In February of 2007, a 31 year old female posted this question on Answerbag.com:
"Sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never harm me." Is this true? Why or why not?
There were some very heartfelt answers to that question, but one in particular caught my attention. An anonymous person posted this reply:
No. Not true at all. I am like a walking scar from numerous things, I have yet to break a bone but I have had a fair share of physical pain. I’ll tell you now, it is nothing compared to words. Words stay with you forever. They don’t heal, they don’t go away, they don’t leave a cool scar that you can tell people about. They torment you...At least physical pain can fade. Words, you can’t make them disappear
As we discovered this morning in our children’s message, harsh words are like putting nails into a board. You can take them back but they will always leave a scar.
After a couple week break, we’re going to return to our journey through Ephesians this morning. We’ll pick up in Chapter 4, verse 29, where Paul addresses this issue of our words. Let’s read our passage out loud together:
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29 (NKJ)
Since it’s been a couple of weeks since we last looked at Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, let’s take just a moment to put this passage in its proper context. You’ll remember that in verses 22-24 of chapter 4, Paul exhorted his readers to dress the part according to who they already were in Jesus. He commanded them to take off the old way of life and to put on the new. And then in verse 25, he began to give them some practical instruction on how to do that. He instructed them to put off falsehood and put on truth. He made it clear that they were to put off tolerance for sin within the body and put on righteous anger. And they were to put off laziness and selfishness and put on a Christian work ethic that was for the benefit of others.
As Paul continues this theme of putting off the old and putting on the new, he now addresses our words. Although the NIV translation of this verse does an excellent job of capturing the meaning of Paul’s words, I’m using the NKJ version this morning as our starting point since it is a more literal translation of Paul’s words.
Just as he’s done in the preceding verses, Paul reveals two steps in the process. First, we must put off the old. We must...
1. Put off corrupt words:
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth...
Paul begins by exhorting his readers to let no corrupt word proceed out of their mouth. The word translated “corrupt” is a word that was used to describe something that was rotting or decaying. The only other times this word is used in the New Testament it is spoken by Jesus Himself. Let’s look at both those passages so that we can better understand what Paul meant.
Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
Matthew 7:17, 18 (KJV)
Here Jesus used the same word “corrupt” to describe a tree that brought forth fruit that was not useful or beneficial.
"Once again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was let down into the lake and caught all kinds of fish. When it was full, the fishermen pulled it up on the shore. Then they sat down and collected the good fish in baskets, but threw the bad away.
Matthew 13:47, 48 (NIV)
The word “bad” at the end of verse 48 is the very same word that Paul used in Ephesians. Here it referred to the fish that were rotten or decayed and therefore which could not be eaten and serve as nourishment.
So when the NIV and the NASB both translate this same word “unwholesome”, that seems to be a very accurate portrayal of the way Paul uses that word here. We need to put off any words that are not useful or beneficial to others. So what are the corrupt or unwholesome words that we are to put off? While the following list is certainly far from exhaustive, I’ve identified for us five categories of corrupt words that we need to be aware of within the body because of the damage that they can do.
• Words that manipulate
I’m reminded of the man in Phoenix who called his son on the phone in New York the day before Christmas and said, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screamed.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” said the father. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about it, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
Frantic, the son called his sister who exploded on the phone, “There’s no way they’re getting divorced!” she shouted. “I’ll take care of this.” She called Phoenix immediately and screamed at her father. “You’re not getting divorced and that’s final! Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing. Do you hear me?” And she hung up.
The father hung up his phone and turned to his wife and said, “Okay it’s set. They’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own way.”
We all know people who are really effective at manipulating others with their words. Unfortunately, the body of Christ is not immune to those who are quite adept at this practice. The Senate Finance Committee, led by Senator Charles Grassley, is currently investigating a number of televangelists who have been quite successful in manipulating their followers to give millions of dollars, in many cases for their own personal benefit.
But this practice can also occur in much more subtle ways within local bodies. How about those that threaten to withhold their financial support unless they are appointed to a leadership position? Or what about those that start up “whisper campaigns” in order to undermine some change that they don’t like? Or even those that make personal attacks against the church leadership in an attempt to get their own way?
I’m really thankful that I haven’t observed that kind of behavior here at Thornydale Family Church. But we still need to continue to be on our guard to make sure that those kind of corrupt words are not allowed to decay and tear own our body. The Bible, and the Proverbs in particular, have a lot to say about those who use deceitful words to manipulate others. Here are just a couple of those passages:
The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4 (NIV)
As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks.
