Honor Thy Father and Mother.
This commandment is fairly self-explanatory but there is a lot to learn about this command to honor and the Bible has much to say on this topic. Let’s look at the command God gave to the children of Israel in Deuteronomy 5:
16 ’ Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you.
There are three areas that the Bible addresses in detail concerning honor. In our modern generation the concept of honoring our parents is a forgotten commandment. The Bible foretells of this generation in which we now live in Proverbs 30:11-14
11 There is a generation that curses its father, And does not bless its mother. 12 There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes, Yet is not washed from its filthiness. 13 There is a generation -- oh, how lofty are their eyes! And their eyelids are lifted up. 14 There is a generation whose teeth are like swords, And whose fangs are like knives, To devour the poor from off the earth, And the needy from among men.
In this modern generation the average person looks at everything from a ‘me’ perspective. People do not want children because it interferes with their careers and personal goals. In the U.S. last year, there were 1.37 million abortions and most were performed solely for the sake of convenience. World wide there were over 46 million abortions. According to Proverbs 30:14, there will be a generation that devours the needy from off the earth. Why would anyone devour the needy? Simply because of convenience. If these children were allowed to live, they would be considered a burden to the selfish generation that lives for its own selfish purposes. While this generation in which we live justifies itself in its own eyes yet is unwashed from sin, this self-justifying generation stands to become the most murderous generation in history. Not only has this generation lost its ability to feel shame, but it praises its sin as being noble. An online newspaper published an article praising women who have abortions or sterilization for their ‘self-sacrifice’ to protect the environment. They spotlighted two women who have made this ‘sacrifice’. One of the women had an abortion after stating that having a child was not an option. She explains:
"Having children is selfish. It’s all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet,"
While claiming that not aborting children is selfish, Toni, the woman being interviewed made the following statement:
I’ve never doubted that I made the right decision. Ed and I married in September 2002, and have a much nicer lifestyle as a result of not having children.
Truly the warning of Jeremiah 17:9 rings true, “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked”. The wickedness of the human heart can justify killing an unborn child so that man can have a ‘nicer lifestyle’ and then convince itself this is a noble deed by claiming to do it for the sake of the planet. The second woman being interviewed echoed a similar world view when she stated:
"I realized then that a baby would pollute the planet - and that never having a child was the most environmentally friendly thing I could do."
While God states that children are a gift from the Lord, this modern generation is buying into the lie that children are a stain on the earth and should be prevented from arriving. You can read the testimonies of these two women at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=495495&in_page_id=1879.
Each political season this can be observed during many campaigns. Anyone who dares to speak out for the helpless is devoured with rage by those who claim to be ‘defenders of personal rights’. If a child is allowed to live in the womb, they are usually sent to daycare so that the family can increase materialism and wealth. The family unit is sacrificed on the altar of convenience and material prosperity. Throughout the Bible, the generation we now live in has been foretold.
The same mindset from the culture is directed toward aging parents. The father and mother are considered a curse and a burden to those who want to live free of responsibility. There is no sin that the human mind cannot justify as reasonable when our convenience is the purpose of our living. Just as children are looked upon as a burden to society, the elderly are being classed as a burden. The so-called field of ‘Bio Ethics’ has reduced life to a mathematical formula where death is considered zero and anyone who does not have a certain quality of life is less than zero. Under the modern ‘ethics’ death is considered to be an improvement and the terminating a life is justified by claiming that it is an improvement. It is argued that if what society claims to be quality of life is absent, euthanasia is a good deed. In an article responding to the Holland law legalizing euthanasia in 2001, disabledworld.org acknowledged the pressure that has now begun to be put on the rest of Europe and the world to follow suit. The article explains the pressure in Germany:
German disability organizations are fighting similar developments, adds Miles-Paul "In Germany the pressure for disabled people and elderly people is growing immensely, to not be a burden on society, and to think about euthanasia," Miles-Paul says. He is worried that the recent Dutch action may build momentum for the pro-euthanasia movement. "For us it’s much harder now to argue against euthanasia if our neighbor-country has legalized it," he says. "Therefore the pressure will grow on disabled and elderly people."
