Porn Sunday #2
© 2008 Eric Bain
Last weekend we started a two week series looking at the topic of pornography - which really has more to do with sexuality - than just pornography… nonetheless, today, we’re going to finish that series.
I thought I’d start out today by telling you a couple stories – true stories… from my own life.
The first took place, I don’t know, maybe 4-5 years ago. A young seminary student came to me and asked if I would be his Pastoral Mentor. It turns out, he was required to have a Pastoral Mentor in order to graduate from Seminary. Nonetheless, I said, “No problem… I’d love to be your mentor. What are we going to talk about? What do you want to work on?”
His response was… “Porn! I want to work on my struggle with sexual temptation!”
Instantly, I thought... “Oh, crud… what have I got myself into?”
He said, “Don’t worry… I’ve got a book. We can just do a book study.”
Well, you can imagine my relief. The book that he had is this (hold up Everyman’s Battle).
EXPLAIN: My response to reading the book…
• I hated it!
o At first, I hated this book because I felt like it was written by some way too conservative… and Christian!
o But as I read more and more of the pages – I began to hate it because – in it… I could see a reflection of myself.
And the reflection that was there… was a reflection of some of the ugliest parts of who I am as a human being. I hated this book for that.
Yet at the same time… I sort of began to like it.
And I began to like it because… in a very honest way… it gave me some practical advice on how I might win the win the war against Sexual Temptation.
Today, I recommend this book all the time.
I bring this up this morning to simply point out…
• That we all have issues when it comes to sexuality – including me… your pastor.
• And sometimes when we begin to face those issues, we get uncomfortable… which makes us frustrated… maybe even a little angry – a little hatred is even expressed… but that certainly doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do the hard work of addressing our inner ugliness.
(Point out the Resource Page!)
Let me tell you another story… again a true story – about the first significant fight that Cortnie and I ever had as a married couple.
To set the stage for this story let me read to you a little bit from Every Man’s Battle
o Read the first 4 paragraphs of Chapter 11, Bouncing Your Eyes
ILLUSTRATION: Our fight at Bally’s when I tried not to watch Janet Jackson
o I was “bouncing my eyes.”
o I thought I was doing a good thing
o Cortnie got mad about the very fact that I had to “try”
POINT: We all have these sexual issues… but because they’re sexual… they play out in relationship, which makes them all the more difficult… complex… and sensitive.
• I understand that…
• And I just want to acknowledge that – right up front.
• Because what that means, is that in order for us to move forward… in order for any true healing to take place… We’re going to need a tremendous amount of grace.
Grace from God –
• In order to forgive us of our sins
• And give us the strength to do something about them.
But we’re also going to nee…
Grace from others –
• In order to give us some safe environments in which to work on this stuff.
And grace for ourselves –
• So that we don’t feel defeated… if we continually fall down.
And finally, we’re going to need grace for others –
• Recognizing… hey, we’re all in the same boat.
• We all have sexual issues…
• So let’s not be so reactive… It’s almost like we all need to take a sedative… and be calm ;-)
- LET’S PRAY –
Last week we covered two main points:
1. Pornography is a sin.
We talked about how the Bible is very clear on that.
And until we get honest about our sins… we’re not going to have any healing.
2. Why?… Why is the draw to pornography so powerful?
Turns out, it has to do with the way we were created.
You see, we’re sexual beings… created to only find completeness in another person.
The only problem is… as a consequence of an event known as The Fall… our ability to find that completeness has been twisted… distorted… corrupted.
The thing is, we still have this powerful draw… or pull… to find that completeness… and that pull is sexual in nature.
In other words… we’re all incomplete… and we have this immense draw or pull toward the sexual to find that completeness… but because of the Fall… we never find do.
If you missed the message last week… I strongly recommend that you go on-line and listen to it. It’s there… it’s available. And many people have gone out of their way to let me know that it was helpful for them… so it may be helpful for you.
OK, today… we’re going to pick up where we left off. And where we left off, is with a question…
What do we do about it?
…from a Christian Theological Perspective.
What do we do about the fact that pornography is a sin?
What do we do about the fact that we have these powerful urges when it comes to sexuality?
What do we do…?
