Working It Out Jesus’ Way (Part 4)
Various Scriptures
July 15, 2007
As I mentioned last week, I have had people in my life who have hurt me terribly, like most everyone who has lived for very long.
And I mentioned that like you, I have struggled with the issue of forgiveness, and in some instances, it’s been hard, just like it is for some of you sometime.
We can look at forgiveness from an academic or a theological perspective, and we can define it all we want.
But you know what I’ve found? Most people don’t live in the academic and theological worlds when it comes to things like forgiveness.
So I’d like us to see what this all about on the personal and practical level.
But before we do, let’s pray.
I want us to look at just two passages of Scripture today, and they are two passages we looked at last week.
The first is part of the Matthew passage we’ve been exploring the last few weeks, and that is 18:35 –
35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
My only reason for bringing up this verse is to remind us that Jesus expects us to forgive.
He doesn’t just present it as a swell idea. He expects us to pass on the grace we have received as forgiven people, to other people who have sinned against us.
But look at how Jesus wants us to forgive someone: from your heart.
In fact, that’s the first blank in your note-taking guide for today:
* Forgiveness must come from the heart or it is not true forgiveness.
How many of you were children once? Okay, that’s all of you.
How many of you were mean to your brother or sister at least once growing up?
And how many of you meanies were told by your mom or dad to go and say you were sorry for being mean?
And how many of you meant it when you said it? That’s what I thought.
“I’m sorry…” You didn’t mean it.
But you know what? That’s how many people handle the requirement to forgive.
“I forgive you…” And just like you didn’t mean it when you said you were sorry as a little kid, you don’t mean it when you say you’re sorry.
They may say the words, but their hearts aren’t following.
But Jesus says that our forgiveness needs to not just be with our lips, but right from our hearts.
But how does that happen, especially when the hurt is huge? It’s easy to say, but it’s not always easy to do, is it?
No, it’s not always easy. In fact, I’m not going to suggest any of what I’m going to cover is easy.
But easy or not, it’s what Jesus tells us to do. We are to forgive from the heart.
It can really only happen when we’ve allowed the Holy Spirit live and move in us, transforming us to be like Jesus, who forgave His executioners.
We have to ask God to do something within us to make it possible.
At the end of the message I’ll be sharing a story about someone who did just that and was able to forgive someone who had perpetrated atrocities on her and her family.
But first I want us to look at the second passage, and that is Ephesians 4:31-32 –
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Three things in particular from these verses we need to point out as we look at the question, “Why is forgiveness so important?”:
* Forgiveness is the antidote to those things that poison the soul.
Can anyone tell me anything good about bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, and malice? I didn’t think so.
Can anyone tell me any important health benefits we gain from harboring these in our hearts? I didn’t think so.
So let me just boil it down by saying this: these things are bad for you.
They do nothing but harm you spiritually, emotionally, in your relationships, and even your physical health.
This passage says we’re supposed to get rid of all that stuff. We’re not supposed to keep hanging onto it like packrats stuffing an attic.
And the way to get rid of them is to forgive.
In other words, replace the bad stuff with a heart of forgiveness.
Here’s the second thing I want to mention from this passage in Ephesians:
* Forgiveness is a form of compassion.
Notice how the apostle Paul links the two:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other…
Withholding forgiveness is hurtful to not only you, but also to the person in need of forgiveness.
You may not be able to really understand that unless you have been the one who has sinned against someone and is truly sorry.
When you’re in that situation and the person refuses to offer forgiveness, it can really eat at you.
You’ve been forgiven by God and you’ve tried to make things right, as Jesus tells us to do in Matthew 5.
But they refuse. And folks, let me tell you, because I do know what that’s like, it hurts to the core of your being, especially when the person or persons are someone you had a great relationship with in the past.
Some of you know what that’s like.
But when you know you have been forgiven, and you’re on the path of reconciliation, a weight is gone, and you can move on to the healing that Jesus wants to take place between His siblings.
But the power lays in the hands of the one who has been sinned against. Only they can offer forgiveness and reconciliation.
God’s forgiveness restores the relationship between them and God. But before restoration between people can happen – really happen, that is – the one who has been sinned against needs to forgiven.
It’s a display of compassion to offer someone freedom from your grasp by offering forgiveness.
Here’s the last thing I want to mention from this passage in Ephesians
* It reflects the grace of God in our own lives.
I hope it’s been clear from the last few weeks that probably the biggest reason we need to be forgiving people is that Jesus has forgiven us.
We are not allowed to withhold forgiveness when we have been forgiven so much.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
One of the greatest ways we can display the love of Christ within our body of fellowship, and to the world who still needs Jesus is to forgive one another.
We’re saying, “The grace of God in forgiving me is so great that I simply cannot hold something against you. My heart is too full because of what Jesus did for me. And I offer it to you.”
Folks, we need to forgive those who have hurt us. There is simply no way around it.
But let’s look quickly at some questions that need to be addressed regarding forgiveness.
I’ve put three of them in your note-taking guide, but also want to address a couple more.
The first one is an age-old question: forgive and forget?
Folks, I don’t know anybody who has been hurt badly who can simply forget about it.
They say that elephants never forget. I’m not sure where they get that, but if it’s true, it explains why they’re so wrinkled!
But a lot of people wonder if they have really forgiven somebody if it keeps coming back into their mind.
If you have declared that forgiveness in your heart and mind, and even to the other person if possible, and you meant it, then you have forgiven them.
But that doesn’t mean that the painful memories are gone.
But there’s a difference between remembering the hurt and dwelling on it.
