The Horse Whisperer was a movie based upon the work of Monty Roberts. Monty Roberts’ secret of his horse whispering involves his getting into the corral with an untamed mustang. And when asked his secret, he said, “the animals need to be with others so much, they would rather befriend the enemy than be left alone.”
Could you imagine dying alone? Glynn Wolfe died alone in Los Angeles. He was 88. No one came to claim his body. The city paid to have him buried in an unmarked grave. That is sad, but not an unusual event in larger cities. Glynn’s situation was unique, however, because he was no ordinary man. He held a world record. If you look in The Guinness Book you will find him listed as the Most Married Man, married 29 times … and he died alone.
A Gallop Report indicated “Of Americans who ate dinner last night, the percentage who ate alone was 22%.”
Mother Teresa once said, “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer. It’s the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted—of being deserted and alone.”
In many ways being a minister shields me from some of the things that go on in the world. But one area where it is the opposite, is Christmas. Until I became a minister, I thought that Christmas was a happy time for everyone. I was always in my little family cocoon and didn’t realize what went on in the hearts of so many. But for many Christmas is a sad and lonely time.
Just thinking about the church family made me think of several that have lost loved ones recently. Some have lost a mother; some have lost a father. Many have lost a friend. But even if it hasn’t been in the last year, the hurt is still there. In fact it is very fresh at Christmas.
Recently I was at the home of a good friend. They were going through a tough family situation … one that threatened to tear their family apart. At one point I was left in the living room alone, and I looked at the Christmas tree. I said to myself, “it is not going to be a joyous Christmas for this family.”
There is something about Christmas that brings out the extremes. For those who are happy, it is probably the most intense happiness that you have the entire year. But for those who are suffering and lonely, the pain seems to be worse in December. Sometimes you put on a happy face, but on the inside you are dying!
I have got good news for you. You are not alone. In fact, Jesus died alone, so you wouldn’t have to be alone. When he cried out in a loud voice Matthew 27:46
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
It was the last time that anyone would have to feel that way. Some still feel that way … but you don’t have to.
The Hebrew name Joshua means the same thing as the name Jesus, the Lord saves. The words to Joshua in the Old Testament, I think can be the words to you too.
Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Joshua not only believed those words, he lived them. In fact, he had already lived them, that is why he was in this position. He didn’t worry about what others thought, he did the right thing.
This knowledge that God would never leave or forsake him made it so that he was able to stand alone, because he was never really alone. He didn’t concern himself with what others would do. He did the right thing.
Later Joshua was faced with a choice. This choice could leave him alone, at least in the world’s eyes. He understood that, but he also knew that he wouldn’t really be alone. So this is what he said. Joshua 24:15
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.
Do you understand what he was saying? He was saying, “I am not afraid to be alone as you understand loneliness.”
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Those were words to Joshua that I think apply to all of us. But there is another time this is said that definitely applies to us. It is so significant that it is the last thing that Matthew includes in his gospel … the last words. Here it is: Matthew 28:20
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
If you have your Bible open, underline, circle or highlight that word, “always”. He is not going to leave you.
So for those who feel lonely at Christmas, how can we trade in that loneliness for belonging?
According to Erickson, who did a lot of research in child development, a baby’s first developmental stage is one of trust. A baby learns this from contact with his or her parents.
If a mom and dad give a newborn familiarity, consistency, and continuity; then the child will develop the feeling that people are reliable and loving and the world is a safe place to be. The first way an infant achieves this ability is letting mother out of sight for the first time without incurring anxiety.
Imagine yourself as a baby, lying in your crib, and mom leaves. You see her evaporate over the crib’s edge and she is gone. But mom comes back, and you are glad! This gone-and-back-again, gone-and-back-again creates snapshots you place in your inner photo book by which you compare and test and learn to rely on things. This predictability is how we learn to establish trust. If trust has been built for the child, it becomes a feeling we use in trusting others as well as ourselves. When trust develops within a child he feels secure about himself and loneliness is not much of an issue.
But if parents do not care for their child appropriately and perhaps even harm the child, then the child will develop mistrust. This will later lead to problems of dealing with other people.
Also, if the parents are overly protective and respond to a child’s every cry, a child will learn to be overly trusting and believe that no one would harm them. This can then lead to boundary problems and lack of knowledge about personal safety
Loneliness would seem to be rooted way back to our infant days and we can still be living it out today. But there is good news! God knew what it would take to bring us into a relationship with him regardless of our past. Even before the baby was born, the angel said he would be called a name we needed to know him as, “Immanuel” –the most trusting name we could have … “God with us.”
Christmas Heals Our Loneliness. For all the questions loneliness brings, Christmas answers in one word: “Immanuel.” Today and from now on, will you let Immanuel mean, “You are never alone”?
