The week after Christmas is the hardest week of the year for many people. This is the time when people are tested by the gifts they received or did not receive or by how people responded or did not respond to the gifts that were given.
Some people are upset because they did not receive a thank you for the gift they gave. Some people become upset because they did not receive a card or gift from someone they expected to get something from. Some people get upset because the gift they gave was nicer and more expensive than the gift they received.
But probably the biggest reason many people become upset after Christmas is what I have already alluded to, they did not receive a thank you. So how do those people respond? Some of them decide not to give a gift to that person again. Some decide to give them a second chance next Christmas and then if they don’t respond they stop giving a gift to that person. And then there are those who just feel bad. Who feel unappreciated. Who feel angry. Who even get a little bitter. Which now raises the question: Why did they give the gift in the first place?
A gift by definition is something freely given, undeserved, and is given whether recognized or not.
This is the third message in our series on Pure Joy. In the first message we focused on James 2:2-3, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” We used a sieve as our visual illustration. We said that we should be joyful when trials and hardships come because God uses them to develop his character in us and make us more like him. Trials sift out the sins, the imperfections in our character.
Then in our second message we focused on Hebrews 12:4-6, “In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons and daughters: "My son, my daughter, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves.”
Our illustration that week was a bonsai tree, a miniature tree that has been shaped, cut, pruned, to make it the size it is.
Our text this week is found in the Gospel of John, “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44, NIV). The Contemporary English Version puts it this way “How could you possibly believe? You like to have your friends praise you, and you don’t care about praise that the only God can give!”
What is the context for this passage? Let’s read beginning with verse 41. Jesus is speaking. "I do not accept praise from men, but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. I have come in my Father’s name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God” (John 4:41-44).
Jesus is talking to the Jewish people who have not accepted him. He says that they are more willing to believe human beings than believe him who is both human and divine. He says that they are too reliant on other people for approval rather than relying on God.
My illustration this week is a recognition plaque. I once visited in a person office and one wall, which was about fifteen feet long and ten feet high was covered with plaques and certificates of recognition. It was obvious that the approval, the praise of men was very important to that person.
We all want approval. And it is good to give approval. We want our parent’s approval. We want our friend’s approval. We want our supervisor’s approval. But more important than any of that is receiving God’s approval. When Jesus came out of the water at his baptism God spoke these words: “This is my Son, whom I love, with Him I am well pleased. Listen to Him” (Matthew 3:17).
The title of our message is “How to feel good about yourself.” Now there is a wrong way and a right way to feel good about oneself. The wrong way is the way of pride, the belief that I am better than other people. The belief that I am smarter than those around me. The belief that I can accomplish anything I want. All these are the way of pride. Another way that we try and feel good about ourselves is to seek the approval, the praise of others. But what happens when we don’t get praise, thanks, approval? Depending on our temperament we will react in different ways. We will either lash out or we will withdraw, quit.
The only true way to feel good about oneself is to see how God regards me. And God regards me as so important, so valuable, that two thousand years ago He came as a little baby to show us His love and as we have repeatedly taught from this podium He then gave His infinite life that we might live forever. That is how important God regards us. We are more valuable than the rarest diamond. It is amazing how much people will pay for and value things of this world.
Cells phones are almost as common as regular phones. Some people will pay a lot for different things. Some are not just content with an ordinary phone. They want one of a kind, at least one of only one hundred made, The Goldvish, Le Million, which sells for a cool 1.3 million dollars.The Goldvish “Le million” is officially the most expensive mobile phone in the world according to the Guinness Books of Records. It is made with 18-carat white gold, mounted with 120-carats of VVS-1 graded diamonds, and was introduced during the Millionaire’s Fair, last year, in Moscow. Inside are all the coolest mobile features (mp3, 2 gigabytes of memory, camera …) and on the outside it is fully covered with diamonds and the back of it features alligator skin.
We buy a lot of things for the prestige it brings. And part of it is to get praise, approval from others. We like to show off these things so people can admire us for what we have.
It is much easier to want thanks from others instead of thanks from God. An episode in the life of Jesus illustrates the importance of the right kind of praise and thanks.
“Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"
“When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
“Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well." (Luke 17:11-19).
Jesus did not heal these men to receive praise. He did not heal them so that he could be thanked. Their need was enough for Him. But he wanted them to thank the God of heaven for their healing. Jesus never healed anyone with his own power. He always relied on the power of His father.
At the same time Jesus did not go off in a huff because only one out of ten thanked him. He did not say, “Well, since you are so ungrateful for your healing I will just let you be unhealed. That will teach you to be grateful.” No Jesus did not act that way. The praise of His father was all that he needed. And he wanted to teach these men the important of giving thanks to God.
Now back to our Scripture in John 5:44, “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” We love to receive praise and thanks. And there is nothing wrong with receiving thanks unless we depend on it so much that when we do not receive it we feel hurt and even angry.
Timothy Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York, writes:
Pastors often hear, "I work my fingers to the bone in this church, and what thanks do I get?" Is that the way it is? Your service was for thanks? Are you in your right mind? Servanthood begins where gratitude and applause end.”
There are people who will become estranged from their family because they did not feel appreciated or thanked enough for their gifts. There are even people who quit coming to church because they felt unappreciated, because they did not receive the praise of those they thought should have appreciated them.
I have been through six Octobers at New Hope. October is traditionally pastor appreciation month. You will hear religious radio stations reminding parishioners that October is coming up and please appreciate your pastor.