Dwelling on it gives the enemy the opportunity to tempt you to “re-convict” if you will, that person. And it can poison your soul just like it could the first time.
No, you may not be able to forget, but you can choose to stop dwelling on it. Quit picking the scab.
A second question is, Do I pretend it didn’t happen?
No. You don’t have to pretend about anything. It DID happen. And there is no need to excuse it by saying, “That’s okay.” If it really was a sin, then it’s NOT okay.
Once the sin and forgiveness have been acknowledged, you can move on. You can begin to rebuild that relationship based on the reconciliation that is taking place.
Let’s look quickly at two questions that aren’t in your note-taking guide then we’ll return to that last question, okay?
If they keep doing the sin, have they really repented?
Possibly.
How many of you have committed a sin, were sorrowful about it, but found yourself committing it again?
Did you repent the first time? Only you can answer that for yourself, but I can answer for me. And the answer is yes.
And the grace of God, working in me, helps me so I can avoid doing it again.
If someone keeps up the sin against you, they may or may not be repentant. But did you notice that nothing in Jesus words in Matthew 18 gives you the “out” of repentance on the part of the other person?
In other words, it doesn’t matter if they repent or feel sorry. You and I are commanded to forgive.
How do forgiveness and trust connect? If I’ve forgiven someone, do I need to trust him again?
Not necessarily, at least on the same level.
If someone has taken my car and driven it while drunk, I can forgive them. But it’ll be a long time before they’re ever behind the wheel of my car again.
Forgiveness is given, but trust is earned.
When my children are naughty, I forgive them. But the leash gets a bit shorter until the trust level is back up to where I can let it out again.
Forgiveness is given, but trust is earned.
Now let’s to the last question in your note-taking guide: How can I get past the bitterness I feel?
There is no doubt that there are some in here who have been hurt terribly, and it has hurt you to a degree that every time you think about it, it brings anger and bitterness.
And in spite of your best efforts to forgive, you just can’t seem to let go of the hurt and bitterness.
What do you do about that? Let me give you the first of two illustrations from Corrie ten Boom.
You are probably aware that Corrie ten Boom, along with her sister and father, were sent to Ravensbruck, a Nazi concentration camp, for hiding Jews.
Her sister and father died there, but Corrie was released, due to a “clerical error.” And the Kingdom of God is better off for it.
Corrie ten Boom likened forgiveness to letting go of a bell rope. If you have ever seen a country church with a bell in the steeple, you will remember that to get the bell ringing you have to tug awhile. Once it has begun to ring, you merely maintain the momentum. As long as you keep pulling, the bell keeps ringing.
Corrie ten Boom says forgiveness is letting go of the rope. It is just that simple, but when you do so, the bell keeps ringing. Momentum is still at work. However, if you keep your hands off the rope, the bell will begin to slow and eventually stop.
It is like that with forgiveness. When you decide to forgive, the old feelings of unforgiveness may continue to assert themselves. After all, they have lots of momentum. But if you affirm your decision to forgive, that unforgiving spirit will begin to slow and will eventually be still. Forgiveness is letting go of the "rope" of retribution. (Encyclopedia of 15,000 Illustrations)
You get past the bitterness by refusing to hang onto it.
Let go of the rope.
Stop nursing the grudge. This is unforgiveness, and as we’ve looked at time and time again over these past few weeks, it is sin.
And that sin will destroy not the person you’re refusing to forgive. It will destroy you.
Let me give you something else from Corrie ten Boom:
After the war she returned to Germany to declare the grace of Christ.
“It was 1947, and I’d come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. It was the truth that they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown.
‘When we confess our sins,’ I said, ‘God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. And even though I cannot find a Scripture for it, I believe God then places a sign out there that says, ’NO FISHING ALLOWED.’
The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a cap with skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush—the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were! That place was Ravensbruck, and the man who was making his way forward had been a guard—one of the most cruel guards.
Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: "A fine message, Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!" And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? But I remembered him. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.
"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard there." No, he did not remember me. "But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein,"—again the hand came out—"will you forgive me?"
And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again been forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place. Could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? It could have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "If you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart.
But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling." And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust out my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!" For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then. But even then, I realized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit.
[Holocaust Victim Forgives Captor, Citation: Corrie Ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord (Berkley, 1978), pp. 53-55]
Folks, here’s the bottom line:
To forgive is to be like Jesus.
Jesus refused to be bitter toward His torturers and executioners. He refused to withhold forgiveness to those who had manipulated the system to bring about His death.
Jesus knew that forgiveness was the ultimate Kingdom purpose. Forgiveness of sinners so they could live forever in His presence and the presence of the Father and the Spirit.
He bought your forgiveness and modeled how we should give it.
Will you, a person who claims to love and follow Jesus, withhold the very thing He died to bring?
Never let it be said of us!
Never let it be said of this congregation that forgiveness is not freely given.
Never let it be said of this church that bitterness and anger reign in the hearts of any of its people.
Never let it be said of this fellowship that forgiveness is just something we just talk about but never really experience between our people.
Rather, let it be said of us that the love and grace and compassion of Jesus is alive and well here.
Let it be said of us that we handle our differences and conflicts in the way Jesus laid out for us, in the spirit Jesus commands us to.
Let it be said of us that we follow Jesus in the area where it is probably the hardest, on a personal level – the area of forgiveness.
Let it be said of us that the spirit of this church, of this congregation, of this fellowship, is not one of bitterness and unforgiveness, but rather one that reflects our inability to hoard the grace of Christ and allows it to overflow to everyone.
Let it be said of us. Let it be said of you.
Let’s pray.