Well, again, a reminder…
• I am not an expert on Pornography…
• And I’m not a counselor…
• I’m not a sociologist…
• But what I am is a Pastor and a Theologian…
So what I’m going to focus my time on today… is pointing you to what the Bible has to say about these kinds of issues. And in that, we’re pretty much going to focus in on three specific points of application.
So, to begin, open up your Bibles to the book of Matthew, Chapter 5, verse 27 (page ____ )
This is the passage that I had you turn to last week; to demonstrate that viewing Porn is a sin. Here Jesus says…
MT 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery (which is a sin).’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
I mentioned last week that Jesus is simply addressing the majority in his audience here.
• Therefore… what he’s saying applies to both men and women.
• In other words, it’s a sin for either a man or woman to look at someone else lustfully.
• Porn is a sin!
But check out what Jesus says next…
29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
(Start Skill Saw!!!)
Now – here’s the thing… You can go on-line and look up instances where people have taken these specific words of Jesus, literally. And they’ve done some really stupid stuff. And then you’ll have some non-Christian bloggers that will come to their defense and say…
Well if you’re a Christian and you’re going to take other parts of the Bible literally… then you have to take this part literally!
Oh, my gosh… Stupidity abounds!
Let me save you from joining the ranks of that stupidity…
Jesus never literally…
• Meant for you to cut off your hands…
• Or, gouge out your eyes.
In the same way, my mother used to say to me – while I was growing up… That, if I did certain things, I would be grounded for life!
• And yet, I stand here before you today!
• You see… my mother was exaggerating to make an important point.
And… Jesus uses this same kind of exaggerated language to make a point as well. And the point is…
• Sexual sin is really bad stuff!
• So… do everything in your power to stay away from it!
If you don’t believe me… Let me read you the HAB Version of this very same Scripture (NIV, TNIV, NASB, King James… Hollywood Application Bible)
Here what the HAB Version has Jesus saying in this very passage…
When it comes to sexual sin… Run Forrest!!!!
In other words, sexual sin is bad, bad stuff…
• It’s very powerful…
• It’s very addictive…
• It causes you to do stupid things that you otherwise would never think of doing!
So when confronted with things that tempt you sexually… Run!!!!!!
The Apostle Paul gave this advice to the early Christians in Corinth…
Run!!! Run from sexual immorality!
He knew of the danger!
Flip to 1 Corinthians, Chapter 6, verse 18 (pg ____ )
While your flipping there, let me just say that this is Application Point #1 of today’s message on – What to do about pornography and sexual sin in general?
Run!!!
Point #1 is… Run!!!
Run… before you ever get caught up in it!!
1CO 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality (Run!!!). All other sins a person commits are outside their body, but the person who sins sexually sins against their own body. 19 Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
Paul’s assuming here, that the people reading this are Christians… That they’ve decided to follow Christ, and therefore, they have the Holy Spirit in them. He continues…
You (as a Christian) are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price (The Cross). Therefore… honor God with your body.
And one way you honor God with your body, is when it comes to sexual immorality…
Run!!!… Run before you ever get caught up in it.
Jesus talks about just looking at people, lustfully. Paul goes on to address the more physical, sexual acts. But what I want us to know, is that either way… the response is the same.
Run!!!
When it comes to sexual temptation… RUN!!!
That’s Application Point #1… Run!!! (Say it with me… RUN!!!)
Do you realize how much heartache would be saved if we would just apply this simple message to our lives?
• Tons!
• Tons of heartache would be avoided.
o Things like…
Fights
Addictions
Divorces
Loss of Jobs
Legal problems
o You hear about it all the time… and trust me, none of those people that you hear about in the news… ever thought it would happen to them. But it happened because they didn’t Run!
You see, the problem is, we hear this simple message… we know it sounds like a good idea… but when we really begin to count the cost of running… we’re not so sure we want to pay that price.
• Because we don’t believe it will happen to us… we’re all the more reluctant.
Let me give you some examples of the price I’ve paid for running in my life… (So you can have an idea of what I’m talking about.)
At various times in my life… running for me has cost me…
• Not having cable television
• Not having internet service – and let me tell you… at the time of not having internet service… my job depended on it. But I went to the library to use the internet.
