Where is Dr. Phil When Jacob Needs Him?
Genesis 25:19-34
February 24, 2008
Our son Matthew did his first two years of college (actually it took him three years to do his first two years) at Vincennes University. We were living in Elkhart at the time and VU had a satellite campus there. So Matt lived at home for that year. In high school, he had studied radio and television for two years at the Elkhart Career Center and was the recipient of the first scholarship that was given to the most improved student.
He got a job working as the Master Control Operator at the local FOX television station. He worked midnight to 7 am running the entire night programming schedule. He kept after me to come in to see what he did because he thought he was really cool. I had to wait until 2 am because he was too busy for the first two hours. I put him off for awhile because it was just too hard for me to stay awake, but finally relented. He let me in the door to the station at about 2:15 and showed me around. I was amazed and impressed.
I was amazed because I couldn’t believe that they would trust my son with multiple millions of dollars of equipment. He was the only one in the building. Even the custodian was gone. He ran all of the satellite feeds, played the commercials at the right time, and kept track of everything that happened in the station log book.
I was impressed because he knew what he was doing. He sat in a control booth surrounded on all four sides by monitors, knobs, switches, tape machines, satellite dish controls, and all sorts of other electronic stuff.
When I was there, he had just started the Jerry Springer Show. He said, ‘Watch this, Dad.” He then proceeded to move some slide controls up and down. I saw Jerry’s face go green and then red. Then the show went to black and white, and back to color. He played with the controls for fifteen or twenty seconds and then said, “Somewhere in Elkhart, there is a guy pounding on his TV wondering what is wrong with it!”
I never really “got” the Springer show. I couldn’t understand where they found all those folks to come on national television and showcase their incredibly dreary, dreadfully sad lives. I also have trouble believing that peoples’ lives can be that messed up. Perhaps I’ve just led a sheltered life.
Perhaps, since I was lucky enough to grow up in a family that loved, cared, and provided for me, I can’t understand people who didn’t have that advantage. Since I happened to marry a woman who loved me back and became a life partner, perhaps I can’t understand couples who go out of the way to torment each other. Perhaps because my kids have become relatively responsible adults, I can’t understand those who reject their parent’s teaching and leadership. Perhaps because Toni and I have done our best to rear our children, I can’t understand those people who don’t really give their all to their offspring.
I understand that families struggle sometimes, but I have trouble even imagining the plethora of dysfunctional relationships that parade in front of Jerry Springer night after night.
Dr. Phil McGraw has become another purveyor of exhibition TV. The difference between him and Springer is that he has credentials as a serious counselor. Springer got his law degree from Northwestern University in 1968, while McGraw received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from North Texas State University in 1975. His dissertation was titled, “Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention. As an aside; another claim to fame for him is his career as a middle line backer for the University of Tulsa which, in 1968 lost to the University of Houston 100-6.
Dr. Phil, in my opinion, has discovered that there is money to be made from exhibitionist TV and has begun more and more to turn his show into a tabloid, as evidenced by his recent adventures with Brittany Spears and her family. Upcoming shows include young boys with eating disorders, people fighting over a loved one’s ashes, a family feud over money, people who are whiners and complainers, and people who are obsessed with their lovers.
But let’s face it; there have always been dysfunctional families. There have always been people who couldn’t get along. There have always siblings with an intense rivalry. There have always been mothers and fathers who have had different goals for the family.
Last week, we talked about Abraham and the near sacrifice of his son Isaac. When you read through the rest of the book of Genesis, you discover that Isaac’s family had enough craziness to fill up a whole season of Springer and Dr. Phil.
It all began, I guess, when Abraham came close to sacrificing Isaac on that mountain. Can you imaging being tied up, laid on a bed of wood, and looking into your father’s eyes as he raises his knife to kill you? Of course, that didn’t happen, but can you imagine the emotional toll that would bring to a young man?
Shortly after Isaac’s mother Sarah died, his father Abraham arranged a marriage between Isaac and Rebekah. After the marriage ceremony, Isaac moved his new wife into the tent of his dead mother. I don’t know about you, but that seems a little creepy to me. Isaac obviously had some mother issues and some unspoken expectations of his bride
Isaac and Rebekah were married for twenty years before she was able to conceive. Isaac had prayed hard to God because of Rebekah’s inability to have children, and finally his prayers were answered. This then, is the point of entry for Jacob, the real focus of the message this morning.
