Introduction: Questions that will guide our understanding process:
1. What do you mean by relationships?
2. What are the types of relationships ordained by God?
3. What are the qualities that can help me become an effective leader?
4. How do you deal with difficult people?
5. How do you get rid of the spirit of offense?
DEFINITIONS:
Relationship: comes from the word “relate”.
Relationships – the state of being related or connected to.
Relation - position that one person hold in respect to another
FOUR TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Between Man and God (man’s source of direction).
2. Between God and Body of Christ (world’s source of direction).
3. Between Saint to Saint (monitors how well we are doing with God).
4. Between Gender (Male and Female) – God’s plan for ultimate fulfillment.
Single state
Espoused (engaged) state
Married state
You can never separate people from the ministry or life.
A divine call or being a Christian does not guarantee success. You have a part to play in the success.
Matthew 20:28
The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.
Jesus came to serve others – that is the key to success in life and ministry.
John 10:10-11
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy, I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.
If you are a human, you are called to PEOPLE! You cannot escape them!
You need to be able to work with ALL types of people to be successful.
Success is 15% product knowledge and 85% people knowledge.
If you cannot get people to open and be honest with you, you cannot successfully help them.
Why People Fail:
1. Personality (85%).
2. Lack of people.
If you haven’t learned the art of getting along with people, then you need to develop it.
GETTING ALONE WITH PEOPLE IS AN ART.
Winning people is more than manipulating them.
Manipulate – influence people for your own agenda.
Winning – moving together for mutual advantage.
To win is to gain the love, respect and favor of other people.
Before you can help people, you must win their confidence (even if you have the things they need).
If you are constantly getting into conflict with people, check yourself out.
Understanding Leadership:
Leaders are made, not born. Anyone can develop leadership qualities.
Leadership – the capacity and the will to rally men and women to a common purpose and the character which inspires confidence; influence (in a positive way).
Management – assurance that guidelines (procedures) of a company are met.
Leader:
Guides
Inspires
Enthusiasm
Let’s go attitude
Boss:
Drives workers
Inspires fear
Go, go, go
Real leadership is having the ability to influence people in the proper way and motivate; other leaders being produced.
You must see people as valuable and precious. Then they can become productive and not a liability.
The greatest testimony for you as a leader is a godly lifestyle (I Peter 5:3).
A lot of leaders create their own problems by the inability to confront people.
Acts 20:27-31
For I have not shunned to declare to you the whole counsel of God. Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood. For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things to draw away the disciples after themselves. Therefore watch and remember that for three years I did not cease to warn everyone night and day with tears.
People are looking for a safe and secure person to lead them.
How To Develop Essential Leadership Qualities:
I. A good follower.
The attitude you live by will determine the attitude you fly by.
You must have a teachable and submissive spirit.
James 4:7
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Submit:
1. To God’s Word
2. To Holy Spirit
3. To Love
A good leader will always be conscious that he is subject to a higher power; the chief shepherd.
Love seeks the welfare of others before itself.
As you go up in leadership, the more responsibility and the less rights.
II A good listener.
You spend 70% of verbal communication in a day; 45% of that time is spent listening.
Not one person possesses all knowledge so listening is a way to learn.
The higher people go up in authority, the less they listen; but they need to listen more so that they can get the facts they need; otherwise they will be resented by people.
You can head potential problems by listening.
Listening – waiting to hear.
Aggressive listening – requires concentration; genuine engagement; questioning and prodding; demands some kind of response
Ways to improve listening skills:
1. Don’t be afraid to ask questions for clarification.
2. Don’t formulate while the other person is still talking. Prov. 18:13
3. Try not to assume you know what the other person is planning to say.
4. Don’t allow your personal prejudice to filter out what you are hearing.
5. Listening for ideas and feeling behind the words.
93% of communication is transmitted from tone of voice and 7% is only done through words.
6. Take full responsibility for what you hear.
Listening shows respect for others.
A lie will go ½ way around world before you get the boots on (D.L. Moody).
As a leader, you can’t act on half-truths or you will get in trouble.
III. A good communicator.
60% of all management problems is in communication.
90% of all marriage problems are in poor communication.
Communication breeds trust and trust breeds commitment, and loyalty.
