Life seemed good for Joseph, he was betrothed to a wonderful God fearing woman, Mary, which in their culture meant they were practically married already except they would live apart while the husband would make a home for them, typically adding a room onto his father’s home. So here was Joseph busying himself with building their future home together, probably the happiest he had been in his entire life. And then everything began to unravel for him. In one fell swoop his plans fell apart. In the movie The Nativity, which came out last Christmas, they depict Mary returning to Nazareth after having spent several months with her also miraculously pregnant relative Elizabeth. Joseph, excited to see her after so many months away, helps her out of the wagon only to discover there is more of Mary than when she left. It was quite obvious to him and the rest of the small village of Nazareth that Mary was very pregnant and Joseph knew he wasn’t the father. He knew he had kept his purity. Which could have left only one conclusion in his mind, Mary must have cheated on him, which was equivalent to adultery because they were betrothed.
In a culture which highly valued purity, including virginity before marriage (unlike our own culture), you can imagine how devastated, confused, and betrayed Joseph would have felt. He thought he knew Mary. And then there was the matter of the village gossip, they wouldn’t have known what he knew. They would have assumed Joseph had gotten Mary pregnant, which may not be a big deal in our culture, but in theirs meant disgrace and shame. Joseph’s reputation in the community was at risk. Joseph found himself in what must have seemed like a lose-lose scenario. He didn’t know which way to turn. On the one hand, if he divorced Mary, she would face disgrace, and perhaps even stoning to death according to the Mosaic Law. Even if Mary was not killed, she would never be able to marry again and the child would be raised without a father. On the other hand if he married her, he would be admitting guilt for being with Mary before they completed their engagement period, he would be taking public shame from the community, and he would have to live with a woman whom he believed had committed adultery. It was a no win situation. Life had taken a twisted turn for Joseph.
Like Joseph, sometimes life seems to be going along great, and then wham!! Something hits you which you didn’t expect. Life takes a twisted turn. It didn’t fit your plan, the way you expected things to go. Perhaps someone betrayed you, a friend, a loved one or worse yet a spouse, perhaps your twisted turn was the “D” word, divorce. Maybe your twisted turn was that word from the doctor: cancer, tumor, or perhaps your twisted turn was the pink slip at work, or a close loved one dying. The news is numbing. No matter which way you look there seems little hope. Perhaps like Joseph it seems like a lose-lose scenario, no matter which choice you make someone’s going to lose (or has already lost). Our situation may even seem impossible. There seems to be no way out. You cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
When we face situations like these, and we all do at some point in our life, it’s going to challenge our faith. Joseph’s faith was challenged more than we realize. What was he going to believe about God, and his laws? Why was God doing this to him? What was God’s plan? What did God want him to do? Joseph had to make a difficult decision about what he would do with Mary. The Mosaic Law, which God had handed down to Moses, required Mary to be punished by death for her supposed adultery (Deut ). Yet God is also full of mercy and compassion. What should he do, should he follow the Law, or follow his heart, and choose mercy? The Scriptures say Joseph was a righteous man, and he chose to divorce Mary quietly, so she wouldn’t face public disgrace. Joseph was called righteous because out of his love for Mary he chose the most merciful option. He would keep his honor, and most importantly Mary would face the least amount of shame, she and the child would not die by stoning. But the child would still grow up poor and without a father, and Mary would get looked down on by everyone in the village. She probably wouldn’t be able to marry and have children again.
When we face a twisted turn in life it challenges our faith. What are we going to believe about God and his plan? Is God punishing me? Did God forget about me? Did he leave me? I thought God loved me and cared about me. Aren’t God’s plans to prosper me to give me a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11)? If we are honest with ourselves some of these questions can find a way into our thoughts. Through the storm will I trust in God, that he has a plan for good even though I may not be able to see it right now, that he will work out my situation for good if I continue to trust him and follow him?
I don’t know what Joseph went through, but Amy and I do know what it’s like to face a twisted turn, which doesn’t fit our plan. Before we were married our plan was pretty simple, get married, buy a house, have children and live happily ever after. I don’t think that’s asking for too much. We got married, a year later we bought our first house. And a couple of years went by and then came the first turn in our plan, I responded to God’s call to be a pastor. A couple of more years went by and we adjusted to God’s plan and went to seminary. We decided not to start having kids until I graduated from seminary so Amy could work to pay our debt off as we went along. Looking back I think this was more of a logical decision than a prayerful one, but it was the choice we made. After three plus years graduation began to approach and so we decided it was time to start trying to have a child, begin a family. Graduation came and went, we received the call to move back to Michigan to pastor the Epsilon & New Hope churches.