Immanuel was first spoken of by Isaiah. He prophesies that an unmarried young woman within the royal house would shortly marry and conceive. Her son would be called “Immanuel”. This prophecy was made in the presence of King Ahaz. Ahaz was calling out to Assyria for political assistance and protection. The prophecy stated that before the child was old enough to eat solid food the Assyrians would lay waste the lands of Aram and Israel, which they did, not even two years later.
The "sign" of that Immanuel’s birth revealed that the All-Sovereign and all-knowing God has the situation completely in hand! The prophecy was meant to rebuke King Ahaz’s unfaithfulness in relying on Assyria instead of on God.
This prophecy wasn’t just given to King Ahaz, but to the house of David. In the fullness of time, another “Immanuel”, the Messiah-Child would be born through David’s lineage. He was to be a symbol of God’s salvation for His people—not simply from physical foes of that day, but ultimately from shackles of sin.
The Messiah is God’s final purpose in the flesh! His virgin mother would conceive, give birth, and his name will be called “God with us!”
Isaiah’s promised Immanuel will possess the land, thwart all opponents, appear in Galilee of the Gentiles, and be a great light to those in the land of the shadow of death. He is the Child and Son called "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace”, whose government and peace will never end as he reigns on David’s throne forever. That was Isaiah’s turn.
Then it became Matthew’s turn.
Matthew’s Immanuel is the Messiah! Matthew displays Jesus as “God with us”, as THE Immanuel. When Jesus begins his ministry, Matthew sees him as bringing in the kingdom and fulfilling the prophecies of Isaiah’s Immanuel. Matthew sees Jesus’ life as God making Himself present with His people. Jesus is GOD WITH US, and God wants us to know He is with us and for us because of Jesus.
No greater blessing can be conceived than for God to dwell with His people. Jesus promises, just before his ascension, to be with us to the end of the age.
But I need to make one thing clear, being alone and being lonely are not necessarily the same thing. It is often good to be alone and many people that are alone are not lonely. Conversely, you can be in a big family or a big crowd and be lonely. Being alone is not always bad, but feeling lonely is.
I am sure you have had times when you have felt hung up to dry, out on a limb, on the back burner, left in the shadows, back-staged, top-shelved, abandoned, deserted, all alone. But the message of that first Christmas came into our loneliness to take it away and replace it with the Spirit of “Immanuel”! That is what God wants for you. Christmas can heal you of your loneliness!
I don’t know if you have ever thought about it, but there was some loneliness on that first Christmas. To find it we are going to go to the most familiar passage of the Christmas story. We will look at that passage, but I am also going to ask you to read between the lines. I am asking you to look at some things about Mary that we can infer just from the circumstances. Because of that, you will need to keep your own Bible open and not rely on the screen. We are looking at Luke 2:1-7 and it is on page 1014 of the pew Bibles.
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. [2] (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) [3] And everyone went to his own town to register. [4] So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. [5] He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. [6] While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, [7] and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
I think there are some things in that passage that tell us that Mary was lonely. For one thing, she didn’t know Joseph very well. Because of the way they arranged marriages, often the girl did not know the guy until they were married. That may seem barbaric, but before you criticize, remember that their divorce rate is much lower than ours! So Mary might have felt alone with Joseph. Also the last words of that passage, “there was no room for them in the inn.” Why did they even have to go to the inn? Wouldn’t their family and relatives be there … required to register for the census just like they were? You could say that those who lived there might have already had full houses. But if that is the case, why was no one there for the birth? It appears that Joseph delivered the baby and he didn’t have any backup. Her family was not there and Joseph’s family was not there. Do you think that felt lonely? Some of you know what it is like to not be liked by your in-laws. There is no more lonely feeling than being with a group of people who do not like you!
But fortunately, Mary helps us see the appropriate way to handle loneliness.
I. If you are going to climb out of the valley of loneliness, you have to forget the shortcuts. Conquering loneliness takes work, but it is worth it.
I actually think we have a clue about Mary’s loneliness before this. When she finds out she is pregnant she leaves town. She travels to a relative named Elizabeth that for some reason she knows will take her in.
We don’t know the details of her trip, but it wasn’t easy for Mary to do that. It was probably the first time that she traveled alone. It would have been much easier to stay at home and sulk. But she didn’t. She took some action that would help her not feel lonely, even though her family had abandoned her.
I know this is easier said than done, but don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You might need to find your own Elizabeth, a person that will welcome you. It might not be a relative. For you it might be someone in a similar situation. It might be someone else who is hurting over the same loss or a similar loss.
The easiest thing to do is to sit there and sulk. Mary didn’t do that and I hope you won’t either.
But you also need to…
II. Do what is right; even if it is not what you feel like doing.
Do you think Mary might have been mad at God? Think about it. God told her. He told Joseph, but not before Joseph entertained some not so comforting thoughts. He told some shepherds. But he didn’t tell anyone in her family. Elizabeth got the point, but we have no evidence that anyone else believed or even understood. Do you think that Mary might have wished that God had helped out with her family … just a little bit?
But even though she was hurting, or maybe even mad, she did the right thing.
