FAMILY
Part 3-Famous Last Words
Ephesians 6:1-4
Sunday, June 3 & 10, 2007
Pastor Brian Matherlee
*This message was delivered over 2 consecutive Sundays.
Introduction
• A little girl chattered away about her Sunday school lesson on Adam and Eve. Her father thought he’d test her. “Did you know Adam and Eve sinned?” “Yep.” “What did God do to them as a punishment?” Her answer was immediate and matter-of-fact, without even looking up she said: “He made them have kids.”
• A few years ago, Bill Cosby began his book, "Fatherhood," with these words: "So you’ve decided to have a child. You’ve decided to give up quiet evenings with good books & lazy weekends with good music, intimate meals during which you finish whole sentences, sweet private times when you’ve savored the thought that just the two of you & your love are all you will ever need.
"You’ve decided to turn your sofas into trampolines, & to abandon the joys of leisurely contemplating reproductions of great art for the joys of frantically coping with reproductions of yourselves. Why?"
He goes on, "Poets have said the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality; & I must admit I did ask God to give me a son because I wanted someone to carry on the family name. Well, God did just that & I now confess that there have been times I’ve told my son not to reveal who he is. `You make up a name,’ I’ve said. `Just don’t tell anybody whose son you are.’"
Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 6:2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—6:3“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Key concept: Godly parenting doesn’t have to be a shot in the dark.
1. A caution
a. Don’t exasperate children
i. Pressing them to perform where they are not interested.
ii. Being unreasonable in our expectations.
iii. Trying to make up for our past by living out our dreams through them.
b. The society he was speaking to was male dominant. A father was the absolute authority. Paul says in verse 6:1 that children should obey. It is the only family relationship where Paul uses this word. But in this teaching was the revolutionary idea that parents in general and fathers especially should take into account the child’s viewpoint and not be harsh but loving in their parenting.
2. A command
a. Bring them up is a Greek phrase full of meaning.
i. Bodily nourishment and education
b. Training and instruction
i. Had to do with discipline and then knowledge of righteousness.
ii. Years ago I came across a model of parenting that has really stuck with me. It was very simply a picture of a funnel. When kids are young parents must be more directing in their parenting. They must establish consistent discipline, clear boundaries and loving, positive reinforcement. As a child ages the funnel widens with responsibilities and choices that are appropriate for each age and child. By the time they reach the teen years a model of responsibility and decision making has been established that won’t be perfect but will more often than not breed success when the kid wants to break away (and they all do) they can do so in godly fashion. The problem is most parents start at the wrong end of the funnel. They set no boundaries and establish no consistent discipline. They allow the child to grow with no responsibility that is age appropriate and then marvel during the teen years that destructive patterns and discord in the home is rampant.
iii. We must understand the importance of acting like a parent.
Kevin Huggins writes in his book, “Parenting Adolescents” that King Solomon identifies four aspects of human personality in the book of Proverbs. (pg.28) We’ll use these 4 aspects in looking at how we are to train and instruct our children in the Lord.
1. Think
• In Revolutionary Parenting, George Barna notes that there are three dominant approaches to parenting currently operative in the United States.
Parenting by default is what Barna termed "the path of least resistance." In this approach, parents do whatever comes naturally to the parent, as influenced by cultural norms and traditions. The objective is to keep everyone - parent, child, and others - as happy as possible, without having the process of parenting dominate other important or prioritized aspects of the parent’s life.
Trial-and-error parenting is a common alternative. This approach is based on the notion that every parent is an amateur at raising children, there are no absolute guidelines to follow, and that the best that parents can do is to experiment, observe outcomes, and improve based upon their successes and failures in child rearing. In this incremental approach, the goals of parenting are to continually improve and to perform better than most other parents.
Barna found that revolutionary parenting was the least common approach. Such nurturing requires the parent to take God’s words on life and family at face value, and to apply those words faithfully and consistently. (barna.org)
• Phil 4:8--Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
• To teach the Bible to your kids try using the approach Josh McDowell uses in his book, “Right from Wrong”. Precept—Principle—Person. Behind every command of Scripture is a principle that leads to life and reflects the person and character of God. Take the time to teach the why. “Because I said so”, is not an explanation most of the time.