A year went by without success, then two years. We began to wonder what was wrong. We went to the doctors, ran the tests, and discovered it was unlikely (although not impossible) we would be able to get pregnant. Of course I know we serve a great and mighty God, nothing is impossible for him. If got could make Elizabeth pregnant in her old age, or Sarah in the OT, nothing is impossible with God. So we prayed and started infertility treatments (in case God needed a little help). Every month the ups and downs were difficult, would this be the month, the excitement would rise with hope, and then the disappointment came crashing in with the realizing it didn’t happen…again. Now three years had gone by and still nothing. We would be lying if we said we didn’t begin questioning God’s plan, at least a little bit. We didn’t appreciate this twisted turn we were on. Why would you allow us to go through this Lord? Doesn’t your word tell us, even command us, to be fruitful and multiply? Don’t you want us to raise godly children? Meanwhile, during this time, to add insult to injury, my youngest sister, got pregnant at 19 and wasn’t married. Then a couple years later my other sister and her husband became pregnant on their first try. Don’t get me wrong, we were happy for them, and we love our nieces, but at the same time you wonder. Did we make the wrong decision to put off having children? Is God punishing us for some sin? Did we fall outside of his will somewhere?
We did discover something during our struggle. We found that God gave us opportunities (particularly Amy) to talk with others going through similar circumstances, others struggling with infertility. God was using our situation to help others. We also found it brought us closer to God as we kept seeking his will. After four years of trying to get pregnant, and after much prayer we believed God wanted us to adopt. Our prayer had been that God would give us children to raise to know and love him, but we realized there’s more than one way God can make a family. In fact, in the Scriptures God commanded us to care for the orphans and widows. We had always considered adoption, even before we were married, but our plan, our dream was to have our own child first. But we realized it wasn’t God’s plan. As the Bible says in Isaiah, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts (Is 55:9).” We signed up with Bethany Christian Services, and began the waiting process. We found the emotional rollercoaster of adoption could be almost as bad as the rollercoaster we experienced with infertility. Will that birthmother choose us? We would get excited only to be passed over for someone else. Have you noticed that God’s plan isn’t always easy?
After several months of waiting we received a call from Bethany, an expecting couple wanted to meet with us. They had chosen us independently from one another. They were expecting their fourth child, but for medical and financial reasons they felt the best choice was to give the child up for adoption. We met with the couple on two occasions…A couple of weeks ago we were called again by Bethany and informed…we have been chosen to be the adoptive parents for their child!! The baby is due on May 10th, on Amy’s birthday of all days. We feel this is God’s confirmation that he has planned this from the beginning.
It will be five and a half years this May since we began this whole process. While we may not have seen God’s plan clearly during our twisted turn, God did have a plan, and although we had our doubts we continued to trust God and obediently follow him as he slowly revealed his plan to us. And I believe we have grown closer to God through our struggle, as we have had to lean on him. Even though it may not have been the plan we would have chosen for ourselves, we believe his plan is perfect.
After Joseph struggled with his decision and made his mind to divorce Mary quietly, God revealed his plan. An angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and told him he was to marry Mary because the child in her womb was conceived by the Holy Spirit, his name was to be Jesus, for he would save His people from their sins. Joseph promptly changed his mind, and did what God said and continued with the engagement even though he would face public ridicule and shame. It would probably hurt his carpentry business. But what was more important was that God did have a plan after all. Joseph’s twisted turn fit into God’s plan. God was brining the long awaited Messiah, his own Son, into the world to save us.
Immanuel
Through the angels words to Joseph we hear the echo of the prophets, “"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"--which means, "God with us (Mt. 1:23; Is 7:14)." With the angels words came the reminder that God was with Joseph. God hadn’t abandoned him. Joseph was a part of God’s plan. In fact, God had chosen Joseph to be his Son’s step-father, a greater honor than any of the insults he would have to face.
Conclusion:
If you are in the middle of a twisted turn in your life, I want to encourage you of two things. 1) God has a plan. Even if your own sin or bad decision has put you in the place you are in, God is still in control. You may not see him or his plan right now or even for several years down the road while you are going through this struggle. Keep trusting in God and following him through the storm and he will show you one day how your twisted turn fits into his plan. His plans are indeed good because he loves you. As Romans 8:38 says, “God works for the good of those who love him who are called according to his purpose.” Continue to love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and walk in his ways. Think of this as a time to draw closer to God. Perhaps you may need to shift your plans to fit his plans. Joseph had to shift his plans as God revealed his own, we did too. God chose adoption for us. You may need to shift your thinking about something. Second, I want you to know God is with you. God has not abandoned you or forsaken you because he loves you. Just as God sent Jesus our Immanuel, meaning God is with us. We have the promise from Jesus, that as his disciples, those who love him and follow him, he will be with us always to the very end of the age (Mt. 28:20). His Spirit is with us in a real, tangible way even if you don’t feel his presence at the moment.