Running for me, has cost me…
• Not going on certain trips
• Not hanging out with certain people
• Not going to certain places!
And then a BIG one… but kind of a silly one… Running has cost me…
• Not seeing a lot of movies… that I’d really like to see
You see, the thing is… running costs us something.
• And the truth is there have been times in my life… where I’ve paid that price…
• And then there have been other times where I didn’t… but I should have.
So, I tell you all that to say… here’s what I’ve learned from my experience with the cost of running…
• It’s kind of like the cost we pay to prepare for retirement.
o We all know it’s a good idea
o But to do it… we have to suffer a bit in the short run
o However, if we do it… it’s not that it’s really a cost… it’s an investment.
o An investment that pays off… with huge dividends!
o Running from sexual temptation is a lot like investing for retirement.
What I wish for all of us… is that we’d get honest about what running really looks like for us!
NOTE: Tie back to Jesus saying “Cut off your hand!”… I.e. Get rid of it!!!
What does running look like for you?
Here’s an ILLUSTRATION… Kevin actually gave it to me, and I really like it. So, picture this:
• All of us have been given a cookie jar
• Truth is… we like cookies.
• But if we eat all the cookies in that jar… we’ll get really sick!
• So what we do, is we pray to God… and ask him…
o To give us the strength
o To give us the control
o To eat just one… or two cookies
But what God keeps telling us…
• Is that… that cookie jar really isn’t ours…
• So just put it down…
• And run…
o Cause cookies are really tempting!
What does running look like for you?
• Is it cutting off a relationship?
• Is it quitting your job?
• Is it disconnecting the internet… cable…
• Stopping magazine subscriptions
• Is it driving a different way to work?
• What does it mean to put down the cookie jar… and run?
I can’t answer that question for you… but it’d be really helpful if you’d answer it for yourself. Cause, I know there’s a cost involved… but it’s really an investment… and it’s an investment that will pay off HUGE!
(pause)
What to do about pornography and sexual sin in general! Point #2…
When we stumble and fall… confess our sins!
Confessing is…
• Agreeing with God that a certain behavior is sinful…
• Admitting that we have partaken in it.
Flip to the book of 1 John, Chapter 1, verse 5… (page ______ )
1JN 1:5 This is the message we have heard from God and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1JN 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 But if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
First off… recognize… this goes right back to the fact that we have to admit that pornography and various sexual acts are sin!
• If we say that they’re not – when Scripture says that they are – and we participate in them.
• Then really what we’re doing is we’re just claiming that we’re not sinning!
o And to that, John says… we’re deceiving ourselves.
A lot of Christians are deceiving themselves when it comes to sexual sin!
Here’s a thing you need to know: Sin, in the darkness… grows! Sin, in the darkness… grows!
• It’s like mold!
• It’s like a fungus!
But when we bring it into the light… it dies! Why?
• Because it was killed on the Cross!
• And as John says… the blood of Jesus purifies us of that sin!
So, what we need to ask ourselves… is how do we bring sin out into the light?
• Well, we confess it!
• We get it out!
Now, I admit, that’s hard… and it’s scary… in fact, it’s kind of counter intuitive. You see, our human tendency – when we sin – is to want to hide it… to be ashamed of it.
But look at verse 9…
9 When we confess our sins, he is faithful and just…
and will forgive us our sins… and purify us… from all unrighteousness.
Friends, here’s what that means…
• If we just go to God… in prayer – and that’s what John’s talking about here…
• And in that time with the Lord, we confess our sins…
o He not only forgives us…
o But he cleanses us!
He wipes the sin away!
That’s why I like to say that…
Every day… is a new day with Christ!
It’s a new chance! It’s a new opportunity! It doesn’t matter how much we’ve messed up in the past!
Now, that’s not to say that we don’t feel guilty… or that we aren’t going to have to face the consequences of our sins in this world… but when it comes to standing before God… when it comes to our TRUE identity…
We are a new creation!
Cleansed & purified… holy and righteous!
And it is so important that we understand that… in fact, own that… and here’s why…
When we stumble and fall into sin…
• Our very first tendency is to try to hide it.
o But that’s bad… sin grows in the darkness.
