On Monday morning, October 2, 2006, a gunman entered a one-room Amish school in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. In front of twenty-five horrified pupils, thirty-two-year-old Charles Roberts ordered the boys and the teacher to leave. After tying the legs of the ten remaining girls, Roberts prepared to shoot them execution style with an automatic rifle. The oldest hostage, a thirteen-year-old, begged Roberts to "shoot me first and let the little ones go." Refusing her offer, he opened fire on all of them, killing five and leaving the others critically wounded. He then shot himself as police stormed the building.
But what differentiated this school shooting from the many others that we have unfortunately witnessed recently was the reaction of the community. The Amish community forgave the gunman, and embraced his family. They attended Roberts’ funeral, offered help to his family and even channeled money to them.
Three college professors have written a book titled “Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy” in which they examined the faith of the Amish that is the basis for that forgiveness. One of the authors, David Weaver-Zercher, made this observation about the Amish community:
They all work together to make forgiveness a possibility. To be forgiving people, we need to create a whole life and connection that allows us to be a forgiving person. We need to embed ourselves in a community that values forgiveness.
That is exactly the point that the Apostle Paul makes as he continues with his letter to the church at Ephesus. You’ll remember that in Chapter 4, Paul has been writing to followers of Jesus Christ about how they are to live their lives within the body of Christ, the church. Although this section certainly has implications for us as individual believers, Paul’s focus here is on how we interact with each other within the church. And, as we reach the end of Chapter 4, Paul deals with the issue of forgiveness within the community of believers we call the church. Let’s read our passage out loud together:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31, 32 (NIV)
Paul recognized that because we are sinful human beings, there are inevitably going to be conflicts within the church. People are going to hurt us and we are going to hurt others. And just like there was very little that the Amish community could have done to prevent the senseless shooting, there is often little or nothing we can do to prevent those hurts. But what we can control is how we respond to them.
At first glance, our passage seems to contain two unrelated commands. On one had, we’re told to get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander and every form of malice. On the other had, we are told to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other. But let me suggest to you this morning that these two commands are really different sides of the very same coin. And those two sides are held together by the last phrase of the passage which gives us the model we are to follow in heeding these two commands – “just as in Christ God forgave you.”
In other words, when someone does something to hurt or offend us, we can choose to respond in one of two ways:
• We can focus on ourselves and on our rights and respond with bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice.
• We can focus on God and respond with kindness and compassion by forgiving the other person.
In Romans, Paul quotes a couple of Old Testament passages in order to make it clear which of those two alternatives God wants us to choose:
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:19-21 (NIV)
I’m not going to spend much time at all on verse 31 this morning other that to observe that this is the way most of us tend to react when we’ve been hurt or offended. That’s why the reaction of the Amish community to the school shooting in their community was such a shock to so many. Their response to this tragedy was so completely foreign to the way that most of us would react that it became big news.
But as followers of Jesus Christ, we’re commanded to put off that kind of self-centered response when we’ve been hurt or offended. In verse 31, Paul uses a number of related words to drive home the point that we are to put off any form of response that is based on getting back at the person who hurt me. And in order to do that, I have to get my focus off of me and back on God.
All six forms of response that Paul warns against in verse 31 find their roots in a self-focused approach that says I have the right to seek revenge on the person who hurt me. And you’ll notice that Paul uses a couple of all-inclusive words here just to make sure that we don’t miss the point. He says to get rid off all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander. And then he reinforces that idea of all, by finishing the sentence with “every form of malice.” I think Paul does that so that we can’t justify any kind of self-focused response. So I can’t get away with saying something like “I’m not angry, I’m just upset” or “I’m not bitter, I’m just irritated.”
It’s hard for us to see in our English translation, but Paul uses a passive verb in verse 31, which indicates that although we have a part in the process of getting rid of all these vices, ultimately only God can remove them from our lives. And I’m convinced that verse 32 provides us with the guidance we need to do our part so that God will remove all these kinds of self-focused reactions from our lives. When we’re kind and compassionate to each other and forgive each other, then God can remove the bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice from our lives. When we focus on God, rather than on self, then we can be a lot more like the Amish who responded with forgiveness in the face of a terrible injustice.
As much as we talk about forgiveness, I’m not really sure we understand exactly what that involves. But when Paul commanded us to forgive each other in the same way that God has already forgiven us, he at least helps us to comprehend the whole idea of forgiveness a little better.
In the New Testament, there are two primary words that are translated “forgive” or “forgiveness”. The most commonly used word means to “send away”. It pictures both the removal of the punishment for sin as well as the cause of the offense. It is often used to describe the cancelling of a debt. But the word Paul uses here is a word that is closely related to the word we translate “grace”. It means to bestow favor unconditionally, or to grant a favor. Paul uses that word frequently to describe God’s forgiveness of His children and also to describe forgiveness within the body of Christ.
