Investment Tips For Wives
11-04-07 Proverbs 14:1-4 1 Corinthians 7:1-7
The Bible says 22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. It also tells us to rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let’s look at video clip of a man who knows what it’s been like to have received favor from the Lord, through the wife that he found. (Walking Her Home Video Can Be Dowloaded From Our website at www.glenvillenewlife.com Look At Worship Videos 11/04/07 Worship Service)
Nearly every man who is standing at the altar desires to have the woman who is marching down the aisle be with him years later when he expects to walk her home down that final path together. Wives what can you do to help make them become a reality for the both of you? Our Old Testament verse says Proverbs 14:1 (NIV) 1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
This verse tells us that when it comes to marriage, there are only two kind of women. There is the wise one and the foolish one. What separates the two, is what they do in their homes. One is a builder, the other is a destroyer. Yet both must live within the place that is either being built up or torn down. Notice also there is no neutral place in which the home is simply staying as it is. No there is either a building up taking place or a tearing down going on.
Notice also that the house does not automatically happen. We are deceived into thinking all you need to have is feelings of love to build a home. The word build, suggest some hard work and sweat is going to take place. The word build means a cost is going to be involved. No love alone is not enough. No you need some wisdom and some action to go along with it.
A wise woman has taken the time to look, listen, and learn from others who have wisdom and insight. She recognizes that someone else may have journeyed down this road who can make her wiser still. She seeks new opportunities from which to learn and grow. A foolish woman simply does and says whatever she feels like doing or saying at a given moment. She does not fully think through the consequences of her actions. She is actually surprised by how damage has been done until it’s too late to repair the process. Unfortunately the wise and foolish woman dwells in each wife.
My goal is to provide you with some tips to help you in your building of your home and to provide you some advice on becoming a wise woman as a wife to your husband. The first thing he needs from you is to recognize he is a man and not a woman.
He does not think the way you think, he does not hear the way you hear, he does not see the way you see and he does not feel the way you feel. If you want him to understand you, you have got to offer him a lot of help. It’s not that he is intentionally trying to get on your last nerve, it’s simply he does not have a clue to what’s really going on at times. His mind is focused on something else.
Let me give you some practical examples. When you set a basket of laundry at the top of the stairs. It’s your way of saying, “take these clothes downstairs and put them in the washer”. When he passed by the clothes three times, that’s all he did was pass by them. He did not even see the basket because his eyes were focused on the project he was going to the basement to get.
On his way back upstairs, when he saw the basket, he didn’t know if you had brought it up or was sending it down. Laundry was not on his mind so he did not think twice about it. When you see that basket still there, don’t go into an attitude problem because he is intentionally putting all the extra work on you.
Do something more blunt like asking him, “honey would you take the clothes down and put them in the washer.” Now we as men know exactly what needs to be done. You can keep saying, “aw you ought to see what needs to be done.” But remember a wise woman builds her home. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be wise?
We as men do no hear and detect the same things you do in a conversation. You’re at a family gathering having a good time. Then one of our crazy relatives makes a comment. After a while we notice that you are more distant than usual. Pretty soon we ask you if something is wrong, but you say no. We’re dumb enough to believe you at your word.
That night when we reach over to touch you, we run into a block of ice. Now you really have our attention. We ask, “okay what’s the problem”. You say, “I can’t believe you let Willie say what he did to me without getting him straight.” We have no idea what comment he made or how it was an insult to you.
We just know Willie is crazy, always has been, and nobody takes anything he says seriously. But now we want to knock the daylights out of him, because he’s obviously ruining our night. When we tell you, “aw Willie didn’t mean it, the boy is just crazy.” Please don’t tell us, “there you go taking your family’s side again. Why not believe what I’m saying and see my feelings in this issue.” We’re honestly not trying to take sides.
We missed that the real issue here is that you’ve been hurt and want our love. We think we have to prove that Willie really is crazy, when what we need to do is to affirm you and love you. But it takes a long time for us to get what you really need from us, from your initial statement, “I can’t believe you let Willie say what he did to me without getting him straight.”
You have a choice, you can choose to believe we are smarter than we are and keep the ice, or you can choose to be wise and build your house by forgiving our inability to perceive your hurt. It was not intentional on our part. The foolish woman ends the discussion by saying, “well you can just stay over there on your side of the bed with that crazy family of yours.”
One of the main reasons a man gets married is to have sex with his wife. A foolish woman gives it to him before marriage, and then wonders why he’s not interested in setting a date. Most men start out seeing marriage, as a type of contract agreement: “I will do this so that I can get that.” It is not until we have been married for a number of years that we appreciate the richness in the emotional bond of marriage of the joy of being united in purpose with this person.
