Character of an Elder, pt. 2
This week a cherished family member passed away. To some of you, he was dad, grandpa, or husband. To many of the rest of us, he was family under the Fatherhood of God. I learned and saw a lot about Don Nelson Friday and Saturday, as memories and photographs were shared. Brittany and Wendy talked about how he always asked for Root Beer in the restaurants, and got quite upset if they didn’t offer it. I learned of his unique WW2 army experience, and his being ordered to go through Basic Training twice—because of a paperwork snafu, and the fact that he was trained in three successive skills that the Air Force kept deciding wasn’t needed, until he was finally given a bicycle and told to stay stateside and deliver mail on base in Illinois. And it was around that time that he was divinely led, some say, to meet Reva at a dance. Get this: on their first date, he asked her 25 times . . . to marry him!!! And she kept saying “No!” until the 26th time.
I have always known Don and Reva to be inseparable, and I have seen her love that cared deeply for him even through the very difficult year and a half (or so) of his illness. What I learned yesterday was how much of a princess he treated her like, even going so far as doing the dishes after any and all family gatherings. (Is that possible?)
And while I was touched by so much, for some reason, it was the Veteran’s honor guard ritual at the and that unexpectedly put a lump in my throat. The solemnity. The dedication. The “bang . . . bang . . . bang” of the salute. The playing of “Taps.” The careful, precise folding of the flag. And their honoring Reva as they handed it over, along with some words and the three shells from the salute.
The very ritual, with its awesome juxtaposition of cracking rifles and solemn, muted, bugle, and all the military decorum they would muster, says: this man is important! And though his body lay lifeless, his memory will live on.
I am truly grateful for Don’s service to our country, as I am grateful for the many privileges of this country. And I don’t want that to be misunderstood for what I am about to say next: It occurred to me, that had he not been in the military, he would not have had such a moving ceremonial ending to the service. And yet, his time in the service, even had he served in Iwo Jima or the Berlin Theater, was not the most honorable and noteworthy part of his life. Rather, it was his dedication to his Lord, and how he learned to live that out in the context of his family and friends and neighbors that will for eternity remain the most noteworthy achievement of a life granted to him by the grace of God.
I wondered if all Christians shouldn’t be deserving of some sort of “honor guard” that in all humility honored the deceased for their steadfast and grace-covered life in the Lord. Surely the life of a devoted Christ-follower is worthy of honor!
Last week we keyed in on the role that Elders have as spiritual men, whose specific qualities enables them to guide the church to hold on to and live according to God’s truth.
Titus 1:5-9
5 The reason I left you in Crete was that you might straighten out what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you. 6 An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
“An elder is given responsibility to preserve the preciousness of the treasure that is the Good News,” as well as to guard the preciousness of “the flock”.
Last week our focus was that a church will naturally recognize an elder/shepherd’s “experience” in key areas of life and with the Lord.
This week we will take a closer look at an elder’s . . .
Character
There are many words and phrases and images used in the context of the New Testament, including our passage from Titus, to describe the type of character an elder should have. (I take the following general outline from Lynn Anderson’s “Smell like Sheep”)
The first we notices is:
Consistency:
A consistently and spiritually mature elder is evident to all, and as such can be
"Blameless" , or “above reproach”. This word is used in both I Timothy and Titus as "the umbrella" term for all the other qualities that describe what an elder is. (see I Tim. 3:2; Titus 1:6, 7). (thanks to Bob Lowery, and his article “Daring . . .” p. 13)
It appears twice in our passage, causing us to “take note.” The first time it appears on verse 6 it is followed by
Above reproach:
husband of one wife
children who are believers/faithful,
not having wild lifestyles/rebellious.
Above reproach:
(Negatively speaking)
Not arrogant
Not quick tempered
Not a drunkard
Not violent
Not greedy for gain
(Positively Speaking)
Hospitable
Lover of good
Self-controlled
Upright
Holy
Disciplined
These are all character traits that we can observe in a man. Both outsiders and insiders will know him has a consistent man.
