Last week we began our Growing Great Families with the message “Sex, God’s Wedding gift” and I talked about how in God’s perfect plan sex was reserved for within marriage. Now most people know what sex is, perhaps with the exception of Bill Clinton. With that in mind it would only be fair to define what marriage is. Often our perceptions of an event are coloured by what we see in the media and certain there are all kinds of movies about weddings and marriages, 4 Weddings and a Funeral, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Runaway Bride and Big Fat Greek Wedding are only a few. And it’s not surprising that movies about weddings are usually chick flicks. But guys if you are looking for a movie wedding scene with all the essential elements, heroes, villains, giants, peasants and the underlying threat of physical violence there’s only one. Here is one of my favourite movie wedding scenes.
. . . ( Wedding clip from Princess Bride) Well that’s one view.
Let’s start with Marriage: What it is.
Socially: It Protects the Family Let’s start here with some secular definitions The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language mar•riage (mărʹĭj) noun
1. The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
Encarta Encyclopaedia Marriage, social institution uniting men and women in special forms of mutual dependence, often for the purpose of founding and maintaining families.
Collins English Dictionary mar•riage (mărʹĭj) noun
1. The state of being married: relation between husband and wife.
Of all the definitions I read I think I enjoyed Sydney Smith’s the best, Smith was an English Clergyman who lived between 1771 and 1845 and he said “Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.”
Throughout history and in cultures around the world there have been procedures and celebrations set in place that allowed a man and a woman to come together and start a family. In North America that is recognized as our modern Weddings, there is music (Link to music) that when we hear it we immediately think “Wedding” there are words that are said “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedding husband?” that we automatically think “Wedding” there are clothes that we see them we automatically think “Wedding.” There are even automobiles that when we see them we think “Wedding.” And what we think of as normal might seem a little strange in other lands and other cultures and perhaps even in our own land a couple of generations ago. Weddings have become big business today. Sometimes when I’m talking to a couple who is living together without being married and I query them as to why their response is “We can’t afford to get married.”
No being married doesn’t cost much more then living common-law. The cost of a licence and the preacher pretty much covers it, and if they can’t afford the preacher I’ll do it for nothing. What they can’t afford is the Wedding and that is completely different then a marriage.
In the late eighties a gentlemen in our church in Truro approached the men’s group with a unique appeal, Jack had been a missionary in Zambia several years before where he became a good friend and mentor to a young man. Now the young man was graduating from Bible College and wanted to get married but his future father in-law was asking four cows for his daughter. She was educated as a teacher and so her getting married would hurt the family financially. Now you probably think that is strange and wrong, but in that culture that is all part of the marriage process. Guys without looking at your wife, keeping your eyes straight ahead, how many cows would you have paid? The Wesleyan Men’s group in Truro helped raise the money, they’ve been happily married now for 20 years and he is an ordained minister, has his masters degree from Asbury Seminary in Kentucky and teaches theology at the Bible College he graduated from and now heads up the International Leadership Institute of Southern Africa
The reason that cultures throughout history have tended to lean toward a monogamous form of marriage was to strengthen society through stable family units. Without some type of formal agreement, there was nothing to hold family units and thus society together.
We are starting to rediscover that with the rising divorce rates, men who are paying child support to children from one or two failed marriages, while not really being fathers. Mom’s who are left raising children by themselves or ending up in blended relationships where parents can’t really function as parents. Is it any wonder that the concept of “till death do we part” was an integral part of society up until the last thirty years. When I was a kid I knew one kid who was living in what we now call a blended family, back then I just thought it was strange that his last name was different then his parents.
Whether it is a full blown wedding that cost tens of thousands of dollars or simply jumping the broom, marriage is simply a couple affirming their desire to spend the rest of their life with each other and to raise a family.
Religiously: It was ordained by God. It’s interesting to note that in a society that is as non church going and pagan as ours is, church weddings are still the way to go for the majority of Canadians. They are looking for the scripture reading, the prayers and the god talk. I’m not sure if it’s seeking to reclaim a little bit of religious heritage, if it’s just considered the right thing to do or if they are just covering all their bases. Something borrowed something new something religious something blue.
And indeed the concept of marriage is the very first human institution. In the account of creation, after Eve is created Adam says in Genesis 2:23-24 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ ” Actually what he said was “Hubba hubba.” The scripture continues by saying This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.1126 words into the bible, as soon as we have man and woman the concept of marriage is defined. You have two and they come together and you have one. And that oneness was defined by God. It happens emotionally, it happens spiritual and in the act of lovemaking the couple becomes one physically. And that is why within the scripture the act of sex is set apart for husband and wife. Otherwise how can you become one with this person and that person and another person without giving up a little bit of yourself each time?
And so within the religious sense when God created man and woman he created marriage. In verse 25 it says Genesis 2:25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame. It doesn’t say Adam and the woman, or Adam and his girlfriend, it says Adam and his wife. And the same as the social reason it was for the good of the couple, the good of the individuals and the good of the resulting family.
But how long has the church been involved in the actual marriage ceremony? Probably not as long as you would think. The act of getting married has always involved something even if it was as simple as the couple stating that they were married, you say that sounds like they were simply living together. No, they had made a commitment to each other and to their family and to their community as being married, it was not a temporary thing it was a commitment. As society progressed the commitment would often be accompanied by a celebration, remember in John 2:1-2 The next day there was a wedding celebration in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the celebration. The scriptures don’t tell us about the wedding ceremony simply the wedding celebrations. As a matter of fact if you read through the bible you will see all kinds of references to wedding feasts and wedding celebrations but not to wedding ceremonies.