When there is no communication, there is an atmosphere for rumors to grow.
Communication: process to convey understanding (not just information) from one person to another.
To Convey Understanding:
1. Develop a clear concept of the idea or feeling you are trying to communicate.
2. Choose the right words and actions to convey that idea or feeling.
3. Become aware of communication barriers and minimize them.
a. Hearing only what you want to hear.
b. Different value systems and perceptions.
c. Allowing personal emotions to distort information.
d. Unwillingness to receive information that conflicts with predetermine convictions or viewpoints.
Two Forms of Communication:
1. Verbal communication
2. Non-verbal communication
Touching (be careful) convey a message that you are concerned about the other person.
Seven Steps To Better Communication:
1. Never too late to communicate.
2. In communication process, knowledge is not always wisdom; sensitivity is not always accuracy; sympathy is not always understanding.
3. Take full responsibility for success in the communication process. Never pass the buck; as the listener take full responsibility for hearing what the other person is saying. Always give 100%.
4. Look at yourself through other people’s eyes.
5. Listen f or truth and speak truth. Remember everything you communicate is your opinion based from the impression of the situation from limited sources. Keep expanding your information bank from proven authority (not from gossipers).
6. View everything with an open mind.
7. See both positive and negative side of the situation and pursue the positive side.
Communication Words:
1. Least important word “I”. Gets least accomplished; no one man shows here.
2. Most important word “WE”. Denotes teamwork.
3. Two most important words “THANK YOU”.
4. Three most important words: “All is forgiven”.
5. Four most important words: What’s your opinion?”
6. Five most important words: You did a great job!”.
7. Six most important words: I want to know you better (implies understanding).
Or “I admit that I was wrong”.
Twelve most important words in a marriage:
I love you
Please forgive me
I was wrong
IV. A good leader must have a sense of humor.
Proverbs 17:22
A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.
Laughter can relax a tense situation.
You need to get at least 15 laughs a day.
Laugher is the sunshine of the soul; that dispels the blues.
V. Must be able to delegate.
Andrew Carnegie: No man will make a great leader if he does it himself.
Delegation: transferable authority; responsibility; and accountability; from one person to another.
Allows more people to become involve.
Must be secured in your own abilities and must have confidence in people to carry out the delegated responsibilities.
Your ministry or success in life will never grow beyond your ability to delegate.
Exodus 18:13-17
And so it was, on the next day, that Moses sat to judge the people; and the people stood before Moses from morning until evening. So when Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he did for the people, he said, “What is this thing that you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit, and all the people stand before you from morning until evening?” And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God. When they have a difficulty, they come to me, and I judge between one and another; and I make known the statues of God and His laws.” So Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you do is not good.
You can do something good, but do it the wrong way and no one benefits from it.
The Plan: (Exodus 18:21) – get able men (staff) to work with you
Moreover you shall select from all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them to be rulers of thousands, rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.
Able - to do anything; not seeking a position; respect; motives are right; God-pleaser.
Honest
Hate covetousness
Let them deal with smaller matters
A lot of time strife comes because people try to do it along.
Acts 6:5-7
And the saying pleased the whole multitude. And they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit, and Philip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas, a proselyte from Antioch, whom they set before the apostles; and when they had prayed, they laid hands on them. Then the word of God spread, and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were obedient to the faith.
Elements of Successful Delegation:
Ask: What is required of me? What can I do that no one else can do?
1. Responsibility – the activity (or task) to be performed ; the person will need to know what is to be accomplished so be specific.
2. Authority – decision making power needed to achieve that assigned task. Can’t give responsibility without authority.
3. Accountability – obligation to perform the responsibility.
People fail to delegate because:
Job will never get done (perfectionist); Fear workers lack training to get it done (scared to train others because they will take over).
VI. Vision
Helen Keller says, “It would be sad to have sight with no vision”.
Phil. 3:13
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehend; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.
Paul knew what he had to do.
Therefore, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision…
The average student needs 50 repetitions to learn something.
What you see, you will do.
Vision must continually be put before people.
Habakkuk 2:2
Write the vision and make it plain on the tablets, that they may run who reads it.
See the vision, say the vision or people will lose sight of the vision.