• So, if we’re smart enough to recognize that we shouldn’t hide it… then our next tendency is for us to try to fix it. In other words, we try to get ourselves right…
o Maybe we get an accountability partner
o Maybe we talk to our pastor
o Maybe we get some counseling
And those are all great things…
o But here’s the thing… they can’t make us clean!
They can’t make us holy and righteous.
Only God can do that…
And he does it through his redeeming work on the Cross.
When we confess.
You see, one of the greatest things about being a Christian…
• Is that we don’t work on our stuff… to become holy and righteous.
• We become holy and righteous… and then we work… on our stuff!
Here’s an interesting thought….
• The Bible teaches that the Holy Spirit works in holy and righteous people…
• To help them accomplish things they could not accomplish on their own.
So…
• Maybe as Christians we need to put a little less effort on trying to fix our stuff…
• And put a little more effort into admitting the stuff that we need to fix?
Now… after Jesus has made us holy and righteous - when we fall again - will Jesus forgive us again? You Bet!
And if we fall a 3rd or a 4th time… will Jesus forgive us for that? Absolutely!
Well, what about 100 or 101st time… what about that? No Doubt!
Well, how many times will Jesus cleans me...? How many times will he make me holy and righteous??? (throw up arms)
• How ever many it takes! (pause)
• You see, Jesus says he isn’t going to give up on us… until the work is done.
Point #2… when it comes to Porn and sexual sin…
When you stumble and fall… confess your sins!
Point #1: When it comes to sexual temptation… RUN!!!
Point #2: When you stumble and fall… confess your sins!
And finally…
Point #3: Don’t do it alone!
NOTE: Our tendency is to put Point #3 before Point #1 & Point #2… Resist this!
Here’s the thing… when it comes to Pornography and sexual sin… I really believe, you can’t do it alone.
And here’s why…
• Remember… the core of this problem, is that we were designed to be completed by another person!
• In other words… you can’t do it alone!
Now, because of the Fall… you won’t find the completeness you truly desire with someone else, either. But what do I keep saying that God wants for us?
He want’s us to have the best possible life!
And to have the best possible life - when it comes to the area of sexuality - you can’t do it alone!
So let me just give you some quick sub-points here as I wrap things up.
Sub-Point #1 – If your married… work with your spouse, not against them!
• I say this because when it comes to the topic of sexual sin and our partner… we tend to react and respond with a double negative.
o In other words, we don’t do things that make the situation better… we do things that make the situation worse.
• If we want the best possible life – in this area of completeness – then we’re going to have to work with our spouse.
o Remember… you’re both fallen, human beings!
o So, own up to your brokenness.
That’s why I had you spend last week in prayer!
o Open up the dialogue… your heart… your mind…
o And begin to consider… how you might work with your spouse – as a teammate – to help you each have the best possible life?
Don’t do it alone!
Sub-point #2…
2. This is where accountability partners and prayer partners come into play.
JAS 5:13 Is any one of you in trouble? They should pray… and the Lord will raise that person up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other… and pray for each other… so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
In other words… Don’t do it alone!
• Get some other men…
• Get some other women…
• Gather them around you… (You’ve got to take action!)
• Confess your sins! Tell them about your struggles!
• And then pray for each other!
Again… Don’t do it alone!
• Get some accountability partners
• Get some prayer partners
Sub-point #3… Get some gifted people involved!
The Bible teaches that extra-ordinary gifts of the Spirit have been given to Christians in order to equip them. And the reason God has given these gifts, is so that these people might serve the greater church.
Some of these areas of gifting include…
• Encouragers
• Healers…
• &/or Counselors
Seek these people out!
• Find them
• Pay them… if necessary!
REVIEW:
What to do about pornography and sexual sin in general?
Point #1: When it comes to sexual temptation… RUN!!!
Point #2: When you stumble and fall… confess your sins!
Point #3: Don’t do it alone!
Sub-Point #1 – If your married… work with your spouse, not against them!
Sub-point #2 – Get some accountability partners and prayer partners on your team!
Sub-point #3… Get some gifted people involved!
• Encouragers…
• Counselors…
• Healers…
© 2008 Eric Bain
