THE JOURNEY TOWARD CHRIST
Sermon Two: Searching
Wildwind Community Church
David K. Flowers
December 16, 2007
Two weeks ago on the first Sunday of this series, we talked about spiritual darkness. Remember the point of that message? The hardest thing in the world to do is to see, and admit, your own darkness.
I talked to you about four responses to the darkness in your life: deny it, ignore it, compensate for it, or admit it. And I asked what your response would be.
In Darkness? What’ll you do?
This morning I want to talk to the admitters, those of you who have acknowledged (or are willing to acknowledge) that you are in some kind of darkness. See you have a choice to make right now. You have admitted you are in darkness. Will you choose to search for light, or will you simply go back to denying, ignoring, or compensating?
But you say, “Hey – all this is just your opinion anyway! You say I’m either in darkness or else I’m denying, ignoring or compensating. That’s YOUR belief.” Yes, it is my belief. And this is a Christian church. And our leader, Jesus, told us again and again that we’re in darkness and that it’s hard to see our own darkness. Yes, it’s my opinion and our honest belief about Jesus’ message. Keep coming to Wildwind and you will keep hearing these kinds of things getting said. But it’s not combative. I’m not trying to force you to believe anything. We believe God gets a process started in the life of a person, and then that process moves from point A to point B because of God, not because of us. We just get to bear witness to the process. We get to get to know our people and find out what spiritual process is going on in them, and then encourage them to stay on the journey. That’s it!
I grew up a Christian. I mean, I committed my life to God at an early age. But it has never been easy for me. Faith doesn’t come easy for all of us. I’m one of the people who struggle with it a lot. There are some people who become Christians and assume all their darkness is gone. I became a Christian young, but I have spent my life wrestling with darkness that remains. God doesn’t reveal things to you all at once. It seems we often get only enough light to take the next step, and even that step sometimes we must take with barely enough light on the path to know where we are going. I don’t remember how old I was when I prayed this prayer: God, I know so little about you . I don’t know what is true and what is not. But I want to know the truth about my life, about this world, about you, about what it means to be a human being in a world full of both light and darkness. I will search for truth all the days of my life, because I’d rather experience the frustration that comes from constantly searching than the peace I might have if I just settled for things that aren’t real. I’m sure I didn’t phrase it quite that way, but that’s what I meant.
And so here I am. I’ve been searching ever since. My search has taken me everywhere. To the study of most of the major religions of the world. Into years of believing only in science and naturalism. Into certainty that God exists and then certainty that he doesn’t. I could almost sing that song by Johnny Cash – “I’ve been everywhere, man.” I’ve considered most things people can consider about God. I’ve considered that he’s who the fundamentalists portray him to be. In which case I, like many people, would have no interest in him. I’ve considered that he just wants me to be happy and doesn’t care how I live my life. But then part of me cries out to believe that the way I live my life matters in the scheme of things. I’ve considered that maybe we’re just accidents, you and me. Maybe it was the Big Bang, prompted by no one and nothing, and then the universe, and then conditions for life on earth, and then something crawling from the primordial ooze, and a little while later Curious George, and ultimately me. I’ve considered that maybe my search is ridiculous, because the answers I seek will never be found. And of course I’ve considered that behind all of this mystery is a God who loves me enough that he came as a human being to this earth and died to pay the penalty for my sins. It’s what I most deeply believe, but I’m still searching out what that means in my life.
I’ve discovered something about searching I want to share with you this morning. Searching is nearly always characterized by fear and frustration.
I know there are many of you here today experiencing that right now. I know there are people all over this room this morning that are searching. Some are searching for meaning in life. Some are searching for peace. Some are searching for spiritual direction. And I think one way or another, that’s what it’s all about. It’s about spiritual things. I mean ultimately the most important things we search for are spiritual, aren’t they? Yeah, we search for money, and power, and sex, and promotion, but most of the time we search most urgently for peace, for meaning, for God. But searching is nearly always characterized by fear and frustration. Searching is hard to do. It’s scary. It’s frustrating.
It’s scary to move through the dark. Two weeks ago we talked about darkness. When you’re in darkness, moving is often the last thing you want to do, because there might be something out there you might bump into. And that might hurt! So you will often remain still. Spiritually, when we have been in darkness and suddenly we start feeling like it’s time to search, we begin moving around in the darkness. Sermons at church start to disturb us in ways they didn’t before. The comments of friends start taking on new meaning. We start seeing circumstances differently. And this is scary. We’ve only ever been one way before. What will it mean for us to think about being a different way than how we’ve always been? Where will “me” go?
