How to Overcome a Critical Spirit
Numbers 13:16-33
Near the end of C. S. Lewis’s "Chronicles of Narnia" Aslan the Lion takes Lucy, Edmund, Peter and everyone to the New Narnia--to what we would call "heaven" or the New Creation. It is a place of astonishing light and beauty; a place where every blade of grass seems to mean more and where every creature sings for the sheer joy of the Creator. It is a place where everything is just so real in depth and color that the mere sight of a daisy takes your breath away and makes you weep for the sheer beauty of the thing.
But then, in the midst of all this splendor, the children see a group of dwarves huddled together convinced that they are sitting in the rank stench of a barn--a place so dark that they cannot see their hands in front of their faces. Lucy is so upset that the dwarves are not enjoying the New Narnia that she begs Aslan to help them to see. Aslan replies, "Dearest Lucy, I will show you what I can do and what I cannot do." Aslan then shakes his golden mane and a sumptuous banquet instantly appears in front of the dwarves. Each dwarf is given a plate heaped with juicy meats, glistening vegetables, plump grains of rice. Each also receives a goblet brimming with the finest wine anyone could ever imagine.
But when the dwarves dive in and begin eating, they start gagging and complaining.
"Doesn’t this beat all," they lament. "Not only are we in this stinking stable but now we’ve got to eat hay and dried cow dung as well!" When they sip the wine, they sputter, "And look at this now! Dirty water out of a donkey’s trough!" The dwarves, Aslan goes on to say, had chosen suspicion instead of trust and love. They were prisoners of their own minds. They could not see Aslan’s gift of the New Narnia for they would not see it. Aslan can but leave them alone to the hell of their own devising.
First of all, we should remember that the anticipation of this moment is high. Ever since God promised to give Abraham the land of Canaan way back in Genesis, the whole Bible has been building to this point in Numbers 13. The entire story of the exodus from Egypt had as its goal the conquest of Canaan. This is the promised land of milk and honey toward which Moses has been leading the people all along.
We enter this story on the end of a personal story of criticism for Moses. Moses has been criticised personally by a family member and this personal criticism spreads to the nation.
It is hard to deal with criticism. Most people don’t like it, but some people like to use it. There are two avenues of criticism:
1. The first avenue of criticism is the outlook of other people and how they direct it at you. This is seen when we ask the question: “Am I being criticized?”
Moses saw this avenue of criticism in Numbers 12. Miriam, his sister was starting to have problems with Moses and his family. Miriam and Aaron complain about Moses’ wife. Interesting, because the criticism is a form of prejudice. Miriam and Aaron criticized about Moses and the fact that he married a dark-skinned woman.
Then Miriam criticizes the leadership of Moses. Miriam begins to complain and say that God is leading through other people.
Of course God is not going to put up with this time of criticism. And Moses shows us clearly a good way to deal with this type: pray and ignore it. Moses acknowledged that it was a sin, and therefore he prayed for his sister. But then he ignores it.
What do I mean? Moses continues to listen to God and not to the people who are criticizing him.
Now before I go on, we need to distinguish TWO FORMS OF criticism.
Destructive
A good example of destructive criticism would be if your boss told you something like, "How could you make such a stupid mistake, what were you thinking? I don’t know why I hired you in the first place."
Or a critical husband would say the same to his spouse. “I can’t believe you did this. What were you thinking? I don’t know why I married you in the first place.”
This is not helpful because the criticism was general, negative. It merely condemned him.
Destructive criticism is not very useful. It may inform you that you made a mistake, but if no remedy is suggested and no show of confidence that the mistake can be rectified is made, then the net effect on performance will be negative.
How to handle it:
Simply ignore it and turn it into something positive. This what Moses did. He simply ignored the critical comment and then went on.
Constructive
Let’s take our previous example of negative criticism. Instead of saying, "How could you make such a stupid mistake, what were you thinking? I don’t know why I hired you in the first place," a model boss would be more positive and say something like, "Thanks for the report, I can see you put a lot of effort into it. However, I was hoping you could touch it up a little by summarizing it more and adding some graphs. The content is solid, but if you could make those small changes, I would really appreciate it."
A model husband could say: “My love, could you tell me why you did this?” Never make statements that could jeopardize the marriage relationships. Never be so critical that you point out the way to destruction. Instead, be helpful and loving and try to show how you can work together to find the solution.
Why is this criticism good, and why should you handle it with a positive attitude?
How to handle it:
Realize that the feedback is positive. Make sure that you understand the feedback and ask questions to ensure that you know exactly what needs to be done to improve, whether that is work or your relationship. And ultimately, thank the person for their constructive feedback.
2. The second avenue of criticism is your outlook and how you direct your comments to other people. The question being asked is: “Am I being critical?”
As Christians, we have to avoid the sin of being critical. But we speak destructive criticism in very subtle ways. We grumble, we complain, we become sarcastic. We talk about what we should have all the time. We talk about what someone else has that we don’t have. When we talk in such negative ways, we run the risk of becoming more destructive in our relationships. We will start to hurt other people that we love. When we talk critically all the time, we will hurt someone else. In the New Testament, it is called “judging one another.”