It is situations such as these that create the need for God to give us specific commandments so that we are not lured into the pressure of a sinful culture who instructs us that sin is good and values are a burden. While we cannot control the generation, we can separate ourselves from this generation for we have the command and promise of Philippians 2:14-16
14 Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast the word of life…
Not only should we obey, we should do so with an attitude of pleasing God knowing that He rewards those who walk in His ways. This life is only a breath that will soon pass; therefore, those who live solely for this life are forfeiting the true life that God has prepared for those who love Him. Through holding fast to the word of life (the word of God), we will be blameless before God and we will shine as lights in the midst of this perverse generation. We may indeed be living in the lofty and proud generation that cannot see their own crookedness, but we do not have to conform to the thought of the day. You have the power to be an overcomer through walking in faith in Jesus Christ (1 John 5:4, 1 John 4:4). Keeping God’s commandments is accomplished through faith. When you believe God, your life will reflect the fact that you are living in hope rather than in the quest for short-term gratification. This should be our focus as we seek to honor our parents. We honor God by obeying His command to honor our parents; therefore, let’s look at how we do indeed honor our father and mother according to the scriptures.
Honor Through Obedience.
Children, it is not possible to honor your father and mother without obedience. One thing that each person must realize is that it does not matter whether we agree with those in authority or not – we are still commanded to be in subjection to that authority. Consider Romans 13:1-2
Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.
The most basic structure of authority begins in the home. The strength of the family directly affects the strength of the culture. All authority comes from God – not just those who are Christian. God controls each culture, kingdom and position of authority. If we are in rebellion against any authority, we are in rebellion against God and will be judged by God for rebelling against Him. The same is true for parents. The only exception that we have for disobedience is when someone in authority requires us to sin against the word of God. Even then we are still subject to the leader God has set to govern. When the apostle Peter was commanded not to preach in Jesus’ name, he rejected that command while remaining subject to authority. When arrested, he did not violently resist but testified as to why he could not obey (Acts 5). When Paul was arrested he remained subject to authority. When he found out one of the leaders was the High Priest who governs Israel, he acknowledged that it was his responsibility to honor that position – even if the man occupying it was not acting in an honorable way (Acts 23).
Children are not commanded to obey their parents only if they feel their parents are worthy; children obey your parents out of obedience to God alone and do all things as to God, not as to a person (Ephesians 6:7). This truth goes for any authority. Wives are commanded to submit to God’s appointed authority in the home – not because husbands are worthy, but because they are submitting to God (Ephesians 5:22). If your submission is not to the Lord, you are missing the point. Obey your parents because God has commanded it and because God has given many promises to those who obey. God has promised that it will go well with you AND your life may be long. You cannot submit to God and rebel against authority. You cannot be right with God while in rebellion against God’s ordained authority.
Obedience is an act of faith. If I submit to the authority God has ordained, I believe God will either work in my life, God will work through the authority for good, or both. If you suffer for obedience, God has promised to reward you. If you rebel because a leader is foolish or does what we don’t agree with, God has not promised to reward us – but on the contrary God has warned that we bring His judgment upon ourselves. So always keep in mind that obedience is an act of faith toward God that He is in control; He can right any wrong; He can work in our lives as He sees fit. We don’t have to understand why something has happened or what God is doing – faith requires obedience before the promise is realized. Look at this promise from Proverbs 1:8-9
8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; 9 For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck.
Proverbs 6:20-22 20 My son, keep your father’s command, And do not forsake the law of your mother. 21 Bind them continually upon your heart; Tie them around your neck. 22 When you roam, they will lead you; When you sleep, they will keep you; And when you awake, they will speak with you.
Keep in mind that success and achievement belongs to God. The benefit of obedience does not come from your parents, but from God. God has the power to give parents wisdom or grow you in wisdom as you keep His commandments. Either way, if you keep the instructions and submit to the authority of your parents, God has promised that He will make your life go well. Sometimes we have to patiently wait for the promise, but if we are faithful, God will be faithful. The promise was reiterated in Ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: 3 "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."
