Text: Mark 10:1-12, Title: Going Through the Big “D,” Date/Place: NRBC, 2/24/08, PM
A. Opening illustration: Preview with pastoral warning and assurance of care and openness to hearing differing viewpoints, Snapshot of marriage in America, from Covenant Marriage by Fred Lowry, p. 18, Why is it that Christians have a similar divorce rate as non-Christians? States will the highest populations of Christians have some of the highest divorce rates. Baptists take the prize within Christian denominations of highest divorce rate. 60% of American children will see their parents divorce by the time they are 18, and half of them will see a second divorce by 18. Studies show that for 18 months after a divorce children show similar signs of trauma to victims of natural disasters
B. Background to passage: Jesus is now heading down the home stretch of his ministry on his way to Jerusalem to endure the cross. He has left Galilee and some fruitful ministry there. And he crosses the Jordan river heading eastward to minister to the Jews and Pereans on the other side of the river, then heads south to Jericho and up to Jerusalem from there. The first incident in the Perean ministry is this incident with the Pharisees regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. The text states that it is a trap, so it probably has something to do the marriage of Antipater and Herodias that got John the Baptist killed. Note the textual difficulties and the origin of this gospel and Matthew.
C. Main thought: from the text, and others, discern some truths about marriage and divorce.
A. Insights on how we approach scripture (v. 2-4)
1. This interesting and controversial text gives us some warnings about how the Pharisees and evangelicals deal with scripture. First it cautions against proof-text theology. When someone does this they find a scripture that can be or does say what they want, and they champion it with blanket importance at the expense of other texts on the same subject. Jesus in his answer teaches that sometimes we must return to the goal of discerning God’s will that underlies a particular description. Jesus goes back to Gen 1 & 2 instead of Deut. Second, we should guard against preconception in our search for truth. Realize that we have the ability to be wrong and biased about it. The Pharisees treated women as property here, and it influenced how they viewed marriage and divorce. Jesus however elevated the status of women through his remarks here about their equality from creation and their ability to divorce, and their accountability. Third, Jesus warns against the “looking for loopholes” mentality. They wanted to see what they could get away with, not how close to God they could get. They wanted to inch up to the edge of the cliff and walk right down the edge.
2. Illustration: one writer said the Pharisees reminded him of someone who took a loan from the bank on Monday, and on Tuesday returned to calculate the terms on which he could default on the loan. Joshua Harris’ example of the Christian dating ethic seeing how far they can go,
3. Make sure that your position takes into account the breadth of the scriptural counsel on any given subject. And do the work of thinking about the text as you wrestle, not simply taking what others say, or refusing to examine other texts. We are all raised differently, and therefore have certain things about scripture already decided in our minds, and we have the tendency to bend other texts to fit our preconceived notion. And it is probably not that any of us will achieve total objectivity, but we should be willing to be corrected or embrace other positions if we decide that the text teaches them. Know that you are a southern, American, Western Christian, and you will see things through that lens. Don’t get in the habit of looking at scripture to see what you can still do and be a Christian. Look to it as a guide to see how close to Jesus you can get.
B. Insights on Marriage (v. 5-9)
1. As mentioned earlier when Jesus was asked about divorce, his answer was marriage. He said that they were asking the wrong question. The Pharisees understood what he was implying, as well as the disciples. After they asked him about Deut 24, which deals with remarriage after a divorce, he talks about Genesis. He goes back to the original intent of marriage by the designer and speaks of marriage’s permanence. He states that permanence was God’s desire, and His design, and if that wasn’t clear, he commands it clearly in verse nine. And he gives the reason behind the Deut passage: the hardness of heart. So I believe that we can gain from this that all divorce is sinful and the result of sin. We must wrestle with the fact that neither Mark nor Luke includes the “exception clause” for fornication.
2. Illustration: one writer spoke of Deut 24 like cigarette smoking, the government didn’t invent smoking, but it doesn’t strictly prohibit smoking, however, it does heavily regulate the entire industry, Overall, 33% of all born again individuals who have been married have gone through a divorce, which is statistically identical to the 34% incidence among non-born again adults, Studies show that 85% of couples who are considering divorce, stay married, in 5 years, they are “happy,” 60% of divorced men and 73% of divorced women with children after one year of divorce feel like their divorce was a mistake.
