AM Sermon preached at Central Christian Church February 18, 2007
The 5th Commandment “Give Honor”
[SERIES TITLE SLIDE—AUTOMATIC TRANSITION TO MESSAGE TITLE SLIDE THEN TO BLANK SLIDE]
You gotta love the story of the 3rd Grade Sunday School teacher who was trying to drive home the importance of family life. She illustrated her point by referring to the commandment “honor your mother and father.” Then she added, “Now that commandment about honoring our mother and father deals with how we are to treat our parents---can any of you tell me a commandment that deals with how we are to treat brothers and sisters?” There was a long pause and then one boy’s face lit up as he said, “I know! You shall not kill!”
When you think about it, he was right you know. But I don’t think that that’s the kind of answer his teacher was looking for. In any case it’s good to be back today after spending last weekend teaching at a Family Life Conference in Kewanee. This morning we’ve come to a pivotal point in our current sermon series that’s looking at the Ten Commandments. We’re ready for the 5th commandment---that means counting today we’ve got 6 left to look at. Now here’s why I say we’re at a pivotal point in this series. [SLIDE #4] The first four commandments, the ones we have already considered all dealt with our relationship to God. The last six all deal with our relationships with other people.
I know that many of you know that in response to the question “what’s the greatest commandment of all?” 37Jesus replied: " ’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ’Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
[SLIDE #5] Well, in essence the first four commandments---the ones that deal with our relationship with God---they’re all about loving God. And the last six, the ones which teach us how to relate to other people---they’re all about loving others. [SLIDE #6] And today as we begin looking at the last six commandments we’re going to checking into how God wants us to show our love for others. And with this fifth and transitional commandment I believe God is subtly saying to us the foundation of our loving others begins at home. It germinates, gets its start in loving parent-child relationships. [SLIDE#7] And so in this fifth commandment we are told to give honor to our parents.
Here’s how the 5th commandment reads in the NIV--- Exodus 20:12… [SLIDE #8]
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”
Before anything else is said I want you to notice the timelessness of this commandment. The commandment doesn’t read---honor your father and mother until you become an adult yourself. And it doesn’t say honor your father and mother until that day you strike out on your own. It simply reads, “honor your father and mother.” That means if you’re a seven year old living at home with your mom and dad---this commandment is for you. If you’re a teenager who has come to the conclusion that your parents are uncool—this commandment is for you too. If you’re a young adult living on your own---you’re not exempt from this commandment. You might even be a Senior Citizen and have an aged parent in a nursing home---still your age and the age of your parent doesn’t change the fact that this commandment is for you too.
Now, I want to spend the largest part of my time this morning talking about how we can honor our parents but before I jump into the how---I want to share a few thoughts about the why. Very quickly let me give you three good reasons why we should honor our parents. The first is the most obvious. [SLIDE #9] We should honor our parents because God tells us to.
Those of us what have raised children know that they go through phases as they grow. Around the age of two they go through the “no, no no” and “mine, mine!” stages. That’s often followed by the “let me do it” or the “I can do it myself” stage. Those stages are followed by a whole list of other stages: there’s that tattling stage where every other sentence is “OHM…I’m telling.” there’s a point where they complain all the time “that’s not fair” there’s the stage where they say “how come they can but I can’t”
There’s that wonderful stage when they’re teens where every answer is a one syllable grunt word. How was school today? “Uh.” You want to go to the store with me? Nah.
You don’t look so good, you feel all right? “Yeah.”
Of all the stages our children grow through though one of the most exasperating has to be the “why” stage. You tell your child to eat the vegetables on their plate and they ask “why.” You say it’s important to eat your vegetables because they will help you grow up big and strong. And they ask why? If your patience hasn’t worn thin yet you might go on to tell them that the vegetables have vitamins and nutrients in them that will help them have big muscles and solid bones. And they ask why… you know where this is going don’t you. Eventually when mom or dad gets tired of answering the constant barrage of why questions they resort to that age old answer--- why? I’ll tell you why, “because I said so that’s why.” And you don’t have to be a contestant on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” to know that that’s their final answer, right? Or in other words when the conversation gets to the point that it’s obvious the child is more interested in trying to get out of doing something he doesn’t want to do than he is in trying to expand his intellect---Mom and Dad lets them know you’ll do it because we’re the ones in authority---we’re the ones in charge.