We don’t just take a man and slap a title on him. As we talked about last week, we take a man whose consistent character and love for God has overflowed into natural “shepherding work.” When men are approved as a church’s elders, they have had time to show their true nature.
He is one who, though not perfect, is visibly under the consistent guidance of the Lord. In fact, his reputation is to be so well known and thorough, that Paul cautions us to
1 Tim 5:19 . . . not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses.
I said last week that I have never known any elder to be perfect, all have exhibited some frailty—and as you get to know someone, you will generally find what we might call “personality quirks.” Yet, most of them have been men of character who loved God deeply, and his church. There was one, however, who over the course of some time had shown himself to have a temper, that when pressed, would more consistently than not overflow into abusive talk, and bullying—especially when in conflict with other men. It came to head over a dispute about the character of another fellow servant, who, it was shown, was open to charges—and guilty of--serious misconduct.
The problem was not that this elder had what proved to be valid concerns. The problem was that in his (what seemed to be “self-righteous”) zeal to accuse another, resorted to bullying and throwing out unsubstantiated accusations (along with some that proved correct)
. . . to the point that it left no hope for reconciliation or restoration with the man under “investigation” and it also split the church into two distinct camps. This elder did not show gentleness in his approach. In his mind, he was doing “right”, but in the minds of both the “flock” and other fellow shepherds and leaders, he was going over board and wounded the church body. He would have been wise to heed the words of Paul when he wrote:
1 Tim 5:1 Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father. Treat younger men like brothers, 2 older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity.
and
Galatians 6 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Consequently, his title and function were taken away from him.
Now, as a follow up: The man under investigation, also a shepherd, never did face up to his charges, and left the church completely. The bullying elder, who was an elder no more, did also go through a tough personal time. You can imagine what it must have been like for him, as father of a very active family in the church, to experience that humbling. And yet, to the credit of the rest of the leaders in the church, and some of the members, they showed love to him, and expressed their desire for him to still flourish in the ministry of the church. And to his credit, he did not leave the church in a huff, but took his lumps and moved on.
Healing for everyone involved took much time. And yet by the grace of God, healing is happening. And they will continue to do so as they follow the words of Paul in Ephesians:
EPH 4:2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
This is crucial for all God’s people, to bear each other in EXPRESSIBLE love. Conflict in churches is bound to happen. We are people, right?
And especially as a church begins to address its weak areas (“why we are not growing”, or “what needs work in our church” (like our survey), we will have to ask hard questions, we will have to face shortcomings (as an organization and as individuals) and things can get touchy. A church that lives at peace does at least two helpful things during these times:
• One, it encourages honest feedback. Nothing is gained by avoiding truth, even when it is uncomfortable.
• Two, being honest is best done with gentle humility, and often initiated in private, careful to avoid public rancor and disputes.
Both of these points concern me, as they represent the two extremes on the “slippery slope of peacemaking.” One is denial, avoidance. The other is bullying and dissension. Neither serve to build up the church of God.
Where do we find ourselves on that continuum? And are we more quick to think of where others fit, and justify our own habits, rather than taking care of ourselves first, and then remembering to gently help others with their shortfalls?
And elders need to lead in this area, above all.
2 TIMOTHY 2:24 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth
Consistency of Character is so important for an elder, because as verse 7 says, he is serving as “God’s Steward.”
Steward translates a term that is used of someone who is responsible for managing or administering something, as, for instance, a household or an estate (compare Luke 12.42; 16.1–8), but here a congregation or a church, which is God’s household.
Another way to express this first sentence is “Church leaders are managers of (or, are in charge of) God’s work.” (Arichea, D. C., & Hatton, H. (1995). A handbook on Paul’s letters to Timothy and to Titus. UBS handbook series; Helps for translators (273). New York: United Bible Societies.)