When men think of marriage, they think of sex, sex, and more sex. We see this endless supply of it. When we start out we have no idea, that the richness of the sex is tied to the deepening of the emotional bond between a husband and a wife. That is why we can be angry with you one moment and ready to get in bed the next, and you are absolutely furious that we can even think like that.
We need your help in learning how to tie the richness of sex with the sharing of the emotional bond. When we are one in the emotional part of the relationship, that night when we have sex, go all out in what you do so that we can start to make the connection. Put on something so sexy that it will blow our minds. Some of us are fine with nothing on at all because we like to look and see.
Then afterwards tell us how much you enjoyed it and why you enjoyed it. Let us know that it was not the technique, the outfit or the position, but how you felt free with us, because of their being such a feeling of oneness because of our tenderness earlier in the day. It was because you truly felt loved by us during the day. We will eventually make the connection. Between our emotional connection to you and our total pleasure in the bed.
The bible tells us that we owe sex to each other as husbands and wives. A foolish woman will simply say, there is nothing here tonight because of so and so. But a wise woman will use the situation as a teaching moment to help us become closer.
God gave us the gift of sex as a means of discovering each other for many, many years to come. Remember most men expect more sex than you had imagined possible. Learn what each other’s needs are. You are the greatest specialist on what pleases you. Let your husband know, because he is probably going by heardsay knowledge, which is not good. In other words he heard somebody else say something you might enjoy, that’s probably wrong.
Another investment tip is to have the ability to forget our mistakes when we have asked you for forgiveness and repented of our failings. Constantly bringing up things that we thought we had resolved is like have a crane with a wrecking ball smashing into the side of the house.
Each remembering smash causes some of the house to fall off. It is important for you to discuss what’s bothering you when it’s bothering you and not two weeks later. We may have no clue what the problem is, but we do know you are turning colder toward our advances.
Remember again, if you do not tell us what the problem is, then we will know it. If you make statements like, “Well I shouldn’t have to tell you, you ought to just know” or “anybody in their right mind could see” then you’re venturing into the realm of the foolish woman. I already told you, that we are not as smart on picking up things as you want us to be and give us credit when it comes to relationships. We need help.
Now when we ask you for forgiveness, don’t say you forgive and intend to bring it back up later. Be honest and say, “honey I’m not over this yet, but I’m trying and I’ll make it by God’s grace.” At least we know, your feelings are still unresolved. We feel betrayed when the next time we have an argument, we have to go through a litany of the several other mistakes we made that were supposedly forgiven. Can you imagine how your love for God would start to fade if each time you blew it, God reminded you of the last 10 times you blew it?
The bible says in Proverbs 17:9 (NIV) 9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. We are called to be friends in marriage. Could you be friends with someone for long who kept reminding you of your failures and all the times you hurt them in the past?
Another investment tip is to be generous with your admiration and appreciation. We as husbands need to know that you are proud of us and you are going to build us up in the eyes of others. You know our strengths and our weaknesses. You have the power to shape what others think of us. A foolish woman will say, “he is what he is, and I’m just telling you like it is when it comes to him.”
A wise woman will be selective in what she shares and to whom she shares it. She will look for the good, and tell others of his positive qualities. She will tell him what she really likes about him. The positive she tells others about her husband will eventually make it back to him. That will make him want to do even more for you.
Some times we as men are trying harder than some of you will ever know. We’re not happy with our failings and our shortcomings. We need Jesus like you do because we’re juggling to make a lot of things work. The foolish woman goes around saying, “I don’t even know why you still here”, or “why don’t you leave and go be with your friends,”, or “what are you sticking around here for anyways,” or “it seems to be like you done gave up on this marriage.” With each of those statements, the wrecking ball comes through tearing down a piece of the house. Don’t ever suggest that the other person leaves unless that’s truly what you desire in your heart. Because if you suggest it often enough discouragement will set in, and the person will leave.
A wise woman recognizes, her husband is far from perfect, but he’s the gift I have from God, and while I am in this marriage I pledge to give my very best to make it work. Sometimes even giving your best may not be enough if the other person refuses to change, but you still have the satisfaction of knowing that when you stand before God, you’re going to still here the words “well done my child.
Another investment tip is to be grateful and learn the life of appreciation. Trying to be a good husband is a tough job. Sometimes wives can make statements that reduce us to small pieces of ourselves. When you say things like “you never do your part around here.” “You always put everybody ahead of us.” “What have you ever done for me and the kids?” “You never take my feelings into account”, and “You always get your way.” “If you cared anything about me.”
