Ruth 2 - Romance
The great German poet Goethe said of this book, "we have nothing so lovely in the whole range of epic and idyllic poetry."
Goethe thought Ruth was a romantic story. Many other people have commented on the beauty of the book of Ruth because it is a romantic story. Today we see parts of that romance as Ruth and Boaz meet for the first time. Even though they meet for the first time, they can teach singles who are courting and married couples alot about how to improve our relationships. These lessons are for everyone, whether you are single, dating or courting someone, or married.
Let me speak first to women, and then to the men. For the women, I have three lessons to relate to you from this passage. For the men, I have a separate set of three lessons. But both sets of principles can compliment one another. By this I mean that when the woman start growing their relationships in a healthy way as Ruth did, they will have a better relationship with their spouse, or boyfriend. When a man starts to grow in their relationship like Boaz does here, they will have a better relationship with their spouse, or girlfriend.
So let me first speak to the women:
THREE LESSONS FOR WOMEN - Keyword: glean
LESSON #1 : If you want to have the relationships you want, you need to glean from God’s best.
You see the word glean used throughout this chapter. To help you understand what I mean, let me first give you a definition:
Glean: to gather or pick up in small amounts or from widely scattered places by searching here and there. To add to this definition: To glean means to gather, to cull, to extract, to garner. In an agricultural context, you sift, and winnow crops. In an information context, you extract, pick up, you garner and gather bit by bit. In a relationship context, you learn, you deduce, you conclude, you receive guidance.
So while the picture and scene in this chapter is an agricultural scene - Ruth is picking up food. She is at the same time learning and receiving guidance about her relationships.
How do I know this?
God was guiding Ruth. God placed her in the field where she would meet Boaz.
Then she left, and went and gleaned in the field after the reapers. And she happened to come to the part of the field belonging to Boaz, who was of the family of Elimelech. (Ruth 2:3 NKJV)
God was guiding her and putting Ruth in the best place at the best time. It was near the end of the barley harvest. The best time to get the best food. It was in the field of Boaz, the best field to find the best man that Ruth needs. Not just because Boaz was a relative of Naomi and could help her maintain her family. Ruth would meet the best man that God has for her.
LESSON #2 - If you want the best out of the relationship, you need to come under the "wings" of God.
And Boaz answered and said to her, "It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before. The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge." (Ruth 2:11-12 NKJV)
Boaz recognized that Ruth has come to God for help in her relationships. Ruth has placed her faith in God in the first chapter. Now she is asking for "guidance" in the second chapter. If you want to glean or pick up the best, you need to come under the "wings" or authority of God. You need to ask God to help you in your relationships.
LESSON #3 - If you want the best out of your relationships you want, be mindful of first impressions and the reputations that you bring with you.
Then Boaz said to his servant who was in charge of the reapers, "Whose young woman is this?" So the servant who was in charge of the reapers answered and said, "It is the young Moabite woman who came back with Naomi from the country of Moab. (Ruth 2:5-6 NKJV)
So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, "Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?" And Boaz answered and said to her, "It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before. (Ruth 2:10-11 NKJV)
Everyone brings their reputation with them to every relationship. Your reputation is your character. If you want to have the best out of your relationships that you want, you need to protect your reputation.
We say in English, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." The first impression you bring to others is the basis for what comes next in your relationship. If you want the best relationships, you need to protect your reputation.
What am I saying: Whatever you do in your life will make others think whether they should be with you in a relationship. If they find something wrong with your character (a sexual misconduct, a violent anger, gossip, or some other characteristic that tells something bad about you), they may be less likely to continue that relationship. Because people are going to check you out.
They are going to do an FBI check. They are going to ask the character police about your background. People are going to ask questions to find out who you really are. This is what Boaz is doing. He is doing a "Homeland Security" immigration background check on this foreign woman. In (2:5-6) he asked the man who is in charger of the reapers (apparently someone who would have all the information) about Ruth. But it seems that Boaz asked some other people about Ruth and her background. Because when Ruth and Boaz do meet for the first time, he knows alot about her.
If other people are going to check you out, then it stands to reason that you should do the same. I think it is a good policy to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask the person. But then talk to the person’s friends. Talk to someone who knows the background well. I don’t think there is anything wrong with checking the other person out. If they have problems in their past, you can discuss them. If there are no major character flaws, then the person has nothing to hide. Now when you do a background check, cooking skills are not a reason for rejection in a relationship. Notice that Boaz asked about Ruth’s family and circumstances, and things that matter about her character. Preferences were not on the list.
I think you need to a spiritual police background check on your spouse from time to time. If you are really going to build strong and stable relationships, then you need to take some time to deal with some character flaws. Wives, if you are seeing some problems with her husbands, you need to bring it up. (Not every day or every week, but in a calm manner that tells the man - "I love you and we want to grow together and here is where I see we can help each other grow.") This means that if a man still has anger issues after ten years of marriage, you need to bring it up. If he still is not sensitive to your needs, you need to bring it up. Why? Because if you are not open now, you will criminalize him later. You will use his flaws now as an excuse for an affair or a divorce. Men need to know that is a background check, and that it is only to help him understand where he can love his wife better.
Men, you need to teach your wives in areas where they need to grow. Do a spiritual assessment on areas where the relationship can be better. Anyone who says there are no problems to address is either lying, or in denial. There are always things that can be improved in the relationship. The difference between married couples and non-married couples is that with a married couple, the background check is between the two of you. You don’t go ask the mother-in-law for the husbands crime record before you were married. You talk to your husband.