As stewards of God’s work, elders have access to homes and to sometimes private and delicate situations. They are who people look to, and should look up to. And they must be above reproach, not being open to charges, well thought of.
Consistency is rooted in:
Self-control
This is one area where Paul stresses leaders need to “stand out” from the crowd. Two weeks ago we actually saw that this term is one that applies to allllll Christians, old and young alike. And if it applies to all, how much more to men of God entrusted with the care of his flock.
Lack of self control can come up in many arenas:
v. 7 lists several from the negative perspective
7 Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. (ESV says “greedy for gain”)
Money/Emotions/Vices These are not uncommon in our culture. And leaders are not above facing these temptations.
Money: An elder in one church I was member of, was quite wealthy. He owned part of a national company, a nice home, and drove luxury cars. And yet he didn’t seem imprisoned by a “love for money.” In fact, he was quite generous, whether it was giving a free car to someone who had the need, or inviting families over for meals at his house, or personally guiding people through their own financial hard times. You would not look at this man and say “He thinks he is above others because of his money.” His deep love for the church and selfless giving was also passed down to his grown children. None in his family were ever open to the charge of being lovers of money. They were obvious lovers of God, and of people.
Another elder I knew took many young guys like me, and formed “discipleship groups.” One of the first lessons we were taught was how a Christian is marked by a humble nature. That is: not the false humility of putting oneself down, but rather, a lifting up of the needs of others, being watchful of one’s own pride.
He himself knew the struggle of pride. He was one that was “blessed” (tongue in cheek) with a very sharp wit, with a deep desire to follow God’s word to the letter, and he knew how to carry himself in an imposing manner. None of those traits are the mark of humility. And none of those are becoming of a Christ-follower, let alone a shepherd of God’s church. And with time, he learned to “put on Christ” in those areas.
Another area he kept close watch on was our struggles with lust. If you are a man, there is a high percentage that this will be an area of temptation for you. I and my friends were no exception. Our society is one that easily feeds that temptation. It is practically everywhere you look. And now with the internet, it is even worse. As one young man I know put it: “Pornography is so accessible now, if you have the internet, it can be like piping crack straight into your home!” Easily accessible and highly addictive. Any man of God (or woman of God) is warned to flee such immorality.
If you have found this to be a temptation area for you: I highly recommend that in the very least, you build instant safeguards to keep from unintended wandering, or even intentional wandering if you find yourself in a weak moment. It can be highly addictive, and highly destructive.
There is excellent software out there to help you. The best I know of is called “Safeeyes.” You may want to write that name down. If money is tight, you can get decent free version of “K9” protection by “Blue Coat.”
In our family we have such protection. My wife is the guardian of it. Only she has the password. Because this is such a problem area for many, many, many men, and because it can be soo easily addictive, especially if kept a secret, and injure or destroy so many families, I urge you to build safeguards or take corrective action now, if you have not. There is little room to be proud, or falsely above the fray, in this area. Such thinking only leads to destruction.
I have known men to struggle with this since puberty. I have known others that seemed “free” from it until curiosity got the better of them—and they were well into senior citizen status. Some are hooked for hours and days. Others dabble in it off an on. None of it should have a place in the man of God, and certainly those who would set an example need to deal swiftly and specifically with it. There are so many resources available to you now. It is not an area easily talked about, it is an area one would want to overlook, but it is time to take a stand.
If you happen to be a family where both partners have temptation in that area, then you can always ask a trusted friend to “hold the keys” for you.
Now that is just part of equation. Ultimately, we need to be growing in the grace and love of our Lord, learning to treasure true love and obedience that is found in him
But an elder will be one, who, as he faces temptations, has learned to resist and grow beyond them, teaching others how to do the same (for all of us are to be showing self-control).
Lack of control in any of these areas may be hidden for a while, but with time will show up. And when they show up will seriously damage the reputation of the church . . . and more importantly, bring public shame on the name of Christ, because of our association with him.