We’re probably all familiar with this quote from English poet, Alexander Pope:
To err is human, to forgive divine.
But Paul makes it clear here that we are to forgive others in exactly the same manner that God has forgiven us. In other words, our forgiveness is also to be consistent with the divine.
HOW TO FORGIVE LIKE GOD FORGIVES
If we’re going to forgive like God has forgiven us, then we need to take a closer look at how God forgives. Although we could probably come up with many more, let’s briefly examine six...
Characteristics of divine forgiveness:
1. It does not condone or excuse sin
When God forgives us, He never condones or excuses our sin. Perhaps the best Scriptural example we have of that principle is the account of the woman who was caught in adultery and brought before Jesus. After Jesus wrote in the sand and all her accusers left, here is how He addressed her:
Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
John 8:10, 11 (NIV)
Although Jesus forgave her sin, He certainly did not condone or excuse it. In fact, He made it very clear that her sin was wrong and that she needed to repent and to turn away from that sin. Although Jesus was kind and compassionate, He never minimized the seriousness of sin or the consequences of sin.
When others hurt us, true forgiveness does not require us to discount the fact that what someone did to us was wrong or otherwise diminish the severity of the offense. How many times have you heard someone say things like “It’s okay” or “It’s no big deal” or to make excuses for the behavior that hurt them? That’s not forgiveness, at least not the kind of forgiveness that is consistent with God’s forgiveness of us. Peter certainly discovered that in one of his conversations with Jesus:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18:21, 22 (NIV)
Notice that when Peter asked about forgiving a brother who had sinned against him, he in no way discounted the fact that what the other person had done was sin. He didn’t call it something else or try to excuse the actions of his brother.
So when I forgive others, it’s certainly okay to say, “What you did hurt me deeply and it was wrong, but I choose to forgive you anyway.” Isn’t that exactly what God did for us?
2. It is an act of power, not weakness
When God chooses to forgive us, it is not because He is powerless. In fact, as Jesus made very clear when he healed a paralyzed man, it is His power that enables Him to forgive.
"But that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins" - He said to the man who was paralyzed, "I say to you, arise, take up your bed, and go to your house."
Luke 5:24 (NKJ)
But even though the Bible very clearly associates forgiveness with God’s power, we tend to view human forgiveness as a form of weakness. When the Amish community expressed forgiveness to Charles Roberts, it was amazing to see how many people viewed that forgiveness as weakness on their part. In reality, however, it was exactly the opposite.
Dr. Fred Luskin, the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, made this astute observation about how forgiveness is an act of power, not of weakness:
Forgiveness is becoming a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell about what happened.
When we react with bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice, we actually make ourselves the victim rather than the hero. When others hurt us, the most powerful thing that we can do is to forgive.
3. It is an act of the will not merely an emotion
Although, as we’ll see in a little more detail in a few moments, God does receive pleasure from forgiving us, the act of forgiveness is clearly an act of the will and not just an emotion. Perhaps, we see this most clearly in the words of Jesus from the cross:
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
Luke 23:34 (NIV)
I can assure you that at that moment, Jesus did not feel like forgiving those who had nailed Him to the cross and who were ridiculing Him as he hung there. But, because it was His nature to forgive, He chose, by an act of His will, to forgive those who had hurt Him and He also asked His Father to forgive them as well.
By the same token, if we limit our forgiveness to those times when we feel like forgiving others, we will never forgive anyone. The Amish community did not forgive Charles Roberts because they felt like doing that. They extended forgiveness because they lived out their faith that teaches them that they are to forgive regardless of their feelings and emotions.
On the other hand, we certainly need to guard against making our forgiveness merely an intellectual exercise that is completely void of any feeling whatsoever. When Jesus told the parable of the unforgiving servant, He ended that parable with this observation:
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.
Matthew 18:35 (NIV)
The forgiveness of the Amish community certainly was forgiveness that came from the heart. It was more than mere lip service, but rather the kind of forgiveness that was demonstrated by their actions as well as their words.
4. It is not dependent on whether the offender deserves forgiveness
God did not forgive us because we deserved it. As we’ve already seen, the word that Paul uses for “forgiving” and “forgave” in verse 32 could be literally translated “gracing” and “graced”. The forgiveness that Paul writes about in this passage is favor that is bestowed upon us completely apart from any merit on our part, as Paul makes quite clear in Romans:
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8 (NIV)
God didn’t wait to provide for our forgiveness until we deserved it. Although we don’t get to enjoy the fruit of that forgiveness until we commit our lives to Jesus as our Lord and Savior, the fact is that God did everything He needed to do in order to provide that forgiveness long before any of us ever made that decision. In fact, both Paul and Peter make it clear in their writings that God put this plan to forgive us through the blood of Christ into effect before the creation of the world. God doesn’t forgive us because we deserve it – He forgives us as an act of grace.
