I don’t really know if there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. That’s not an issue that the Bible addresses either way. But let’s just suppose for a moment that an alien from elsewhere in the universe was to make his way to the earth, and to the United States in particular. And this particular being was able to observe our culture for a period of time and then return to his own planet. And when he returned, he was asked a whole lot of questions about what he observed. Finally, someone asked him, “From what you observed, who or what would you say is the God of this planet. Who or what do they worship?” How do you think the alien would answer that question?
I have no doubt that his answer would be a three letter word. And unfortunately that word would not be “G-o-d.” I’m convinced it would be
“s-e-x.” Every part our culture seems to be obsessed with sex – our music, our TV programs, our movies, our magazines and the internet are filled with it. I could bore you with endless statistics to support that premise, but I don’t think it is necessary. And since we live in the midst of all of this focus on sex, there is a tendency for us to think that things are far worse that they have ever been. But as we continue our study of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians this morning, I think we’ll discover that there really is “nothing new under the sun.”
Although we’re going to focus on verses 3 and 4, let’s begin reading in Chapter 5, verse 1 so that we can put our passage in the proper context.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Ephesians 5:1-4 (NIV)
Beginning all the way back at verse 22 of chapter 4, Paul has been writing about how followers of Jesus Christ need to take off their old way of life and to put on clothing that is consistent with who they are in Jesus Christ. He has made it clear over and over again that we cannot continue to live the life that we once lived once we become Christians. This is true not just for us as individual believers, but it is also true for us as the body of Christ, the church.
When we last looked at Ephesians three weeks ago, you’ll remember that we found that as followers of Jesus Christ we are to imitate God by loving others in the same way that Christ loved us – with a giving, sacrificial love that loves even the unlovable. But Paul lived in a culture that was not altogether different from ours. It seems that the people of Ephesus had totally blurred the distinction between love and sex.
But, the problem was much more extensive than that. In this very city of Ephesus, to which Paul’s letter is addressed, there was a temple to a pagan goddess, Artemis, who was also known as Diana to the Romans. The worship of Artemis was made possible by a multitude of young priests and priestesses who gave their bodies to whoever could pay the price, as an act of worship. The whole city accepted sexual immorality as an act of worship and regarded it as normal and proper, even religious.
As Paul addresses this issue you will notice that he draws two distinct contrasts in this passage, each of them introduced by the three letter word “but.” You may want to circle or underline both occurrences of that word to help you recognize those contrasts as we look at the passage this morning:
• First, in verse 3, Paul contrasts the love of Christ with the self-centered obsession with sex in the Ephesian culture.
• And then, at the end of verse 4, he contrasts that self-centered focus of the culture with the attitude of thanksgiving that was to be present among the followers of Jesus Christ.
Paul uses those two contrasts to exhort his readers to be different from the culture around them. Even though the rest of the world may have made sex their God, just as they have done in our day, that is not acceptable for those who are followers of Jesus Christ. So just has he has done previously, Paul instructs us to remove the old and put on the new.
HOW TO KEEP SEX FROM BECOMING YOUR GOD
1. Reject the world’s view of sex.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place...
Although the NIV is not the most literal translation of this passage, I’m using it this morning because it does a great job of capturing the essence of what Paul is writing here. Literally, he writes that sexual immorality is “not even to be named” within the body of Christ. In other words, we are not to allow it to infiltrate the body in any form – there should not even be a hint of it in our midst.
When you look at these verses, it’s pretty obvious that Paul has arranged his instruction into two groups of three words. The first three deal with our actions and the second three deal with our words, or speech. And in both those areas he makes it clear that we are to reject the world’s view of sex.
• In our actions
Paul uses three words here to describe actions that had become totally acceptable in the Ephesian culture when it came to sex:
o Sexual immorality
This is the Greek word “porneia”, from which we get our English word “pornography”. The King James translates this “fornication.” A look at just a few other instances of where this word is used in the New Testament will give us a better understanding of what it means.
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:32 (NIV)
It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father’s wife.
