4 Play: Four Keys to a Winning Marriage Series
Fourth Down: Teachability
Feb. 21, 2008 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor
Introduction
A 30-Day Sex Challenge at Relevant Church in Ybor City, Fl.
1 Make time! "Sometimes life gets in the way, our jobs get in the way."~Paul Wirth
2 Catalyst for 50% divorce rate (unchurched/churched)
3 4th down is your last chance to do something before the other team gets the ball.
B If we asked God what His thoughts are on divorce, we’d hear Him say, "For I hate divorce ," says the LORD...Mal 2:16a (NASB)
1 Divorce is not God’s will for marriages.
2 Divorce is possibly seen as an option with unflagging adultery or abuse.
a It was said, ’WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matt 5:31-32 (NASB)
b On the latter (abuse), I’m aligned on one’s ability to divorce an unbelieving spouse. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? 17 Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. 1 Cor 7:15-17 (NASB) No believing husband/wife would violate his (or her) spouse.
c Abuse is not leaving the toilet seat up, insensitive to your mom, nagging when you go hunting.
3 Divorce is not unforgivable, unpardonable...at times it’s allowed (divorce does happen, I’m just saying it happens too often).
C We’ve looked at 3 plays so far: focus, commitment, & honor.
1 Fourth down: teachability
a Teachability is putting high enough value on your relationship to ask for advice, get cousel...do something different.
b Pride stops! (I can handle this mess-I don’t need help!)
2 At home, if you make a mess, you pick it up.
a Imagine spilling milk on the carpet (the longer it sits, soaks...stinks)
b Would you like to pick up some messes today?
3 (Transitional sentence) Let’s learn how to deal with some of the most common messes couples make in their marriages (be teachable!)
I The first mess we must learn to clean up is honoring one another.
A Men/women
1 Men, we have some messes that only we can pick up.
a You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (NASB) Your job/ministry is to honor your wife as a weaker vessel.
aa Honor: value, see as precious, transliterated (time)
bb When we fail to honor her as the weaker vessel (partner NIV), we make a mess.
b Honor as a weaker vessel means different things to different couples, but it may look like:
aa Opening the door for her (car, Wal-Mart)
bb She enters a room first, steps out of an elevator first
cc You walk on the outside of the sidewalk
c You put value on her! You look out for her! You put her first/ at the top.
2 Realistically, if we were honoring our wives the way we are called to, the desired end result of the women’s liberation movement would mean a demotion for the ladies.
a We’ve made a mess by not doing our job/ministry.
B Some ladies will say, "I don’t need a man to honor me."
1 Ma’am, with all due respect, who are you to take away that ministry that God has given your husband?
2 "Weaker" troubles some ladies (lack of understanding)
a Not weaker morally, character, mentally...physically, yes.
b Unless you’re Chynna (WWF), that’s accurate
c (IL) Pam, my wife, can beat my brains out at Boggle & Guitar Hero 3; if we’re going to arm wrestle, I’ll beat her 10 out of 10 times.
d She is the physically weaker vessel
3 Ladies, I believe you grieve the Spirit of the God with that attitude because "honoring you as the weaker vessel" is God’s will for your husband concerning your life together (submissive).
There are messes on both sides of marriage with this honoring issue, yet it’s not the only one we must learn how to pick up (transitional sentence).
II The second mess we must learn to clean up is depriving one another.
A Men withhold what’s expected of them emotionally from their wife & women withhold what’s expected of them physically from their husbands (depriving).
1 Basically, women are saying, "If he did his job meeting my needs emotionally, then I would meet his needs physically."
a Men are saying, "If she did her job meeting my needs physically, then I’d meet her need emotionally."
b We’ve got a mess of unsatisfied, unfulfilled, ungratified marriages because of mutual deprivation.
2 The woman is miserable because her emotional needs are unmet, the man is miserable because his physical needs are not met.
B Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Heb 13:4 (NASB)
1 Both marriage partners are to honor marriage 100%.
a Men, your wife never likes for you to embarrass her in public with your comments or criticism.
b Ladies, your husband never likes for you to emasculate him publically with your bitter words or disrespectful behavior.
c There is a difference between teasing each other & tearing each other down.
2 Undefiled means that you’re not in bed with anyone other than your spouse.
a Brings sin, adultery, fornication to your bedroom.
b Some couples are doing a super job of keeping the marriage bed undefiled, however, I think there’s a problem when the marriage bed goes unnoticed.
3 Men, give more emotionally; women, give more physically.
C The word I hear is "pleasing"
1 I hear, "He/she doesn’t please my needs."
a Our "pleaser" is misplaced
b We’ve got our "pleaser" placed on ourselves, not God.
aa Does honoring our spouse please God? Yes.Heb 13:4a
bb Does submitting to one another please God? Yes. Eph 5:21 (NASB)
cc Does faithfully fulfilling your marital duty physically to your spouse please God? Yes. 1 Cor 7:3-5 (NASB)
2 When our "pleaser" get misplaced, we have a mess & some one has to pick it up.
Conclusion
A Whatever is bringing failure into your marriage will not go away on its own.
1 Each couple has to pick up their own mess.
a Honoring
b Depriving
2 If your marriage is in the toilet...somebody must reach in & pick it up.
a Both people say, "I’m not going to get it."
b Pride is deadly in this arena. First pride, then the crash-the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. Prov. 16:18 (MSG)
3 God intended for us to focus, commit, honor, & stay teachable.
a Give honor/receive honor; give submission/get submission
b Men, if you want your physical needs met, meet her emotional needs; ladies, if you want your emotional needs met, meet his physical needs.
B Let me give you something to remember in this 4-Play series. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Matt 19:6 (NASB)
1 The thumb is your parents, index finger is your siblings, middle finger is you, ring finger is spouse, pinky is kids.
a First, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers, & hold them together (at the second knuckle).
b Second, open & hold the remaining 3 fingers & the thumb tip-to-tip.
aa Separate thumbs: parents aren’t destined to live with you forever, they have to leave sooner or later. (put back together)
bb Index fingers will open: brothers & sisters move away, start families, & lead separate lives (put back together).
cc Pinkies will open: kids get married & move away, too (put back together)
c When we got married, we left Mom & Dad, & cleaved to our spouse.
aa Became one flesh!
bb Try to separate your ring fingers-won’t budge!
cc Why? Husband & wife were meant to remain together all their lives...through thick & thin.
dd What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
2 The Lord knew what He was doing!
C I’d love to pray over you today.
1 Blessing, covering, protection
2 Would you come?
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Mike Fogerson