Luke 2:21-24
On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived. [22] When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord [23] (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, "Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord"), [24] and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons."
The sacrifice that they gave was the one that was allowed for poor families. So God gave them a mission, a job, a vision, but he didn’t give them much more to go on. He didn’t dump a load of money into their lap. He didn’t even tell them what they were to do ahead of time.
But because Mary did what was right, even if it went against how she felt, she found encouragement.
In the temple she met a man named Simeon and a woman named Anna who both gave them tremendous encouragement. They may not have felt like going, but by the time they left, I am sure they were glad they went.
But Mary and Joseph were careful to do everything that was right (Luke 2:39).
When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. [40] And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him. [41] Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover.
They did what was required and they continued doing what was required.
Another way to skip loneliness is to…
III. Focus on good things.
If you have painful memories, why not turn it around to the good things. If someone has died and it makes you incredibly sad, then there must be some good memories associated with that person. Focus on those instead of on yourself.
Proverbs 23:7
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
If you think about good things you will smile, but if you feel sorry for yourself, you are going to feel lonely.
I probably use this verse more than any verse in the Bible, but it is so true about the best way to live our lives. In fact, even if you weren’t a Christian following this verse would be helpful. It is in Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about that. If you do that, loneliness will fly right out the window.
Keep in mind that God doesn’t want you to be lonely. God wants you to have life.
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Jesus came so that you would have life, but not just so that you would have eternal life, but so that your life here could be lived to the full. Whether you are alone or with a lot of people, Jesus wants you to have a full life!
But maybe the most important principle that we learn from Mary is…
IV. Learn to rely on your Heavenly Father
Mary might not have understood. She might have even been a little angry. But she kept trusting. What sounded so great when she first heard the news from the angel, probably turned around at some point, but her trust in God never wavered.
I think part of why we have the church is so that we will have a feeling of belonging. Whether you have a strong family or a dysfunctional one, the church can be your family. Now in all honesty, the church can be pretty dysfunctional at times too, but it is still God’s way to give you belonging right here. It is his way to help you feel loved and cared for and accepted.
God loves you and has provided everything that you need for life and godliness. Put your trust in Him.
I mentioned Anna just a couple of minutes ago. Anna knew loneliness, but she used it to rely on her heavenly father. In the account of Joseph and Mary taking Jesus to the temple, this is what we find out about Anna.
Luke 2:36-37
There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, [37] and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.
After just 7 years of marriage, her husband died. What did she do? She relied on God. I think she made God her husband. And for most likely well over 50 years, she was alone, but she wasn’t lonely. She turned her attention to God.
You might feel lonely, but I want you to know that you are not alone.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Romans 8:31
What then shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Joni Erickson Tada, a paraplegic who continues to live her life for the Lord testifies, “You don’t have to be alone in your hurt! Comfort is yours. Joy is an option. And it’s all been made possible by your Savior. He went without comfort so you might have it. He postponed joy so you might share in it. He willingly chose isolation so you might never be alone in your hurt and sorrow.”
Reading between the lines of the gospel writers it appears that Mary was widowed at some point. We don’t know for sure because the gospel isn’t about Mary, it is about Jesus. That is why we pretty much only talk about Mary at Christmas time. But Joseph disappears after they take Jesus to the temple when he is 12. We never hear about him again. How did Mary handle that?
Like I said, we don’t have a whole lot of details, but we do see her at her lowest time. We see her when, if ever she would feel lonely, it was then. But what is she doing? John 19:25
Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.
Do you remember me saying that none of Mary’s family was there for the birth? It wasn’t that way at his death. We don’t know her name, but it doesn’t matter. Those words say a lot, “his mother’s sister.” Because of the way Mary lived her life, at least one member of her family came around. She came around enough that she wanted to be there with Mary at Mary’s toughest time. She missed the joy, but she wasn’t going to miss this. 33 years later, her sister is there!
Stay in that same scene. But let’s leave Mary and her sister and focus on that middle cross. Was Jesus ever lonely? Just once. Matthew 27:46
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"--which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (long pause)
Jesus hung on that cross alone, the sin of the whole world turned the Father’s face away from him and he was separated from God in that moment, forsaken; HE was left there alone … why? (pause) So YOU wouldn’t have to be!
I realize that many people here today are hurting so badly that they cannot even imagine the feeling of belonging. You may feel like the world has forgotten you. You may even feel like God has forgotten you.
As a spokesman for God there are a lot of messages that I like to give, but here is my favorite: I am here to remind you that God still loves you - in the midst of your sin, and in the midst of your broken world and shattered dreams. There is no problem that is too big that God cannot solve it. There is no mountain too high that God cannot cross it. There is no valley too deep that God cannot exalt it.
You may feel like you are lost in the valley of loneliness, but remember; "You are not alone for God is with you."
We are told that the apostle John died alone. He had been exiled to the island of Patmos. Let me tell you a realization that he had come to: 1 John 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