The heart of the matter concerning our obeying this and all of the other commandments is that we should obey them because God’s the ruler of the universe---He’s the one with the authority---He’s the one in charge. What He says goes. So if God says it, we should do it. No other reasons should really be necessary for us to want to be obedient.
But even though no other reasons should be necessary let me give you two more anyway. [SLIDE #10] We should honor our parents because Jesus did it. The story about the time Joseph and Mary found 12 year old Jesus in the temple talking with the teachers of the law---reveals that side of Jesus. When we choose to become Christians, we made the choice to be a Christ-follower---and we agreed to follow Jesus example and to try to live life the way He would live it. So if Jesus obeyed the commandment to honor parents, so should we.
[SLIDE #11] And a third reason we should obey our parents is that if we do, we’ll be more likely to live longer and better lives. Notice that this commandment had a promise attached to it----to the ancient Israelites God said----“honor your mother and father so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” We can’t claim that same promise---but the principle behind it holds true for every generation---and the principle is this----things go better for children who honor their parents.
Now how can a child honor his parents? [SLIDE #12] Young children honor their parents by obeying them. In other Bible verses, we find these words, “Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. "Honor your father and mother" is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, "so you will live well and have a long life." Ephesians 6:1-3, The Message Version and in Colossians 3:20 we read, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
You honor your parents by obeying them. The word obey in the Bible carries the idea of throwing open the door and responding immediately. What that means is you honor your parents by doing what they tell you to do when they tell you to do it. You don’t wait until they’ve had to tell you ten or fifteen times or threatened to punish you before you obey them---you honor them by immediately doing whatever it is they’ve told you to do. You may not want to do what they tell you to do, but you do it anyway to honor them. You may even think the thing they want you to do is stupid, but you do it to honor them. You do it and you do it without throwing a hissy fit or whining or stomping your feet or slamming things around. They tell you to take out the trash, take out the trash. They tell you to pick up the toys, then pick up the toys. They tell you to turn off the TV or stop playing a video game, then that’s what you do. Basically the Bible tells all you young children and even you junior and senior high youth----whatever your parents tell you to do, you do it---unless your parents ask you to do unless it is something God says do not do.
A teenager once wrote this letter to Ann Landers:
“I am a 15 year old and my biggest problem is my mother. All she does is nag, nag, nag. From morning till night. It is, turn off the TV. Do your homework. Wash behind your neck. Stand up straight. Go clean your room. How can I get her off my case?” (signed) Pick, Pick, Pick.
The response:
“Dear Picky: Turn off the TV. Do your homework. Wash behind your neck. Stand up straight. Go clean up your room.”
Kids, young people, you honor your parents by doing what you’re told to do when you’re told to do it. But get this---you can also honor your parents by doing what you know they would want you to do before they tell you to do it. If everyday before you go to bed your parents tell you to put away your toys or to pick your dirty laundry off the floor---start doing those things before your parents tell you to do them. You don’t honor your parents by yelling at them. And you certainly don’t honor them by cussing at them.
You kids living at home, trust me on this one okay? Your Mom and Dad don’t enjoy telling you to do the same things over and over and over. Things will go better for you if you learn to do things you know your parents want you to do before they have to tell you. Remember they make you do the things they do, because they love you and want what’s best for you.
Some of you may be too young to figure that out yet. But some of you who are seven or ten or 15---you can put the pieces together. You didn’t know when you were two years old why your parents wouldn’t let you near an electric outlet---but you know now. They made you stay away from them so you wouldn’t get electrocuted. When you were four or five you may have thought mom and dad were being mean when they wouldn’t let you ride your big wheel in the street---but now you know they didn’t want you to get hit by a car. Listen---you may be fifteen or seventeen and you may hate the dating rules and curfew times your parents enforce---but the day will come when you’ll look back and you’ll understand Mom and Dad did what they did because they thought it was best for you.