1 Corinthians 5:1 (NIV)
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:2 (NIV)
When we examine these and other uses of this word, we find that it describes any kind of sexual activity that occurs outside the covenant of marriage. That very clearly includes pre-marital sex, adultery, homosexual sex, prostitution and pornography. And in the Ephesian culture of Paul’s day, those practices had become completely acceptable and were openly practiced without shame – sound familiar?
o Impurity
This word comes from a medical term that described an oozing wound or something that was decaying, like a dead body. Paul often uses this word in combination with sexual immorality to describe the unrestrained sexual behavior that stems from a filthy decaying mind. It is the same word Paul uses in Romans 1:
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.
Romans 1:24 (NIV)
The phrase “sexual impurity” in this verse is the very same word Paul uses in Ephesians to describe the state of mind that leads to sexual immorality.
o Greed
Although it is certainly proper to translate this word as “greed”, the KJV translation of “covetousness” seems to be better given the context of this passage. Paul does not seem to be referring so much to greed in terms of material possessions as much as he is writing about the idea of coveting another person in a sexual sense.
The three words that Paul uses here to characterize the way that the world views sex all have something in common. They all reflect the “If it feels good, do it” mentality that pervades our culture. Sexual immorality, impurity and covetousness are all the natural result of a culture that focuses on “what’s in it for me.” As we’ve already seen, that is in complete contrast to the kind of love that we are to exhibit when we imitate God – a love that is giving, selfless and focused on the needs of others and not on our own desires.
The reason that the kind of sex that Paul describes in this verse has become the God of our culture is because self has become the God of our culture. And unfortunately, even in the church, we have bought hook, line and sinker the lie that the reason that God has established the kinds of boundaries that Paul writes about here is because God wants to rob us of joy in our lives. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I am convinced that these words of Jesus apply to our sex life as well as they do to any other area of our life:
...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10 (NIV)
The boundaries that God has established are actually intended to protect us and to make sure that we receive all the blessings that God intends for us to enjoy in our sex lives. And, although I don’t need statistics from our own human experiences to prove that, there is certainly an abundance of evidence to confirm that God’s principles do work.
I’m not going to spend much time at all discussing the physical consequences that come from ignoring God’s boundaries when it comes to sex. We are all aware of the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases in our world. And the fact is that if everyone refused to engage in sexual relations outside the covenant of marriage, we would halt the spread of those diseases and eliminate them in a generation.
But sex is much more than just a physical act. There are powerful emotional and psychological bonds that are created as well. Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 6 describes that quite well:
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another.
1 Corinthians 6:16-18 (Message)
God’s standards for sex are given for our benefit. God understands the powerful bonds that are created when two people engage in a physical relationship and how that such a relationship outside the covenant of marriage can hurt us deeply.
In his book, Marriage Savers: Helping Your Friends and Family Avoid Divorce, author Mike McManus shares these facts about sex and marriage:
• Couples who engage in sex before marriage are far more likely to divorce. According to a study by the National Survey of Family Growth, engaging in pre-marital sex increases the odds of divorce by about 60 percent.
• The more promiscuous you are before marriage, the more likely you are to commit adultery AFTER marriage.
• Couples who live together before marriage are unlikely to marry. A Columbia University study found that "only 26 percent of women surveyed and a scant 19 percent of men" married the person they were living with. Another study showed that even if they do marry, couples who begin their marriages through cohabitation are almost twice as likely to divorce within 10 years compared to all first marriages.
• People who have premarital sex run the chance of marrying someone who’s not right for them. Why? Because sexual intimacy can be emotionally blinding: it makes couples feel closer than they really are. "Real love," McManus says, "can stand the test of time without physical intimacy. The sexually active lose objectivity."
Although I could spend all morning sharing data and information that confirms that God’s standards regarding sex result in an abundant life, let me just share one more with you. In spite of what the world may try to tell us, National Institutes of Health researcher David Larson found that couples who don’t sleep together before marriage and who are faithful during marriage "are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriages compared to those who were involved sexually before marriage."
But Paul doesn’t just stop with our actions; he also deals with how we need to reject the world’s view of sex...
• In our speech
Once again Paul uses three words to describe the kind of sexual talk that had become acceptable in the culture of Ephesus:
o Obscenity
This word is rendered “filthiness” in the KJV and NASB. It refers to any kind of disgraceful speech. In today’s language we would call it a “potty mouth.” It may be the kind of language that’s acceptable at the job site or in the locker room, but Paul makes it clear that it is not acceptable for those who are followers of Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately this kind of obscenity seems to be more and more accepted in our culture, whether it’s Jane Fonda using profanity on the “Today” show or the student section at the U of A basketball game chanting profanity at the referees.
o Foolish talk
Foolish, as it’s used here, refers to one who is foolish because he does not understand the things of God:
The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."...