And God expects us to forgive others regardless of whether or not they deserve it, too. Listen to these words of Jesus:
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
Mark 11:25 (NIV)
Notice that Jesus does not place any conditions on His command to forgive anyone that you might hold something against. He didn’t say, “Forgive them if they ask you to” or “Forgive them if they say they are sorry” or “Forgive them if they repent.” He merely commands us to forgive anything that anyone has done to us that might cause us to hold something against them.
Charles Roberts certainly was not forgiven by the Amish community because he deserved it. But those people forgave him anyway because they lived out their faith that taught them to forgive unconditionally.
I think this may be the hardest part of forgiving like God has forgiven us. When someone comes to us with a humble and repentant heart and asks us to forgive to them, we’re certainly more likely to forgive that person. But how about the person who never acknowledges his wrong or who never asks for forgiveness? If we’re going to forgive like God forgives, then we need to forgive that person, too.
5. It is not forgetting, but rather choosing not to remember
We’re all familiar with the adage “forgive and forget.” But that is far from a Biblical principle. I looked really hard this week and I could not find even one place in the Bible where the idea of forgiving and forgetting were connected in any way. However, it is true that God does choose to no longer remember our sins:
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."
Hebrews 8:12 (NIV)
Because God is all-knowing it is impossible for Him to forget anything. That would violate His nature and character. So when God says He will remember our sins no more, it obviously means that He makes a choice to remember them no more.
Forgetting, on the other hand, is a passive process in which the passing of time causes a thing to fade from memory. But Christian forgiveness is not the result of amnesia. Instead, it is an active process in which a person makes a conscious choice not to mention, recount, or think about the injury suffered.
In his famous “love chapter”, Paul made if clear that kind of forgiveness is a hallmark of true Christian love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:4, 5 (NIV)
I doubt that even a year and a half later the people of Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania have even begun to forget the atrocious acts of Charles Roberts. But they have chosen not to keep a record of his wrongs. Every day they have to make a conscious decision not to dwell on the hurt that they have suffered. But, by doing that, they are able to forgive the way God forgives.
6. It is not merely something I give to the offender, it is also a gift to myself
Remember this passage from Ephesians 1?
he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ...
Ephesians 1:5-9 (NIV)
Not only is God’s forgiveness a gift to us, but, as incredible as it seems, there is also a sense in which it gives God pleasure to forgive us. Because we tend to be so self-centered, I’m not sure we often think about the idea that God finds great joy in forgiving us, that His forgiveness is a gift to Himself as well as a gift to us.
So I guess that we shouldn’t be surprised that even the secular world is beginning to recognize the benefits that come to people who have a lifestyle characterized by forgiveness.
The January 2005 issue of Harvard Women’s Health Watch discussed the following five positive health effects of forgiving that have been scientifically studied:
• Reduced stress. Researchers found that mentally nursing a grudge puts your body through the same strains as a major stressful event: Muscles tense, blood pressure rises, and sweating increases.
• Better heart health. One study found a link between forgiving someone for a betrayal and improvements in blood pressure and heart rate, and a decreased workload for the heart.
• Stronger relationships. A 2004 study showed that women who were able to forgive their spouses and feel benevolent toward them resolved conflicts more effectively.
• Reduced pain. A small study on people with chronic back pain found that those who practiced meditation focusing on converting anger to compassion felt less pain and anxiety than those who received regular care.
• Greater happiness. When you forgive someone, you make yourself—rather than the person who hurt you—responsible for your happiness. One survey showed that people who talk about forgiveness during psychotherapy sessions experience greater improvements than those who don’t.
When I fail to forgive as God has forgiven me, the only person I hurt is myself. When I remain bitter and filled with rage and anger, I let the other person continue to hurt me over and over again. In effect, I put myself in bondage to what the other person has done to me. But when I’m able to release those selfish feelings and truly forgive the other person, it sets me free.
In closing, I’d like to return one more time to the words of David Weaver-Zercher that I shared with you at the very beginning of our time this morning:
They all work together to make forgiveness a possibility. To be forgiving people, we need to create a whole life and connection that allows us to be a forgiving person. We need to embed ourselves in a community that values forgiveness.
My prayer for us is that Thornydale Family Church will be that kind of community. Let’s work together to make our church body a community that values forgiveness and where we all work together to make forgiveness a lifestyle.
