January 27, 2008
Forgiveness Objective: Reconciliation
Matthew 5:21-24
Romans 12:18
This is the last in the series on forgiveness.
Have you ever been offended by something another has said about you? Have you ever been guilty of offending another by word or deed? If you live long enough you will end up offending someone or being offended. This holds true for the times in which we live. It seems that people are just looking for an excuse to be offended! It has become difficult to know what to say to someone else for fear of being blasted by the person’s response.
More than likely we are all guilty of offending others from time to time. We may not have meant to or are not aware that we have offended another. Yet we have-- with the result being hard feelings and a gulf in our relationship.
In our scripture reading this morning from Matthew, Jesus instructs on how to deal with those times (whether intended or not) we have hurt someone and have need to set it right. This includes our need to forgive those who have hurt us deeply.
Jesus begins by saying, “You have heard it said…” (v. 21) In this context Jesus refers to murder. His listeners are thinking about the physical act of taking another’s life. In fact, some are probably reasoning to themselves, “that doesn’t apply to me…” As the audience listens further, Jesus adds a twist. “BUT I say to you…” There’s that word again. Watch out something is coming.
There is more than one way to “murder” someone. To be sure there is the physical act--where a life is taken. But careless words or deeds can murder someone’s spirit. This is what Jesus is referring to--those times by thought, word, or deed we have intentionally or unintentionally hurt someone else.
Jesus goes through an explanation of careless words. He specifically uses the term “Raca” which means “empty-headed” or in today’s language, fool. Jesus is saying that if our anger ever reaches the point of using such language we are in danger of judgment. Why? The word fool refers to a person who is godless. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The fool in his heart says there is no God.” In the days Jesus walked and ministered, to call another a fool was a serious accusation. No one would consider saying such a thing unless anger had reached the point of hatred. This is ultimately where unforgiveness leads--hatred. In today’s world, it would be comparable to telling another to “go to hell” and truly meaning it!
Jesus is revealing where unresolved anger and unforgiveness can lead--to hatred. Hatred not dealt with leads to judgment. Jesus, then, adds another wrinkle to His teaching by saying, “if you come to the altar to leave an offering and remember that YOU have offended another, YOU go make it right and then come and give your offering.” In essence, make this a top priority to be reconciled.
Why? In this way God uses His people to be ministers of grace. God’s people are to be quick to attempt to set things right. In doing so we not only reconcile in relationship but give a witness that can lead to healing and restoration for the other.
There are limitless scenarios for offense but often can be classified in 2 categories.
1. Maybe the person we offended believes we were unjust in our treatment of him/her when in reality we did no harm.
That person may have inaccurate information that has led to an inaccurate conclusion. What we said may have been grossly distorted as it was processed by the individual through the various channels of communication.
Our intent may have been not to harm but our words and actions gave a different appearance. Isn’t it interesting that we often judge ourselves by our intentions and everyone else by their actions? We want to see our motives as pure but when we filter our motives through the Word and prayer we see them differently.
2. Maybe we did sin against the person.
For whatever reason, we wronged the person. We stand guilty.
How does this apply to your situation? While in addiction, were there others that you hurt or offended? Maybe you didn’t realize it at the time. Maybe you didn’t think about what your actions were doing to those who love you. Maybe, while in addiction, you didn’t care. For whatever reason, those persons were clearly wronged!
It is to those persons that Jesus sends us to be reconciled with. “Leave your offering and go…”
You might be asking the question, “what if they are not open to reconciliation?” What then? Paul, in Romans 12, says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live in peace with others.”
Those persons may not be open to these overtures, but does that mean we shouldn’t attempt to make amends? What does the 12 steps have to say on this issue? Isn’t it what Paul says in Romans 12? As much as possible we are to make amends where amends can be made. Remember the key phrase in this verse is “…as much as depends on you…” We are to do everything we can do to be reconciled with the other person, and hear me here, as long as we remain loyal to the truth of God’s Word.
In Matthew 5:9 Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Jesus did not say, “Blessed are the peacekeepers…” A peacekeeper avoids confrontation at all costs to maintain peace, even at the risk of compromising truth. Over the years, God has opened up some amazing doors for ministry for me to be involved in. One such opportunity was to go to Africa a few years back to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. When I arrived in the capital city of Kinshasa, the first thing I noticed was a number of troops from the United Nations walking around with weapons. These troops were “peacekeepers”. They really weren’t successful--and still aren’t. I read a news article this past week that in spite of these UN “peacekeepers”, thousands are still being slaughtered at the hands of rebel troops and warlords who are attempting to gain control of the government and nation. A peacemaker, on the other hand, goes in love and confronts, bringing truth so that reconciliation will endure.
God is this way with us. God is not willing that any should perish. But He will not compromise truth for a relationship. God seeks reconciliation but not at the expense of truth.
Too often we live in regret. “If only I had done this…” Paul is saying, in essence, “be loyal to the Word, do what you can, and leave the rest to God.” Being obedient opens an avenue of grace in the lives of those who we ask forgiveness of.
How are we to approach those we have offended? In humility. I think of our Peer Group on Wednesday afternoons. After all have gone around the circle and given their positives and negatives I have heard it said, “I respect your thoughts and I will look at these areas.” There maybe times where you totally disagree but the willingness is there to consider what is being said.
Going to those we have offended does not guarantee they will be open to what is being said. In fact, they may vent. Hearing what they say may not be easy and the tendency could well be to defend our actions. In some things they may be off base, while in others they may be right on.
The purpose of going to those we have wronged is two-fold. First, to be used of God to open that avenue of grace. Second, to be reconciled.
In humility we go to those we have wronged and say to them, “Forgive me. I was wrong.” If they accept this, the process of reconciliation has begun. Notice what I said--process. It probably won’t happen over night. If they are not open to forgiving it is in God’s hands.
Remember Paul’s words, “…as much as it depends on you, live in peace with others.”
To whom do you need to go and make amends, to ask for forgiveness from? For in doing you open up for yourself freedom while being used of God to extend grace to those who have been wronged by seeking reconciliation, which is the objective of forgiveness.
Let’s Pray.
