treat them as if they had never been away."
I. Peter’s question. Peter questioned Jesus, "How many times do I forgive someone?"
A. Peter’s mistakes. In Peter’s questioning we see some errors in his way of thinking.
1.To begin with, he lacked humility. He was sure his brother would sin against him, but not he against his brother.
-When you draw a line in the sand, don’t be surprised when you’re the one who steps over the line.
2.His second mistake was asking for limits and measures.
Point: Where there is love, there can be no limits or dimensions.
B. Peter thought he was showing great faith and love when he offered to forgive at least seven times.
1.Rabbis taught that three times was sufficient, after that you don’t have to forgive.
2.Jesus blows Peter’s mind-77 times (NIV), literally 490 times.
-How in the world could you keep track of such a number!
Point: That is the point Jesus is making. Love keeps no record of wrongs.
3.But, Pastor, you don’t know what they’ve done to me.
1.When you don’t forgive, you are setting yourself up as judge and jury and you start to view those who hurt you as your enemy.
2.Somehow when they’re your enemy it is a bit easier to justify your right to dwell on how they hurt you.
3.I would like to mention just as there are physical laws (law of gravity) there are spiritual laws.
-Spiritual law in regard to forgiveness.
a.The Lord’s prayer. Luke 11:4a, "Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us."
-We are asking the Lord to forgive us as we forgive others.
b.Matthew gives us a spiritual law in 6:14-15, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Thought: If we break these spiritual laws there are consequences to pay.
II. Consequences of unforgiveness.
A. Parable of the unmerciful servant. The king wanted to settle accounts so he called in his servants.
1. A man was brought in who owed 10,000 talents.
-A talent was a unit of measure equivalent to 75 pounds. 10,000 talents would be about 750,000 pounds or 375 tons. So the servant owed the king 375 tons of gold or silver. (for argument’s sake—gold)
-A talent of gold is 450,000 dollars; 10,000 talents of gold is 4.5 billion dollars. Point: Jesus’ point is that the servant could not pay this huge debt.
2.Result: This man and his family were hauled off to prison and everything he owned was to be sold to repay the debt. (this is important—v. 25)
3.The man cries out for mercy. The king listens and forgives the 4.5 billion dollar debt owed.
-So the servant goes on his way and he meets up with someone who owed him a hundred denarii. (A denarii was approximately equal to a laborer’s daily wage. 10 x 8 = 80 dollars x 100 comes out to 8,000 dollars.)
4.This man begged for some time to pay it back. The man who was forgiven the 4.5 billion dollar debt refused and had the man thrown into prison.
5.The king finds out about this servant who was forgiven so much and has him brought before him. V. 34, "In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed."
-Jesus said, "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
a. The servant was turned over to be tortured. KJV, "He will be turned over to the tormenters" (not merely jailers but turned over to the tormenters).
-The king originally delivered him from prison but the servant put himself back in.
B. The world’s worst prison is the prison of an unforgiving heart. It not only brings punishment on the individual but also to families.
1. V. 25 tells us this man and his family were going to be tossed into prison. (His wife and kids had nothing to do with this debt but they were going to be punished as well.)
-That was the way it was done—the whole family was affected. (The man was turned over to the tormenters; the family was, too. Maybe they didn’t go to prison, but what were they going to do now with the main breadwinner behind bars.)
-Maybe they had to resort to begging in order to survive.
C. Unforgiveness affects not only the individual but also those around him.
1.Example: The story of King David’s children, 2 Samuel 13. Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar and then rejected her. Absalom was the first to hear the bad news and the first to do something. He tried to pick up the broken pieces.
Absalom cared for his sister, his heart was hardening toward his dad (King David) because he did nothing. So he took matters into his own hands. In his unforgiveness, he killed his brother Amnon and eventually tried to take the kingdom from his father. This coup led to 20,000 casualties, not to mention the turmoil throughout the country.
2.Example: Talk about Haman who couldn’t forgive a Jew for not kneeling in his presence. The end result was that he was hung on his own gallows, all his property and possessions were given away, his 10 sons were hanged, and 75,000 people were killed.
Thought: Forgiveness is an important principle. The bottom line is—if we don’t forgive, God won’t forgive us and we will be turned over to the tormenters along with those we love.
3.Saying.
-You want to have a yoke of thorns and eventually be crushed, then don’t forgive. -You want the devil to rule and reign in your household, then don’t forgive. -You want a life of defeat and misery, then don’t forgive.
-You want your worst fears to come true, then don’t forgive.
-You want to go to hell, then don’t forgive.
In Conclusion:
Forgiveness is a pillar to healthy relationships.
-Think about Joseph, a man who was mistreated, beaten, and sold into slavery by his brothers. He became a slave in Potipher’s house. Potipher’s crazy wife tried to seduce him, he rejected her and she falsely accused him of rape. He was thrown into the dungeon for many years. He had every right, from the natural eye, not to forgive his brothers, his boss, and his God.
But he forgave and God blessed him. He saved his family and a nation.
