Four Play: Four Keys to a Winning Marriage Series
First Down: Focus on the Goal
Feb. 3, 2008 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor
Introduction
A Some marriages start out with a big play.
1 What are "big plays"?
a $40,000 wedding, new home, new cars, the birth of a child, vacations, graduations, financial success.
b Although they have a big play...many of those marriages will fail (big plays rarely win a football game, either).
2 Winning football teams string together enough first downs (small plays) to do two things:
a Move the ball in position to score
b Keep possession of the ball so the other team doesn’t get a chance to score.
B Teams that consistently win have one clear goal; play as a single unit.
1 Not perfectly, not flawlessly-play successfully as a single unit, team
2 We’ll be looking this month on playing as a team in our houses:
a Focus
b Commitment
c Honor
d Teachability
C God built, designed marriages to run as one team.
1 In the beginning, the only thing that wasn’t "all good" was the fact that Adam was single.
a Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Gen 2:18 (NASB)
b Adam couldn’t have a relationship with the animals.
aa Not his equal
bb Doesn’t know fulfillment
2 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.Gen 2:24 (NASB) (quoted in Matthew 19:5-6)
a God created marriage
b To be one man, one woman, for one lifetime. ONE
c I believe the reason Mal. 2:16 says "God hates divorce" is because it tears apart what should be a permanent union.
D Divorced folks, God loves you!
1 Not an unpardonable, unforgivable sin...bad news-sin happens; the good news is sin is forgivable through the blood of Jesus!
2 Victim of adultery, abuse, abandonment, or a jerk.
3 If I say anything that brings up pain or bad memories, I’m sorry-that’s not my intent.
a Help in your present, permanent marriage
b Single: use them as plays for the person God is going to bring you-OR-help those around you with good, biblical help on marriage.
E Let’s start our Four Play series with a play centered around team focus.
I Men and women tend to focus in different areas.
A To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Gen 3:16 (NASB) Ladies read
"Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; and you will eat the plants of the field...Gen 3:18 (NASB) Men read
1 Neither one sounds like fun!
a Sin brought a curse to home & work.
b (IL) 20 men & women in separate rooms-women talk about family, men will talk about jobs.
2 Fig. 1
She chases He chases
children career
a They drift apart just the way married people drift apart.
b We can change the picture with focus
c Draw lines to the cross in the center
B When we change focus, two things happen:
1 We draw closer to God.
2 We draw closer to each other
How? "Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 "And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. 26 "Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 "The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall." Matt 7:24-27 (NASB) (transitional sentence)
II We can bring our marriage into a "Cristo-centric" focus.
A We do that by doing two things. Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.
1 Listening to God (prayer, Word)
a Talk to God Thus the LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses returned to the camp, his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent. Ex 33:11 (NASB)
aa God has never called a bad play
bb People who want to follow God’s game plan spend lots of time in His playbook.
b Scripture challenge
aa Read in a year (bulletin, newsletter, website)
bb I’ll preach one of those texts on Sunday night
cc Imagine what would happen to the focus of your marriage if you both were reading from the same playbook-accountable.
2 Doing what He says (life)
a Sundays
aa Worship is when we have an intimate experience with God through music, scripture, prayer, and the day’s mesasge
bb Your marriage is a place for intimacy! Put Sundays in there, too!
cc When a husband and wife go to different churches, it usually brings division (never seen it bring unity).
dd If you can’t come together in unity on God and church family... "Houston, we have a problem."
b Money ...having eyes full of adultery that never cease from sin, enticing unstable souls, having a heart trained in greed, accursed children...2 Peter 2:14 (NASB) Greed will tackle marriages as fast as infidelity. There are two main reasons couples don’t tithe:
aa They don’t believe they can live well on 90%. God can heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the sinner, control the world, but He can’t stretch a buck!
bb People don’t know where their money goes-it’s not for a lavish lifestyle for your pastor. Your church is fighting a war.
Conclusion
A If we’re going to build winning teams, focus is essential.
1 Salvation
2 Bringing your family (home, marriage) under Jesus’ lordship.
B (IL) A few years ago my husband, Charlie, and I had some marital problems. Growing family responsibilities and financial worries took a toll on us, and we began arguing frequently, often late into the night. Even going out to dinner was strained and full or forced conversation, but neither of us could take the step that would end our 11-year marriage and bring heartbreak to our three young children. Deep down we knew we still loved each other, so we pledged to work it out. The year that followed was hard. Charlie and I had grown neglectful about expressing ourselves, and for too long we had let small differences and disappointments build between us. We had stored up reserves of anger and resentment that pushed us apart. But through countless discussions and a lot of prayer, we began to close the gulf. The more honest we were, the closer we became. When I felt we were reaching solid ground, I asked my husband to give me an "eternity ring". I had bought the advertising hype hook, line, and sinker: Show her you’d marry her all over again. It was not so much the ring I wanted; it was the reassurance I thought it would bring. We went shopping on a beautiful summer day, my birthday. We left the kids with their grandparents and had a leisurely lunch before walking hand in hand along Jeweler’s Row in Philadelphia. Finally I found a ring I liked. While waiting for it to be adjusted, the jeweler took my left hand and peered at my engagement ring. "May I clean it for you?" he asked. Charlie hunched over me and leaned on the glass case. "It really doesn’t sparkle like it use to," he said. I slipped the ring off my finger. A few minutes later the jeweler was back. The ring shown like new! On the drive home, I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I forgot all about the eternity ring. I just couldn’t believe how this old ring suddenly sparkled the way it had the day Charlie gave it to me. I had taken it for granted these past years, but with a little polish it could still make my heart beat fast. And that’s the way it is with a marriage. You have to work at keeping it polished and new, or else the grime of the passing years will hide the joy. I put my hand on the seat between us and spread my fingers. Charlie covered my hand with his. As we pulled into the driveway, I said a prayer of thanks to God for helping me see the sparkle in something old when I thought I needed something new. (Anita M. Gogno, "Forever Yours" in Guideposts, June 1994, p. 21)
C Invitation
1 Men & ladies out of focus:
2 If today you’ll make a decision to re-focus or recommit to focus on Jesus...come forward...I want to pray over you.
D Close
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Mike Fogerson