Today is Friend Day, but guests here today, I want you to know that this sermon wasn’t written for you. I mean, it was written for you, but it wasn’t written for you any more than it was written for our regular attenders. We all have times in our life when we are searching for something and no matter what we are searching for, the search will probably be characterized by fear and frustration. Ever lost your keys? Frustrating, huh? And you think, “Dangit – I only had the one key to such and such – what’s going to happen if I’ve lost that.” And you’re afraid. Ever lost your wallet? Trying to find it is frustrating, and the whole time you’re thinking, “ID Theft – here we go.” And you’re fearful.
Some of you here today are on a spiritual search. Maybe you wouldn’t call yourself a Christian right now and you’re searching for who God is supposed to be in your life, if anybody. And you’re feeling fearful and frustrated. Maybe you’re a Christian, but you sense a restlessness inside and you sense God calling you towards a new adventure in life – maybe starting a business, or giving sacrificially to a charity, or changing jobs. But you’re not sure, and you’re searching for clues about what you should do. And you’re fearful and frustrated.
Now I put on my counselor hat and remind you that frustration often is expressed as what? Anger! You wouldn’t believe how many times people struggling to find God find themselves angry. Angry at me, angry at God, angry at the church, angry at their spouses and kids – angry for reasons they can’t understand and can’t explain. Just anger that is welling up deeply inside them for some reason. And when you’re in that place you never know this, but that’s almost always a sign that in your search for God, you are closing in! The closer you get to God when you are searching, the greater the fear will often get (because God is unknown) and the greater the frustration will often get (because of the uncertainty), and the frustration and stress of the whole thing will often lead people to feel angry. My friends I want to make sure you have heard me say very clearly that that’s part of the process.
I have wanted to be a writer all my life but have been too afraid that I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say that hasn’t already been said by someone smarter and more skilled in writing than me. But this desire to be a writer has grown stronger and stronger until recently I realized I just have to pursue it. So I found some magazines I want to write for and I wrote an article and prepared some queries and started sending out my work. So now here I am, sitting here, waiting to hear from these editors of these magazines. I’m in the dark right now, but I’m searching – I’m searching for editors who want to publish my work in their magazines. And I’m fearful that I’m going to get rejected and fail. And I’m frustrated that I don’t know what the outcome is going to be and it’s out of my hands and it’s hard to wait. And sometimes I feel angry about the whole process and think how much easier my life was when I just wasn’t trying.
Some of you are hearing what I’m saying right now. You have had the same thoughts. You are searching for something and even though you really want it, you are feeling frustrated and fearful about your search, because you don’t know whether you’re going to succeed or fail, and maybe at times you’ve even felt angry about it and had thoughts that you should just forget it all – just give up and quit searching because life was more comfortable before you admitted you had something to search for.
Think of the explorer who is searching for new lands and new territories. He thinks there’s something out there, but will never know unless he looks. He encounters disappointment and fear and frustration and anger along the way, but he presses on.
I want to urge you this morning to press on. Don’t give up. Keep searching. If I give up, I’ll die in the knowledge that I always wanted to be a writer and never tried. If you give up, you’ll die in the knowledge that whatever you’re searching for might have been out there, but you quit before you found it. I want to come alongside you today on your search for God, or for guidance from God, and just tell you don’t give up. Wade through the fear, and deal with the frustration, but don’t give up.
There’s an incredible story in the Bible about a person who was searching. Let me read it to you, and then I’ll explain it.
John 3:1-9 (NIV)
1 Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council.
2 He came to Jesus at night and said, "Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him."
3 In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."
4 "How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb to be born!"
5 Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit.
6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ’You must be born again.’
8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."
9 "How can this be?" Nicodemus asked.
So this guy who goes to Jesus, his name is Nicodemus. The Bible says Nicodemus was a member of the Jewish ruling council. Do you know what that means? Jesus was hated and opposed by this council because he was always pointing out how hypocritical they were. So here’s this member of this group of people who hate and oppose Jesus, and he approaches Jesus.
But when does he approach Jesus? At night! Why do you think that was? Do you think Nicodemus might have been fearful? Do you think he wanted to make sure no one from the council saw him talking to Jesus and entertaining the possibility that Jesus was who he said he was? Do you think Nicodemus was searching for God, but was fearful about what the effect would be on his old life and his relationships if he actually found what he was looking for? I’ll bet many people here today are searching, but they are fearful of what will happen if you find what you’re looking for. What will my spouse think? What will my parents think? What will my friends think?