Psalm 14:1 (NIV)
In the context of this passage, it seems to refer to talk that ridicules God’s standards for sex. We certainly don’t have to look too hard to find a whole lot of that in our culture.
o Coarse joking
This word literally means “well-turned.” It is the idea of using a “well-turned” phrase by employing wit or humor in a vulgar sense. It includes the kind of innuendo that we increasingly see on TV, not just in the programs, but also in the ads.
It’s interesting here that Paul is just as concerned with immoral speech as he is with immoral action. Here are just a few reasons why that is the case.
The dangers of immoral speech:
1. It doesn’t take sin seriously
When we joke about that which is sinful, rather than condemn it, we are making light of the seriousness of that sin.
2. It allows us to “push the envelope”
Once we begin to engage in immoral speech, it becomes easier and easier to see just how far we can push the envelope. It’s just like any other sin. When we try to find our pleasure in sin, it takes more and more of that sin to satisfy us. That’s why...
3. It often leads to action
After a while, it’s no longer adequate to just talk about immorality and so we actually move toward engaging in the behavior that we’re talking about. Most affairs don’t start with physical action; they begin by talking about things that two unmarried people should never discuss.
4. It demeans God’s gift
In just a moment, we’re going to discuss how sex, in its proper context, is a gift from God. And when we joke about sex, we demean that gift.
As we’ve seen consistently throughout Paul’s letter, it’s not just enough to reject the world’s view of sex. We also have to do something positive. We have to put on the clothing that is consistent with our new life. And to do that we must...
2. Thank God for the gift of sex
...but rather thanksgiving
Paul could have taken a number of different approaches to deal with this issue. He could have merely reminded his readers of the Old Testament commandments that dealt with things like adultery or covetousness. He could have pointed out all the benefits of following God’s principles rather than the ways of the world. But I think Paul understood that the real issue was one of the heart. His readers were faced with a choice – they could either place their own selfish desires on the throne of their hearts and be just like the rest of the world or they could put God on the throne of their hearts and follow God’s plans for their lives.
So what is it that we are to be thankful for? Certainly given the context, we need to be thankful for the selfless love of Christ that Paul described in verse 2, which provides the means for our relationship with God. But in the more immediate context of verses 3 and 4, I think there is something more here.
Although immorality and impurity have distorted how sex is viewed in our culture, sex itself is a gift from God to man, the kind of gift that James described in his epistle:
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17 (NIV)
The problem is, that in order to respond to the world’s distortion and perversion of sex, Christians are often perceived, in some cases rightly so, as being totally opposed to it. In his commentary on Ephesians, James Boice makes some astute observations about this condition:
Christians have a bad reputation where sex is concerned because they are thought to be against it. That is understandable from the Christian point of view, for sex has been so vulgarized by pagan society (especially our own) that much of what Christians say on the subject has necessarily been negative. But sex is not something for Christians to deplore, condemning it as evil. It is only the distortions we deplore, On the contrary, sex has been given by God, is itself good, and therefore is something for which we should be thankful, as Paul indicates.
There can be no doubt, based on what is in the Bible, that God has given us the gift of sex, not only for the purpose of reproduction, but also for our pleasure. If you doubt that, I invite you to do a detailed study of the Song of Solomon some time. That book is a beautiful love story that describes in explicit detail the physical relationship between a man and wife in which they both derive much pleasure from that aspect of their marriage relationship.
Sex is a gift of God which is like a great river flowing through our lives. As long as that river remains within its banks - within the covenant of marriage - it is a source of great pleasure, refreshment and power. But if it is allowed to overflow its banks it becomes a destructive force which can produce great and lasting damage.
Sex is also like a fire. Many of you may have fireplaces in your homes and when the fire is contained within that structure it provides warmth and enjoyment. But if that fire escapes from the fireplace, it can become uncontrollable and burn down your house.
When we’re thankful for God’s gift of sex in our lives, then we will seek to use it to please and honor Him. And in return, we will experience and abundant life full of joy and intimacy. But when we allow it to be distorted so that it escapes the boundaries of marriage, it will become an uncontrollable, destructive force in our lives.