Proverbs 25:23 (NIV)
• Words that hurt
The anonymous person who responded to the question on Answerbag.com certainly had experienced words that hurt in his life. But he’s obviously not alone. I’m pretty sure that we could spend the whole morning just sharing how others have hurt us with their words. The writer of the Proverbs described those words like this:
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18 (NASB)
Sometimes we use words that pierce like a sword on purpose to intentionally inflict hurt on others. And we would certainly agree that those are unwholesome words. But I wonder how many times we stab others with our words and don’t even know it. We pass our words off as just playful banter or harmless fun. But we really need to think about how our words might hurt others, even if that is not our intention. Our words are a lot like toothpaste that’s been squeezed from the tube – once they’re out, there is no way to put them back.
• Careless words
Jesus gave us a very sobering warning about our careless words:
But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
Matthew 12:36, 37 (NIV)
How many times have we said, “I didn’t mean to say that”? But Jesus is clear that one day we are going to have to give an account for the careless words we speak.
Once again, we need to listen to the advice of the writer of the Proverbs:
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.
Proverbs 21:23 (NIV)
In other words, we need to think before we speak. And we don’t always do a very good job of that as these quotes prove:
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I’m still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
-Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, California)
"The word ’genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst
You should always go to other people’s funerals. Otherwise they won’t come to yours.
- Yogi Berra
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
- Dan Quayle
Most of those careless words merely give us a chuckle or two. For the most part, they are pretty harmless. But that’s often not the case with our careless words. So we need to think before we speak.
• Gossip
Will Rogers once said, “The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”
Unfortunately, it seems like many of us don’t really have a very good handle on what the Bible considers to be gossip. And therefore, many of us are guilty of gossip and we aren’t even aware of it. I looked at a lot of definitions of gossip this week, but this one seems to best reflect the Biblical concept of gossip:
Sharing anything about some one, when the act of sharing it is not part of the solution to that person’s problem.
So gossip is not so much a matter of what we say about others, but what our purpose is when we say those things. Even things that are true about another person can easily become gossip. Even within the church, we need to be careful that our prayer requests don’t become gossip. A pretty good rule of thumb seems to be this: If I wouldn’t say something about a person in his or her presence, I shouldn’t say it when they are not present.
Once again, the Proverbs give some very clear warnings against gossip:
A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 16:28 (NIV)
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.
Proverbs 20:19 (NIV)
• Flattery
The dictionary defines flattery as “excessive on insincere praise.” Usually flattery is just another form of manipulation. We flatter others because there is something that we want from them. No wonder William Penn wrote: “Avoid flatterers, for they are thieves in disguise.”
By now, we shouldn’t be surprised the Proverbs address the issue of flattery:
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.
Proverbs 28:23 (NIV)
As we’ve seen consistently throughout this section of Paul’s letter, it’s not enough to just take off the old. We also have to put on the new. So in addition to putting off corrupt words, we also need to...
2. Put on edifying words
...but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Paul has already used the picture of the church as a building several times in this letter. And now he applies that same analogy to the words that we use with each other within the body. The words we use are not to hurt and tear down, but rather to build each other up.
Paul also writes that our words are to impart grace to those who hear them. A similar passage in Colossians helps us to understand what Paul means by imparting grace:
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6
The way Paul uses the word “grace” in both of these passages seems to refer not to God’s grace, but rather the more general concept of conferring a benefit to someone else. So he is making the point that our words are to be beneficial to others, a theme that is conveyed very effectively by the NIV translation of this same phrase:
...but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
So once again, even though the list is far from complete, let’s see if we can identify some of the types of words that edify:
• Words that encourage
Will Rogers once said, “We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.” He certainly understood the importance of encouraging words. One of the most important functions of the body of Christ is that it is to be a place where we can encourage each other, as we see clearly in these passages:
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:25 (NIV)
I know that I would not be in the ministry today if it hadn’t been for some encouraging words. When I first began considering becoming a pastor there were a lot of people who told me why I couldn’t or shouldn’t do that. But a very godly man who I respected greatly, Bill Nicholson, encouraged me to follow God’s leading in my life. And without his encouragement, I probably wouldn’t be here today. I’m certainly no hero, but I’m thankful for someone who sat on the curb and clapped for me.