[SLIDE #13]
Now this next way of honoring parents really applies to everyone regardless of your age---if you’ve got a living parent you should honor them by showing some appreciation. Proverbs 23:22 reads “When your mother is old, show her your appreciation” Today’s English Version
A phone call, a note in the mail, an invitation to dinner---it doesn’t have to be something big, elaborate or expensive. It doesn’t have to cost you any money at all. The important thing is simply that you do it, show some appreciation. Say to your Mom “thanks for fixing dinner” or “thanks for taking me to school” or “thanks for doing my laundry.” Say to your Dad “thanks for taking me to McDonald’s” “thanks for coming to my game” “thanks for picking me up after practice.” Do that and after the initial shock wears off---they’ll probably give you a big hug and say “Thank you for saying thank you.”
Some of you may have seen this little cross hanging in my office. On this little piece of wood above the cross is a small piece of paper made to look like a scroll. It reads “honor thy father and thy mother.” This wasn’t a gift from one of my kids to me---it was a gift I made for my parents when I was about ten years old without help from anyone else and it shows. If you look closely at it, you can see it’s not fancy---but I’ll tell you what --this cross meant a lot to my parents---it hung on my Mom and Dad’s bedroom wall for almost 20 years. My Dad gave it to me when he remarried and moved out of our old home. Do parents appreciate being appreciated? You know it. I’ve got a whole array of items in my office that my kids bought or made for me through the years. We honor our parents when we show them some appreciation.
[SLIDE #14]
Another way we honor our parents is to forgive them when they make mistakes. None of us is perfect. We all have our shortcomings and we all make mistakes. I can honestly tell you that the time I spent preparing to speak at last weekend’s Family Life Conference was humbling for me. As I worked my way through about 8-12 books I found a lot of helpful and insightful information---and I found myself saying “man I wish I had known this stuff years ago.” I became very aware of some of the mistakes I’d made---some of the things I’d do differently if I had the chance to do them over again. Things I’d have done differently in my marriage, things I’d have done differently as a father. Now don’t go and get the wrong idea---it’s not that I thought I did a lousy job of either---it’s just that I made some mistakes---and there were things I could have done better. The same can of any parent. Every parent messes up once in a while---and their children honor them by forgiving them for the mistakes they made.
Now some here today might be all knotted up on the inside as I say these things—you might be thinking to yourself---yeah, but preacher you don’t know what my parent or parents did to me. I can’t forgive them for what they’ve done.” If that’s how you feel, then you’re still being held prisoner by your past. Christ has something far better in mind for you than for you to be chained to those negative emotions. Jesus wants you to be free of that burden of resentment. He wants you to be freed from that hurt and anger. He wants you to enjoy life to the full but He knows you cannot and you will never maximize the joy in your life if you never allow that old wound to heal. Do the honorable thing---the God-commanded thing---forgive those who have hurt you. And listen, if you just can’t seem to see to it to forgive them, for your emotional and spiritual well being I’d suggest you see a Christian counselor.
You grown up children---you adults out there with parents still living I’ve come up with four things I’d encourage you to do to honor your parents. [SLIDE #15] I’d encourage you to value their advice. When you were a small child living at home---God commanded you to obey your parents. But now as a grown adult out on your own, I believe God’s word to you would be value your parents’ advice. Proverbs 13:1 in The Message Version claims, “Intelligent children listen to their parents; foolish children do their own thing.” If you’re an adult with a parent living you don’t have to jump every time your parent says jump. But you do need to continue to honor your parent---and one way to do that is to value their advice. Your parents have a wisdom that comes from the years. They can often see something coming before you do. They’ve had the opportunity to learn from their mistakes---and you know what? Most parents are happy to give their advice. You honor them when you ask them for their advice and then give it careful consideration.
[SLIDE #16]
You honor them by taking time to visit them. One of the saddest recent developments I’ve learned of is a trend that’s called “grandma dumping.” Grandma dumping is the term that’s been coined to describe the actions of a family that takes a very aged and incoherent family member to a hospital emergency entrance and then proceeds to leave her there alone without any identification. Grandma dumping is becoming more and more frequent these days. Large city hospitals are now averaging 8 grandma dumpings a year. How anyone can just leave their helpless mother or grandmother at an emergency room and severe all ties to her is beyond me. Just as bad though in my book is the habit of some to put a parent in a nursing home and then never go and visit. That’s not honoring one’s parent. You honor them by taking time to visit them. And just a word of encouragement, “if you’re parents are living do it now.” We’re told in the Bible to make the most of every opportunity. If you have the opportunity to honor a living parent, do it today. Because you may not have the opportunity to do it tomorrow. I know how quickly things can change in this regard because my own mother was killed in an automobile accident just over 20 years ago. One things’ for sure when it comes to this matter of talking time to visit with your parents---I’ve never heard anyone at a funeral ever say “You know I just spent too much time visiting my parents while they were alive.”
