Singing a Love Song
Song of Songs
Rev. Brian Bill
www.pontiacbible.org
2/10/08
Lynette was longingly reading the lyrics of an amazing love song. Believe it or not, this inspired ode is found in your Bible and is known as the “Song of Songs” or the “Song of Solomon” from the very first verse: “Solomon’s Song of Songs.” If you’ve been following along in our Old Testament journey you may wonder why we’re taking some of the books out of order. I simply wanted to preach on the Song of Songs before Valentine’s Day so that the men among us will have a head’s up about Thursday so that we don’t end up on the couch like Colin. We’ll study the book of Ecclesiastes next Sunday.
I want to acknowledge at the outset that there are different groups of people here today. Some of you are married and happy about it while others of you are married and feel horrible about it. Some of you are engaged and can’t wait to get married while others of you are married and wish you weren’t. Some of you are divorced and wonder why you didn’t check the bulletin more carefully before coming today. Others of you have had a spouse die and you’re not sure if you’ll ever recover. Some of you are single right now and you have hopes of being married while others of you have the gift of singleness. Still others are in a dating relationship and wonder whether to move forward or to pull the plug. Whatever the case, this sweet song has something to say to each of us.
Before thinking that this love song is not for you, could I encourage you to hang in there today? We’ll get to the two main characters in a moment, but I want to draw your attention to a group of people that are referred to as “friends.” This title has been added by the translators to help us understand the different interactions. These friends are cheerleaders and witnesses of what is happening as the love between a man and woman grows and then matures. Their primary role is to give positive direction.
Listen to their celebration of love in the middle phrase of 1:4: “We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine.” In 1:8, the friends give some match-making advice to the woman so that she can get closer to this guy: “If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds.” After the couple gets married, these friends urge them to enjoy one another in 5:1: “Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers.” And when the couple experience conflict, these faithful friends offer to go and look for the man and bring him back so they can work things out in 6:1: “Where has your lover gone, most beautiful of women? Which way did your lover turn, that we may look for him with you?”
We all know married couples and whether we’re married ourselves or not, we can and should celebrate their love, help them grow in oneness, and be peacemakers when there’s conflict. When we think about people we know who are married, John Ortberg suggests that we ask this question: “Is their marriage stronger and better because of me?” Every marriage needs a cheering section. What couples are you cultivating through your prayers and your presence?
Let me also state the obvious that because this book is in the Bible, it should not be feared or avoided. Rather, we should look to learn from it as 2 Timothy 3:16 says: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
Introduction
It’s clear from the very first verse and references throughout that this book was written by Solomon. We know from 1 Kings 4:32 that “He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five.” Of all the songs that he wrote, this one is the only one preserved in Scripture and is introduced as his number one hit – that’s what the phrase “song of songs” means. It was his premier piece of poetry and the most superlative song ever. Because of the highly sensual subject matter, many people over the years have opted to ignore the obvious interaction between a man and a woman and instead interpret this book as an allegory of God’s love for us. While it’s certainly true that God loves us, I think it’s better to see this book as a deep dialogue of intimacy between a man and a woman.
The Song of Songs was the favorite book of D.L. Moody and C.H. Spurgeon. The Puritan preacher John Gill delivered 122 sermons from this song. Because our Old Testament Journey is a survey, I’m just going to take one sermon and focus only on some highlights from the book. I do want to say up front that there are parts of this song that are so intensely intimate that I believe they are intended for the privacy of committed couples within the sanctity of marriage. Because of that I will not delve into its depths in this public setting. That’s to protect the young among us…and to keep me from blushing.
Interestingly, Jewish rabbis used to give this book a rating of “PG-30,” prohibiting men from reading it until they reached the age of 30. I know of no other book of Scripture that starts off this way: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.” When I did a Google search for some preaching resources on the Song of Songs, my web blocker wouldn’t let me access some of them! This book is a far cry from Lamentations!
Allow me to make a cultural observation. Many years ago, in the Victorian age, physical intimacy was thought to be wrong or prudish. Today, the exact opposite is true as we have swung from prudishness to promiscuousness. In our sex-saturated society, it’s impossible to even watch the Super Bowl without being bombarded with scantily-clad bodies during the commercials. We’ve moved from a repressive view to an expressive view, where there seems to be no restraint. The devil always pushes people to extremes, doesn’t he? The Song of Songs does not blush or hold back from describing the beauty of romantic love and physical intimacy within the bounds of monogamous marriage, handling it with candor and openness.