In my opinion, Isaac’s son Jacob was one who really could have used an intervention by Dr. Phil. If you want to catch a glimpse of a bad boy in action, take a look at Jacob. If you look closely at his life, you see a man who has an obvious case of arrested development. He had trouble growing into a responsible adult. Read Genesis closely and look carefully at his life and you see selfishness, deceit, exploitation, and all sorts of other negative character defects.
By the end of his story (and it is such a big story that it is going to take two messages to unpack – both this week and next) he becomes the father of the twelve tribes of Israel. But he went around the barn to get to the house. It took him a long time to come to his senses.
Jacob started off his life with a sense of entitlement. Even in his mother Rebekah’s womb, he was causing problems. You see, he was a twin. He and his brother Esau were so lively and active in their mother’s womb, that she though she would go out of her mind. She asked God what was going on and was told that the two babies growing inside of her would continue to battle each other for they were like two different nations.
When it came time for her to deliver, Esau was born first, but Jacob emerged hanging on to Esau’s heel, not willing to be superseded by his older brother. The boys grew into two different personalities. Esau liked the out-of-doors and became an expert hunter. Jacob was quiet and introspective and liked spending time indoors in the company of his mother.
When they were young men, Esau came in from hunting very hungry. It happened that Jacob was cooking some stew. Most of us, I think, would have willingly shared a meal with our sibling who was hungry, but not Jacob. He was always looking for ways to gain the upper hand with his brother. He was always looking for ways to keep his brother in his debt.
“Sell me your birthright,” said Jacob, “and I’ll let you have lunch.” In other words: “You give me your larger share of the inheritance. You give me your share of respect reserved for the older son. You give me your future of honor and status. You do that for me and I’ll give you a meal.” Again, we see Jacob’s sense of entitlement and heartlessness. He thought he deserved all of that, and Esau, unable to see beyond his present hunger, agreed.
One of the things I know about babies is how selfish they are. When they are wet, they want to be changed. When they are hungry, they want fed. When they are tired, they want a nap. When they are cold, they want a blanket. When they are not in the mood to sleep, they don’t care that it is two o’clock in the morning. When they want attention, they will cry and scream until they get it.
Babies think that the world revolves around them. They believe that everyone on earth was put here specifically to meet their needs. If you are not here to cater to a baby, then they really don’t see a reason for you to be around. I know all of that because Toni and I had three of them.
I understand that. There is nothing at all wrong with that. They are babies, after all. Without other people to be at their beck and call, they are not able to survive. Their world is indeed very small. Everything does revolve around them.
But there comes a time when babies have to grow up. Occasionally I will witness my own kids doing some really crazy things. Now I believe that it’s OK to be stupid when you enter your twenties. I think that you have to learn about the world, make your own mistakes, and come to your own conclusions. But on occasion, I will say to my kids, “OK, you’re far enough into your twenties now that it’s time to grow up and quit being stupid.”
There are people in every church like that: people who think that every program ought to be tailored to their particular needs, people who think that the pastor isn’t doing his or her job unless their individual needs are being taken care of, people think that there is only one right way for the church to spend money, people who think that their voice ought to carry the day.
The problem with Jacob was that he didn’t outgrow his diapers. He didn’t outgrow his need to have the world revolve around him and his needs. He never had someone like Dr. Phil around to tell him that it was time to grow up and quit being stupid.
We all know the end of the story. We know that Jacob is one of the great patriarchs. God’s promise to Abraham that he would be the father of a great nation was fulfilled in Jacob. It was Jacob after all, who was the father of the twelve tribes of Israel.
We all know that Jacob ends up playing a pivotal role in our faith story. We all know that he finally turned out to be a great man. But it took him awhile.
By the end of the story, Jacob and his brother Esau were to be reunited. Jacob wrestled with God and received a new understanding of God’s presence. In the end, Jacob does grow up and realizes that he has only been kidding himself when he thought he was in control of his life. His ill-mannered and rude behavior gradually fades as he discovers that he is not the center of the universe.
Jacobs’s legacy, like that of the other bad boys we’ve been talking about, is mixed. He exhibits both weakness and strength. When he took the time to stop and listen, he learned that he was not the master of his own destiny or the captain of his own soul. Through it all, the promises of God to build a great nation, remained.
The story of Jacob and Esau is a story which begins in struggle; a struggle that sets the stage for a long and complex journey toward adulthood. I’m not sure that we always need someone like Dr. Phil. Of course, sometimes we do indeed need professional intervention when our lives get out of control. But it is also possible that when our relationships are damaged, it is because we have not been listening to God. Jacob learned that the hard way. I would hope for all of you an easier passage into faith, trust, and obedience.