[SLIDE #17]
You honor your parents when you help meet their needs which they can no longer fill for themselves. You honor your parents by volunteering to do things around the house for them. Dad or Mom may not be as strong as they used to be---maybe they’re a little to shaky to go up a ladder---or they haven’t got the stamina to shovel off their walk---if you are able to do those things for them you can honor your parents by doing them. Perhaps you can help them write out their bills or you can take them to the grocery store. Be careful that in the process of doing things for your parents you don’t belittle them or treat them as if they were children. Even if the time comes where you find yourself diapering the one who diapered you, remember to treat your parent with dignity and respect. When we honor our parent through those acts of service---it’s as if we’re ministering to Jesus Himself----remember how Jesus put it? He said, “whatever you’ve done for the least of these---you’ve done for me.”
Now before I wrap things up and we offer the invitation I want to briefly touch on a couple of things that this commandment challenges parents to do. [SLIDE #18] First, this commandment challenges parents to teach their children to respect authority. After reading hundreds of pages of material on family life this past month, I’ve determined that one of the worst things a parent can do when raising their child is to give their child the impression that the rules don’t apply to him or her. The statistics are staggering folks---parents who don’t set and enforce reasonable boundaries for their children are setting their children up for future failure; possibly jail time. In a day when cartoons like The Simpsons and Jimmy Neutron are leading kids to think all parents are morons Christian parents must strike back. They simple must come to terms with the fact that their children need structure and they need to develop a healthy attitude of respect for those in authority. And parents should teach those things to their children.
[SLIDE #19]
This fifth commandment also challenges parents to set a godly example for their children. In Titus 2:2-3 Paul gave these instructions: “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.”
The Brothers Grimm tell a story about a father and mother, their young son and the father’s very aged father that lived with them. The old man was feeble and his hands shook. His mealtimes were often noisy and messy because he would clatter the silverware together and he would spill his food or have it run out of corners of his mouth. The mealtimes especially got on the mother’s nerves until one day she told the old man, “That’s it! I’ve had it. Mealtime is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable, not a time to watch someone make a mess every night.” So the woman set up a small table in the corner and she told her aged father-in-law “From now on you eat over there.” And he did. He would during mealtimes often look over at the others having their meal at the other table. But he never said a word. A few weeks passed and things had seemed to calm down when it happened--- he spilled his food all over ---it covered the little corner table and dripped down onto the floor. His daughter-in-law yelled out “If you’re going to eat like a pig, you’re going to eat out of a pig’s trough!” So she got a pig’s trough for the old man and began to put his food in it. A few days later the little boy was in the backyard playing with some boards, nails and a hammer. His father asked him “What are you building?” The little boy looked up from his project and said, “I’m building a trough for you and mommy for when you get old.” That night the father went in and brought his own father back to the family table. Matthew 7:2 reads, “For in the same way you judge others you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
As we come now to the point in our service where we sing an invitation hymn, I would invite any of you who wish to make a public decision to accept Christ or to become a member of Central to meet me down front as the Praise team leads us in “Draw Me Close To You.”
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NOTE TO THOSE WHO READ AND OR CHOOSE TO MAKE USE OF ANY OR ALL OF THIS SERMON: I am sharing this sermon with the hopes it will be an encouragement to others. I apologize for any blatant typing errors! If you find any I’d appreciate hearing from you so I can correct them. I try to give credit where credit is due, noting writers and or sources to the best of my ability. I have for years been drawing from a wealth of sources including this website. I recognize that my mind and writing processes are fallible. I may occasionally fail to properly identify a source. Please do not take offense if you see anything of this nature. I never intend to plagiarize. Having said that I want you to feel free to draw from my message. When appropriate I hope you will give credit as I do. But most of all I hope Christ will be lifted up and God will receive the glory in all things.
