An Associated Press story printed 10 days ago on Valentine’s Day reported a woman who had just celebrated her 50th anniversary. While that is commendable in itself, what made the story unusual was the fact that all 6 of her older siblings had also been married 50 years or more. Collectively, these 7 siblings have been married 391 years and the attribute their marital success to the example set by their late parents, who were married 58 years. Isn’t that great? Wow. I love to hear stories like that.
Well, we don’t need to go to the newspapers to find exciting stories like this. Right here in our own church, we have ____ who have been married more than 50 years; and ___ and her late husband ____, they had been married 50 years. And just a few days ago, _______ celebrated their 60th Anniversary. We need to congratulate these people.
For many people today, 50 years of marriage seems like an impossible feat. Many newly married couples wonder if they’ll make it 5 or 6 years, never mind 50 or 60. We’ve all known couples, even Christian couples, who seemed to have the ideal marriage – until they were divorced. And you wonder, if those couples didn’t make it, what chance do you and I have? With all the pressures and temptations that are pulling marriages apart, how can one faithfully love and cherish his/her spouse for 50 years or longer?
What is it that separates those who experienced long, and mostly happy marriages, and those who seen their marriages crumble? Why do some make 50 or 60 and others can’t make 10? Is it their resolve? Is it merely a matter of determination (will-power)? Is it the luck of the draw? Is there a “secret” to a long – and happy – marriage?
I read an interesting statement that I believe sheds some light on this issue. This is what it said:
“We are convinced the number one reason for the escalating divorce rate among Christian couples is that they are embracing the world’s mind-set, rather than God’s mind-set, regarding their marriage vows.” (Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus; Intimate Issues)
This is interesting because it isn’t giving a simple formulae for success.
I remember one person telling me, years ago, what it takes to impress a girl. His solution was two-fold; chocolate and flowers.
I’m sure there’s much to be said for giving gifts, but sometimes it can backfire.
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new Bathroom Scale. Ed has been missing since Friday.... Please pray for him.
As the quote I read a moment ago suggests; it isn’t one thing that we do or don’t do that cultivates a strong marriage; rather it is the mind-set that we embrace that is so important.
And that’s why this message is important – whether you are married or not – because what we’re dealing with today isn’t just about marriage – it’s about the mind-set or worldview that we live by that affects virtually every kind of relationship we have; at home; at work; at school, in our community.
Generally speaking, we come to faith in Christ. We become active in our churches. We do our spiritual routines, but we still operate out of a basically worldly mind-set.
I believe this is why the divorce rate for Christians isn’t any better than for non-Christians – because while we have come to faith in Christ, our mind-set isn’t necessarily changed.
Paul wrote to the Romans: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...” (Romans 12:2).
Your worldview, or your mind-set will greatly impact the success of your marriage.
So with that in mind, this morning I want us to look at three expressions (evidences) of the world’s mind-set that are bound to tear marriages apart – whether you go to church or not.
1. Mind-Set of Convenience.
Everything in our world is based on personal convenience. We want it. We want it now. We want it easy. We want it without strings attached. We want it newer, faster, bigger, better.
The bottom line is we are spoiled – and the merchants know this.
Do you know that we had hundreds of cloth diapers donated to our clothing room – and nobody wants them. Why? Who wants to bother with the trouble of washing, drying and folding cloth diapers when you can pull out a disposable diaper out of a box/bag and then toss it away. Disposable is so easy.
We have disposable plates, cups & cutlery.
We have instant tax refunds. Why wait? You can have it now! Stores offer credit.
We have fast food and microwave food. We have drive throughs. We are a society bent on convenience.
Convenience in itself isn’t bad; but when it becomes the measuring stick for making decisions, some of the decisions we make won’t be the best ones.
The classic example, of course, is the couple who is having difficulty in their marriage.
When someone has a mind-set of convenience, it becomes much easier to break the marriage than to deal with the issues that are difficult.
In effect, we’ve created disposable relationships.
2. Mind-Set of Individualism.
We live in a world where everyone is looking out for themselves.
I have “my rights”. I can have it “my way”. I have to look out for “myself”.
The basic question that is asked is “what’s in it for me”?
And this mind-set doesn’t just disappear because someone is a Christian.
Take a look at what Paul had to teach the Ephesians He said… (Read Eph 4:29).
The result of individualism is that instead of cooperation, there is competition. Instead of mutually building up one another in love; there is selfish interest. Instead of each member of the family being identified as part of the whole family; each person pushes forth their own priorities. Individual advancement becomes more important than anything else.
I’m going to tread on some very dangerous water here and say that for some people (not everybody), individual advancement is put even before their own children.
I need to be clear on this – if there’s any way for a couple to avoid having to both go to work particularly when there are pre-school children in the family; they need to find that way.
Sometimes, not always, personal advancement is taking precedence over the care of children.
That’s the mind-set we’ve adopted. And it’s the same mind-set that eventually hurts marriages.
3. Mind-Set of Distrust.
We live in a world where promises don’t mean anything.
Politicians say “no new taxes”, then we get new taxes.
All sorts of advertisements promise products that are long lasting and durable; but are not.
We have been disappointed with so many broken promises that we no longer expect promises to be kept. We don’t take them seriously.
We take our marriage “vows” but in the back of our mind we don’t take them seriously.
Some people even go into marriage with a pre-determined agreement on what they will do if their marriage was to fail. The escape clause is there.
It’s like driving down the steep slope into Skagway – every so often there’s an escape ramp.
In contrast, Jesus said “let your yes be yes”.
These are the mind-sets that are predominant in our society; Convenience, Individualism, Distrust – and they are destroying marriages both in the church and outside.
My friends; if we want lasting relationships; whether it’s your marriage or your relationships at home, at work, or even at church; if we want to develop healthy and lasting relationships, we need to start from the bottom up; we need to re-organize our thinking; we need to get away from the worldly mind-set and build on a godly mind-set.
Next Sunday we’re going to look at exactly that. What is, and how do we build, a godly mind-set.