There are two main characters in this drama, with the group of faithful friends making appearances throughout. The woman is referred to as the “Shulammite” (which is translated as ‘Mrs. Solomon’) and is often called the “beloved” while the man is Solomon and is referred to as the “lover.” These captions, which are not in the original Hebrew text, have been added to most translations to help us keep straight who is talking. I should also say that because this is Hebrew poetry, it’s difficult to follow a timeline. Instead, the structure uses rhythm and rhyme rather than linear time (hey, that rhymes). Having said that, we can see three acts or movements in the drama:
* Engagement (1:1-3:5). In this section we see a couple that can’t wait to get married as they long for each other and wait for that special day.
* Wedding (3:6-5:1). In the middle chapters we see a picture of commitment and covenant.
* Marriage (5:2-8:14). In the final chapters we see how their relationship is still filled with romance even through the realities and struggles of life.
A Modern Day Marriage Manual
I want to draw four lessons from the lyrics of this super song. Hopefully this will whet your appetite to read the book for yourself. Let’s see what this modern-day marriage manual has to say.
1. True love waits. After the woman longs for a kiss, she focuses on his fragrance in verse 3: “Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you.” The Shulammite loves the sound of Solomon’s name but it’s deeper than that. In the Bible a name refers to someone’s identity, reputation or character. That’s why we’re to be careful to honor God’s name. The woman is wooed by the depth of Solomon’s disposition. This is a good caution for every single person – be careful about who you give your heart to. Examine an individual’s character carefully. John Ortberg writes that we should be sure their name has a fragrance like perfume and not manure.
I love collecting what kids have to say about marriage. When asked how you decide who to marry, Kirsten, age 10 answered: “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Friends, be careful about getting stuck with someone you may regret later.
Some of the saddest stories I know involve a man or woman who develops a passionate attachment to someone with an untrustworthy character. Take the time to know what an individual is made of, how he or she handles stress and sickness, and how consistent their character really is. Is their fragrance sweet or foul? Related to this, if you’re a born again believer and you’re dating someone who is not sold out for Jesus, you are going down a precarious path. Allow these words from 2 Corinthians 6:14 to penetrate your heart: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?”
One of the recurring refrains in the Song of Songs is an admonition to not awaken love too quickly. We see this charge first in 2:7 and then it’s repeated in 3:5 and in 8:4: “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” In my opinion, one of the inherent dangers of dating when one is still young is that love (or lust) can be awakened prematurely. Tom Constable points out that the outstanding characteristic of this first major section of the book is the sexual restraint that is evident during the courtship.
In 4:12 we read of some amazing imagery related to purity: “You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” In the final chapter, the friends speak of their efforts to protect their young sister from impurity. Check out 8:8-9: “What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar.” They want her to be a wall that waits until the wedding, not a door that is open to everyone.
I celebrate those teenagers who have made purity pledges as part of the “True Love Waits” campaign. If you spend any time in our student ministry you will quickly notice the large number of girls who are wearing purity rings. While this alone won’t guarantee that they will wait until marriage, these pledges are very powerful: “Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.” For more information see www.truelovewaits.com.
I love what Tim Stafford writes: “So what is God’s view of sex? Simple: Sex is wonderful within marriage. Outside of marriage, it’s an offense to the inventor…God wants your marriage bed to be pure because He cares for you. He wants to protect you from the worst. He wants to provide for you the very best…It’s tough to wait for, certainly. But most good things are.” (www.christianitytoday.com).
2. True love withstands problems. After waiting comes marriage and after marriage comes the baby in the baby carriage. And often a lot of problems start piling on. When asked to give the right age to get married, six-year-old Freddie said, “No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” In any relationship, you are going to have some ruptures. There will be misunderstandings and misery but much of this can be avoided by giving attention to the small things before they become big problems.
Turn to 2:15: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” Vineyards were often surrounded by stone walls to keep the animals from destroying the grapes. But invariably, little cracks and crevices would appear and little foxes would weasel their way in and gnaw on the tender vines. We don’t know what their relational struggles were but they needed to deal with them before they became destructive. What cracks do you need to fill in your relationship?
The word “catch” means to “seize” or lay hold of. We can’t become passive when problems arise; just hoping they’ll go away on their own. Notice that it’s “for us,” meaning that the relationship will be better once the couple goes through the “tunnel of chaos” and comes out on the other side. Observe also that these are “little foxes” and they don’t ruin the thick branches that have been growing for years but the new “vineyards that are in bloom.” These little foxes loved to destroy the fragile vines and devour the immature young grapes.