3. Everyone used to go into marriage with the idea of permanence. And most still today pledge to stay together “until death do us part.” And so it seems that where this really comes into play in our lives is when things get difficult. And of course, you would expect this to be the place that Christians shine because they have a commitment to the Savior, and the resources of the bible, the Holy Spirit, and the church, which the unbelieving world does not have. We must be diligent to maintain a Christian worldview and mindset during difficult circumstances, especially during marital difficulties, which tend to hurt the deepest, and cause the most destruction. So with the deadly serious nature of the covenant of marriage, we are to commit in every way that we know to make marriage flourish.
C. Hard Sayings
1. There is a book out called The Hard Sayings of Jesus. The reaction of the disciples is given us in Matthew, where they indicated that it was better not to get married if there was no easy way out. This may be a little of an overstatement, but they understood that his implication was that discipleship affects all areas of life, including marriage.
2. Illustration: What’s the point of these two verses? Why does Jesus say this? Doesn’t he know that in his audience and this audience are people who are divorced and remarried? Parents of people who are divorced and remarried. Children of people who are divorced and remarried. Doesn’t he know this will hurt? I think he does know that. I think he cares about that. There are few things that hurt more than the break-up of a marriage. It is far more painful than the death of a spouse. And does much more damage to all concerned. Jesus knows that. But unlike our day, where not hurting feelings is the essence of love, Jesus thinks the essence of love is helping people to live in sync with reality, namely, God. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s always meant for our good, if we will believe him. Paul Washer says, that your best friend is the person who tells you the most truth, Dr Lanier, one of my old seminary professors said that if you are faithful to the words of Jesus today that people will be offended, because hearts are no less hard today,
3. Don’t hear Jesus’ sayings as callous or hurtful, but compassionate, and in your best interest. We must believe that little children’s song that says that God’s way is the best way. Refuse the lie that Jesus’ words were from a different day, therefore are not applicable in our circumstances or in our day. Commit yourself to living by Jesus’ words and not the practical advice of friends, family, counselors, and others, if they are in conflict. Also commit to doing the hard work biblically of gaining a greater understanding of the many texts that deal with marriage and divorce. In sum, there are no circumstances that require a divorce, Christians can work through anything. Is divorce prohibited by Jesus? If you pin me down. Almost. But again, the question that we should ask is: what is God’s intention for marriage, not how do we get out.
D. More Application
1. Toward the married
i. Happily—take divorce off the table now afresh. Recommit your marriage to operating on biblical principles. Commit to seeking help if problems that you can’t handle alone arise. And don’t fail to work hard on your marriage. Look to help other couples. And do not be self-righteous about your endurance and faithfulness to the covenant that you make as if you did it by yourself.
ii. Unhappily—Both individuals need to recommit to being as close to Jesus as possible. Get help, please. If you don’t want to talk with me, I can help you find a counselor. Don’t resign yourself to an unhappy state. Find your satisfaction in Jesus. And I know that you cannot make your spouse be spiritual. So if you are the one, recommit to prevailing prayer.
2. Toward the divorced/remarried—don’t see this as Jesus heaping guilt into already painful situation, or salt on an open wound. Divorce is not, nor should it be viewed or treated as the great unforgivable sin. See it as a pathway to freedom. Repentance of sin (even for the “innocent”) is our starting point. Then forgiveness in also in order. But realize that even though all the circumstances for divorce and remarriage may not have been ideal, afterwards God will use them in the furtherance of the kingdom.
3. Toward the single: Marriage is deadly serious, remember what the disciples said. Prepare your heart, mind, and goals to achieve the proper perspective. Remember too that singleness is a gift from God as marriage is. So use it to the utmost of its ability. Kill sexual sin in your life before you get married, that won’t fix it.
A. Closing illustration: One bright spot: Mormon Marriage in the Temple—6% divorce rate. Give the 10 ways that they begin to prohibit divorce.
a. They date within the faith
b. They are committed to their faith—as part of the vows the couple commits to church
c. They straighten up before marriage—pre-marital counseling is strict: faith, sex, tobacco
d. The ceremony is sacred
e. They marry for eternity
f. They have family prayer and scripture time
g. Their young people go on 2 year mission trips—live with others 24/7
h. They get help when they have a problem
i. The believe children create happy, healthy marriages
j. They don’t watch Monday Nigh Football—Family night means no TV, computer, but family
B. Tell about Fred Osgood’s testimony about being transformed as a husband/father
C. Questions and answers
Additional Notes
• Three book recommendations