THREE LESSONS FOR MEN - Keyword: grace
God is a God of grace. He treat His children with grace. He teaches men to treat their wives out of a heart of grace.
Now, let me speak to the men. If women should glean from the best, then men should be gracious. The Bible uses a Hebrew word in these verse as they describe Boaz. It is the word hesed. Basically, this word is the same word where we get "grace." How did Boaz love and show grace to Ruth? How can you and I as men be gracious and loving to our women?
LESSON #1 - If you want the best out of your relationships, you need to recognize her kindness with grace.
Ruth fell at his feet and thanked him warmly. "Why are you being so kind to me?" she asked. "I am only a foreigner." "Yes, I know," Boaz replied. "But I also know about the love and kindness you have shown your mother-in-law since the death of your husband. I have heard how you left your father and mother and your own land to live here among complete strangers.
(Ruth 2:10-11 NLT)
Notice the word for kindness in this question. That is the word for grace in Hebrew.
The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge." Then she said, "Let me find favor in your sight, my lord; for you have comforted me, and have spoken kindly to your maidservant, though I am not like one of your maidservants."
(Ruth 2:12-13 NKJV)
Women are the gentle gender by nature. 1 Peter says this:
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.
(1 Peter 3:7 NLT)
Women are precious and gentle. They are not weak in the sense that they cannot do anything. But they are more sensitive to what we say to them as husbands. They require more gentle care. Because they are more gentle, they want to do the most they can for their husbands. For example:
Every Sunday morning, every morning for that matter, my wife sets my clothes out for me. She doesn’t have to do it. She chooses to do it. She is being kind to me. She is helping me. I can choose to get upset about it. I could tell her: "I don’t like this combination of clothes". Or I can choose to be kind to her. I can choose to accept what she has done in her gentleness as an act of love.
Men have to recognize the "little acts of kindness" from their wives and accept them as acts of love. We should also take notice of these acts of kindness.
Boaz doesn’t push Ruth to get his own way. He recognizes the kindness that Ruth has shown to her mother-in-law. He realizes that this kindness is a quality of love in Ruth. So he responds to her with grace. Kindness is one of the love languages that Ruths speaks and grace is one she understands. Men need to recognize the love that comes from the acts of kindness that their wives give to them and tell them that they appreciate it.
LESSON #2 - If you want the best out of your relationships, you need to overloook her differences and think about her interests.
So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, "Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?" And Boaz answered and said to her, "It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before.
(Ruth 2:10-11 NKJV)
Ruth was very different from Boaz. She was from a different culture and country. However, Boaz overlooked her differences. He recognized that just because she had a different background and different habits, Ruth was still a woman to be valued.
Sometimes men need to do the same. We still need to value our wives even though they think differently about things. Let me give you personal example:
We both think differently about all kinds of things. But sometimes I forget her point of view. For example, when I go shopping, I tend to remember the kinds of food that I like to eat, but many times I forget what she likes to eat. So I come home with the food and sometimes her first question is: "What about the foods that I like?" "Why didn’t you buy what I like?" "You egoist!" You know how that feels men. You are doing what you think your wife needs you to do, and then you realize that she wanted you to think about her when you do it. I had only considered what I like. I have to consider what she likes as well. We have different tastes and I have to consider her differences. Marriage is like that. You have to overlook her differences and think about what she wants sometimes.
LESSON #3 - If you want the best out of your relationships, you need to share with her out of all of your abundance.
Now Boaz said to her at mealtime, "Come here, and eat of the bread, and dip your piece of bread in the vinegar." So she sat beside the reapers, and he passed parched grain to her; and she ate and was satisfied, and kept some back. And when she rose up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, "Let her glean even among the sheaves, and do not reproach her. Also let grain from the bundles fall purposely for her; leave it that she may glean, and do not rebuke her."
(Ruth 2:14-16 NKJV)
This last lesson I think is the most important lesson to share from this story. Marriage is all about sharing. There is no "his and hers". There is just "ours". Boaz shares everything with Ruth out of his abundance. He tells his workers to give more from his wealth. He shares from his food, and his wealth. It is a practice that Boaz will continue even when they marry. But the principle is to share. The fact that he says that "they should let the grain fall on purpose for her" speaks about his willingness to share.
He tells his servants not to argue with her about what she takes. The same should be true in our relationships.
When I met Heike, she told me "what is mine is yours." Even when we were not married, but engaged, she said: "what is mine is yours." That is hard to get used to. But it is an important truth to a great marriage. Marriage is about sharing. You learn that "what is mine is yours, what is yours is mine." This applies to all parts of marriage:
My food is your food.
My house is your house.
My bank account is your bank account.
My business is your business.
My friends are your friends.
My secrets are your secrets.
We have a rule in our relationship. We talk about everything. We don’t keep anything back. If one of you tells my wife something, she will tell me. If one of you tells me about something, I will tell her - although it may take longer. I tend to forget. But we talk about everything. We keep no secrets from each other.
We share bank accounts. We have one bank account. If I died today, Heike would get everything I owned. The house would be paid for, the farm would go to her. Out of my abundance, I share everything. She deserves it. I don’t seperate that abundance from her. Men, this is a lesson that we have to learn. Everything you own is also for your wife. There should be no seperate bank accounts. All wills should have her as the beneficiary. You don’t give them to your parents or brothers or sisters. You give them to your wife.
Christmas is about love. Christmas should be a time of love. It should be a time when we work on strengthening our most precious relationships.