This biblical principle of obedience applies until God uses us to establish a new family. Look at Mark 10:6-8
6 "But from the beginning of the creation, God ’made them male and female.’ 7 ’For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 ’and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Once a man or woman marries, they are no longer under the authority of their parents but are under the authority structure of their new family. In marriage, a woman is given in marriage and the new home becomes a new testimony of God’s design. I have witnessed new marriages where parents are unwilling to let go or one partner in marriage is unwilling to let go. A man leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife. The new marriage replaces the authority but it does not replace the command to honor and respect parents. A man and woman joined in marriage are not required to obey the rules of their previous family, but they are still to honor. The honor of obedience gives way to a new family as it passes from one generation to the next, but the commandment of God to honor father and mother remains relevant throughout our lives.
Honor through Respect
One of the great misconceptions that misguide many Christians is that bitterness is justified. At no time in life are we given the option of bitterness. If we are commanded to love and do good to our enemies, how much more can we be expected to love and honor our parents? Consider Matthew 5:44-45
44 "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 "that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
People try to justify themselves by saying that they love their enemies while speaking bitterly against them, but in this scripture, Jesus cuts to the chase. Not only are you commanded to say that you love your enemies, but you are to do good to them. It is easy to say you love someone, but you do not truly love them until you do good to them, pray for them and seek their welfare. Luke adds a few details that clarify our responsibilities in Luke 6:
35 "But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.
In Romans 12, we are commanded give food or drink to meet our enemies needs. We are to do these things hoping for nothing in return – not even so much as a ‘thank you’, for we look expectantly to our Heavenly Father to repay. Like all commandments, we keep these out of faith knowing that God’s promises are true. Rather than looking to the gratification of this life, we keep God’s word believing and hoping in His promises whether they are fulfilled on this side of eternity or when we stand before Him.
I brought up our enemies in this portion of study to bring to our attention that bitterness is inexcusable. When we feel wronged, we feel justified in our anger and as we cling to anger, we give birth to bitterness. Even if someone has had a parent that tried to be an enemy, our responsibility is still to honor, pray for, do good to and love that parent. For some people, the challenge is great. I know people who have bitter parents who create great trials for the children. We must pray for wisdom that God will lead our hearts so that we are not drawn into the bitterness while still seeking to obey the Lord in honoring our parents. This is a command without loopholes or exceptions. Many people have been wronged in many ways, but our act of love is to the Lord and the more difficult the challenge, the greater the reward. God has also given serious warnings against becoming bitter. Look at these two passages:
Proverbs 30:17 The eye that mocks his father, And scorns obedience to his mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it.
Proverbs 20:20 Whoever curses his father or his mother, His lamp will be put out in deep darkness.
How many people wander in darkness and carry the burden of their own bitterness? Do you feel like a dark cloud is over you? Get your life right and act in obedience to God’s commands by faith. Our love does not have to be received for we give hoping for nothing in return. Anyone who curses their parents is consumed by bitterness and will never be free in their own lives as long as they hold on to bitterness. Anyone who scorns at obedience will not be under the blessed promises of God, but places themselves under the curse of these warnings. God is merciful and we may need to repent. Even if we have been guilty of these things, God has an open door for us to turn from our former ways and walk in obedience to Him. One of the greatest challenges of this life is to overcome bitterness. Not one person has ever received any benefit from bitterness – but it has destroyed everyone who has ever possessed it and will continue to destroy those who hold to it. You, and you alone will be responsible for your own heart and our Redeemer has the power to take our broken emotions and give us a new heart. These promises are to those who answer the call of faith through obedience.
Honor through care.
Our culture places value on someone based on what benefit can be obtained from that person. Human nature is self-seeking and self-serving. Human nature is willing to sacrifice in order to gain, but human nature will not sacrifice in order to give. Sometimes that gain may be the desire to have self-worth or feel good about ourselves, but there must be some type of gain before our selfish nature will give. As the church departs from the faith in fulfillment of what God foretold would happen, the culture grows darker and less tolerant of anything godly. As godliness departs, the ability to love departs since true love (agape) comes from God through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5). Soon our culture will forget that God gives us the gift of honoring our parents through caring for them as they age. A self-focused culture looks at children and parents in the light of ‘how will this affect my lifestyle’ instead of asking, “What has God called us to do”.