Most of the things that cause division and distance in a relationship start out small and grow over time. Researcher Michael Cunningham in a study called “Social Allergies in Romantic Relationships” found that “Irritating behavior becomes more irksome over time.” Marlene Pritchard discovered that there’s a name for this. It’s called MAD – Minor Annoyance Disorder: “Some of us have MAD marriages that may become bad marriages if we don’t do something about it” (www.keepbelieving.com).
3. True love uses words of affection. Many of us can relate with Colin’s struggles to say the right things at the right time. Our words often get us in trouble, don’t they? For many couples words are ammunition in a long, drawn out war. Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” That’s why it’s so important to use “life words” instead of “death words.” When asked how to make marriage work, 10-year-old Ricky demonstrates some wisdom when he perceptively replied: “Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”
Unfortunately, in many homes this conversation between a husband and wife is all-too-common. “Do you love me with all your heart and soul” asked the wife on Valentine’s Day. “Mmm…uh,” replied the husband. “Do you think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world?” “Mmm…uh,” replied the husband. “Do you think my lips are like rose petals?” “Mmm…uh,” replied the husband. “Oh honey,” gushed the wife, “you say the most beautiful things.”
Both Solomon and the Shulammite share words of deep affection with each other. In 1:15, he waxes eloquent: “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! You eyes are doves.” Guys, I’m not sure you’re ready for this but he calls her “darling” nine different times in just eight chapters! That’s pretty mushy, isn’t it? One writer points out that Solomon praises his wife over 40 different times – for her strength, her beauty and her intelligence. He calls her “my dove” in 2:14 and in 5:2 he adds “my darling, my dove, my flawless one,” taking it up a notch further in 6:9: “My dove, my perfect one, is unique.”
She returns the favor in 1:16: “How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming!” Turn over to 5:10-11: “My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven.” The highlight for me is verse 16 when she refers to him both romantically and relationally. He was doing something right to hear these words: “This is my lover, this is my friend.” One of the things he did right was to declare to the whole world that he loved this lady. According to 2:4 he took her out to eat and had a big poster made and put up in the restaurant announcing his love for all to see: “He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.”
Some of these images get lost in translation through the centuries and across cultures. Turn to chapter 4 to see what I mean. Look at the second half of verse 1: “Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead…your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Your neck is like the tower of David…” Flip over to 7:4 for more: “…Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.” Guys, I don’t recommend that you put this prose in your Valentine Cards! But to the Shulammite, these words melted her heart.
What he was saying was that like a herd of goats moving down the switch-backed trails of a mountain, so too her hair seems to move in waves as it is blown by a soft wind. Two halves of a pomegranate speaks of a perfectly symmetrical head. A tower-like neck was a symbol of strength and culturally a long neck was characteristic of a beautiful woman. The tower of Lebanon was stunning so he’s saying that she has a nice nose, though I think this one is a stretch. We do know that he is showering her with compliments because of 7:6: “How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!” To put it in our jargon, what he’s really saying is this: “Honey, I think you’re hot!”
Are you complimenting one another or are you criticizing? A study at the University of Denver looked at newlyweds over the first ten years of their marriage and found that strong marriages tend to thrive on positive feedback, affirmation and praise (as quoted by Marc Axelrod):
* Couples who were still together used 5 or less putdowns for every 100 comments.
* Couples who split up used 10 or more putdowns for every 100 comments.
The message is clear. The words we use will dictate the health and quality of our marriage. Proverbs 16:24: “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Here are some questions for couples. Are your words sweet to each other or are they sarcastic? Are you finding fault or are you living lives of love? Do your words build up or do they tear down?
I’m not much for musicals but I love that scene from Fiddler on the Roof when Tevye and Golde talk about their love for each other. Tevye starts by asking his wife: “Do you love me?” To which she responds, “What are you talking about?” And Tevye says, “Do you love me?” And Golde says, “You’re a fool.” And Tevye says, “I know. But do you love me?” And she says, “Do I love you? For 25 years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, milked the cow, and shared a bed with you. If that’s not love, what is?” Then Tevye says, “Then you love me?” And she says, “I suppose I do.” And he says, “I suppose I love you too.” And then they both say, “It doesn’t change a thing. But even so after 25 years it’s nice to know.”
True love waits, it withstands problems, and it uses words of affection. There’s one more pointer from this marriage manual.
4. True love works at oneness. Listen to these tender words of exclusivity and oneness from 2:16: “My lover is mine and I am his…” This phrase is often repeated by Jewish brides at their wedding. Turn over to 6:3 where we see the order reversed: “I am my lover’s and my lover is mine.” 7:10 takes it up a notch: “I belong to my lover and his desire is for me.” One writer points out that this verse is…
* Personal – “I” and “my” are used. We must give ourselves daily to our spouse.
