I ended up at the mall. I don’t know why I chose the mall, but it seemed like a logical place to go. I just stormed out of the house, got into my car and started driving. I had only been in town a few months and really didn’t know anywhere else to go. I had to get away from all my problems and the challenges of the day.
If you are trying to get away from it all, let me tell you – the mall is not a good place to go. There amongst hundreds of noisy shoppers, teenagers of every shape and size, mothers pulling crying children, and so forth, I wanted to find solitude to feel sorry for myself and tell God how unfair He was.
You have to understand why I ran to the mall from home that day. Earlier, I had to make what seemed like a really tough choice at the time. I had a part-time job that I enjoyed very much in the television industry. The job had great potential for growth and career advancement; however, the job interfered with the family.
I had to pick up the kids each day; take my husband to work (we had only one car), go to church two times a week, work in various ministries in the church, workout at least three days a week (just to keep that girlish figure), cook dinner each evening, and a host of other things. At first, the part-time job fitted into the schedule very well. But over time, it became overwhelming, trying to balance between family and work. I had to choose – the job or my family?
To be honest, at first I wanted to be selfish. Why not? I had stayed home with the kids long enough. They were both now in elementary school and they really didn’t need me anymore. I had a great day care provider and they were in school many hours doing the day. I could be a typical woman of the times and work and send the kids to day care and juggle the housework. If I let the job go, then I would be giving in again and losing out on the things I wanted to do. If many of my friends and associates could juggle career and family, why couldn’t I? Why was I always having problems when I tried to work and take care of my family at the same time? My decision time was here – job or family? With much regret at the time, I resigned from the job.
Since I was at the mall and angry that I was not having what I wanted out of life, I felt I might as well shop. Shopping always made me feel better and help me to forget about my present problems. For the next hour or two, I would forget every problem I ever had and spend, spend, spend. I thought about the dress and shoes I had my eyes on over the last few weeks in my favorite store at the mall. I decided that if I couldn’t have career and family, I would at least have something I really wanted!
I realized, however, that I only had $.95 in change in my purse. I don’t know if you’ve been to the mall lately, but $.95 is not enough to buy much. I fanatically looked for an Automated Teller Machine (ATM) that could take care of my money woes. I put my ATM card in the machine with the anticipation that I would soon have money to spend. I thought, “Now God, I can have what I want and not even you can stop this. I can have it for me and me alone!” It seems as though God heard this anguish, selfish cry. All of a sudden the ATM screen went to a black background with bold green letter that said, “SORRY, CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE!” It was SHUT DOWN! Here I was at the mall with hundreds of shopper and NO money. I felt just like the bank machine, “closed for maintenance”.
Filled with dismay and disappointment, (and really angry with God and everyone in my life), I left the mall. A river of tears streamed down my face. I begin to think how “nothing ever works out for me.” I begin to ask God what he wanted me to do and why the job didn’t work out. Talking about having a pity party (I was the only attendee)! I got into my car and reminded Him that I was his child and he promised to give me the petitions that I asked! Suddenly, I heard a still small voice speak to me:
“My thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways”. (Isaiah 55:8)
I knew that I was the only one in the car. I realized that it was God speaking to my heart. God was trying to get my attention. Soon a presence filled the car and I knew that God had a message for me. Soon, my tears turned from one of “poor oh me” to weeping of how good God was. I wept as I thought of how God saved me through Jesus Christ and redeemed my life from destruction. Then He firmly set my footsteps on the course He had planned for my life from the beginning of the world.
Often we believe that a particular situation or plan we have is ready to be implemented. Actually, it is not always the proper timing. In reality, we fall flat on our face or fail because we are doing things in our own strength, based on our own understanding.
God knows when you are ready and when it fits into His plan for our lives. Leviticus 26:4 says, “I will give you rain in due season”. A season is defined as a period of time. The word “due” is defined as fitting or appropriate. Rain indicates an abundant outpouring. This scripture simply is interpreted that God will give us an abundant outpouring of blessings at the appropriate, or fitting period of time, in the thing we desire to accomplish.
I began to think on how I struggled to fit the job into my life. I knew my schedule and knew how it would create potential problems in our home, but I adjusted and readjusted it until I was trying to fit a piece of puzzle that did not fit. But I forced it in anyway. I figured that my home would eventually adapt and with my religious attitude told God, “now, you need to bless my plan and that I would do it when I wanted it to happen.”
I also began to compare my life with others around me. Comparison breeds discontentment. I had many friends who were balancing homes, family and careers and appeared to do just fine. I never thought why they were outside the home working. Some had to go to make ends meet due to overspending, some wanted more materialistic things and some had to go because of diverse situations (a husband was ill, sudden death of a husband or massive doctor bills due to a child who was sick). In comparing my self to others, I just figured if they could do it, so could I! I never counted the cost of the impact on my family.
I had forgotten several years earlier that it was put on my heart to stay home and minister to the needs of my family. He told me that a time would come that He would allow me to continue my career again. He wanted me there to minister to the wives who felt alone during the day, or needed a friend to talk to about problems at home or being available to go pick up a sick child from school because a parent couldn’t take off of work at the time.
I now had my answer! I wiped the tears from my eyes and started to laugh. It dawned on me that God was not holding my blessing, but He had good plans for my life. And at the right time His plan would manifest and bless my life and others! I just had to remember to be content in the state that I was in and be faithful in serving the Lord.
I finally decided to head home. I sung songs of praise to God that He cared so deeply for me. He used the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. He used a bank teller machine to minister truths to me that I had forgotten. I knew eventually that the machine was serviced with the necessary adjustments and was ready for use. But God was also doing an adjustment or maintenance in my life.
If you ever get to the point in your life where you feel “things are not working out for you”, meditate on the following points:
1. God’s timing is not always your timing.
2. The work God has started in you, He will finish it.
3. Be content in your present state.
4. Don’t compare yourself to others.
5. God has not forgotten His plan for your life.
6. God is with you!
If you have a moment, do this simple task. Sit down now and review the plan you have for your life. Present this plan to God. Give Him permission to make the necessary adjustments whenever necessary. Allow Him to “close you down for maintenance” whenever He sees that you need it. Remind yourself during these times that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.
By the way, I got home from my mall experience in total joy. I opened the door and there was my family wrestled together on the living room floor. My son and daughter ran to me and welcomed me home. My husband smiled and winked to let me know that everything was going to be okay. I hugged each of them and apologized for the way I left the house earlier.
I thank God that day that the necessary adjustments were made. I was now “open to His voice and ready for His service”.