I will be honest up front, I am against nursing homes. I also recognize that there may be exceptions to this in the unusual circumstance that it is impossible to provide the necessary care from the home; however, most parents are put away for the convenience of the children’s lifestyle. Consider this passage from Proverbs 19:
26 He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother Is a son who causes shame and brings reproach.
There are many ways to mistreat parents and neglect is one of them. Visit a nursing home and see how many elderly are forgotten. How quickly we forget that our comfort is not our highest calling and that if we obey God even when it costs us, He will honor and bless us. Is it difficult – most likely it will be. We must not be sucked into the world’s way of looking at people based on our selfish view of ‘quality of life’. Being a burden on society is never justification for casting someone aside. Consider this passage from Exodus 4:
11 So the LORD said to him, "Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the LORD?
Why did God make some people blind, deaf or disabled? Many will argue that God does not take anyone’s health and God does not want anyone to be sick. This passage speaks to the contrary for God Himself declares that He has made some people this way. Read Psalm 139 and see how God declares that He not only formed us in the womb and declares us perfectly formed (according to His standard), but God also says that He fashioned the days for us. Did God know the elderly would be in need? Yes He did. Does God plan to make them a burden on the children? Well, that depends on your definition of burden. If you look at life based on how it affects your lifestyle, then it can be a great burden. If you look at life from an eternal perspective, it is a blessing. God created the disabled for the purpose of calling us into love and obedience. If you love God, you will obey and show the love He has poured out in our hearts to those God places within our care.
I know a couple who have a child that was born with cerebral palsy. They have been taught that God does not want anyone to be sick and that if they only have enough faith God will heal their child. They can’t comprehend that faith is a gift from God and that we cannot muster up faith by our own efforts, so they are burdened with their own guilt from their child’s lack of healing. They go from ‘faith healing’ service to service looking for someone to heal their child and the frustration continues to grow. How much peace could they have if they recognized that God, in His own sovereign will has formed this child in the womb and delivered the child into their care? Is it a trial to care for the disabled? Of course it is. It is also a heavy burden to those who fail to recognize that God’s care for us goes beyond this life. God created the disabled for our care and for us to express God’s love and one day we will receive the reward of faithfulness if we are obedient to that call. There is nothing lost in this world that is not a reward in God’s presence if we are faithful.
This same principle applies to caring for parents. We honor God by honoring our father and mother in their time of need knowing that we rest our hope on His assurance given to us. We love God by caring for others. This is not even taking into account the sacrifice given to us by our parents when we were helpless and in need.
I have heard of people who neglected their families because they claimed that their life was a service to God. Jesus answered this error in Matthew 15:4-9
4 "For God commanded, saying, ’Honor your father and your mother’; and, ’He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ 5 "But you say, ’Whoever says to his father or mother, "Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God" -- 6 ’then he need not honor his father or mother.’ Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition. 7 "Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: 8 ’These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. 9 And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ "
Jesus strongly rebuked the Pharisees who were encouraging people to give their money and service to them instead of their parents. If someone took the money that should have been used to care for their parents and gave it to the temple, the Pharisees taught that they were relieved of their responsibility. What would have been used for the parents was now being ‘used for God’s work’. Not much has changed in two thousand years, has it? Now we have greedy religious leaders that make loopholes in the Christian’s responsibility if the people will give the money to them. While people believe that they are honoring God, God declares that their hearts are *far* from Him. You are not giving to God if you are contrary to God’s word. This goes for our time, money or any other resource within our control. Our first priority is caring for our families.
Jesus made it clear in the passage above that caring for our parents is an important way that we fulfill our commandment to honor our father and mother. Finally, look at this passage in Proverbs 23:
22 Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.
Do not despise your parents or consider it a burden to care for them. This is a gift from God. Any opportunity that we have to honor our parents – obedience, respect or care – it is an eternal gift that has God’s promise behind it. Caring and honoring should not be looked upon through the lens of our personal comfort, pleasure, or lifestyle. We should behold everything through the eyes of faith knowing that God has ordained every circumstance in our life and we live in confidence of the hope of our eternal promises. We express our love for God through loving those God puts in our lives. The Lord never promised that we would not be inconvenienced and it should be counted as a joy to honor our parents through the love of God.
