4 Play: Four Keys to a Winning Marriage Series
Third Down: Honor
Feb. 17, 2008 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor
Introduction:
A Valentine, the priest who Valentine’s Day is named for, was martyred for the great and godly institution of marriage.
1 The emperor of Rome at the time, Claudius, passed a law banning marriages. His reason was simple. Men would not volunteer to join his Roman army with wives and girlfriends to leave behind.
a Valentine knew that God instituted the family and His will included great marriages. So, he kept on performing marriage ceremonies – but secretly.
b He would whisper the words of the ceremony, while listening for soldiers on the steps outside.
2 One night, he did hear footsteps. The couple he was marrying escaped, but he was caught. He was thrown in jail and sentenced to death.
a Valentine tried to stay cheerful while imprisoned, and many young
people came to the jail to visit him—actually performing ceremonies while imprisoned. The jailer’s daughter would often visit Valentine in his cell, and they sat and talked for hours.
b She believed he did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and performing marriage ceremonies.
3 On the day, Valentine was to die, he left her a note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. He signed it, "Love from your Valentine."
a That note started the custom of exchanging love notes on Valentine’s Day. It was written on the day he died, February 14, 269 A.D.
b There was a guy who honored the institution of Marriage!
B Even if your marriage was made in heaven, it must be maintained here on earth.
C We’ve looked so far this month on 4-Play: Running 4 key plays to having winning marriage.
1 First Down: Focus
a Second Down: Commitment
b Third Down: Honor
2 Honor can be given in four areas/dominions in married life.
a Let’s look at how it happens as we approach 3rd down.
b Let’s Pray.
I Love that keeps marriages together gives honor in all four dominions of life: emotional, intellectual, physical, & spiritual.
A Love her, respect him: emotional & intellectual honor
1 ...and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Eph 5:21 (NASB) Successful marriages are successful because...both parties met the needs of their spouse.
2 What each party needs: wives need their guy to...
a Care for her emotional honor (she needs to know she’s loved).
b Tell her everyday, take her to dinner, buy her a flower, turn off the game on the radio on the way to grandma’s & just talk to her.
3 Husbands need their gal to...
a Show him respect-care for his intellectual honor.
b It sounds like ego-stroking (not a bad idea), but honoring intellectually is different.
c Honoring intellectually means you respect his intentions, ideas, decisions as they work to provide for the family.
B Adam & Eve are a great case study in honor. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman , because she was taken out of Man ." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Gen 2:23-25 (NASB)
1 Adam & Eve’s marriage started just like yours...in love.
a In chapter 3, Eve falls prey to the serpent-breaks Dad’s only rule!
b When God saw what happened, He went looking for the responsible party.
2 They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" Gen 3:8-9 (NASB)
a The MAN was responsible in God’s eyes (Big)
b The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate." Gen 3:12 (NASB)
c Adam blamed his wife-ouch! TWO BIG MISTAKES!!
aa He blamed God for giving him a crummy wife
bb Adam gave Eve a reason to doubt his love for her-we’ve been hurting ever since!
C Sexuality-physical honor
1 When you start honoring your spouse emotionally/intellectually, you’ll start & end more days with a smile.
a And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Gen 2:25 (NASB)
b If you’re looking at anyone else & thinking about being naked with that person you’re not married to...stop it (shameful to your marriage).
c Guys/gals: We don’t ever need to discuss our sexual life with anyone other than our spouse & God (on rare occasions, a clinically trained therapist who believes God brings healing).
aa Not...your hairdresser, boss, co-workers, parents, Oprah
bb God gave sex to you & your spouse to enjoy privately.
D Spiritual honoring
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands...1 Peter 3:1-5 (NASB)
2 I can see how v. 1-5 causes a problem with women who don’t believe in God, don’t accept that Jesus died for sin, don’t believe in the resurrection, don’t believe that to live forever she must die to her own agenda,
a If you know the Lord, v. 1-5 are not a license for someone to walk on you. It’s simply God’s instruction to you. Submission isn’t a simile for doormat.
b V. 7 isn’t your license to nag, either. It’s simply God’s instruction to your husband.
3 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (NASB)
a Men, your wife is God’s little girl. If you mistreat her, Big Daddy has no time for you!
aa Speak blessing to her, to your home. So many of us spread anger, jealousy, & criticism. We spread a curse instead of blessings.
bb Men, bless your homes & don’t leave the blessing to the next guy. It’s YOUR job.
b Ladies, what possible reason could you have for not wanting your husband to be a godly leader in your home?
Conclusion:
A Man sign their marriage license and immediatly afterward as more of a hunting license.
1 Lie in wait, looking for the opp. to pounce on their spouses every fault, flaw, quirk, tick, etc.
a "You know, there is something you that . . ." OR "Sweetheart, you told me you always want me to be honest, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time. . ."
b There’s nothing wrong with well-time, well-meaning, loving criticism. . . but your marriage is a place where love NOT CRITICISM should reign supreme.
2 Isn’t it amazing when a guest comes to your home, they spill something and it’s "All heck, don’t worry about it. I do it all the time."
a Spouse/kid does it, "You are so clumsy! Look what you’ve done!"
b Why is it we give the most important person (people) in our life so little honor?
c We get so used to these people, our relationships get so "mundane", that we have a hard time holding them in a place of honor/regard.
3 In our homes, we should create an environment of love-finding, not fault-finding. HONOR
a God’s given each of us an opportunity to love others as Christ loved . . . passionately, unconditionally, and consistently. . . even to those we see every day.
b There’s nothing mundane about the love of Christ, and there ought be nothing mundane about our love for those in marriage.
B Honoring our spouse intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
a Today, you may be here and you think there is no way for your marriage for get better or survive. Even if you’ve had difficulty for years . . . ask God for and pursue improvement in your marriage. (Don’t say "no" for God.)
b Cancer, ask for and pursue healing. Don’t say "no" for God.
c Even if all you can see are lose-lose propositions at work, ask for and pursue win-win propositions
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Respectfully,
Mike Fogerson
