DEEP RELATIONSHIPS – THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
INTRO TO TOPIC: Valentine’s Day is coming up this week! Let’s talk about love…
SONGS: There are lots of songs that talk about love!
• Foreigner: I wanna know what love is
• Righteous Brothers: You’ve lost that loving feeling
• Diana Ross: You can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait
• Tina Turner: What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
KEY TEXT:
“Jesus said to him, ’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ’You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39).
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35).
1. We are all called to love God and love people – our highest calling.
2. We are to love people totally and unconditionally.
3. This is a demonstration that we are true disciples.
QUESTION: HOW do we love one another?
(You can say I love you... but... then what?)
LOVE TANK EXAMPLE: Why is loving others so important? Feeling loved is a primary emotional need for human beings. When your love tank is full, you are emotionally satisfied.
Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages identifies five ways he believes love is spoken to others. His conclusions come from more than twenty years in the counseling ministry.
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
So often people misunderstand one another and feel unloved by their spouses, parents, peers and elders due to the fact that there is a breakdown of communication at the level love is expressed.
EXAMPLES OF THE LOVE LANGUAGES IN THE LIFE OF JESUS:
THE BIG IDEA: The five love languages are a real practical way for us to demonstrate the love of God to people. Jesus showed us the way to do this in earthly ministry by modeling each of the five love languages for us.
1. Words of Affirmation
Luke 24:50-51 Jesus blessed the disciples prior to His ascension.
Matthew 26:10–11 Jesus affirmed the woman who washes His feet.
Ephesians 4:29 We are commanded to speak only words that will impart grace to people
2. Quality Time
Matthew 9:10 Jesus had dinner at Matthew’s house.
Luke 19:5-6 Jesus stayed at Zacchaeus’ house.
Luke 24:36-46 Jesus spent time with the disciples after His resurrection.
3. Receiving Gifts
Matthew 7:11 Jesus said God loves to give good gifts to His children
Matthew 15:35-37 Jesus fed the multitudes.
4. Acts of Service
John 13:1-5 Jesus washed His disciple’s feet.
Mathew 8:16 Jesus healed the multitudes.
Matthew 20:28 Jesus said he came to serve people.
5. Physical Touch
Matthew 8:3 Jesus touched the leper.
Matthew 8:15 Jesus touched Peter’s mother in law and heals her.
Mark 10:16 Jesus took the children into His arms and put his hands on them
UNDERSTANDING THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES::
1. Words of Affirmation
• Prov. 18:21 - “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”
• Affirmation…a positive declaration. But we have a tendency to focus on the negative.
• A word of affirmation means saying the assumed and unspoken about someone.
• EXAMPLE – this is my love language. Thank you notes, e-mails, etc.
2. Quality Time
• Hebrews 10:25 - “Let us not neglect our meeting together, but encourage one another.”
• “Love is spelled T-I-M-E.” This can hold its challenges in today’s busy society.
• Spending time together in a common pursuit to experience togetherness.
• EXAMPLE – this is my daughter Tori’s love language - dates
3. Receiving Gifts
• Luke 6:38 – “If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure.”
• A gift is a tangible symbol of someone’s thoughts towards you. Thought is given when someone goes out of their way to find something especially for another individual.
• Receiving a gift is not about the value but rather knowing they are loved.
• EXAMPLE – this is my wife Liza’s love language. (share story)
4. Acts of Service
• Galatians 5:13 – “Through love serve one another.”
• Expressing your love by doing things for others.
• Thought, planning, time, effort, energy. We need to be on the alert for opportunities.
• EXAMPLE: Our youth group did this for someone in our congregation this past year.
5. Physical Touch
• Romans 16:16 – “Greet one another with a holy kiss.”
• HUGGING STATS: Hugging is an amazing medicine. It transfers energy, and gives the person hugged an emotional boost. Someone somewhere said: one needs four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth.
• Physical affection stimulates oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feel good. When oxytocin is flowing, stress is reduced, blood pressure goes down, mood improves, and pain is more manageable. (USA Weekend.com)
• Extending physical touch to others must be done with wisdom and discernment. Don’t allow fear to keep you from showing love in this way but do it right. Ask for permission!
• The importance of physical touch can be seen in the way the enemy has distorted it.
• This is one of the harder languages for someone to admit a need. (friend in Surrey)
• EXAMPLE – this is my daughter Hannah’s love language. (she doesn’t like Liza & I kissing!)
KEYS TO DISCOVERING SOMEONE’S LOVE LANGUAGE:
• Watch their behavior, what makes them light up?
• What language do they most readily give to others? It may indicate their own needs.
• Ask them.
CLOSING CHALLENGE:
God has commanded us to love one another – let’s make a commitment to do that daily!
• Use all five different ways to communicate love to people.
• No matter how well you may or may not have communicated love in the past, this is a new day – a new beginning – to begin walking a life of love
Special Thanks:
• To Gary Chapman whose book The Five Love Languages inspired this teaching.
• To Carolyn Crowell for sharing her Five Love Languages outlines with me.
For more sermon outlines or audio sermons, visit:
www.beausejourchurch.ca
