Preparation Outline
Specific Purpose Statement: To inform my audience about the roles of a biblical marriage for couples, wives, and husbands.
Central Idea: That marriage has specific roles for wives and husbands commanded from the one true God. He gives us these roles in His instruction manual for life (the Bible).
INTRODUCTION
1. How many of you like to date?
2. How many of you have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now?
3. How many of you know what the Bible says about marriage?
4. I am going to cover 9 roles of couples, wives, and husbands that are given to us in the Bible.
(Let’s start with a vivid picture that’s given to us early on in the Bible)
The first role is to leave.
1. Gen. 2:24 tells us, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, be joined with his wife and become one flesh.”
A. To leave is referring to a marriage ceremony or time of public commitment.
B. To be joined is referring to a permanent relationship.
C. To become one flesh is referring to physical union, the deepest most exclusive intimacy.
2. We must leave financially and emotionally.
A. If you are already married, have you failed to sever the financial or emotional umbilical cord?
B. People who leave home to start their own marriages need to transfer their material and practical trust from parents to God.
3. The main principle of leaving is that nothing, absolutely nothing on this earth takes precedence over you relationship with your mate.
(Which brings us right into our next role)
The second role is to cleave.
1. Now what does cleave mean?
A. I’m not talking about the meat cleaver. In the Bible this word has nothing to do with slicing and dicing.
B. Cleave from the Hebrew text is actually translated in several different ways.
C. Cleave is translated to “be glued”, “to be joined”, “to pursue”, “to cling to.”
2. This same word is used in 2Kings to describe leprosy that clings to the body and in Ezekiel describing scales that cling to the fish.
A. This word is used in a way of permanently, never to be severed, or for life.
(I’m going to start out with the wives today.)
The role of the wife is to be the helper.
1. The Bible tells us in Gen. 2:18 “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.”
A. A helper is not to be a slave.
B. And to be a woman is not to be a helper to all men.
2. Men and women were created equal.
A. The Bible tells us Gal. 3, “There is neither Greek nor Jew, neither slave nor free man, neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ.”
B. Let me clarify this….Women were not made to serve men yet wives were appointed to help their own husbands.
3. This is a quote my wife holds on to dearly, Bruce Wilkinson states, “The success of many men is due to the helpfulness of a women.”
(Along with the role to help comes a big responsibility, to submit.)
The responsibility of the wife is to submit.
1. Eph. 5 tells wives, “Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and he is savior of the body. Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
A. How and why?
1. 1Peter explains, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word, but by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
A. To be a living example of love…exactly what is needed for a carnal husband.
(I’ve picked on the ladies long enough….it’s the guys turn.)
The role of the husband is to be the leader.
1. Let’s look at Eph. 5 again, “Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and he is savior of the body. Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
A. God laid this verse on my heart to show me the importance of this role. Paul is writing here and compares the role of the husband as head of the wife to Christ as head of the church. That is a significant comparison.
B. Christ brought His life into such obedience with the will of God that when people followed Him they were automatically following God. When the church follows Christ, they are naturally leading people to God.
C. So for a husband to claim the title of “Head”, he must first understand the will of God, secondly, follow the will of God. Then as the head of the wife he will be automatically leading her to God. When the wife follows the husband, she should naturally be led to follow God.
(Along with this great role comes a great responsibility.)
The responsibility of the husband is to love.
1. Eph. tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave His body for her. In our day and age it’s easy to say we love someone or something. In the Greek language there are actually 4 verbs that contain the concept of love. In this book of Eph. Paul specifically chose “agape”. This word in the Greek means to love sacrificially, discerning, it’s the attitude to love. Although we should love our wives with all love, Paul specifically tells us to love with agape love.
2. Speak with love. Paul goes on to tell us in Eph. to speak with edification. Edification translated from Greek means to “build up like a house.” Husbands must build their wives up like a house with their words. Lay the foundation, which is Christ, build with things that will last, and build spiritually. Love your wife through words.
(Speaking of love, let’s talk about money.)
Control money through covetousness and contentment.
1. 1Timothy 6:10 is one of the most misunderstood verses in the Bible. “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed in the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves with many sorrows.”
A. Money is not evil. The love of money is the problem. Seek the kingdom of God first and He will provide everything you need.
B. Bruce Wilkinson says it best, “The lack of money is often blamed for many arguments in marriage, but the love of money is usually the real culprit. When the discipline of contentment is learned, money problems can be brought under control.”
(Did you know that inside of a marriage the Bible commands you to fulfill your spouse’s sexual needs?”)
Satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs.
1. 1Cor. 7:4-5 “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
2. Three principles derive from this verse.
A. Meet your spouse’s sexual needs.
B. Your body is not your own.
C. Be intimate regularly.
(This is not telling us to base our whole relationship on sex; you must know how to communicate.)
The last role is to communicate.
1. The Bible tells us in James 1:19 to listen quickly.
2. Prov. 10:19 tells us to speak wisely.
3. Eph. 4:26 tells us to reconcile promptly.
4. Matt. 5 tells us let your “yes” be “yes” and “no” be “no”
5. When making decisions search scripture, don’t be impatient, and persist in prayer.
Conclusion
1. Now you know exactly what the scripture says about the roles and responsibilities of couples, wives, and husbands.
2. A braid appears to contain only two strands of hair, but it is impossible to create a braid with only two strands. If the two could be put together at all, they would quickly unravel. So what are you saying? What looks like two strands requires a third. The third strand, though not immediately evident, keeps the strand tightly woven. In a Christian marriage, God’s presence, like the third strand in a braid, holds husband and wife together.