At my first October at New Hope the two pastors on staff were royally appreciated. We and our spouses were given a bed and breakfast weekend along with a personal massage. This was presented publically to us in the worship services. The next year no public appreciation took place. None at all. This last October the pastors were appreciated to the extent that almost a whole worship service was given over to that event. In between the first and the sixth there was one other October where the pastors were appreciated but there were several Octobers when no recognition took place. Each year less than a dozen people will send me thank you notes during October and during the rest of the year I don’t receive anymore than that.
Why am I telling you this? I am not telling you this so that you will suddenly send me a bunch of cards or that other pastors. I am telling you this that if I served here for the praise of people I would have quit long ago. Being a pastor is one of the most difficult positions in the world. In fact I would like to submit that it is the most difficult position to fulfill.
Why? It is a job in which we are supposed to teach you how to live successfully, how to love others, how to forgive, how to overcome sin, how to get on with people, how to come to God. As a result there is an expectation that pastors are somehow above the fray. That we live in a different world, that we never make mistakes or sin (at least not big sins, although there has been much publicity about pastors who do commit big sins). Now there is a part of you that realizes that pastors are human, that they are not perfect. But you much prefer that we be not perfect with someone else just don’t be not perfect with me.
This is one of the reason that so many pastors burn out and just leave the ministry. It is a very draining profession because it is based on giving and giving and giving.
Because we are looking from praise from friends, from the pastor, more than we are looking for praise from God, we easily become offended if we don’t receive the recognition that we want.
Now I am human and it is nice to receive praise and thanks but that is not my prime motivation for serving you. I am here to serve God because God has called me to be a full time minister for him. I ask God if I am living how He wants me to live. When I mess up I go to that person and ask forgiveness and I go to God and ask for His forgiveness.
But pure joy comes from knowing that the baby of Bethlehem has accepted me, has died for me. I know the joy of God’s esteem, God’s favor, and as long as I have that I am content.
What are the warning signals that alert me to the fact that I am wanting the praise and thanks of others more than God?
1. The first and most important is Who gets the credit? I struggle with this at times. If I come up with a great idea I want others to know it. And if I gave any examples I would then be accused of subtly using that example to receive praise. We are complicated aren’t we?
R. T. Kendall in his book Pure Joy writes: “Can you do something good or worthwhile and keep quiet about it? What if you do something heroic, sacrificial, or valiant and nobody notices? What if someone does know about it, but he or she says or does nothing to ensure that you get sufficient commendation? It may ‘get your goat’ or hurt you deeply. But can you hold your peace and control your tongue?”
Kendall goes on to say, “Can you be content with the knowledge that only ‘God knows?’ In other words, would his knowledge of what you did be enough for you? Or do you say to yourself, ‘I know God knows, but surely I deserve to have someone around me to be aware of what I did?’ I sympathize with you if that is your thinking. I’ve been there a thousand times and it hurts. But this is where we show how much God’s esteem means . . .”
Pure joy comes when we realize that God allows trials to sift us. That God prunes and cuts us to make us into his bonsai. That God takes away the praise of people so that we will rely more and more on His praise.
You are probably thinking right now “This is really hard.” Yes it is. And in a few days you will all be tested in how you react to lack of gratitude for gifts you give. And it will happen. People intend to write the thank you note but they forget. Some people did not like the gift and put it in the re-gift pile and forget to thank you. Some people are just very poor at thanking because they are too wrapped up in getting rather than giving.
2. The second indication is whether I am content or not. Paul said “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Phil 4:12). Paul could also have put it this way, “I know what it is like to be thanked and I know what it is like not to be thanked but I have learned to be content whether I am appreciated or not.”
That is a high standard is it not? That is why so many of us do not experience pure joy. That is why God sent the baby of Bethlehem to show us that we are loved. We are needed. We are important. When I know that God loves me as I am. That he gave his life for me know matter how I have lived, what does it really matter what anyone else believes?
Jesus is hanging on the cross. He is giving his life for the sins of the world. The world is lost. Everyone will die eternally if God does not do something. The most stupendous event in the entire history of universe is taking place and there is not one person there to thank him for his sacrifice. His church leaders are mocking him. Telling him to prove that he is the Messiah by coming down from the cross right then.
His disciples are huddled at the foot of the cross dejected and demoralized. Later, after His resurrection as Jesus walked the road to Emmaus two of the disciples met up with him and said, “We believed that He was the one that was going to save us but it did not happen.” No thanks.
The Roman soldiers did not thank him for his sacrifice. There was only one feeble bit of acknowledgment when one of the condemned men with him exercised a little bit of faith and asked to be remembered when Jesus came into his kingdom. But even he could be forgiven if he thought, “What have I to lose? I am dead anyway. If this is the Messiah then great. If he is not then I am no worse off than I was before.” His was certainly not a cry of thanks and appreciation.
Now put your self in Jesus’ place. Why on earth would you give your own life for people who didn’t care, who didn’t thank you, and who did not appreciate you? Even his own disciples whom he had taught about the meaning of his life were so lost in themselves that they were not there to support him and thank him.
Yet, God gave his life out of his great love for us. He gave not to receive thanks and praise but simply because He loved us.
When you feel unappreciated. When you feel pure joy, any kind of joy slipping away. When you feel discouraged and depressed. When you feel unrecognized. Go to the foot of the cross. Look up at the one who gave the ultimate without any appreciation and let Him transform him. Let Him fill you with joy. Let him flood your heart with peace. Let him be your salvation and your happiness. God longs to do this for you right now. The only thing stopping you is the holding on to your hurts, your disappointments, your feelings of rejection. Give them up so that you can go into the Christmas season full of joy, pure joy, not worrying whether you get thanked or not because you know that Christ is your Savior. That Christ is for you. That you are greatly esteemed of God. That you are his son, his daughter, his child. And if you have God for you what does it really matter what anyone else thinks?
“How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?”
