THE POSSIBILITY OF MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE
There are so many things that happened in life that most people would not want to believe that they ever happened, such is the issue of getting married to someone you never loved. Since we all have agreed that love is an important and an irreplaceable factor in the soup of marriage one would then be shocked to know that a larger percentage of marriages are made without love.
Gen 29:15 30
And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother,
shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me,
what shall thy wages be?
And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah,
and the name of the younger was Rachel.
Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.
And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for
Rachel thy younger daughter.
And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee,
than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto
him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled,
that I may go in unto her.
And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.
And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter,
and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.
And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.
And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah:
and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me?
did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country,
to give the younger before the firstborn.
Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou
shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him
Rachel his daughter to wife also.
And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid
to be her maid.
And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more
than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.
Here we can see how a man was robbed of his love. He got what he never bargains for. In so many part of the world, what happened to Jacob is still happen in various styles.
CAUSES OF MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE.
1. FRUSTRATION
Waiting for so long a time for a suitor who never showed up may push some into marriage where no love exists at all. Such people get so confused and so determined in their confusion that whoever ask for their hands in marriage, as long as it is from the opposite sex the answer will be yes.
2. FAMILY PRESSURE.
Family pressure comes in two different ways:
a. for those who have reach marriageable age the mothers could suddenly become the thorn in their flesh by asking them to a fault some of this questions:
Haven’t you found someone to marry yet? All your mates are already married with two or more children.
Do you mix up with boys at all in your school and why hasn’t anyone of them come visiting?
Please my daughter (now mama is weeping) is anything wrong with you as a woman; let me know so that we can do something about it before it is too late. Or how do want to explain to me that with your beauty no man has asked for your love?
b. When you are pressurized to marry not to your own satisfaction but that of your parent.
- They want you to marry to their own religion
- They want you to marry to their own affluence status
- They want you to marry to their own tribes and cultures
- Or they want you to marry to their own profession or the one they cherished.
3. DESIRE FOR GAIN
Some people decide on their own to marry for gain. They want to marry a man or a woman who has the past, the present and the future. Here people marry for:-
- money
- fame
- gain in general.
What they however do not understand is that those things are ephemeral and are quite far from reality.
4. MARRIAGE OF PITY
This is an extreme case in which someone marries for pity. When things are not going fine in the marriage you will hear them say; that I only marry you because I pity your condition. No one would have married you if I did not.
5. LACK OF EXPERIENCE AND IMMATURITY
Even though there is no legal age set for marriage in our country, it is advisable that a person be matured enough to understand what he is about to undertake and the responsibility. He must be able to know the difference between love and infatuation.
DIFFERENCE?
Love is more solid and lasting. I Cor.13:11-12
Infatuation has all the property of love: to have and to hold. But it is not durable. It only exists for a while and it fades away into oblivion.
Let me illustrate: there are two types of current namely (1) alternating current & (2) Direct current. they are both electricity and can make things work that you hardly know the difference. But if both current are loaded, at a given period of time the direct current in the battery will begin to run down and finally it will discharge. The alternating current stays on. Therefore I can say that
DC = infatuation
AC = Genuine love.
Most teenagers are operating in a world of fantasy and are easily infatuated to so many things and people. You will be doing yourself a great harm to fall in love with a teenager. By the time she/he becomes matured, she/he will accuse you of having taken advantage of her/him.
5. ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE.
When a man with a gun accidentally discharges into a woman’s cup he may be forced to marry her by the girl’s family. Such reckless discharge usually occurs when the spirit of lust has taken control of their faculties to do those things they don’t like and that will lead to eternal regret.
HOW CAN I KNOW LOVE?
If someone loves me and I love him how do know?
The simple answer to that is this:
love is known by the action it prompts.
love is known by the action it generates.
love is known by the fruits it bear.
Love sees no wrong.
Love is constant.
When God says that he loves the world you may judge his statement by the action that followed. The action that followed that pronouncement was that he gave his only begotten son Jesus to die for the world that he loved. John 3:16
Therefore we can safely say that love gives.
Love sees no wrong. In spite of and despite that, love will still endure. That is why we know that God loves us in spite of and despite our condition.
Love also breeds constancy. Since the time of old that God declare his love for the children of Israel he has never back out despite and in spite of the intransigence of the children of Jacob. Love is so unique among all other gift in that it can never fail
1 Cor. 13:8
Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies,
they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease;
whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
If someone loves you, you may judge him by the above. Although you should know that you still have the right to say yes or no to any love proposal if you are not so convinced. I however advise you to consult God before you make up your mind after all; the Bible enjoins us to be swift in hearing and be slow to answer. To be slow is not a ploy to weary the other person but to have enough opportunity to think before you speak.