• Words that instruct
Have you ever thought about where you would be without the instruction that you’ve received throughout your life? From the very moment we are born, we are instructed by our parents, and then as we proceed through life, we continue to benefit from the teaching and instruction of others. I’ve learned so much from every teacher, professor, boss, Sunday school teacher and pastor that has ever been part of my life. And all that instruction has helped build up my life and make me who I am today.
As we might suspect by now, the Proverbs have much to say about the importance of instruction. Here are just a couple of those passages:
Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
Proverbs 9:9 (NIV)
Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.
Proverbs 16:20 (NIV)
Most of us would agree that words that encourage and words that instruct are important words that impart grace into our lives, but you might be a little surprised that I’ve included this next category in my list of edifying words.
• Words that rebuke
At first glance, it might seem like words of rebuke ought to be included in the list of corrupt words. And it is certainly true that not all rebuke is edifying, as an Algerian man named Ahmed Salhi discovered. In 2005, Salhi, 24, was sentenced to a nine month curfew at home with his Italian wife in Ferrara, northern Italy after breaching immigration regulations. But he went back to court after a week and begged to be taken into custody because he said he could no longer bear her nagging, and would rather be behind bars, He said: "I need some peace." A local court agreed to the Salhi’s request and he was jailed for the rest of his sentence.
We probably all know people like Salhi’s wife, who are negative and quick to point out the faults of others. And the problem with most of those people is that they rebuke others, not for the purpose of building others up, but rather to tear others down so they will feel better about themselves.
But rebuke that is handled correctly is actually crucial to imparting grace and helping to edify and build up others. As we’ve done so many times already this morning, we’ll go the Proverbs for some guidance:
He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.
Proverbs 15:31 (NIV)
Here rebuke is described as “life-giving” and the person who listens to that kind of rebuke gains wisdom. Frankly, most of us don’t really like rebuke, but at the same time, we have to acknowledge that the kind of rebuke described by the writer of the Proverbs is essential in helping us to develop our character.
Without a doubt the person who has been most faithful in my life to give me the “life-giving” rebuke that I needed has been my wife. I guess she must have taken this following verse to heart:
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.
Proverbs 28:23 (NIV)
No wonder Mary has gained so much favor in my life! But you know what? I am really grateful that I have a wife that cares enough about me that she is willing to rebuke me in a loving, gentle manner when I need it. Her rebuke has certainly made me wiser.
When we see a brother or sister who is involved in some sin or harmful practice, the most loving thing we can do is to rebuke that person in a loving, gentle manner. We just need to make sure that we do that privately and that our motive is to help build the other person up and not tear him or her down.
• Words that forgive
Because we live among sinful human beings, there are going to be times when people say and do things that hurt us deeply. And as we’ve seen, those words and actions cannot be taken back by the person who hurt us and we can’t do anything to change the past, either. But we can choose how we respond to those hurts. We can either dwell on them and allow them to fester into bitterness, or we can choose to forgive.
There is no doubt which of those alternatives that ought to characterize our relationships within the body of Christ, as Paul clearly points out in his letter to the Colossians:
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
When we’re hurt, regardless of whether the other person asks for it or not, we have the ability to forgive and to speak words of forgiveness to the other person. And when we speak those three little words – I forgive you – we end up edifying two lives – our own and that of the other person.
After all, isn’t that exactly what Jesus did on the cross? He asked His Father to forgive those who were crucifying Him, even though they hadn’t even asked for forgiveness. And those words had a tremendous impact on at least one person who heard them that day. I think that those words are the main reason the Roman centurion praised God and recognized Jesus as a righteous man.
• Words that restore
This last category really ties in with the last two that we’ve looked at. The purpose of rebuke and of forgiveness is always restoration.
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.
Galatians 6:1 (NIV)
Paul is very clearly writing to Christians here. And Paul wants his readers to understand that when someone in the body falls, our main focus is to be doing everything we can to restore that person to his or her place within the body. But sometimes we don’t do a very good job of that, which has caused some to observe that Christians are the only ones who shoot their own wounded.
When we see those in the body who are heading toward the edge of the cliff because of bad decisions they have made in their lives, we need to do everything we can to keep them from going over the edge. That’s where words of encouragement, instruction, rebuke and forgiveness come in. But if they just keep on going and fall over the edge, we need to be at the bottom of the cliff to pick up the pieces with words of restoration.
Within the body of Christ, we can survive the sticks and stones, but it’s much harder to heal from the wounds that are created by our words. So let’s make sure we put off the old – our unwholesome, corrupt words – and put on the new - words that edify and benefit others.