* Present – The word “is” shows that it’s a present reality. This must be worked at.
* Possessive – The word “belong” shows that we are no longer two but one.
* Passionate – The word “desire” means we need to rekindle romance when it fades.
In the closing chapter of the book we read some of the most moving words ever written. Look at 8:6-7: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Their closing declaration is that their love will be unquenchable.
According to some scholars, this was a cylinder shaped stone seal worn around the neck which was suspended by a cord so that it hung over one’s heart. It was also a stamped seal worn on the wrist. The idea is that the seal uniquely belongs to and identifies its owner for all to see. That’s similar to my wedding ring – it’s meant to announce: “I belong to Beth and there is no other.” Love is meant to be exclusive and to have no rivals.
Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” The idea here is that there must be a leaving before there can be cleaving. And there must be cleaving before the weaving of two lives into one can take place. I picture a continuum with oneness on one side and isolation on the other. Every marriage is moving in one direction or another. If you’re married, are you more on the oneness side or on the isolation side? Are you living as soul mates or laboring as roommates? Friends, your marriage matters to the Almighty and therefore it should matter to you. See your spouse as your companion, as one who completes you, and as one you are to live in communion with.
The biggest problem the first married couple had was that their marriage didn’t stay in Genesis 2 but moved into chapter 3. This is where sin entered and instead of complimenting his bride, Adam started complaining. Instead of bowling each other over with kindness, they started blaming and fault-finding.
I often read Malachi 2:14-15 at weddings because it captures not only the commitment one makes to another but the covenant both are making with God Himself: “It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” Unfortunately, as Pastor Dick reminded us last week, Solomon did not keep his vow to be exclusively committed to one woman, and that led to his downfall.
Remember love is more than a feeling; it’s a commitment to your spouse even when the feelings fade. It’s not a feeling you feel but a choice you make whether you feel like it or not. 1 John 3:18: “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”
I heard recently about a couple that had gone through some really rocky times in their marriage. After one fight, the wife got so mad that she pulled her suitcase out of the bedroom closet and started packing. “What are you doing?” the husband demanded. The wife curtly replied, “I’m leaving.” Without saying a word, he got out his suitcase and started filling it with his clothes. The wife wondered what was going on and said, “Hey, what are you doing?” The husband looked at her and said firmly, “If you’re leaving…I’m going with you.”
While the Song of Songs describes the love relationship between a married man and woman, according to Ephesians 5:32, marriage is to model the love Jesus has for his bride, the church. Friends, marriage is impossible without Jesus at the center of your lives. Ecclesiastes 3:12 says that “A chord of three strands is not quickly broken.” That reminds me of the little boy who went to Sunday School and learned that Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine. When he got home his dad asked what he learned from this story. The boy thought for a moment and then answered: “If you’re having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there.”
Marc Axelrod (www.sermoncentral.com) quotes a letter sent to Dear Abby several years ago: “Dear Abby: Do all marriages go stale after five years? Ours has. My husband and I don’t talk much any more…the old excitement is gone. We watch a lot of television…we have friends. But when we’re alone, it’s pretty dull. We even sleep in separate bedrooms now. Is there some way to recapture the old magic? Signed, the ‘Song has Ended.’” Friend, if it feels like the song has ended in your marriage, go back and start singing the Song of Songs. It’s possible to rekindle the romance. You can do that by…
* Waiting for the right time
* Withstanding problems
* Using words of affection
* Working at oneness
Pastor Jeff and Maxine are now going to sing a song that they sang together many years ago in a wedding. If you’re here with your spouse and it feels OK to do so, would you hold hands and make these words a declaration of your desire.
Closing Song: “I Will Be Here”
Before we leave this morning, I’d like you to stand and close your eyes.
* If you’re married, take a moment to recommit yourself to a marriage characterized by leaving, cleaving, and weaving. Ask for grace to withstand problems, to use words of affection and to work at oneness.
* If your marriage is in some difficulty, pray for God’s healing power to come into your relationship. Surrender yourself to Christ so that your spouse can see Jesus in you.
* If you are a widow or a widower, thank God for the good memories. Ask Him for the grace you need this week.
* If you are single because of divorce, pray for an intimate relationship with God to fill the void in your heart.
* If you’re a single parent, ask God to be the missing parent for your children.
* If you’re not married, and want to be married, pray that God will help you wait until He brings the best to you in His own time. Commit yourself to purity and tell the Lord that you won’t settle for someone with a bad name.
* If you have the gift of singleness, ask God to help you make an eternal impact in His kingdom work.
* If you know of someone who is struggling in their marriage, ask God to let you know what you can do to be a marriage mentor.