We as men take the words, “you always” and “you never” and “if you cared anything” very logically and as a result they become very discouraging to us. You do not actually mean you always and you never, and if you cared anything, and I recognize you’re usually upset when you hit us with this. But we are discouraged because we can think of many times when we did do things. To us it seems as though you’re not giving us credit for the little things we did do that were right.
It would be better to say, “I need you to help with the work.” I need you to help with the kids. I need you to give us more of your time. I need you to understand my feelings a little more.
If we are not careful as men, we will allow bitterness and harshness to enter our hearts. That’s why the bible warns us against letting a root of bitterness enter our hearts, and we are commanded not be harsh with our wives.
Being appreciative and verbally acknowledging it to us and to others, is the way of the wise woman who seeks to build her house. With each positive statement, she securely places shingles on her roof to keep the rain from entering the roof of her house. Her marriage continues to be a warm and loving place protected from the outside elements.
Another investment tip is to use the gift God has given you to compliment rather than compete in your marriage. A healthy husband views you as his greatest asset. You have ideas and opinions that need to be shared, but study your husband to learn how and when to share them. Sometimes we will come up with an idea that seriously needs some help because we did not think through all the relationship aspect of it.
Don’t tell us how stupid the idea is. Don’t pour water on it. Help us to see the good in the plan, but suggests some of the things that we also have to consider. Do it in a voice that is somewhat neutral. We as men have to work on the harshness in our tone of voice, but you as women have to work on the accusatory tone in your voices.
Another investment tip is to remember, as big and grown up as we appear on the outside, that little boy still lives inside of us. We need you to play with us at times. Sometimes we need to be silly. Sometime we need to buy a toy that you think is ridiculous to waste money on. If you can squeeze it in do, but don’t go overboard. Sometimes we need some unexpected things to happen. Sometimes we need to know that we are still special to you. My wife does all kinds of little things for me. Almost each night she comes to me looking like a beauty queen.
Other than Jesus Christ, my wife is the greatest gift that has ever happened to me. She has shown me more about the love of Jesus Christ than anyone I have ever known. I know it says for us as husbands to lay down our lives for our wives, but she has more readily laid down her life for mine in the past 27 years than I can catch up in the next 20.
My final investment tip for wives is to love the Lord Jesus Christ with all your heart, and simply do what he tells you to do in relationship to your husband. There is where you will find the strength to build your home. You will need a lot of forgiveness and love to hold the walls and the floors together. Jesus offers you an abundance of them both.
Sermon Outline Pastor Rick
“Investment Tips For Wives”
Proverbs 14:1-4 1 Corinthians 7:1-7
November 4, 2007
A. Wives Are Something Wonderful
1. Video John & Jonnie Hayes
2. Walking Down The Aisle
3. Proverbs 14:1 (NIV) 1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
B. Two Kinds Of Wives
1. The Builder & Destroyer
2. The Cost That’s Involved
3. Wisdom Seeks New Opportunities
4. Foolish Thinks For The Moment
C. Understanding Your Husband
1. He Is A Man
2. He Does Not Get It
3. When Laundry Is Not Laundry
4. Our Crazy Cousin Willie
5. We Miss The Real Issue
6. Change Or Keep The Ice
D. Men See Marriage Differently
1. Growing In Sex
2. Choosing To Make Sex Richer
3. Help Us Make The Connection
4. Sex As A Learning Experience
E. Be Willing To Just Let It Go
1. The Need To Forgive
2. Be Honest About Your Feelings
3. The Wrecking Ball
4. Please State The Problem
5. We’re Not That Smart
6. Stop Bringing It Back
Proverbs 17:9 (NIV)
9 He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
F. Generous With Admiration & Appreciation
1. Let Us Know How Proud You Are
2. Be Wise What You Share & With
Whom
3. We Are Trying
4. We Need Jesus Too
5. Stop Making These Statements
6. Avoid The Discouragement
F. The Art Of Appreciation
1. Reducing Your Husbands
2. You Never & You Always-Deadly
Enemies To Marriage
3. Logic Works Against Men’s
Feelings
4. Men Avoid Bitterness & Harsh
5. Wise Woman Builds Her Roof
G. Use Your Gift To Compliment Not
Compete
1. Listen Carefully To The Idea
2. Don’t Kill It Before It Starts
3. Having A Neutral Voice
H. The Man Is Still Just A Boy
1. Remember The Kid Inside
2. It’s Okay To Be Silly
3. Let Him Have The Toy
4. Let Him Know He’s Special
I. Love The Lord Jesus With All Your
Heart
1. Plan To Love For A Lifetime.
2. Jesus Offers Love & Forgiveness