Showing self-control, can also be thought of in a positive way. An elder has learned to discipline himself in his own growth, as well as care for the church
Lynn Anderson, in his helpful book, “they smell like sheep” says: “Many a faith shepherd, although battered by pain in his own life, consistently nurtures other hurting people. These are disciplined people—people of positive self-control.”
Angie and I have read from a little book called “the Wounded Healer.” In it, Henri Nouwen describes a spiritual leader, in part, as one who in the midst of—perhaps because of—his own pain and suffering, has learned to “make room” for others who are hurting.
An elder doesn’t hide his hurts, but uses them as a bridge to connect with others. He has learned not only from his pain, but learned to minister in the midst of his pain.
I think of how the Apostle Paul, though he was often beaten, tortured, thrown into prison, he still grew in his love and confidence in the Lord, and strived to increase the faith of the many people and churches who were under his care.
The last character quality we will look at is that of
Courage
In the presidential primaries, one of the men that I have admired is Ron Paul. Now, I am not endorsing him, or telling you how to vote—and for that matter, our primaries are over so that is a moot point, but merely reflecting on something I observed. In a debate that preceeded our Michigan primaries, I was impressed with the conviction and courage that Ron displayed. You could tell he was a man who believed in his core message, and stood up for that, even if it went against the grain of many in his party. He spoke with passion and conviction. He had courage to be different. He did not shrink as others lampooned him.
In a similar way, an elder must be a man of courage. He will have to stand on his convictions.
9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
We spoke earlier of “truth.” There are times when culture, and even people within “church circles” has a tendency to disregard truth, more specifically, absolute truth. And elder has the responsibility to hold on to, and proclaim that truth. He may need to develop sensitivity in effective ways to proclaim that truth, especially in our culture that shuts ears to people claiming to have a corner on truth. But his obligation is still to hold to God’s truth, and watch over its presence and influence within the church
This can be a difficult and narrow road. Even leading “according to the Bible” can put an elder at legal risk. Today’s church is prudent to install “Risk Management “rules”, that every member needs to agree to, as part of their membership. Among the topics covered are church discipline: what do we do with members who exhibit—unrepentedly—gross conduct, or put our children at risk, etc.? The Bible weighs in on that issue, with passages like Matthew 18. However, churches have been sued when they have tried to be faithful to God’s word in that regard.
And yet regardless of modern complications, an elder is to have the courage to hold on to, and carry out, God’s truth.
Conclusion:
Being an elder demands a lot of responsibility and leadership. And if a congregation is not careful, heaping criticism upon criticism without thankfulness can add a burden onto an already tough and demanding ministry.
Leadership is more than just making decisions in a business meeting, however.
Lynn Anderson tell of a “wise ancient” who stopped him after a sermon on “spiritual leadership and “quite emotionally asserted ‘When it comes to selecting elders, if you sak me to choose between leadership and compassion, I’ll take compassion every time!” Lynn reflected: “The church will always need leaders who are lovers. When selecting elders, look for lovers. (They smell like sheep, p. 150).”
It is not a matter of being either one or the other; it is a matter of both/and. As one of my graduate school mentors observed: “If there is imbalance in many congregations, it is in the direction of decision-making. Is it easier to make a decision with regard to the spending of funds to repair a roof of a church building or to minister to a family whose loved one is dying of AIDS? Indeed, perhaps many decisions that elders feel they need to be making could be delegated to others who are gifted in the respective areas, thus freeing the elders up to shepherd the flock.
Numerous texts place a high priority on personal ministry on behalf of others, with
special focus on the view that healthy doctrine produces healthy Christians, while only a
few find elders involved in making decisions. When elders provide sound doctrinal
teaching and preaching and caring for members of the body, Christians will be able to
minister more effectively in the name of Christ. Indeed, church growth depends upon
congregational health. (Robert Lowery, PDF file, “Daring to be the Leaders . . .”)
May God continue to be our guide, and may our elders continue to grow as men faithfully serving the church based on character formed by the truth and power of God.