2. Desire
• John Maxwell tells in his book, “The Leader Within You,” the story of the building of the Great Wall of China. They built it so high that no one could get over it. And they built it so thick that no one could tunnel through it. They built this gigantic wall that still exists today. And then the people of China sat down behind the wall, feeling that their future was secure.
But in the first 100 years of the existence of the Wall of China, China was invaded 3 different times. The enemy didn’t come over because it was too high. They didn’t tunnel through because it was too thick. But each time China was invaded, the enemy came through a gate left open for them.
Those who guarded the gate had been bribed. And while the people of China sat comfortably behind the security & the safety of the wall, they failed to teach their children integrity & patriotism. So they sold out to the enemy. And the enemy invaded their land.
• Our kids are selling out to the wrong kinds of desires. Why? Because they see what matters to us. What desires are harming our kids?
o Perfectionism
o Early exposure to sexuality (prostitots) SS 8:4 daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
o Performancism
o Hedonism which is basically a lack of commitment to anything except ourselves.
• Ps 73:25--Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
3. Feel
• Orson Welles said, “There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror.” In most lives that is how we operate—bored or terrified.
• Emotions are powerful things. Teaching children how to manage emotion is a critical component of raising them. How will there relationships be if they anger easily? What will happen if they can’t deal with disappointment? What kind of life will they have if there emotional makeup is destructive to relationships?
• Pr 25:28. Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.
• Dr. James Dobson writes in “Preparing For Adolescence” that there are several important things to note about emotions (Pgs. 124-136):
o They are cyclical-no one stays up to long or down to long…we go from high to low and back again.
o Don’t rely solely on impressions…be sure your inner voices are solidly Biblical and not impulsive.
o Emotions come into play particularly in the area of independence…teens especially feel strongly about feeling like “a baby” or “trusted”. Parents, it is important to prepare for your kids breaking away and let them do it in appropriate stages.
o The search for their own answers and identities…everyone must come to embrace things for themselves.
• Proverbs 22:24-25. Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
• I like what Gary Smalley has said about emotions. They are like the lights and gauges on a car’s dashboard. They indicate changes that you need to be aware of. When they move or go on, pay attention to them!
• There once was an oyster whose story I tell,
Who found that sand had got under his shell;
Just one little grain, but it gave him much pain,
For oysters have feelings although they’re so plain.
Now, did he berate the working of Fate
Which had led him to such a deplorable state?
Did he curse out the Government, call for an election?
No; as he lay on the shelf, he said to himself,
"If I cannot remove it, I’ll try to improve it."
So the years rolled by as the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate destiny -- stew.
And this small grain of sand which had bothered him so,
Was a beautiful pearl, all richly aglow.
Now this tale has a moral -- for isn’t it grand
What an oyster can do with a morsel of sand;
What couldn’t we do if we’d only begin
With all of the things that get under our skin.
4. Choose
• "I have now disposed of all my property to my family. There is one thing more I wish I could give them and that is faith in Jesus Christ. If they had that and I had not given them a single shilling, they would have been rich; and if they had not that, and I had given them all the world, they would be poor indeed."—Patrick Henry
• The power of a parent’s choice is clearly represented in Scripture:
o Joshua 24:15
o Acts 16:15
o Acts 16:31
o Acts 18:8
• If you want your kids to choose God & choose wisely in this world then George Barna says there are 5 keys parents should possess:
1. Knowing, loving, and serving God was identified as their top priority in life.
2. They described their faith in God as being of the highest importance.
3. Each of these young adults possessed a "biblical worldview," based on their responses to a series of questions about their view of life. In essence, they contend that absolute moral truth exists; such truth is defined in the Bible; God is the all-knowing and all-powerful creator and ruler of the universe; faith in Jesus Christ is the only means to salvation; Satan is a real being; Jesus Christ lived a sinless life on earth; and all of the principles taught in the Bible are true and accurate.
4. They believe that their main purpose in life is to love God with all their heart, mind and strength.
5. They are currently active in a vibrant community of faith, as demonstrated by their consistent engagement in worship, prayer, Bible study and spiritual accountability.
One of the most sobering outcomes of the research was that less than one out of every ten young adults in the U.S. meets these simple criteria.
Conclusion
Pr 22:6--Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
This is the hope—that our kids will make it to Heaven. Proverbs is a book of general truths. This verse cannot be taken as an absolute promise that our kids will become Christians but it is much better to go with God than to go it alone.