Therefore, let us no longer criticize one another, but instead decide not to put a stumbling block or pitfall in your brother’s way.
(Romans 14:13 HCSB)
How do I stop criticizing others and putting stumbling blocks or pitfalls in other people’s way?
Here is the statement I want you to remember:
You can be someone who steps forward. You can look at the positive and the good and how something could be.
Now most of us are people who do just the opposite:
You can be someone who shrinks back. You look at the negative and the dangers and how something can’t be.
Let’s first compare and contrast the spies and their accounts:
Here’s what we see in this account. Two men were positive; ten men were negative. Two men saw the possibilities; ten men saw only the obstacles. Two delighted in where God was leading; ten despised what God was doing. Two wanted to go forward; ten wanted to go back. Two were freed by faith; ten were imprisoned to fear. Two wanted to reach out; ten wanted strike out. Two were filled with confidence and optimism; ten were filled with doubts and questions. Two wanted to follow God’s appointed leader; ten wanted to kill him. Two were willing to trust God; ten were ready to trash God. Two held tight to God’s promises; ten totally ignored them. Two men glorified in God’s power; ten grumbled in their own self-pity. Two magnified God; ten murmured against him. Two men saw the glass half-full; ten saw it half-empty. What you see is what you get.
You know what the danger is when you act this way?
DANGERS OF A CRITICAL SPIRIT
1. Your attitude is contagious.
Miriam’s critical spirit in Numbers 12 spread like a plague to other people within 40 days. One personal critical comment in Numbers 12 exploded to thousands of people making critical comments about the mission by the end of Numbers 14.
2. Your critical attitude leads to grumbling.
Psalm 106:25 describes this incident and says, "They grumbled in their tents and did not obey the Lord."
And all the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron, and the whole congregation said to them, "If only we had died in the land of Egypt! Or if only we had died in this wilderness! Why has the LORD brought us to this land to fall by the sword, that our wives and children should become victims? Would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?"
(Numbers 14:2-3 NKJV)
And even if there are valid issues or concerns involved, grumblers very seldom take them directly to those who could help resolve of solve them. For grumblers are really not concerned about solutions, they simply want to stir up dissension and discord. That is why the Bible associates grumbling and murmuring with unbelief and disobedience. For grumbling and murmuring flow from a heart that is not submitted to God. It always reflects a lack of faith.
3. Your faith becomes too small.
The people could not imagine how they could live in the Promised Land. God said to take it. God said they will live there. But the people could not believe it. Their view of present things was crowding out their faith in God.
4. Your opportunities will be missed.
The people missed out on something great. They missed out on God delivering on His promise in their generation. When you stay critical, you will start to miss out on what God wants to deliver to you in your generation.
James 5:9 says, "Don’t grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!" And those who grumbled were judged. They were not allowed to enter the promised-land. They wandered 40 years in the wilderness, and they died there.
But overcoming this critical spirit means that we have to learn to have faith and step forward. It will require that I think and talk differntly about other people and things.
FOUR WAYS TO LEARN TO STEP FORWARD AND OVERCOME MY CRITICAL SPIRIT
1. Stop walking through life like a whiner.
Philippians 2:14 simply says, "Do everything without complaining or arguing..." That’s good advice for each of us. Don’t walk through life chronically discontent with everything. Such a life is an insult to God.
2. Work to see the positive in each situation and each person.
and they spoke to all the congregation of the children of Israel, saying: "The land we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land.
(Numbers 14:7 NKJV)
3. Trust that God wants to help you overcome your critical behavior.
If the LORD delights in us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us, "a land which flows with milk and honey.’
(Numbers 14:8 NKJV)
God will delight in you. God does love you. God does not walk through eternity critical of His children. If that were so, then the “gift of God” would be an insult. God want to delight in you. He want to help you. But you have to stop thinking that way. Part of the reason many Christians are critical is because they believe God is critical. God is not critical. God is loving. God looks to the good of your life. Yes, there are times when God is sad, and even angry at how we behave. But that does not mean that God hates you and I. God continues to show us, even in this passage, that He loves us and wants to help us. God will delight in you.
4. Teach others to be encouraging.
This is the opposite lesson from this chapter. Miriam was critical on an individual basis, and this led to a whole group of people who were critical of Moses, the mission, and even God. One person, and then eventually 10 people taught other people to be critical. It may have been subtle, but it was taught. The same can be true with us.
The only way we can overcome a critical spirit is to teach others not to be critical. This means that we need to hold our tongues sometimes when we want to say something about someone in public or in groups. We are teaching others when we share our criticisms. We need to stop saying the critical and start talking the encouraging.
Here is my challenge to you: Make it an effort to stop criticizing. Actually count how often you criticize your spouse, your children, your friends, your church, your leaders. You may be surprised to see how often you complain and grumble. Stop it for a week. See how much better your relationships will be because you held your tongue. Then for every time that you wanted to say something negative or critical, speak something encouraging. THAT will not be easy, but it so necessary when trying to love others.
