EPHESIANS 4:30-32 “FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER”
A) An unforgiving spirit creates all kinds of problems in the life of an individual!
* In my pastoral ministry I have counseled some who have physical difficulties, not because
of sickness, not because of injury, but because of attitudes in their hearts.
* Many psychiatrists have observed that people who have emotional problems often have an
unforgiving spirit.
* That’s why Paul was directed by the Holy Spirit to write Ephesians 4:30-32.
B) Tonight, let’s try to answer a few questions about this matter of family forgiveness!
* Remember, Paul is not talking about God’s forgiving us of our sins for salvation; he was talking
about family members forgiving one another’s misunderstandings and grievances.
* Those in the church family, who needed to forgive one another is the subject.
(1) WHAT ARE THE EVIDENCES OF AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT?
A) First: A corrupted communication!
* I think the greatest evidence is the way we talk about people.
* In his message, Paul had a great deal to say about speech … For example he said in Eph. 4:29 …
B) When we have an unforgiving spirit, we say things about people that we shouldn’t say!
* Have you noticed that? * In v.31 Paul talked about “evil speaking.”
* Some of you are the kind of person that immediately jumps at the chance to say something evil or
derogatory or negative about a person.
* That literally means in your heart, you’re holding some sort of feelings or grudge against them.
C) One of the first evidences of an unforgiving spirit is what we say about people!
* If we cannot say something good, it may mean that we have something bad in our hearts.
* Beware of the words, “I’ll never forgive them.”
D) Another evidence of an unforgiving spirit is bad feelings on the inside!
* Sometimes we’re able to control our tongue; sometimes we’re able to close our lips and not say
anything evil about someone …….
* But people would be shocked if they could see what we feel in our hearts.
* In Eph. 4:31 Paul talked about bitterness. * Someone hurts us and we get bitter.
E) Bitterness is to the heart what infection is to the body!
* Preacher James Childers had shingles … It affected his whole body … He couldn’t play golf for
3 weeks. * What infection was to his body, bitterness is to my heart.
F) Some Christians hold things inside and bitterness grows like poison in the system!
* And as you know, when you have an infection, a bad infection, everything about you is sensitive. * Everything hurts … Bitterness is an evidence of an unforgiving spirit.
G) Wrath, anger, and clamor … Those are outward evidences or signs of an inward feeling!
* When there is fever in the body it’s awfully hard to hide.
* When there is bitterness in the heart, you can’t hide it!
* When that person who we’re bitter towards is mentioned, anger comes, or frustration comes, or a
feeling of deep emotion, or we decide to say something that we shouldn’t say.
* So corrupt communication, evil speaking, bitterness, wrath, anger, malice are evidences of an
unforgiving spirit.
H) Malice is that hateful feeling that we nurture down inside!
* How easy it is to lie in bed at night and think up all sorts of evil things about those that have
wronged us … What they get, what they deserve, what ought to happen to them.
* That’s another evidence an unforgiving spirit.
I) When we have this kind of attitude, are we hurting the other person? * Of course not.
* If someone has sinned against me, or I’ve done something they didn’t like … And if I harbor
resentment inside, am I hurting the person?
* No, I’m hurting myself … Having an unforgiving spirit is like committing spiritual suicide …
The main person you hurt is yourself. * What are the evidences of an unforgiving spirit?
* Unkind words, evil words, bitter thoughts, and malicious feelings deep down inside.
(2) THE ESSENTIALS FOR A FORGIVING SPIRIT!
A) Most of us want to be forgiving!
* We want others to forgive us, therefore, we should forgive others … And the person who does
not forgive is destroying the bridge on which he may have to walk himself one day.
* If we do not forgive others, we put a barrier between us and other people, between us and God.
* In fact, our Lord Jesus said that forgiving our brother is one of the conditions for us being
forgiven (Matthew 6:15) “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your …”
B) One essential for a forgiving spirit is kindness … Eph. 4:32!
* In Eph. 2:7, Paul talked about kindness in reference to our salvation: “That in the ages to come
he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.”
* Have you ever stopped to think how kind God has been to you?
C) Titus 3:3 describes what we were before we were saved …….
* “For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and
pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.”
* If we had stayed like that we would have been condemned by God forever by our own sins.
D) The following verses say: (v.4-6) …….