Nicodemus says to Jesus, “I know you are a teacher who comes from God.” Scratch that. That’s not what he says. Look. He says, “We know you are a teacher who comes from God.” Nicodemus spoke not just for himself, but for some or all of the other members of this council that opposed and hated Jesus. Now whether Nicodemus was appointed by this group to go speak on their behalf, or whether he was just referring to a select group within the council, clearly we see that Nicodemus was fearful. He feared exposing himself and possibly he feared exposing the other members of the council who were searching for the truth about Jesus. Searching is nearly always characterized by fear and frustration. And yet here we have one guy – one guy who says, “I’m going to go ask. I’m going to search for the truth.” Now before we exalt this guy too much, we have to remember that the scriptures don’t record Nicodemus speaking up even once on Christ’s behalf during his trial, torture, and execution. Nicodemus was no hero. He was just like you and me. He was curious, and had just enough courage to sneak out under cover of darkness and ask a few questions. Then after Jesus was dead, he summoned the courage to request permission to bury him. Talk about a guy who can’t quite pull it together. Sounds a lot like many of us.
So Nicodemus and Jesus begin to have this conversation, and in this conversation, Nicodemus has three lines. In his first line, he greets Jesus and says, “Hey, we’re thinking you might actually be for real.” Do you think that was it though? My guess is that behind that statement was the question, “So are you?”
Then both of his next two lines are direct questions.
“How can a man be born when he is old,” and “How can this be?”
Nicodemus is searching. He comes to Jesus and asks questions. The first is just an ordinary question. seems like just a question to me. Jesus says, “you can’t really understand anything I say or who I am unless you are born again,” and Nicodemus is like, “What? I’m an old man, what are you talking about?” Perfectly natural response to a strange comment. Then Jesus goes on to say some stuff that I can imagine must have been completely bewildering to this poor guy.
John 3:5-8 (NIV)
5 Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit.
6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.
7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ’You must be born again.’
8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."
Can you imagine if you were Nicodemus and you heard that? Nicodemus’ response to this is also perfectly natural, and it’s one of great frustration. “How can this be?” “All this stuff you’re saying, it’s just impossible. It doesn’t make sense!”
Nicodemus was searching for God, searching for the truth. And you see here how his journey was characterized by fear and frustration. Now we don’t know what he did after this because we don’t seem him in scripture again until he goes to request permission to bury Jesus in a tomb owned by his family. But this event does tell you something. It tells you that something Jesus said that night, and obviously the effect on him of Christ’s whole life, stuck in his craw. All the council wanted was to see Jesus dead. That had happened. Time to celebrate and move on. But not for Nicodemus. He couldn’t forget. It stayed with him and changed his life.
Can you see yourself in Nicodemus? Do you identify with his fear? “I’m wondering about who God is right now, but I don’t want to rock the boat in my life. Part of me is unfulfilled but other parts seem pretty good, so what if this search I’m on leads me to God, but also leads me away from other things in my life I value?
Do you know that’s the best question you can possibly ask? Christ said that those who decide to follow him are going to want to make sure to count the cost. Some of you will find that it will cause friends to think you’re kooky. Others will find that it makes things difficult in your marriage. Others will find that finding God only makes other questions hurt more, like, “Why is there so much suffering in the world?”
Do you identify with his frustration? “How can this be?” “This doesn’t make sense.” “I want to understand this, but I don’t know how to think this way.” For any of you, has it led to anger? “Dangit, my life was better before I started this. These questions are the problem. I should just go back to the way it was before.”
More than anything today, I want you to know that searching is nearly always characterized by frustration and fear. Don’t think that if you’re searching for God and feeling frustrated you must be doing something wrong. Don’t think that if you’re fearful you’re going the wrong direction. That’s part of the search. You don’t become a writer without frustration and fear. You don’t discover new lands and territories without frustration and fear. And you don’t find your way to God without frustration and fear.
We don’t see Wildwind as a church where only non-Christians are searching. We believe that most people who come in our doors are either searching for God, or searching for more of God. I want to encourage you this morning, wherever you are on your search, to brave the frustration and fear and keep searching! Jesus said everyone who searches finds.
So far in this series we have looked at darkness and we have looked at searching. Next week, the Sunday before Christmas, I want to look at birth – that moment that we believe we have found what we are looking for. The moment we break through the darkness of confusion and frustration and fear and experience a little peace and a little satisfaction. To get you ready for that, watch this…