Up until the ninth century the church was not involved in the mechanics of people becoming married at all, then prayers and blessings were added to the celebration, some by the priest and some by the couple. Around the twelfth century it became customary to ask the parish priest to take part and he would question the couple concerning their intentions but the church still didn’t take an official part.
It really wasn’t until 1563 that the Council of Trent required that Catholic marriages be celebrated at a Catholic church by a priest and before two witnesses. By the eighteenth century marriage had become a religious event throughout Europe.
Spiritually: It’s an Analogy of God’s love for us. In the Old Testament Israel is called God’s bride. Isaiah 62:4-5 Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City” or “The Desolate Land.” Your new name will be “The City of God’s Delight” and “The Bride of God,” for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his bride. Your children will commit themselves to you, O Jerusalem, just as a young man commits himself to his bride. Then God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.
Throughout the New Testament the relationship between Christ and His church relies on the analogy of a marriage. In 2 Corinthians 11:2 The Bible says 2 Corinthians 11:2 For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband—Christ. In Ephesians 5:25-26 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. And several times in the Revelation the church is called the Bride of Christ.
When the prophet Isaiah was looking for a way to describe the salvation of God listen to the words he chooses Isaiah 61:10 I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels.
Marriage: What it Ain’t.
A) It Isn’t Simply Living Together. Marriage entails a commitment. Most marriage ceremonies contain a statement that says something similar to “Til Death do we part” Now you and I know that in 2008 that the technical term for that statement is “A Crock” Even though most wedding vows include a line such as until death do we part, or as long as we both shall live too many marriages last only until one partner or another becomes annoying. But at least there is an illusion of commitment and permanency. People who are living common law will often say I’m not ready for that type of commitment. Oh they might vow their undying love for one another and say their love will last for ever but a wedding says it publically instead of it just being pillow talk.
B) It Isn’t A Relationship Between More Then Two People. Even after the legislature permitting same sex marriage the federal law will not allow polygamy or bigamy. Although, someone once defined multiple divorce and remarriage as serial polygamy. Marriage is a relationship between two people, one man and one woman. Not three or four or a dozen, but one man and one woman. You might recall that Mark Twain said “The bible speaks very clearly about polygamy when Jesus said no man can serve two masters”. To even up the ground here it was Author Erica Jong who said “Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.”
And I know that in the Old Testament Polygamy is allowed or at least not disallowed and I have no deep insightful explanation for that other then in a time when Israel was fighting for her very survival that women would have outnumbered men because of war casualties and it was allowed to compensate for that.
And regardless of what the federal government or the supreme court may say C) Marriage Is Not A Union Between Two People Of The Same Sex. Not even if it’s legal. Why not? Because Socially same sex couples cannot produce children and so there is no family to protect. I know there are heterosexual couples who cannot have children but that is the exception not the rule, it is a tragedy not the plan. Other heterosexual couples choose to remain childless and that is a choice they have made. Homosexual couples cannot have children; if they want to reproduce it means they have to go back to the original plan which was one man and one woman. Which makes me wonder if homosexuality is natural and if the same people believe in evolution then why haven’t homosexuals evolved to the place where they can reproduce? Just wondering.
And it’s not just the church that expressed concern over the issue. Homosexuals Opposed to Pride Extremism (HOPE) executive director of John McKellar stated “Marriage, is immutable, regardless of whatever else in society changes. We’re talking about an institution whose four prohibitions-you can only marry one person at a time, only someone of the opposite sex, never someone beneath a certain age and not a close blood relative-have been grounded in morality and in the law for millennia.” That was interesting. McKellar also stated Only between 2-4% of Canadians are gay or lesbian, and of those, less than 1% are interested in same-sex marriage or even domestic partnership legislation. In other words, federal and provincial laws are being changed and traditional values are being compromised just to appease a tiny, self-anointed clique.”
Stephen Lock, Alberta director for the homosexual lobby group Eagle Canada, concedes that there are “a significant number [of homosexuals] who don’t want to be engaged and be married because they see it as mimicking heterosexual standards.”
Religiously: An examination of the historic teachings of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism reveals overwhelming support for the view of marriage as the union of men and women, no official endorsements of the idea of same-sex marriage. Historically it wasn’t there, 5000 years of recorded religious thought, philosophies and regulations and no favourable mention of same sex marriage. You’d think that if it was acceptable that at least one of the five biggies would have recorded something in favour of the idea but no.
And regardless of what some people maintain the scriptures do speak out against homosexual activity. There of course is the one that is brought up time and time again Leviticus 18:22 “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.” And people counter with all the dietary and religious regulations in Leviticus that are no longer followed. True but listen to 1 Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
And if we want to leave the Old Testament we read things like Romans 1:18 & 26-28 But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. . . That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done.
So why do some churches say there is nothing wrong with same sex marriages? Because they have rejected the authority of scripture. Those churches have already stepped over the line in rejecting the virgin birth, the deity and bodily resurrection of Christ and other major doctrines so why should this surprise you? Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Pretty well sums it up.
And Spiritually? If homosexuality is wrong and if the Bible speaks out against it and calls it sin, then how can it be analogy for God’s love for us?
But Denn what if homosexuals are born with those desires? First there is no credible evidence that is a fact. And if it is, there are also those who claim that sociopaths are born that way. Does that mean the Paul Bernardos and Ted Bundys of the world can be excused their crimes. If a pedophile claims that is the way he was born do we allow him to molest children?
We all been born with a bent toward sin, whether it’s homosexual sin, heterosexual sin or no sexual sin. But we don’t have to stay that way.
Romans 6:1-2 Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?
So where are you at today? As a believer a follower of Jesus Christ, are there things that need to be changed and attitudes that need to be adjusted?
Free PowerPoint may be available for this message, email me at denn@cornerstonewesleyan.ca