* “But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by
the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;
Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;”
* Why were we able to trust God for salvation? * Because of His mercy and kindness.
E) 2 Sam. 9:1-3 is a good illustration of the kindness of God!
* David was reigning as the king of Israel … One day he said, “Is there yet any that is left of the
house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?
Is there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto him?”
F) Now what is the kindness of God? * Undeserved kindness!
* Had Saul done anything good for David? * No, he tried to kill him … He tried to ruin his life,
yet David said, “I want to show God’s kindness to somebody of the House of Saul.”
* They found a lame man who was the son of Jonathan … His name was Mephibosheth.
* David showed kindness to him because of his father, Jonathan.
G) My friend, that is the kindness of God!
* God is kind to us, not because we’re good, but for Jesus’ sake … Because of the grace of the
Lord Jesus Christ. * If I’m going to forgive, I must show kindness …
* The kindness of God is shown to those who do not necessarily deserve it!
H) A second essential to forgiveness is this … I must be tenderhearted!
* A hard heart is a terrible thing … When you have a hard heart it robs you of blessing and joy.
* A hard heart is a result of bitterness, anger, malice and wrath.
* It results from evil feelings that we harbor down inside … And Paul said if we are tenderhearted,
then we can forgive.
I) The third essential is honesty! * In Eph. 4:15, Paul said, “But speaking the truth in love.”
* In Matt. 18:15-18, our Lord Jesus gave instructions on how to get along with one another.
* My experience has been that when we take that first step, God is able to work in that person’s
heart, and usually the problem gets solved.
J) It’s wonderful when saints can be honest with each other!
* Don’t harbor bitterness down inside.
* Someone in your church family has done something against you … Don’t go around talking
about it … Don’t be bitter … Don’t develop a hard heart … Don’t think up unkind things to say.
* Go to that person honestly, humbly, and try to get it settled. * Do you know why?
* Because Eph. 4:32 says, “God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
K) At the end of Matt. 18, Jesus told about the servant who owed the king a great deal of money! * The king ordered him and his family to be sold so the debt could be paid, but the man begged,
“Please give me time.” * The king took pity on him and forgave him the entire debt.
L) But then, that ungrateful servant met a friend who owed him a small amount of money!
* He literally grabbed him by the throat and shook him and said, “You dirty rat, pay me what you
owe me.” * And the man begged him to be patient, “I’ll pay you if you give me some time.”
* But he wouldn’t forgive him … Now when the king who had forgiven a huge sum of debt to this
fellow heard about it, he was very angry …….
* And he put him into prison because he had not forgiven his servant.
M) Do you know that an unforgiving spirit will put you in an emotional prison!
* If you have an unforgiving spirit … If you don’t forgive your brother or sister … It will make a
prisoner out of you of bitterness and anger …….
* A prisoner of malice, and that’s an agonizing way to live.
N) But the freedom of forgiveness is a marvelous thing!
* God has forgiven us so we are free from our sins.
* We forgive others, therefore, we are free in our relationships with others.
* And why do we do this? * Because God has forgiven us.
CLOSE
A) You may say, “I can forgive, but I can’t forget!”
* Now the Bible doesn’t say that we can forget all of those things.
* In the Bible, “forget” means not to hold against a person.
* God says, “Their sins and their iniquity will I remember no more.”
B) It doesn’t mean that He actually forgets … God cannot forget anything!
* It simply means He doesn’t hold it against us any longer … It doesn’t come up on His recall
button … It’s there in His memory bank, but it’s not used.
* He doesn’t hold it against us any longer.
C) I remember evil things that people have done against me!
* Many of them I have forgotten, praise God … But the pain is gone; the bitterness is gone …….
* I’ve forgiven them … I don’t hold anything against them anymore.
* You and I can forgive because God has forgiven us.
D) You may say, “It’s awfully hard to forgive!” * But, my friend, it’s harder not to forgive!
* If we don’t forgive, we grieve the Holy Spirit … If we don’t forgive, we’re not walking in love
for Eph. 5:2 says, “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us,”
E) Caring Christians do forgive one another … For life is too short to have enemies!
* Enemies are expensive and so we’re not going to have enemies … We’re going to forgive.
* We’re going to forgive not because anyone deserves it … But we’re going to do it for Jesus’
sake because He has forgiven us. * CHRISTIANS WHO CARE FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER!
