Surviving Marriage
1 Corinthians 13
Every Marriage has highs and lows. My wife and I have been married now over
three decades. We have a good marriage. Most of those years have been spent working side by side in the ministry. We are with each other almost 24 hours a day. I __ would want it no other way. Yet, our marriage is not always on the mountain top.
We experience occasional valleys. I’ve pulled some major blunders in our time together.
ILLUSTRATION—Cleaning the house in Bentonville, IN. I was working a secular job along side of pasturing a small country church. I grew up in a very clean and well ordered home where each of us were taught to clean. I like it clean. My wife was also brought up in a very clean and orderly home, but she was not really taught to clean herself. This was a source of contention in my early marriage. One day, with two young boys in diapers needing attention my wife managed to clean the house particularly well. She did this for me, as she preferred the “lived in look.” When I came home she met me at the door, proud of her work and asked me “What do you think?”
I went into the house, looking as I walked, to see a clean home, but then I looked up at the living room chandelier, and rubbed my finger for the shade. “Dust!” was my reply. Man, I was in doghouse, and I knew it. This mistake on my part is one that 30 years later is still just below the surface. A huge mistake. However, appropriate, actions were taken, I was forgiven and our marriage, survived in good stead.
This is normal. You must expect it and hopefully you will prepare for the high’s and lows of married life.
One of the best ways to prepare for a good marriage is to learn what Christian love is and is not. At its best marriage is learning to live together in love like Christians are supposed to love, each other and the world. I once had a professor tell me that any man and woman who were truly Christians could have a successful marriage. That is a far cry from what many people think. They (young people especially) often think that love is something you fall in, like a mud puddle on a rainy day. Or they think that love is a “feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you’ve never felt before”. These feelings might be nice, but they are not what define Biblical love.
I. Biblical love is a commandment.
John 13:34—35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
A. Jesus did not give us commands that we can not obey.
1. However, it is common to hear married people say that they no longer love their mote.
They have “fallen out of love.” If that is true, then they probably do not understand what real love is all about.
B. Real love …
1.is a commitment
2. is a decision of the will.
Illustration: My wife and I made commitments to each other and to God to love one another and to take care of each other “until death do us part.” We aim to keep that commitment.
II. How love expresses itself.
A. Love is not limited to marriage.
1. For the Christian, love is to be a normal part of life.
2.Hear what Jesus said about love,
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Matthew 72:30-31)
B. Love is an outward expression of gratitude toward God.
1. We Love God because he first loved us
“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12NO one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
III. The Apostle Paul best explains the elements of love in 1 Corinthians 1 3.
A. Applying the “love chapter” to our marriage.
1. Love is important Vs 1-3
a. Love is important more important than angelic tongues.
b. Love is more important than prophecies and the gift of knowledge.
c. Love is more important than faith and generosity.
2. How love acts. 1 Cor. 13:4-7
a. Love is patient and self-controlled.
b. Love is kind and courteous.
c. Love is without envy or pride.
d. Love rejoices in truth.
e. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
B. Attributes that we as Christians must develop in our own characters.
1. We must apply them
a. To our friends
b. To strangers around us,
c. most importantly, to our spouses.
IV. Living your life to give honor and glory, to Jesus. How important is it?
If it is important, then you must begin to love your mate in the way described above. Loving is not only a feeling. Loving is an act of obedience and faith that Jesus says we must express even to our enemies. (Luke 6:27) He does not command us to feel, he commands us to act. Feeling will follow.
A. Developing this attributes in our marriage
1 Our valleys become fewer and less deep.
2. Expressed in our marriage will help avert crisis,
3. In most marriages these attributes will bring about change.
B. Objectives in applying these loving attributes to our marriage
1. You will come to an increased understanding of issues.
2. You will communicate with, rather than at, each other.
3. You will refocus on your own responsibilities rather than your mate’s
Deficiencies.
4. You will garner a genuine appreciation for the other’s feelings.
5. There will be a controlled release of tension.
You need to understand that you can not change your mate. The only person you are responsible to before God that you can change is yourself. But if you change yourself there is a very good possibility that your mate will not be far behind.
Conclusion:
Accomplished, these objectives will allow for a rekindled love for each other and a heightened opportunity for reconciliation. M. Shelley says are the objectives of almost all marital counseling.
Although we are applying these “Love Chapter” principles to marriage, they are equally important to apply to our lives in general. These are simply the characteristics of a mature Christian living out his life in the world.
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1The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, ci 984 . Zondervan: Grand Rapids
2The Holy Bible New International Version. 1996, c1984 . Zondervan: Grand Rapids
3Shelley, M. 1 997. Vol. 3: Building your church through counsel and care: 30 strategies to transform your ministry. Library of leadership development. Bethany House: Minneapolis, Minn.
4Shelley, M. 1 997. Vol. 3: Building your church through counsel and core: 30 strategies to transform your ministry. Library of leadership development. Bethany House: Minneapolis, Minn.
